Itt Embarrasing Veeky Forums moments of your life

It certainly explains how it got into the paper, fucknugget.

>be me
>pretentious 13 year old in high school
>ask teacher if they have Nabokov's Lolita in school library
>teacher tells me it's inappropriate for school
>said teacher starts to investigate personal life and upbringing
>talks to my mum about my lack of a father figure
>mfw teacher flagged me with daddy issues first year at high school because of a book.

Your story is terribly disappointing. Couldn't you just make up something more worthwhile?

Unfortunately for me it's true.
However I have another tale to provide you.

It's in two parts in pic related.
I'm too lazy to type it out again and so I saved it for posterity.

Following this event, because I had disclosed to the doctors while I was out of it that I had taken acid, my Parole officer found out, and I was in jail for 2 weeks.

...

You appear to be a moron

I've been called worse assuredly

I'd tripped on acid a good 30 times before that, on more (albeit tabs and not liquid, which might have been my mistake + being in public) so it wasn't like I had no idea what to expect. I still can't quite explain what made me act as erratically as I did, as the memory I have of that trip, I didn't entirely feel in control, and more like I was just along for the ride.

I'm frequently suicidal, and prone to substance abuse thanks to being 1/4 native american, and the rest being mostly Irish.

You're a nice guy, user. Don't listen to these reactionaries.

Awful thread

Is that it? Man, local news sucks.

I'm a girl but OK.

I ironically tried to pick up a girl with Venus in Furs when I was 16. I played it straight but I was dying inside

You took an unknown but high quantity of acid, a reasonable guess would be anything between 300 and 1500 mics then went out in public, while on parole, knowing you're an active sort of person, so likely to make scenes. That is the behaviour of an idiot or someone who wants the worst sort of attention for whatever reasons, possibly both.

That makes more sense.

Oh wow I thought the little girl was asking you what you were reading, I must be very tired ahahahahaha

>be reading a book to my friend over skype
>I like reading aloud, and it relaxes him for sleeping so win/win
>we decided on Riddley Walker
>at the part where the "Pry Mincer" talks about how he was raised by some old guy
>mentions how the old guy let 7 dudes rape him when he was 12
>"uhhh.... uhh........"
>"??? bro, what happened?"
>mfw I have to continue reading

Unfortunately they had an angle to spin it.
She was a lesbian before me (supposedly), made the first move on me, and the few months we were together she said she was "trying" guys out to see if she liked them.

Only her, my best friend, and I knew. She didn't want her parents to know.

Then she tells me she doesn't like guys after all. I go to her house that night, with a different friend of mine, we all get drunk, and I later find out she sleeps with him while I'm passed out wasted.

I confront her, she doesn't deny it but claims she has done nothing wrong and acts like I'm in the wrong for even suggesting as much.

Long story short, when the courts go to interview her, and when the media gets the story from her parents, they make it look like her and I were only friends, and that she rejected all advances from me, and that's why I did the crime.

Basically they tried to paint me in the same light as a virgin school shooter and shit.

yo this is pretty gay
and I'm talking about you and your friend

kek

You're correct on the acid + parole side, but like I said, I'd taken acid/shrooms many many times before, almost all of which were in public, and never even had a bad trip let alone lost my cool/mind.

It just wasn't something I could've forseen without suspending all of my previous experiences with it.

That being said, if/when I ever take it again, I plan on not being in public. That one experience alone is enough to make me not want a repeat of that.

Unless you were eating strips of tabs or large handfuls of shrooms before then you probably never had anything like that high a dose. 50 mics is (usually) a threshold dose, most people find 200 is plenty. Anyway I'm not here to insult you, hopefully you'll remember to be careful in future.

you will never understand the closeness of two men reading books out loud to each other
pathetic

Do you stroke his hair while you read to him? Have you ever compared dicks? Who was bigger?

satanic trips.
thanks for the sentiment though.
Lolita did skew me the wrong way when I read it so young though. I was attracted to older guys and I had a fling with my science teacher (I use the term 'Fling' very lightly, though, it was just back and forth flirting and sexual tension).

