Itt Embarrasing Veeky Forums moments of your life

Emberfire
Emberfire

itt Embarrasing Veeky Forums moments of your life.

The mother of a little girl I know approaches me
"Hi user, what are you reading?"
"Oh, It's just a book that a lot of people recommended me. It's a classic, you know."
"What's the name?"
"Oh, uuuh, I think it's called Lolita"
"Oh, I see. Seems interesting"

What she don't know is that her daughter is into me.

All urls found in this thread:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UBlVmHHN4jLarflIKUSXPKwAbN9MkT0P/view?usp=sharing
RavySnake
RavySnake

@Emberfire
You could have made up any story and that's the one you chose?

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@RavySnake
Most of my embarrasing stories are not related to Veeky Forums.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@Emberfire
anon what are u reading
Lolita
omg user are you a pedophile
mfw

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@ZeroReborn
Is this real?

JunkTop
JunkTop

@Emberfire
Be me
In jail for first time
Bored as fuck so I grabbed a random book and I'm reading it
It's actually really fucking good
Everyone else is out in the main room watching TV
I'm in here reading this book, laughing, muttering to myself as I read
Cellmate walks in
"Oh great, my cellmate is fucking insane and talking to himself"
Walks back out
mfw

What I did that ended up landing me in jail also was the front page story of the local paper, and so everyone in there thought I was crazy from that too, so nobody bugged me, despite me only being 4 months past my 18th birthday.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@JunkTop
the front page story of the local paper
What the... Develop this, please.

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@JunkTop
You can't cocktease us like that, what was your crime?

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@CodeBuns
Basically I had slashed my ex's tires and tried to set her car on fire (while drunk) because she had cheated on me.

The part the media tried to play up was the fact that my dad was a retired cop who guarded the last 3 governor's of my state (I met them all too).

I got bailed out within a week, and I think the first day I was out, all 4 local news stations, I was the leading story of the night.
As we were watching the news, the media was camped outside our house across the street, knocking on the door and shit.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Stupidasole
the media
This explains everything.

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

@Spazyfool
It certainly explains how it got into the paper, fucknugget.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@Emberfire
be me
pretentious 13 year old in high school
ask teacher if they have Nabokov's Lolita in school library
teacher tells me it's inappropriate for school
said teacher starts to investigate personal life and upbringing
talks to my mum about my lack of a father figure
mfw teacher flagged me with daddy issues first year at high school because of a book.

Lunatick
Lunatick

@Stupidasole
Your story is terribly disappointing. Couldn't you just make up something more worthwhile?

Spamalot
Spamalot

@Lunatick
Unfortunately for me it's true.
However I have another tale to provide you.

It's in two parts in pic related.
I'm too lazy to type it out again and so I saved it for posterity.

Following this event, because I had disclosed to the doctors while I was out of it that I had taken acid, my Parole officer found out, and I was in jail for 2 weeks.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@Soft_member
@Spamalot
You appear to be a moron

cum2soon
cum2soon

@Evil_kitten
I've been called worse assuredly

I'd tripped on acid a good 30 times before that, on more (albeit tabs and not liquid, which might have been my mistake + being in public) so it wasn't like I had no idea what to expect. I still can't quite explain what made me act as erratically as I did, as the memory I have of that trip, I didn't entirely feel in control, and more like I was just along for the ride.

I'm frequently suicidal, and prone to substance abuse thanks to being 1/4 native american, and the rest being mostly Irish.

askme
askme

@Nude_Bikergirl
You're a nice guy, user. Don't listen to these reactionaries.

iluvmen
iluvmen

Awful thread

idontknow
idontknow

@Stupidasole
Is that it? Man, local news sucks.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@askme
I'm a girl but OK.

hairygrape
hairygrape

@Emberfire
I ironically tried to pick up a girl with Venus in Furs when I was 16. I played it straight but I was dying inside

TreeEater
TreeEater

@cum2soon
You took an unknown but high quantity of acid, a reasonable guess would be anything between 300 and 1500 mics then went out in public, while on parole, knowing you're an active sort of person, so likely to make scenes. That is the behaviour of an idiot or someone who wants the worst sort of attention for whatever reasons, possibly both.

@kizzmybutt
That makes more sense.

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

Oh wow I thought the little girl was asking you what you were reading, I must be very tired ahahahahaha

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@Emberfire
be reading a book to my friend over skype
I like reading aloud, and it relaxes him for sleeping so win/win
we decided on Riddley Walker
at the part where the "Pry Mincer" talks about how he was raised by some old guy
mentions how the old guy let 7 dudes rape him when he was 12
"uhhh.... uhh........"
"??? bro, what happened?"
mfw I have to continue reading

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@idontknow
Unfortunately they had an angle to spin it.
She was a lesbian before me (supposedly), made the first move on me, and the few months we were together she said she was "trying" guys out to see if she liked them.

Only her, my best friend, and I knew. She didn't want her parents to know.

Then she tells me she doesn't like guys after all. I go to her house that night, with a different friend of mine, we all get drunk, and I later find out she sleeps with him while I'm passed out wasted.

I confront her, she doesn't deny it but claims she has done nothing wrong and acts like I'm in the wrong for even suggesting as much.

Long story short, when the courts go to interview her, and when the media gets the story from her parents, they make it look like her and I were only friends, and that she rejected all advances from me, and that's why I did the crime.

Basically they tried to paint me in the same light as a virgin school shooter and shit.

Emberburn
Emberburn

@Sharpcharm
yo this is pretty gay
and I'm talking about you and your friend

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Sharpcharm
kek

Firespawn
Firespawn

@TreeEater
You're correct on the acid + parole side, but like I said, I'd taken acid/shrooms many many times before, almost all of which were in public, and never even had a bad trip let alone lost my cool/mind.

It just wasn't something I could've forseen without suspending all of my previous experiences with it.

That being said, if/when I ever take it again, I plan on not being in public. That one experience alone is enough to make me not want a repeat of that.

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

@Firespawn
Unless you were eating strips of tabs or large handfuls of shrooms before then you probably never had anything like that high a dose. 50 mics is (usually) a threshold dose, most people find 200 is plenty. Anyway I'm not here to insult you, hopefully you'll remember to be careful in future.

RumChicken
RumChicken

@Emberburn
you will never understand the closeness of two men reading books out loud to each other
pathetic

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@RumChicken
Do you stroke his hair while you read to him? Have you ever compared dicks? Who was bigger?

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@TreeEater
satanic trips.
thanks for the sentiment though.
Lolita did skew me the wrong way when I read it so young though. I was attracted to older guys and I had a fling with my science teacher (I use the term 'Fling' very lightly, though, it was just back and forth flirting and sexual tension).

