ITT: We describe books for others to guess

Autistic cuck gets rich and falls in a love triangle between an autistic depressed slut and a retarded spoiled brat.

The idiot.

wishy-washy kraut drops into an expensive hospital to visit but decides he likes being pampered and stays there even longer than the sick person he was visiting

sounds a bit like Tristan, but I don't think so

Chad gets cucked by his boss, complains to his mom and whines on his personal boat instead of working

Magic Mountain - Mann

yup

Here's another.

Some sort of amoeba blob creature develops sentience on an inherently inhospitable environment. They have several forms and a lopsided hierarchy very different than humans. Their weird sex stuff is also written about in detail. humans find out about them eventually but communication is so difficult as to be considered magic that only a couple blobs actually understand, and they struggle to communicate this to other amoeba blobs. Eventually humans and blobs go their separate ways.
(this one actually describes two books by two different authors if you want bonus points)

the great gatsby

Hedonistic fat fuck and his underage sidekick try to rob a large hardworking family of their daily bread using an umbrella, which results in the former being shot at.

retarded hobo yells at the desert for hundreds of pages

...

The author tries desperately to prove to the reader he is smart even though it makes his novel a very tedious read, at least there were laughs along the way tho.

Man of Two Worlds - Herbert

I'm assuming you mean both Frank and Brian Herbert as the authors. Is Dune the other work?

actually that was neither of the books i was thinking of. Haven't read that one.

lol, I suck. But yes, good book, even though I wasn't a big fan of Dune. As to your description, I'm lost, friendo

you son of a bitch

Sounds intriguing.

umberto eco?

Sounds amateurish and gay

guy cucks another guy with his older wife, moves on, gets young rich qt3.14, decides the cucking life was better and goes back

Easy one. Emo teen gets sick and meets another emo teen and goes to tulip land.

OP here. On point lad, on point.

Essays on Kant and Heidegger followed by the most severe case of cyberpunk autism ever witnessed in literature.

Didn't find any discernible talent in your post.

boohoo feel bad for this poor french nigga who got outta prison, he meets a priest and becomes cool nice guy who manages to bring money to a shithole in france but oh no his past will never cease to haunt him, quick i best adopt this little girl before the french po-po come to take me away la la la it's full of gay songs about french people and also there's waterloo and sewers fuk

Ulysses

Non-Stop Laughs - The Bandana Bandit

I mean that could kind of describe Flatland.

...

Les Mis, mein neger

Fanged Newmona?

two people walk round a city for a day taking shits, one of the people's wife cheats on him (or not, it's unclear) but it's clear that she really loves him despite her unfaithfulness

Two retards try to become president by killing old people

Some kid makes lots of money

Huckleberry finn

(you)lyseas

Autist LARPs as an artist and when he gets called out he creates a boogeyman to distract from the fact that he's a useless fuck.

A guy chases a giant white dick

Moby Dick

Ceaseless Joke

Bel Ami?

Perpetual Chuckle.

Eternal Entertainment.

In Search of Lost Time

Autistic nihilist kills his father. The rest of the novel is a lot of dialogues on life and God.

Nope. Think more recent

Los Hermanos Karamozov

Harry Potter

A family becomes worried when their son becomes a reclusive mute who undergoes a dramatic, rapid change in his appetite.

Some asshole meets an early demise after he refuses to stop backing his friends into corners.

Some guy sees a cupboard in a store that he really likes and decides to buy it. It turns out that the cupboard has a secret compartment filled with papers written by what appears to be two different people.

Copper, steel, railroads, half-baked ideas

Atlas Shrugged

When twins become separated, gender roles and sexuality are blurred. Puritans suck

Solaris?

yes

An abused orphan develops schizophrenia and suffers from painful ptsd migraines when he recalls the loss of his parents

Some Harry Potter fan fiction.

/r9k/ in a nutshell. Also cold winter.

the original, not fan-fic, but yeah

Orphaned wizard boy stumbles upon a dead body and begins to think only to discover that his thoughts warp reality. The boy is pursued everywhere by a rotund rabbit that is actually his alter ego. The book is written as a variety of pastiches.

Numale gets chucked by the cucked. Lucked by a verb of a bratty, girl stirring because she's a centrist es jay double you. Nazi is not to be confused with Yahtzee. Memes like a that's a literal meme. Hacks can't hack it because pseuds are taking drugs called ludes. When I grow up I'm going to have Top 11 things Girls Don't Like That You Do. If I take a test I'll learn if I'm good on dates. Refresh switch refresh switch, pull the lottery arm. (You)
Reply; You must wait 18 seconds before replying again. Refresh, Switch, Refresh.
>Implying
What the fuck? I agree
This

Man wants to leave his job really badly, but he can't.

Dude is too criminally autistic to live

Dude rebels against his hyper-industrialized society. He takes up farming and masochism, quickly becomes bored and decides to off himself.

Correct

Here's another one: superintelligent STEMlord aliens come to Earth to watch over humanity as it develops towards its last state of evolution.

Just tell me because I want to read it

Black kid gets hit by a car in the Bronx, shitstorm ensues

Guy with a keen sense of smell likes budding virgins, maybe a little too much

GO AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY

In the XVIIIth century a boy discovers the wonderful fetish of cuckolding, and makes some friends along the way.

twelfth night?

yep

Brave New World

Iliad

autistic man complains about how much his life sucks then reminisces about cringy moments in his life

Stacy marries autistic doctor and then proceeds to fuck with various chads.

A guy marries a spoiled whiny bitch and bullies her until she sucks his dick in front of other people

The Fault in Our Stars

old man carves out his own homestead, marries a 3/10, acquaints himself with assorted jesters and the Devil.

my diary t b h?

That shitty Palahniuk novel

Madame Bovary? I can't remember if her husband was a doctor or not.

Legacy of Totalitarianism in a Tundra

I just wanna know what this one is.

A widower reaches an island where he has to find a crazy woman and gets drugged

The Metamorphosis

Faggot Scottish teenager kills animals and deals with this shitty family.

Yup.
Another one.
Submissive guy becomes, without explanation, a monstrosity and the fathers start to blame him.

red and the black

A freshly married couple are going to fuck for the first time, but the virgin wife is disgusted by penises and makes his virgin man cum with a few hand strokes after that they start fighting and divorce

A culturally representative loser who's wife is way smarter than him gets perpetually caught in scandals conflicting with his local position of moderate stature. Meanwhile his two kids are literally the embodiment of the alpha vs virgin meme

I think that's a chapter from the first Harry Potter

Desert solitaire. I liked it tho

Notes from Underground

Findagain's Week

Finnegans Wake

HCE has three children and none of them are some sort of alpha vs virgin meme. And ALP isn't smarter than him.

A sensitive, god fearing child grows to realise he's so much better than anyone else you've NO IDEA, NO IDEA AT ALL HOW MUCH BETTER HE IS THAN EVERYONE ELSE

Also hookers are cool

an old man is sexually attracted to his adopted daughter. meanwhile a brown girl gets cucked hard.

The Bible

A woman bullshits her way out of being executed; centuries of popular culture ensue