Voltaire was one of the wisest, funniest and cleverest people of the 18th century...

>Caleb, you make it sound on your blog that your review is somehow a sane and fair assessment. In my eyes, and all those who have read it with anything like impartiality, it is a review driven by an almost manic desire to bad-mouth and perversely depreciate anything of value. The accusations you level at me are simply extraordinary. I genuinely hope that you will find yourself on the receiving end of such a daft review some time very soon – so that you can grow up and start to take some responsibility for your work as a reviewer. You have now killed my book in the United States, nothing short of that. So that's two years of work down the drain in one miserable 900 word review. You present yourself as 'nice' in this blog (so much talk about your boyfriend, the dog etc). It's only fair for your readers (nice people like Joe Linker and trusting souls like PAB) to get a whiff that the truth may be more complex. I will hate you till the day I die and wish you nothing but ill will in every career move you make. I will be watching with interest and schadenfreude.
what did he mean by this?

The evening in Fereny unfolded into a fiery orange hue as the sun set.
Staring out the window of his writing room Voltaire sighed and let his
pen slip from his fingers back onto the desk, dejectedly examining the manuscript he had been so furiously working at.
While he had hoped the isolation of his estate would do well for his
creative juices, it seemed to be quite the opposite.

Voltaire idly glanced at his empty glass of wine and smiled smugly to himself,
"Perhaps I need another kind of juice.", he thought.
He called out, and hurried footsteps filled the hall.
"Coming!", cried his servant, "Coming!"
The servant anxiously peeked his head through the door.
"Ah, Veeky Forums," said the Frenchman,"come, bring me my wine."
The history and humanities board of Veeky Forums was quick to comply,
and quickly produced a bottle of Königsberg pinot noir, eagerly filling his master's glass.
"What is this? Holy Roman wine?", cried Voltaire.
"W-well sir,", Veeky Forums mumbled, "funds are somewhat short at the moment, with the Jewish moneylenders calling in your debts and all... speaking of which, I haven't been paid for the month yet s-sir..."
"Payment, eh?", Voltaire said as he rose to his full 5'3", towering over the 5'0" history board.
Veeky Forums rose his hands pleadingly as his master backed him into a corner.
"I-I didn't mean it like-", croaked out Veeky Forums,
but in a movement so swift, Voltaire had entirely trapped the Japanese image board,
with his two thin French hands over the diminutive servant's head, and a leg firmly planted between Veeky Forums's thighs.
"I certainly have your payment boy",
growled Voltaire lustfully, as he undressed Veeky Forums with
his unnaturally bulbous eyes,
"but I imagine I will profit the most."

(1/2)

Voltaire lowered his head and began to suck on his servants neck, simultaneously nursing the growing stiffness Veeky Forums tried to ignore with his
bony Frenchman knee.
"S-sir, p-please!" groaned Veeky Forums, as a hot blush spread about his face,
but it was to no avail, as Voltaire's sensual polemic grew increasingly frenzied.

Just as he tore open the servant's shirt and began suckling a bare, and
increasingly hard nipple, the door to the room flew open!
It was none other then Jean-Jacques Rousseau!
"Voltaire!", cried the political theorist, shocked at the behavior of his literary hero.
Voltaire stopped all interaction with Veeky Forums, aside from his massaging knee, and simply smiled smugly.
"Ah, Rousseau, perhaps you would like to join us in this... state of nature?"

(2/2)

>(2/2)
I think you mean (2/3). keep going fucker. I need a Voltaire and Rousseau gang bang

>Islam lover
>Hated Christianism

Fuck this faggot

As he believed in the importance of individual freedom, Rousseau liberated himself from his clothes.
Blinded by pleasure, Veeky Forums gasped as his knees gave way. Between halting breaths, the pitiful servant looked pleadingly between Voltaire and Rousseau.
"Please, no more", he whispered, "master Voltaire...".
Rousseau chimed in, with a spiteful look in his eyes,
"How dare you mock the honors rendered to Voltaire in the temple of which he is the god!"
Rousseau lifted the malleable heap that was once Veeky Forums and laid him upon Voltaire's writing table.

With the ferocity that only an instigator of the French revolution may have, Rousseau tore apart the cloth which impeded access to the imageboard's girlish backside.
Though inebriated by pleasure, Veeky Forums called out with shock as Rousseau democratically penetrated him, having been overruled by the two votes of his fellow citizens.
Meanwhile Voltaire grabbed his servants head, and began to put words in his mouth.
For what felt like the length of the Holy Roman Empire (Possibly 800, or 962 to 1806)
the two enlightenment thinkers pounded away.
The night passed in a hazy revelry, as the two men continually swapped positions
(physically not intellectually), until they reached their limits.
Finished with their pleasure-doll Veeky Forums, the two sweating men of letters left
one final gift for the anime discussion website,
three arrows drawn in jizzm.
Both retiring as sunrise had just began to peak over the horizon Voltaire lay down and thought to himself before lapsing into sleep:

"If a fuckboy did not exist, it would be be necessary to invent him."

(3/2)

>If a fuckboy did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him

holy fuck lmao

The sound of drunken slurping reverberates against the table. Voltaire is snorting with laughter, occasionally spitting out wine in his intoxicated state. Veeky Forums is smiling. Unlike Voltaire, he's just rather hazy, as he's only been having tiny sips; it was decided, after all, that Veeky Forums would drive Voltaire home that night. Veeky Forums looks out the window and toward the moon, whose light illuminated the scene; he looks back at Voltaire to speak.

"Voltaire..."

"Oh, come on. We ought to be on a first name basis by now." Voltaire chuckled.

"Sorry." Veeky Forums chuckled as well. "François, remember what you said to me on that night?"

"I remember what you said to me."

"Right." Veeky Forums is seemingly a bit too hazy; he has trouble remembering events. Voltaire, however, even in his drunken state, maintains his sharp, quick, beautiful mind, the one that had brought the two together. He looks at Veeky Forums's face, and he noticed their complexion in the moonlight. Every detail in his face is now illuminated in the dark. And then, his eyes. Those beautiful eyes. Voltaire is hard as a telephone pole. His erection is concealed like a weapon under the table; if Veeky Forums were to see it, it would spoil such a beautiful moment (one that, admittedly, was enhanced by the excess of wine he had been drinking). Besides, he would be using it soon enough.

"Remember when I told you about the research project I had been doing..?"

"Can you remind me what it was about?"

Veeky Forums is filled with sexual energy. He grabs Voltaire's shirt. "The... Holy... Roman... Empire..."

"I think I remember. And how did I respond, exactly?"

>toleration
>kindness
>modesty

SMUG TO THE DEATH

MOAR

>Voltaire
>Islam lover

literally

wat
a
t

Lol, nice one.

huge edgelord.

His tales are very good, Candide, Zadig.

I'm too fucking lazy mate. Just jerk off to what you think happens next

>If a fuckboy did not exist, it would be be necessary to invent him.
It's true.

HOW DID HE RESPOND?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. WHY WAS HE SO SMUG? I HATE THIS FUCKING FRENCH FUCK

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, ROMAN, AND AN EMPIRE, FINISH THE TALE

>SAINT
>EMPIRE
>ROMAIN

kek