I recognise where I took the novel the wrong way now of course.

JunkTop
JunkTop

@TurtleCat
I regularly (once a week) ate 1/8th of shrooms for a few months, also, leading up to this trip, took on average 3-6 tabs of acid once every other week for a few months.

So, perhaps not the same amount as liquid (not sure how concentrated it was) but not 1 tab trips or anything. Every time I've ever tripped I've always done multiple tabs/hits.

and thanks, I definitely will be.
There's nothing really comparable to remembering doing all that, waking up in the hospital, and coming to terms with what you did.

Walking down the side of the street at 1 Am in a hospital gown, still mildly tripping, and having to piss in someone's front yard.....well it leaves you a lot to think about.

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@RumChicken
I'm seconding this

@ZeroReborn
You don't understand my man.

Reading a good book with a mate (especially funny books) can be a wonderful time.

Whenever my mate and I would take acid/shrooms, I would break out the copy of hypersphere I bought, and read that shit.
I'm also a theater actor in my spare time, and combine that plus the extra empathy you get while tripping, and reading out passages like a preacher in a southern baptist church.

Well you can have a good time.

whereismyname
whereismyname

@JunkTop
@Ignoramus
how about u stop taking shrooms and acid u dumb cunt

Nojokur
Nojokur

@JunkTop
I'm guessing you had relatively weak tabs and relatively strong liquid, in that case. Not that it really matters; psys can be so unpredictable that just a small increase in dosage can put you in a place you're not able to deal with sensibly. Especially if you've been wearing yourself out mentally by doing them on a regular basis.

Supergrass
Supergrass

@whereismyname
Can’t you read? His Injun blood makes him do it.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@whereismyname
I have since that eventful trip, but when you can't do any other drugs, are stuck in waiting until you're off probation, while depressed as fuck, and nothing to do in your life.

It was the only thing keeping me from just ending it for a while.

Now I've got myself a new girl though, and that's enough for me to keep me satisfied with life.
@Supergrass
That is one of many reasons to be sure.
@Nojokur
Perhaps.
I'm wondering if it was something mentally related though.
My cousin who is about a decade older then me, took acid about 15 years ago, had a psychotic break, and attacked the police.
Got put into a mental hospital for a while and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I haven't seen anything or heard voices before or since this trip, nothing else unusual has occurred. But it leaves one wondering all the same.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@Harmless_Venom
Yes, pretty much the only thing people (should) tell you before taking psys is "If you have any mental history of schizophrenia in your family, don't".

Booteefool
Booteefool

@ZeroReborn
do you stroke his hair
occasionally
have you compared dicks
who hasn't?
whose is bigger
his by 1.5 cm

Techpill
Techpill

@Emberfire
15 years ago
read one piece fanfiction
I've only watched the 4kids dub
"this was good, but sanji has a lollipop- he doesn't smoke"
I still have anxiety about that fucking comment. It fucking haunts me.

Firespawn
Firespawn

@Soft_member
Funniest shit I read all day

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Sharpcharm
Where do I get a friend who reads to me? Sounds great, but how did it even start?

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@Soft_member
@Spamalot
this is stupid funny

whereismyname
whereismyname

@ZeroReborn
Lol like omg no way

Illusionz
Illusionz

@RavySnake
dude just ask.
I turn to my friend and say "I want to read to you."
Sometimes say, "Hey. Read to me."

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@Emberfire
on the train reading 2666
pause for a second because my stop is coming up
some guy infront of me gets up, looks at my book
says "Damn das a big azz book" outloud enough for people around to hear
looks perplexed and gets off the train
I'm confused and a bit scared frozen in my seat and a cold sweat starts
I can feel myself glowing red and people looking at me
have the urge to fart

Bidwell
Bidwell

@kizzmybutt
Show us your books.

SniperWish
SniperWish

@Soft_member
This isn't what being on acid is like at all. Or, maybe it is if you have downs syndrome or are retarded

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@SniperWish
le acid is always safe me me

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@SniperWish
I had a bad trip and I thought the sky turned red and demons were out to get me. The sun was setting and I hadn't noticed it until I got fucked up. Think I was hearing whispers too but I can't really remember most of it. Might have been me just whispering shit to myself and getting freaked out over it.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@BinaryMan
I recognise where I took the novel the wrong way now of course.
so now you're looking for a loli of your own?

viagrandad
viagrandad

@Need_TLC
So did you fart?

idontknow
idontknow

reading the trial in high school
notice that for the last week or so this girl has been looking at the cover
obviously wants to say something about it
the suspense is killing me
whenever she looks at the cover I stare dead into her soul as if to say, "speak up bitch"
one day everyone else is outside fucking around on a free day
it's just me and her In the classroom
she says, "have you read metamorphosis?"
"Yea, I enjoyed it a lot", says I
"It's pretty good", she says
Silence...
I say, "was that it?"
"What?"
"Has that what you've been trying to say for a week?"
looks surprised that I noticed
"I guess I was just nervous you looked quiet" she said smiling
fast forward two months
fucking this chick
she's cooking up something in the kitchen
see her phone is ringing
It's a guy I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me with
pick it up
"Look baby I got tell you something"
put on a female voice
"What is it brian?"
"I have chlamydia, I just got tested"
rage.jpg
Look around and see the collected works of Franz Kafka
Kafka started this relationship, and he will destroy it
pick it up
start destroying everything I see with the book
destroy her collectable porcelain figures, all her lamps, break out her windows
my hands start bleeding from the window
slinging blood all over the place in my fury
she comes in crying and asking why
I stop, the room is utterly destroyed, there's blood everywhere
realise I'm fucking insane
jump out the window, run the fuck away
the next day I bought an apartment three states away, and moved
never been back

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@kizzmybutt
Oh, there was no way to know that. But you have my attention.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@idontknow
You did good user

askme
askme

@Soft_member
fake and gay

also
6'3 130lbs
dudes actually disgustingly skinny

thank mr skeltal

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@idontknow
take notes ppl this is how u make up a good greentext

Methshot
Methshot

Nothing comes to mind.
Maybe today was a blunder because
Anon, could you summarize the main questions asked by Kant?
"Fuck if I know them in this language"

DeathDog
DeathDog

@Spamalot
I had disclosed to the doctors while I was out of it that I had taken acid, my Parole officer found out, and I was in jail for 2 weeks.