I recognise where I took the novel the wrong way now of course.

I regularly (once a week) ate 1/8th of shrooms for a few months, also, leading up to this trip, took on average 3-6 tabs of acid once every other week for a few months.

So, perhaps not the same amount as liquid (not sure how concentrated it was) but not 1 tab trips or anything. Every time I've ever tripped I've always done multiple tabs/hits.

and thanks, I definitely will be.
There's nothing really comparable to remembering doing all that, waking up in the hospital, and coming to terms with what you did.

Walking down the side of the street at 1 Am in a hospital gown, still mildly tripping, and having to piss in someone's front yard.....well it leaves you a lot to think about.

I'm seconding this

You don't understand my man.

Reading a good book with a mate (especially funny books) can be a wonderful time.

Whenever my mate and I would take acid/shrooms, I would break out the copy of hypersphere I bought, and read that shit.
I'm also a theater actor in my spare time, and combine that plus the extra empathy you get while tripping, and reading out passages like a preacher in a southern baptist church.

Well you can have a good time.

how about u stop taking shrooms and acid u dumb cunt

I'm guessing you had relatively weak tabs and relatively strong liquid, in that case. Not that it really matters; psys can be so unpredictable that just a small increase in dosage can put you in a place you're not able to deal with sensibly. Especially if you've been wearing yourself out mentally by doing them on a regular basis.

Can’t you read? His Injun blood makes him do it.

I have since that eventful trip, but when you can't do any other drugs, are stuck in waiting until you're off probation, while depressed as fuck, and nothing to do in your life.

It was the only thing keeping me from just ending it for a while.

Now I've got myself a new girl though, and that's enough for me to keep me satisfied with life.
That is one of many reasons to be sure.
Perhaps.
I'm wondering if it was something mentally related though.
My cousin who is about a decade older then me, took acid about 15 years ago, had a psychotic break, and attacked the police.
Got put into a mental hospital for a while and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I haven't seen anything or heard voices before or since this trip, nothing else unusual has occurred. But it leaves one wondering all the same.

Yes, pretty much the only thing people (should) tell you before taking psys is "If you have any mental history of schizophrenia in your family, don't".

>do you stroke his hair
occasionally
>have you compared dicks
who hasn't?
>whose is bigger
his by 1.5 cm

>15 years ago
>read one piece fanfiction
>I've only watched the 4kids dub
>"this was good, but sanji has a lollipop- he doesn't smoke"
I still have anxiety about that fucking comment. It fucking haunts me.

Funniest shit I read all day

Where do I get a friend who reads to me? Sounds great, but how did it even start?

this is stupid funny

Lol like omg no way

dude just ask.
I turn to my friend and say "I want to read to you."
Sometimes say, "Hey. Read to me."

>on the train reading 2666
>pause for a second because my stop is coming up
>some guy infront of me gets up, looks at my book
>says "Damn das a big azz book" outloud enough for people around to hear
>looks perplexed and gets off the train
>I'm confused and a bit scared frozen in my seat and a cold sweat starts
>I can feel myself glowing red and people looking at me
>have the urge to fart

Show us your books.

This isn't what being on acid is like at all. Or, maybe it is if you have downs syndrome or are retarded

>le acid is always safe me me

I had a bad trip and I thought the sky turned red and demons were out to get me. The sun was setting and I hadn't noticed it until I got fucked up. Think I was hearing whispers too but I can't really remember most of it. Might have been me just whispering shit to myself and getting freaked out over it.

>I recognise where I took the novel the wrong way now of course.
so now you're looking for a loli of your own?

So did you fart?