Maybe this is stupid, but what about doctor-client privilege? seems like a huge target for a lawyer, since hospitals are rich and insured to the hilt, and your damages are open-and-shut since it can be proved that you went to jail for 2 weeks. the doctors might lie, but the PO doesn't have anything to lose by telling the truth that the doctors tipped him

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@RavySnake
uhh well originally it started by me reading Italian shit to him and he would tell me if I said something wrong or tell me what words meant. Then I read some short story to him and he told me "your voice reminds me of Gwyndolin from Dark Souls" and that it was relaxing having me read, and then I spilled my spaghetti everywhere with my book autism. Now we read books regularly.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@Sharpcharm
doing something gay
scared to repeat gay thing in story

that does sound like a cute friendship tho. i'm always the one that reads to my girlfriends, and they're rarely interested enough to keep attention

Firespawn
Firespawn

@idontknow
Thanks for this

RavySnake
RavySnake

@idontknow
You talk to anyone about possible BPD?

eGremlin
eGremlin

@viagrandad
where do you think we are?

Illusionz
Illusionz

@RavySnake
It was the most fun I've had in my life. True unadulterated destruction. Chaos without bounds. That primal violent instinct we all have expressed in the most direct way. So yea, maybe it's BPD.

Evilember
Evilember

@askme
Did you just assume that anon's gender?

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@Evilember
Yeah, I rarely talk to girls outside /soc/ or /r9k/.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

Reading some book about body langauge during recess back when I was 11
Title was something like "The Art of Reading Minds"
Weird kid in class walks up to me at some point
"You know it's impossible to read minds, right?"
Title was obnoxiously large on the book, so I knew what he meant
Explained to him what it was about and what I knew so far
"k, whatever"

I later found out that damn near everyone in my class thought I was some nut who believed in such things. But no, body language it was.

Book ruined my teen years due to me over-analyzing everyone instead of socializing like a normal human being

Fuck that book, and fuck me for believing it.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@Sharpcharm
not going to lie, pretty weird, but at least your friend is learning...

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@JunkTop
What book was it,Michael?

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@idontknow
i lost it at
put on a female voice
LOL just thinking about it killed me dude, thanks alot for that belly laugh my dude and sorry about the chick.

MPmaster
MPmaster

@Bidwell
this is my stack, I'm not an 'advanced /lit/' by any means, I'm trying to ease back into reading since I was young.

@Deadlyinx
true, I could have worded my greentext a little better

Basically girl with daddy issues reading Lolita at age 13
self-aware nymphet

viagrandad
viagrandad

@MPmaster
@Bidwell
pardon, *ease back into reading since I haven't read that much since I was young/ since Lolita.

askme
askme

not for me but for the customer when I was working in a bookstore. a middle aged woman came and start asking for a book called "revenge of young werther"

dafuq.jpg

I told her does she mean Goethe? She said yeah thats the one! I said the book is called the sorrows of young werther not revenge of werther. she insists there is a book called like that. after checking out the real book she concludes that this is the first one and the revenge is the sequel. she leaves to go and ask it to another bookstore.

likme
likme

@MPmaster
all tiny paperbacks
dammit woman just read Karamazov long =/= difficult

TreeEater
TreeEater

@askme
Lmao. Someone please write ‘Revenge of Young Werther’ where he comes back from the dead to kill Lotte and Albert.

Emberfire
Emberfire

I can be your Humbert, elope with my my sweet nymphic Dorothy

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@likme
@likme
paperbacks work well for me, I have small hands, I have small bags, I'm also about to go travelling around France so I want something I can easily pull out of my bag.

I know length doesn't equate to difficulty, I have no trouble with 'difficult' to read texts which is why I loved Nabokov so much, but if it drags on... well I just get bored easily with texts and I'm trying to combat that, so I'm trying to ease into reading with texts that won't feel like a lot to swallow. Just to knock off some things from my library.

@Emberfire
Considering.
how old are you?

Emberburn
Emberburn

@DeathDog
It only covers patient's actual information, or information about a condition. It's not lawyer/client, if you tell a doctor the reason your hand is broke is because you beat the everliving shit out of someone in a bar, they'll probably call the police.

T. Someone who broke his hand beating the everliving shit out of somebody at a bar and had to have a talk with the police after getting treated.

Sooo...did you leave right after?
No, I stayed until close. The bartender gave me some ice.
Sooo...nobody reported it then?
No sir
What about the other guy?
His wife cussed at him and dragged him to their car.
his face when
Maybe don't punch people in bars anymore, okay?
Yes sir.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@askme
"revenge of young werther"
dis time it's poisonal

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

@Poker_Star
Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

It's not game changing literature, but it's the pinnacle of the mystery/historical fiction genre in my opinion.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@SniperWish
@askme
Here's your proof

Name removed from paperwork for obvious reasons.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@Nude_Bikergirl

Man I cringe at how poorly written that paperwork is.

Playboyize
Playboyize

@lostmypassword
Also, nice spider.

Methshot
Methshot

@AwesomeTucker
no.

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@Playboyize
holy fuck, i didn't even notice it till you said that. I just checked and it was still there, thankfully it was dead.

StonedTime
StonedTime

@Emberfire
be 13
like reading but not really into classics yet, mostly Chrichton-tier shit
find a book by a new author
read it, when I'm done, lend it to a friend
he also likes it
at the bookstore later, decide to be nice
buy two more of his books so I can read one and lend the other to my friend and switch
my book was alright, worse than the other
but his
this fucking faggot pleb-tier author decides to put a fucking clumsy, poorly-written, out-of-nowhere, lesbian orgy in the middle of his novel
this faggot, pleb-tier friend of mine decides to share with the class
obviously telling them that it was my book
mfw this reputation carried throughout the rest of middle school
mfw senior year of high school l was talking to a girl I liked and she made a joke about this event
mfw she didn't even go to middle school with me
anyway the moral of the story is never read genre fiction

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@lostmypassword
It's just mostly automated reports from the electronic health care record. His hospital has Epic.

Techpill
Techpill

@StonedTime
you should have capitalised on your bad boy reputation, yeah

Emberfire
Emberfire

@StonedTime
never give anyone anything.
I "lent" Chubby Cheeto-fingers my favorite comic omnibus that I had to special order in middle school and he never gave it back and when I asked he would start having fake coughing fits and pretend not to have heard me before coughing himself away.

Firespawn
Firespawn

@Emberfire
be me 15 year old girl
hottie teacher that homeschools me doesn't notice me senpai
i decide to act more mature than my age so he doesn't look at me like a little girl
decide to read all his books
sneak into his room
heartbeating.jpg
pull out book, realize it's in latin, try to put it back
unable to put it back on shelf
whole shelf breaks
he comes in the room as the shelf breaks
thinks i was playing a prank on him
hates me for it
mfw my mother gets sick and he spends time with me out of pity and falls in love with me
mfw he gets sick and dies shortly after

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@Firespawn
sensiblechuckle.gif

hairygrape
hairygrape

@Firespawn
I don't get it

Methnerd
Methnerd

@hairygrape
pleb

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@Methnerd
I don't get it

Nojokur
Nojokur

@Firespawn
is this even real
mfw he falls in love with me
how???