>reading the trial in high school
>notice that for the last week or so this girl has been looking at the cover
>obviously wants to say something about it
>the suspense is killing me
> whenever she looks at the cover I stare dead into her soul as if to say, "speak up bitch"
>one day everyone else is outside fucking around on a free day
>it's just me and her In the classroom
she says, "have you read metamorphosis?"
"Yea, I enjoyed it a lot", says I
"It's pretty good", she says
>Silence...
I say, "was that it?"
"What?"
"Has that what you've been trying to say for a week?"
>looks surprised that I noticed
"I guess I was just nervous you looked quiet" she said smiling
>fast forward two months
>fucking this chick
>she's cooking up something in the kitchen
>see her phone is ringing
>It's a guy I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me with
>pick it up
"Look baby I got tell you something"
>put on a female voice
"What is it brian?"
"I have chlamydia, I just got tested"
>rage.jpg
>Look around and see the collected works of Franz Kafka
>Kafka started this relationship, and he will destroy it
>pick it up
>start destroying everything I see with the book
>destroy her collectable porcelain figures, all her lamps, break out her windows
>my hands start bleeding from the window
>slinging blood all over the place in my fury
>she comes in crying and asking why
>I stop, the room is utterly destroyed, there's blood everywhere
>realise I'm fucking insane
>jump out the window, run the fuck away
>the next day I bought an apartment three states away, and moved
>never been back

Oh, there was no way to know that. But you have my attention.

You did good user

fake and gay

also
>6'3 130lbs
dudes actually disgustingly skinny

thank mr skeltal

take notes ppl this is how u make up a good greentext

Nothing comes to mind.
Maybe today was a blunder because
>user, could you summarize the main questions asked by Kant?
>"Fuck if I know them in this language"

>I had disclosed to the doctors while I was out of it that I had taken acid, my Parole officer found out, and I was in jail for 2 weeks.

Maybe this is stupid, but what about doctor-client privilege? seems like a huge target for a lawyer, since hospitals are rich and insured to the hilt, and your damages are open-and-shut since it can be proved that you went to jail for 2 weeks. the doctors might lie, but the PO doesn't have anything to lose by telling the truth that the doctors tipped him

uhh well originally it started by me reading Italian shit to him and he would tell me if I said something wrong or tell me what words meant. Then I read some short story to him and he told me "your voice reminds me of Gwyndolin from Dark Souls" and that it was relaxing having me read, and then I spilled my spaghetti everywhere with my book autism. Now we read books regularly.

>doing something gay
>scared to repeat gay thing in story

that does sound like a cute friendship tho. i'm always the one that reads to my girlfriends, and they're rarely interested enough to keep attention

Thanks for this

You talk to anyone about possible BPD?

where do you think we are?

It was the most fun I've had in my life. True unadulterated destruction. Chaos without bounds. That primal violent instinct we all have expressed in the most direct way. So yea, maybe it's BPD.

Did you just assume that user's gender?

Yeah, I rarely talk to girls outside /soc/ or /r9k/.

>Reading some book about body langauge during recess back when I was 11
>Title was something like "The Art of Reading Minds"
>Weird kid in class walks up to me at some point
>"You know it's impossible to read minds, right?"
>Title was obnoxiously large on the book, so I knew what he meant
>Explained to him what it was about and what I knew so far
>"k, whatever"

I later found out that damn near everyone in my class thought I was some nut who believed in such things. But no, body language it was.

>Book ruined my teen years due to me over-analyzing everyone instead of socializing like a normal human being

Fuck that book, and fuck me for believing it.

not going to lie, pretty weird, but at least your friend is learning...

What book was it,Michael?

i lost it at
>put on a female voice
LOL just thinking about it killed me dude, thanks alot for that belly laugh my dude and sorry about the chick.

this is my stack, I'm not an 'advanced Veeky Forums' by any means, I'm trying to ease back into reading since I was young.

true, I could have worded my greentext a little better

Basically girl with daddy issues reading Lolita at age 13
>self-aware nymphet

pardon, *ease back into reading since I haven't read that much since I was young/ since Lolita.

not for me but for the customer when I was working in a bookstore. a middle aged woman came and start asking for a book called "revenge of young werther"

>dafuq.jpg

I told her does she mean Goethe? She said yeah thats the one! I said the book is called the sorrows of young werther not revenge of werther. she insists there is a book called like that. after checking out the real book she concludes that this is the first one and the revenge is the sequel. she leaves to go and ask it to another bookstore.