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@Nojokur
t. Never fell in love with a 15 year old while being at least 3+ years older

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@Need_TLC
he's a teacher though.
And presumably would have been beyond his 50's at least if he died.

Booteefool
Booteefool

@Need_TLC
t. didn't understand that Humbert is not a sympathetic character

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@Garbage Can Lid
People die of shit other than natural causes.
So it's entirely possible he was in his 20's.
Sounds more like a tutor than teacher in practice if you ask me.
@Booteefool
Didn't read Lolita until after shit occurred. I identified with the rough situation sure, but not Humbert or the specifics of it.
I was only 19, and we had known each other for two years before anything occurred, but since at that time she was 13 and I 17, I couldn't condone it, despite her interest.
However, time and growth changed that.

She still ended up cheating on me and leaving me though despite us going so far as to planning marriage when she was of age

C'est la vie.

If there ever was "the one" that got away, it was her.

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Evil_kitten
she still ended up cheating on me
despite us planning marriage
oh user. Girls that age can never really commit to relationships. They want to see what they'd be missing out on while they still can.

idontknow
idontknow

@Evil_kitten
Oh, you weren't speaking in a general sense, you were blogging. Carry on

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Evil_kitten
so you got cheated on by a 14 year old mini-slut? well done, sir.

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@w8t4u
So I learned.
I should find solace in the fact that the following 4 relationships she was in, all lasted under 2 months, and in everyone the guy cheated on her.
and that she said I was too good for her, etc.

But, I also only know all this because I made the mistake of trying to stay in contact with her after it occurred out of the hope she would come back to me.

Speaking with her everynight, only getting to see her once in a year period after, and listening to all going on in her life....

Well, it damn near drove me crazy.

@idontknow
da

Snarelure
Snarelure

@Emberfire
reading Beautiful Losers in a student-frequented cafe near my uni
pouring whiskey in my coffee under the table
girl in my class sits at my table
whatcha reading
show her the cover
well you're certainly one of those things
mfw

Evilember
Evilember

@Snarelure
But which did she mean user?
Surely a lady wouldn't be mean to a lil' monkey fella for no reason

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Evilember
It's just banter la. She borrowed the book from me later because she was into Cohen.

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@Emberfire
a stranger appears.
what you reading?
qu'ran. allah akbar.
shoots bullets in the head.

true story. happened yesterday.

farquit
farquit

@Emberfire
*doesn't know
ftfw

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@Nude_Bikergirl
would be friend with/10
do you wanna hang out on /soc/?
i'm looking for a new interwebz penpal

cum2soon
cum2soon

@iluvmen
ikr

askme
askme

@haveahappyday
kill yourself dweeb

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@Nude_Bikergirl
@askme
@kizzmybutt
@Bidwell
@MPmaster
@viagrandad
@StrangeWizard
why are shitty Veeky Forums threads with mildly attention whoring femanon so comfy?
frogposters are cancer tho

Techpill
Techpill

@RavySnake
@Illusionz
true fact: it also works for sex sometimes

Skullbone
Skullbone

@StrangeWizard
France
say no more
if you're cool, you can come to my place
innawoods

Flameblow
Flameblow

@Emberburn
police are bro: the greentext

SniperGod
SniperGod

@Flameblow
you can easily tell the op was white

RumChicken
RumChicken

@StonedTime
you had everything, dude
you could have been a fucking legend

TechHater
TechHater

@Gigastrength
I'll take this as a compliment user. I aim to make life as comfy as possible.

@Skullbone
what does this even mean.

eGremlin
eGremlin

@w8t4u
Girls that age can never really commit to relationships. They want to see what they'd be missing out on while they still can.
and that's how you manage to get into their pants desu

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@SniperGod
it's ok to be white

JunkTop
JunkTop

@eGremlin
exactly. And that's as far as you can go. Because becoming emotionally attached to children is just a horrible thing.

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@AwesomeTucker
not really desu

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@TechHater
what does this even mean.
air bnb in comfy rural farmland

Illusionz
Illusionz

@StrangeWizard
Don't listen to this dude @Skullbone
Come to mine, we'll read Nabokov and ride bicycles in the countryside

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@PurpleCharger
sorry
will kms asap

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@Illusionz
it was already 2 dudes
you're #3

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@Ignoramus
France? Whereabouts? Already got family spread around.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@Illusionz
I never learnt how to ride but I'd like to, sounds
COMFY

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@Crazy_Nice
not too far from Bordeau
where you from user?

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

@Sir_Gallonhead
*here is the fucking x i forgot

massdebater
massdebater

@Sir_Gallonhead
Les-Lilas, but I got shoved into Australia with my mum when I was 3. I'm visiting family for Christmas/New Year. My sister lives in Monteux, one of my Uncles lives near Champagne, he's a beekeper. And I've got two other uncles and an aunt spread around. I'm staying in Paris, Bry-Sur-Marne with a family friend, too.
My Godfather is buried in Bordeaux. Dunno if I'll visit his grave.

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Harmless_Venom
It is comfy indeed and don't worry, I am a good teacher. I'm in Orleans, a 30-min train ride from Paris.

@Raving_Cute
Still on the podium

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@Emberfire
@Sir_Gallonhead
how are there 2 French people in this thread?

TechHater
TechHater

female appears and whole conversation revolves around her for 80 posts: the thread

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@TechHater
you jealous?

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@PurpleCharger
bien sur

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@PurpleCharger
nope, just annoyed that females always do this and you guys are so fucking stupid you pile on anything that claims it has a vagina like maggots on a carcass

Nojokur
Nojokur

@Fuzzy_Logic
I wouldn't blame the women for that so much.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@LuckyDusty
c'est presque un raid nom de dieu

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@Fuzzy_Logic
kek
nice complaining, user 7,5/10

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@Fuzzy_Logic
it's 2017 user, just grow your own boobs ffs

farquit
farquit

@Emberfire
ca va user, je suis trop loin ; je te la laisse
vous pouvez passer a deux plus tard si vous voulez
je vous ferai des crepes

5mileys
5mileys

@TechHater
female appears
frenchfag everywhere
kek

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@Evilember
sometimes as a way of showing interest or attraction the human female will exhibit various forms of jesting relating to serious matters that males are involved in, by making light/fun of something they are engaging the male into conversation which leads to a stronger bond and could mean potential mating in the future.

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@hairygrape
@BlogWobbles
@Nojokur
@Garbage Can Lid
It is from Poor people, Dostoevsky, the teacher (tutor) is in his 20's he is a sickly student, everyone is sickly and everyone dies, read it anyone though it's fucking mint cunt.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@Deadlyinx
when a Veeky Forums joke flies right under a /lit/'s nose.