>all tiny paperbacks
dammit woman just read Karamazov long =/= difficult

Lmao. Someone please write ‘Revenge of Young Werther’ where he comes back from the dead to kill Lotte and Albert.

I can be your Humbert, elope with my my sweet nymphic Dorothy

paperbacks work well for me, I have small hands, I have small bags, I'm also about to go travelling around France so I want something I can easily pull out of my bag.

I know length doesn't equate to difficulty, I have no trouble with 'difficult' to read texts which is why I loved Nabokov so much, but if it drags on... well I just get bored easily with texts and I'm trying to combat that, so I'm trying to ease into reading with texts that won't feel like a lot to swallow. Just to knock off some things from my library.

Considering.
how old are you?

It only covers patient's actual information, or information about a condition. It's not lawyer/client, if you tell a doctor the reason your hand is broke is because you beat the everliving shit out of someone in a bar, they'll probably call the police.

T. Someone who broke his hand beating the everliving shit out of somebody at a bar and had to have a talk with the police after getting treated.

>Sooo...did you leave right after?
>No, I stayed until close. The bartender gave me some ice.
>Sooo...nobody reported it then?
>No sir
>What about the other guy?
>His wife cussed at him and dragged him to their car.
>his face when
>Maybe don't punch people in bars anymore, okay?
>Yes sir.

>"revenge of young werther"
dis time it's poisonal

Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

It's not game changing literature, but it's the pinnacle of the mystery/historical fiction genre in my opinion.

Here's your proof

Name removed from paperwork for obvious reasons.

Man I cringe at how poorly written that paperwork is.

Also, nice spider.

no.

holy fuck, i didn't even notice it till you said that. I just checked and it was still there, thankfully it was dead.

>be 13
>like reading but not really into classics yet, mostly Chrichton-tier shit
>find a book by a new author
>read it, when I'm done, lend it to a friend
>he also likes it
>at the bookstore later, decide to be nice
>buy two more of his books so I can read one and lend the other to my friend and switch
>my book was alright, worse than the other
>but his
>this fucking faggot pleb-tier author decides to put a fucking clumsy, poorly-written, out-of-nowhere, lesbian orgy in the middle of his novel
>this faggot, pleb-tier friend of mine decides to share with the class
>obviously telling them that it was my book
>mfw this reputation carried throughout the rest of middle school
>mfw senior year of high school l was talking to a girl I liked and she made a joke about this event
>mfw she didn't even go to middle school with me
anyway the moral of the story is never read genre fiction

It's just mostly automated reports from the electronic health care record. His hospital has Epic.

you should have capitalised on your bad boy reputation, yeah

never give anyone anything.
I "lent" Chubby Cheeto-fingers my favorite comic omnibus that I had to special order in middle school and he never gave it back and when I asked he would start having fake coughing fits and pretend not to have heard me before coughing himself away.

>be me 15 year old girl
>hottie teacher that homeschools me doesn't notice me senpai
>i decide to act more mature than my age so he doesn't look at me like a little girl
>decide to read all his books
>sneak into his room
>heartbeating.jpg
>pull out book, realize it's in latin, try to put it back
>unable to put it back on shelf
>whole shelf breaks
>he comes in the room as the shelf breaks
>thinks i was playing a prank on him
>hates me for it
>mfw my mother gets sick and he spends time with me out of pity and falls in love with me
>mfw he gets sick and dies shortly after

...

sensiblechuckle.gif

I don't get it

pleb

I don't get it

is this even real
>mfw he falls in love with me
how???

>t. Never fell in love with a 15 year old while being at least 3+ years older