Emberfire
Emberfire

@lostmypassword
does that kind of high-functionning autism allow you to get grills irl?
asking for a friend

Flameblow
Flameblow

@farquit
Merci camarade, t'es un vrai ça fait plaisir. Va falloir qu'on se fasse ça, je ramènerai le rouge et la confiture

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@Burnblaze
i mean if they haven't read it they haven't read it, i'll be happy if this piqued their interest though because.. * supreme feeling of gayness has come over me and can no longer continue talking candidly*

JunkTop
JunkTop

@kizzmybutt
Do you live in London?

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@Flameblow

@farquit
isn't me @Harmless_Venom
but the sentiment still stands.
Reading Nabokov, making crepes and cycling through the country side are all very appealing.

@JunkTop
Nope, see @massdebater
Australia

Bidwell
Bidwell

@Ignoramus
Yeah I know, this was the other french user inviting us for some crepes in Bordeaux. Well that sounds great, we can do all of these in this order or another. You talked about the christmas break right?

idontknow
idontknow

@Ignoramus
???

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@Flameblow
ramener du vin rouge
a Bordeaux

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@BunnyJinx
Looking at the header its pretty obvious they have Epic. How did you know?
t. Works there

TechHater
TechHater

be me
scuba diving with my sister, her girlfriend, my friend Pat and an instructor named Juan
explore a sunken wreck
juan severs his oxygen line on a jutting piece of rebar and drowns
spend several hours in decompression trying to process what just happened
outwardly we all agree to stick with the truth
covertly we break into alliances of people who will testify against someone else.
sister and girlfriend intend to pin it on Pat
Pat and I intend to pin it on girlfriend
months go by
locked into litigation
my own attorney leaves courtroom in the middle of testimony
replaced by state attorney named Phillipe
Phillipe is under investigation for insider trading
don't like our chances, decide to commence plan "blame it on the girlfriend"
lie under oath constantly
Phillipe turns up missing, has fled to the cayman islands
trial goes into indefinite suspension as the CIA attempts to track him down
Juan's brother appears, swearing a blood oath against myself and Pat
we illegally obtain firearms to protect ourselves
buy a copy of Peter Nadas "Parallel Stories" and hollow it out to stash the gun in
buy a second copy to read while in the hotel room
idiot me puts them both next to each other on the shelf
leave to get drunk
return to hotel room, Pat has been shot dead
unhollowed copy of Parallel Stories found next to the body
taken into police protection against Juan's brother
can't sleep, mind racing
decide to read
read parallel stories until late at night
receive phone call
it's Phillipe
has tangible evidence that sister's girlfriend sabotaged Juan's oxygen line
can only give this evidence to me through state recognised intermediary
will only do it if I doctor receipts for him
go to his office
crawling with cops
come back at night and break in
doctor receipts as ordered
return home
police protection has been called away, juan's brother has supposedly been sighted
breathe a sigh of relief
receive a call from sheriff
it was a decoy
panic
front door opens
reach for hollowed out peter nadas
pump the guy full of lead
it's phillipe
he came to collect receipts
i've killed phillipe
my god

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@TechHater
Why would anyone need to lie about a dude fucking up his own oxygen line?
several hours in decompression
one instructor, four newbies
What sort of idiotic diving outfit is this? I don't believe that's legal anywhere in the world. Even with more instructors than inductees you're not allowed anywhere near the sort of depth that would require more than a few minutes decompression at 3m or something. Besides, instructors are equipped with secondary breathing masks in case something goes wrong. Open and shut this is Juan's fault and if he worked for a company they'd also be liable for all of you and Juan's family to sue them.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Emberfire
Not yet, i have devised a plot to procure a woman in which i am currently in the process of undertaking, the stakes of this game are higher than any other i have ever set in motion, i slowly began by visiting the grocery story and making small talk with the clerk, she was a cherry woman at the ripe age of 86. In hopes of engendering a situation in which this old slut will give a favourable standing in relation to her colleagues i set about buying her gifts and adding notes as to my intentions within the community in relation to a certain cashier with red hair and freckles. All my attempts thus far to receive an answer as to whether this tempest will answer my affections to my liking have been met with muffled suspense as i dart in between isle 9 and 10 stealing glances at her my heart loses its patience and beats against me as in protest at my feebleness.

Supergrass
Supergrass

@StrangeWizard
In that cacophonous and insane rambling, that's what you fixated on?

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

@StrangeWizard
implying these rules matter in a place that would employ "Juan"

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@Supergrass
The first six lines and no more? Yes.

Soft_member
Soft_member

@Poker_Star
Justement, d'autres horizons sont possibles niveau pinard, la France est grande et belle. Je ramènerai du Touraine, tu sortiras ton Bordeaux.

Snarelure
Snarelure

be me
be not good at native speak
getting advice from my native compatriot on how to get gf
answered to bring flower, chocolate and wear a tie
gut to store to buy flower and chocolate
they have self raising and plain
silly question as i have better things to do with my time
pick chocolate on random, it's cheap so pick six packs of it
wear tia and what i bought to females place
she ask me if i want her to bake me a cake because i bring her a pound of self raising flour and six bars of cooking chocolate
ask me why i'm wearing cable tie round my neck
ask me if i'm asking her out
say yes
she goes for her coat
it takes a lot of time for her to find coat
returns with gloss reflecting mask her face and war paint on her lips
realise she wearing rat hunting mask
go rat hunting with her
she catch 37 rats
i say i only catch five ever
she make funny faces as we go home
i think it went well

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@TechHater
what is this

RumChicken
RumChicken

@Emberfire
be freshman in college, first week of first semester
only book i've ever read outside of high school was Infinite Jest, I never read any real literature. I was not aware it was regarded as such a meme book in the literary world. I genuinely thought it was the #1 greatest book ever written, and I only read like 3 books, 4 if you count that i read IJ twice.
i would talk about it at parties with girls.
i would bring it up in my english lit class, question why it isn't on the syllabus, i'd call out, interrupt the class. i'd go to office hours and try to bring it up to my instructor in front of the other graduate research assistants and they all just looked at me like i was insane
no matter what the topic was in any essay, i'd connect it to IJ somehow, mainly because I viewed literature as 99% Infinite Jest and 1% people making poor attempts to create something as good (meanwhile having zero points of comparison to IJ)
my breaking point was when i attended a seminar from some famous lit professor. he said something along the lines of Infinite Jest being good, and everyone laughed, and he smiled, as if he was sarcastic and I was really confused.
i straight up interrupted him and asked "um why was that funny?"
i saw a few of the grad research assistants from office hours stifling their laughter, i felt something was up
speaker says "well it's a good book but the people who rave about it only do so because they've never read much else, like upper class white kids."
fuming i say "that's not true at all"
speaker says "if you rave about it, have you even read Pretentious Angst by Ernest Milton?"
i blindly respond "of course i have, it's a classic"
the entire room bursts into booming laughter
i look around completely dumbfounded
after 30 seconds of loud laughter which felt like an eternity, i'm beat red, speaker says "if you're still confused, that's neither a real book nor author, case in point."
i storm out, switch majors the next day
4 years later, senior year, at a bar talking to a qt3.14, she says she's an english major, i'm a marketing major, i bust her balls for not having any job security (100% taking out years of my STEM roommate busting MY balls about job security)
her friend arrives, also an english major
"oh i remember you, you're the Infinite Jest guy!"
she tells her friend the story about the seminar and what i'd do in freshman lit class
qt3.14 says "and now you're a marketing major, lecturing me about job security and commercialism. you've literally become the very thing Wallace criticizes in Infinite Jest", and they both laugh
i storm out
creates 2 year existential crisis i've yet to recover from

TechHater
TechHater

@TalkBomber
a centre for ants

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@RumChicken
I hope this isn't real.
I have read scenes of violent male/male rape that didn't make my asshole clench as much as this greentext did.

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

@BunnyJinx
I have the therapy bills to prove that it's real

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@RumChicken
Fucking hell, that's worse than the fuck ups in the wet snow part of notes from underground. Are you able to laugh it off today? I get flashbacks that make me feel terrible about far less severe social failures.

DeathDog
DeathDog

@Stupidasole
In my country you can rape a baby to death and not get on the front page. Must be nice to live where you live, user.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@DeathDog
South/central america?

JunkTop
JunkTop

@AwesomeTucker
South Africa

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@RumChicken
Screencapped so that I can read this whenever I need to feel better about myself.
Also you really need to stop this trend of storming out of places, buddy.

girlDog
girlDog

@JunkTop
Oh well, that's worse. My condolences. I hope you live in one of those gated communities.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@Soft_member
j’étais juste en train de troller
j'aime pas trop le Bordeaux en fait
je préfère le Côtes du Rhône
mais si t'as le fromage qui va bien, on pourra discuter

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@Snarelure
10/10
would marry

takes2long
takes2long

@Spazyfool
ffs just buy a hooker dude
she will love you

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@RumChicken
good thing the revolver was unloaded
he would most probably have had to leave with a mildly unpaired brain and half a face, if my conjugation is right

Methnerd
Methnerd

@RumChicken
qt3.14 have balls nowadays?
god i'm fucking old

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@BunnyJinx
violent male/male rape
sauce

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@lostmypassword
There was a crime show Kendrick, I think, where they explain that he gets called to the scene where they find a guy crawling around in the kitchen without a face. Everything is covered in blood. He had tried to kill himself, and fucked up. He was trying to find the gun to finish himself off, and those dumb sonsabitches got him to a hospital. Jesus christ, just let the poor man die. I'd give him my fucking gun. For fuck's sake.

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Sharpcharm
this
happened to a poor fucker at my school
poor fucker had to live through it

eGremlin
eGremlin

@Carnalpleasure
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UBlVmHHN4jLarflIKUSXPKwAbN9MkT0P/view?usp=sharing

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@Burnblaze
No I really haven't read poor folk, and in retrospect it's pretty pretentious of people to get uppity over a lesser Dostoevsky novel. It's not like it's Goethe or anything.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@Emberfire
elaborate por favor
is he out of his misery yet

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@eGremlin
user delivers, i see

cum2soon
cum2soon

@BunnyJinx
no idea desu
i left school a loooong time ago

Emberburn
Emberburn

@haveahappyday
I have a physical copy of that book, I remember downloading that pdf on my old laptop back on some website that no longer exists, so I don't think you can find it online anymore. Some of those stories are funny as fuck I am sad to say.
Then they told me it was time for dance training. They turned on the stereo and said they had picked out a special song for me to dance to. It was a Village People song. They told me to put my hands up in the air and pump my butt. They told me to rehearse this dance over and over until I got it right. They told me I wasn't dancing right and that I would have to be punished for it. They kept rewinding the same song. They kept telling me they were going to train me to dance perfectly to that song while they held guns on me. They told me what a jock I was, that I must not have anything better to do with my life than live at the gym. One of the guys went to get a tape measure to measure my body and said he was going to prove what an asshole I was. They seemed to have a lot of anger directed toward guys who go to gyms. That was a big focus.

literally fucking lost my shit. Those aren't rapists, those are master fags.

SniperGod
SniperGod

@Emberfire
/r9k/
dumb frogposter

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@Emberfire
goddamn. that's why my suicide of choice is poison.
I'm an idiot, but I'm not stupid.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@Sharpcharm
being christians, liberals hate death because they fail to derive death from their spooky framework of ''rational'' justification and compassion

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@TalkBomber
Poison suicides are fucked up often too. Just aim for the brainstem. Or, even better, die of old age after a decent life.

Illusionz
Illusionz

@New_Cliche
die of old age after a decent life
My method of suicide is already underway. I was diagnosed with brain cancer last month, now I just have to wait 2 more years.

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@SniperWish
I took a ton of shrooms once and had a similar experience. I only remember fragments of the night and friends later told me about all the weird shit I did.

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@New_Cliche
Or, even better, die of old age after a decent life.
I mean, yeah. That's the dream, right?

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@CodeBuns
not knowing about the Hippocratic oath

takes2long
takes2long

@w8t4u
Girls that age can never really commit to relationships.
while boys that age are noted for their turpitude and monogamy.
b-b-but the ebil seductress PROMISED!
/r9k/
no 15y.o. person understands life and commitment yet, and everyone knows it. that's why courts don't try juveniles as adults.

Inmate
Inmate

@Garbage Can Lid
Je crois qu'on va s'entendre! Du vin, du fromage et des australiennes

Emberburn
Emberburn

@Illusionz
Well, what can I say except wishing you luck and my condolences. I certainly wouldn't be able to deal with that.

Booteefool
Booteefool

I was smart at school, but holy fuck was I a fedora.

be 12
read The God Delusion
constantly tell all the other kids at (heavily christian) school that they're all dumb for believing in an invisible sky daddy
history teacher tells that old "Would you abort this fucked up fetus? Congrats you just aborted Beethoven" anecdote in class
stand up and shout "Sir, that is factually incorrect!"
entire class starts laughing and booing
teacher asks how I know this
"I read The God Delusion. You should too, maybe then you wouldn't base your morals on a fictional old man in the sky."
class keeps laughing
the shame hits me and I sit down
entire class mocks me for the next 2 years
teacher joins in

also 12
read Freud
keep telling my class that they'll never be as smart as me because I read "Frood" and they don't
keep telling other kids about castration fear, Oedipus and other sexual shit
do it so much that the school counselor calls me in and tells me to cool it the fuck down
keep pronouncing his name as "Frood" for several years after

be 14
discover Marx
bring up communism in every fucking conversation, even in class
try to start a school communist party at school
1 guy shows up
threaten to beat up another kid for bringing an Ayn Rand book to school because she's "an exploitative capitalist bourgeois hack who supports racism, sexism and the tyranny of the few"

be 15
discover de Sade
changedmylife.jpeg
get it into my head that I can write just like de Sade
write a shit-ton of stories mostly about women torturing and raping kids to death
try to read these stories to my classmates
nobody wants to hear that shit
this one really meek and awkward German boy is too awkward to tell me to fuck off
end up reading my stories to him for an hour
afterwards he walks off without saying a word or even looking at me
was expelled shortly after that

askme
askme

@TalkBomber
poison
enjoy your fucked up kidneys and/or digestive system
you'd better jump in front of a train
you can also get hilarious results with that

hairygrape
hairygrape

@Illusionz
i'm with you
travel the world with loved ones dude

TreeEater
TreeEater

@Inmate
on dirait le titre d'un film de max pecas pour etre desu
(moi sur la droite)

Evilember
Evilember

@Booteefool
desiretoknowmoreintensifies.jpg

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@Evilember
After I was expelled I was very very close to becoming a NEET. Then I got accepted into another school and straightened my life out to the point where I'm studying to be a doctor now.

Moral of the story: even the most hopeless case of autism can be overcome.

RumChicken
RumChicken

@Booteefool
This is even worse than the infinite jest guy

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@BlogWobbles
doctor
what about sex & drugs?
for great justice

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Nude_Bikergirl
Are you the psychologically unhinged guy who was on sci as well

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@eGremlin
@Emberburn
kek
i fucking love you
n-no homo

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@Emberfire
4chan is me and a dozen other guys

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@LuckyDusty
4chan isn't me and a dozen other guys

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@Stupidasole
Veeky Forums is just the two of us
and i pretend to be a girl sometimes

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@Flameblow
what the fuck are you talking about

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

@TalkBomber
love you too user
full homo

idontknow
idontknow

@Illusionz
try playing drums

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

6th grade ish
liked reading, but only really did it during school when there was free time
people consider me a book nerd because anytime anyone sees me in school I have a book on me/am reading it
make friends with another nerd
start revealing each other's power levels
he sees the book I'm carrying, one of those overstretched genre fiction fantasy series with like 10 parts
he says he likes it
ask him how far he is
what do you mean
well what book are you on
oh I've already read them all!
he starts revealing his power level more
he reads for hours a day after school
he reads from all kinds of different genres, while I stuck almost exclusively to genre fiction
despite how much he reads he still retains more info than I had when we had both read a book
my internal face from that day onward
There was nothing weird about it on the surface, just a normal encounter, but internally I was absolutely SEETHING with shame

TechHater
TechHater

walk into the local used bookstore
say hi to the bookstore cat
do you need help finding anything user?
y-ya do you guys have industrial society and its future?
concerned "isnt that the unabomber manifesto"
clueless "umm no it must be a coincidence"
in head "fucking Veeky Forums fucking memed me again
proves to me it was written by the unabomber
"well now im even more interested hehe"
doesn't find that funny
I turn red
I leave
Fucking thanks a lot lit that was the only used bookstore around and it was great. Veeky Forums has to ruin yet another thing in my life yet I keep coming back to this shitpool. here's another quick one:
read hopscotch freshman year in highschool
think im Horacio
glorify and pretent to have schizotypal disorder and talk about "metaphysics"
treat all women like a curious la maga, who want to learn about what I have to teach
hopscotch was the only book i read
end up addicted to meth at 18 in attempt to live a boheme american southern lifestyle

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@Emberfire
6th grade literature class project
Choose The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoesvsky (google it)
Present my analysis to the class
Realize I read the Garnett translation
Class bursts out laughing. I get an F and Teacher sends me home
mfw

Illusionz
Illusionz

@StrangeWizard
Had a good chuckle.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

be me
Bohemian artloving writing cityboy
living meme t b h
act with manners and ooze culture like the pseud I am when meeting gfs families
this way they don't suspect I'll cum and dump
actually fall for a girl
she's Veeky Forums af
introduces me to her mother
mother is the most lit person I've met
books wall-to-wall, a reference in every second sentence
knows her shit about philosophy and history also
play the culturedfag part
she's not very impressed
she treats me as an equal instead of falling for my pseudism
I'm trying to impress her and she keeps the conversation going
trying hard not to show my ignorance
she's just a kind and intelligent woman
can't get the upperhand

-Couldn't even fuck then dump that gf, she and her mother were too awesome to leave
-had to face my pseud memelife
-the mother called me gay when discussing Freud, with arguments based on psychoanalysis ofc. She was joking but shit

All in all it was embarrassing

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@Raving_Cute
tfw iwn be intelectually humiliated by a qt and her mom

Lunatick
Lunatick

@StrangeWizard
Class bursts out laughing.

What's so funny about it? Never read the book.

Booteefool
Booteefool

@StrangeWizard
why is the Garnett translation bad?

Spamalot
Spamalot

@Lord_Tryzalot
the police, obviously

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Raving_Cute
1/ fuck them both
2/ kys
3/ ????
4/ profit!

DeathDog
DeathDog

@RumChicken
Can someone post the greentext about the IJ obsessed student who keeps two copies in his backpack and slams the second copy down on his desk when his classmate throws the first one out the window?

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@DeathDog
be notorious class clown in high school, one time diving across a teacher's desk like a slip-and-slide and knocking over everything on his desk.
night classes, classmates single parents and former military who work during the day, razor thin tolerance for bullshit
read Infinite Jest the summer before college. unironically believed it was the pinnacle of literature despite only reading high school literature prior to it.
English Literature, The American Experience class
female "instructor", AKA Ph.D student
I bring up Infinite Jest in literally every single discussion, even if it has nothing to do with it
instructor tells me how Infinite Jest is a contemporary work that might be forgotten in the next 10 years, not worthy of comparison to the classics, and beyond the scope of this class
actual animosity builds between instructor and i
sometimes in the middle of discussion while she's talking, i'll take my copy of Infinite Jest out of my backpack and loudly smack it onto my desk, making the entire class jump and look at me. This caused the professor to KNOW I'm about to ask a question relating her monologue to Infinite Jest, and you can feel her shifting her monologue mid-sentence to steer away from as much possible Infinite Jest-related things as she could. That simple smack was a real mind fuck. The rest of the class was glaring at me.
one day I did this and a former US Marine sitting next to me literally grabbed my copy of Infinite Jest and threw it out the window. We were on like the 4th floor and it was raining outside.
the class applauded loudly
then SMACK! i had another copy of Infinite Jest in my backpack. I was SO proud of this, and trying so hard to hold back my shit-eating grin but I couldn't contain it. I looked beyond autistic.
"Get out!" the instructor yelled. Thinking everyone would laugh, I was scared at her response, and the Marine took my backpack and book and placed it in the hallway and held the door for me to leave
i ended up dropping the class

girlDog
girlDog

@idontknow
Laughed hard at this

Hope it's true

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@Ignoramus
YES thanks

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@Stupidasole
Post plz, I'm on mobile.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@TreeEater
Je ne connaissais pas ce grand monsieur mais maintenant je sais quoi regarder ce soir. Merci user, tu es un frère

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@Emberfire
be in 9th grade
teacher is having each student read 1 page aloud
sitting next to this gorgeous black girl who is new to the school, has very few friends, and I've been slowly working my charm. some of my friends in my class noted this to me, commended my efforts, the black girl was really hot.
it's almost my turn to read
i turn the page a few seconds before my turn, and what do i see?
the word "nigger" in like two different spots on the page. the first instance is on the very first sentence of the fucking page.
panicking
teacher calls on me to read
"c-can i go to the bathroom?" i ask
"that's not what the sentence says, please read the sentence, user." the teacher said
see several students looking up from the page excited and worried at the same time, turning to look at me in anticipation
i begin reading very slowly
right before I read the N word, like the syllable before it, I see my friend from across the class giving me a goofy fucking smiling nod like pic related
this causes me to kek (and stifle the kek) really loudly right as i'm reading "nigger"
so to the rest of the class it just sounded like I was reading the entire sentence monotonously and then like a fucking asshole screamed the word "NIGGER!", like taking advantage of the one time i was ever allowed to say it, then reading the rest of the sentence monotonously
some stifled laughter throughout the class
teacher interrupts and says "you can go to the bathroom - on your way to the assistant principles office. now!"
the black girl never talked to me again

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@New_Cliche
fuck off racemixer

Emberburn
Emberburn

@Emberfire
Nah man, I don't browse /sci/

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@New_Cliche
sitting next to this gorgeous black girl

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@New_Cliche
I bet you were afraid to say "Voldemort" when you read harry potter, too

Soft_member
Soft_member

@Illusionz
i'm sorry my friend, i hope you last longer than the time you are given and enjoy the time you have like we all should, one love brother.

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

@TechHater
how about not being a pussy and go back there and buy the unabomber and every other book you want instead of worrying about one doofus said to you one time, live for all of us user, the fate of the world is in your hands.

TechHater
TechHater

@Ignoramus
this isn't real, to make it believable you should have given a reason you had to believe the marine had intentions to throw your books out the window.

Booteefool
Booteefool

@Emberfire
like Arseface from Preacher, goddamnit

Soft_member
Soft_member

@Booteefool
history teacher tells that old "Would you abort this fucked up fetus? Congrats you just aborted Beethoven" anecdote in class
Holy fuck I got that spiel too. They must have a little playbook of anti-abortion propaganda or something.

askme
askme

@Booteefool
@Lunatick
hello newfags

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@StrangeWizard

Is that the blins cat?

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@Flameblow
He was highly annoyed to have been called. If it's not a GSW, don't call the fucking police to the hospital. Pissant PA fuck, not even a real doctor.
@SniperGod
Yes, and? There was no crime, and he wasn't going to waste his time.

Soft_member
Soft_member

@CodeBuns
ah, la culture...

Soft_member
Soft_member

17 years old autistic me
invited to the 18th birthday of a cool girl
awkward as fuck
joints are being passed around
try 1
like it
end up smoking 4
proceed to alternate between being completely erratic and depressed
smash the birthdday cake on the ground, cry about not being loved, invite neighbours to the party, cry to their refusal, proceed to piss on their front door as revenge...
be now sitting outside crying with friends holding me
patrol police car passes by to check how things are
stand up and beg them to take me with them because I am gonna die
friends try to say I'm just drunk
beg harder
cops eventually call an ambulance
about to be driven away
everyone is standing, looking at me
realize I might have ruined the party
decide to cheer everyone up
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on"
thumb up

RumChicken
RumChicken

This thread proves this boards age.

Also, women should never have been given so much liberty. This entire thread has been derailed like all of the others because one women wants to be noticed

But here comes the white knights to the rescue. . .

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@RumChicken
thread derailed because of a woman
brings conversation back to her again, giving her more attention
I agree with you, though. Where is that one quote someone posted about all women being fucking cancerous and unable to think for themselves because their main goal is to impress men? I need it unironically.

idontknow
idontknow

16 years old
18 year old sister just got her first boyfriend
they met by starring in musicals, he is a dancer, studied dance, dresses nice.
she brings him home, i'm on the couch reading dorian gray
bf says "oh my god is that dorian gray? oscar wilde is my favourite author, i feel like he just gets my"
i am instantly convinced my sister is dating the most gay man alive
does he know it? why is he dating my sister? does my sister look like a man and he's thinking this will help him become straight?
i spent the entire dinner reading the whole evening through a "my sisters bf is gay hermeneutic".
i ask sister if she's ever considered if he's gay.
she yells at me and we don't speak for two weeks
3 months later they break up. sister is devastated.
6 months later he gets engaged to someone else.
sister is devastated all over again.
i'm starting to maybe think he wasn't gay but he seemed to really like oscar wilde so i didn't want to call it 100%
after this guy being married to his wife for 1 year they seperate
turns out the wife discovered he'd been having an affair with a man for the last 5 years
my sister, after having been destroyed by this guy again and again realises that he'd been cheating on her with a man throughout their whole relationship.
will i say it?
i shouldn't say it
"i told you so"

She moved out shortly after that and we haven't really had a proper conversation since and I think I ruined my relationship with her over an I told you so, which now I regret quite a bit. She deserved better than to be fucked over so hard by this guy.

Playboyize
Playboyize

@idontknow
bishrekshual with extreme fag tendencies

WebTool
WebTool

@StonedTime
Have you posted this story before? I've definitely read it once.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@idontknow
also reading Uncle Oscar
taking one to know one
so, you're a right little queer then too, aren't you?

Skullbone
Skullbone

@lostmypassword
sometimes a man just has to try sucking another man's fat cock to make sure he still doesn't like it

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