H-how fucked am I lads?

Playboyize
Playboyize

got a job with JPMorgan in Singapore
lied about being fluent in mandarin to get it

H-how fucked am I lads?

All urls found in this thread:
https://isohunt.to/torrent_details/16624245/Thomas-Michel-CHINESE-Mandarin
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3592753/Don-t-panic-250-Babelfish-like-gadget-fits-inside-ear-translate-foreign-languages-real-time.html
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Abagnale
Methnerd
Methnerd

Tell me more about the outcome pls intrested in

Flameblow
Flameblow

@Playboyize
fake confidence. call in sick from first moment you have to speak mandarin. stay on sickness pay roll as long you can until you get fired (if they fire you too soon you can sue them)

and then apply anywhere you want cause big ass jp morgan on your resume. when next employer asks why u aint working there nomore just say there were feminists.

WebTool
WebTool

@Playboyize
Very.

Mandarin is complicated as fuck. I hope you're spending 10 hours a day learning it now, otherwise they WILL tell you lied.

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

@Playboyize
Top kek. How good is your mandarin lad? Here is a Mandarin course but you sound pretty fucked senpai. https://isohunt.to/torrent_details/16624245/Thomas-Michel-CHINESE-Mandarin

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

I got a job as an assistant grocery store manager by telling them I could sign language. New they were only looking for someone who spoke 2 languages. Never thought I'd need it. Turns out 3 regulars were deaf.

I faked diarrhea every time they came in for about 3 months until getting let go. Had alot of friends there, they call me diarrhea dan now even tho I explained the backstory. Fuck my life.

Emberburn
Emberburn

learn as much as you can as quick as you can. stop shitposting, take some amphetamines and go on duolingo.

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

Bullshit around it for 6 months, then buy this when it releases.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3592753/Don-t-panic-250-Babelfish-like-gadget-fits-inside-ear-translate-foreign-languages-real-time.html
gadget fits inside your ear to translate foreign languages in real-time

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@Playboyize
I wanna know how you managed to get through the interview rounds if fluency in mandarin was required

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@Playboyize
Everyone in Singapore speaks English anyway, OP you got nothing to worry about. Unless your job requires facing clients from China

whereismyname
whereismyname

Confidence is key. If you believe you can speak Mandarin, then you will speak Mandarin. Believe in yourself.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Playboyize
kill yourself lad

and I hope everyone else learns from your mistake

Techpill
Techpill

@whereismyname
@Playboyize
Hey, this guy : https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Abagnale got employed and worked successfully as a pilot doctor and a lawer ar different times. If you believe it so will they.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@Playboyize
fucking lol, I also just started working for JPmorgan.

I don't really see how you can bullshit out of this if you actually have to learn mandarin at some point, the pronunciation of the language is extremely complicated. Avoid any contact with the language by any means necessary until you can transfer or figure out some other solution.

@Flameblow
seems decent enough for another route

BUT YOU ARE FUCKED LOL, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PICK MANADARIN???? ITS LIKE TRYING TO FAKE ARABIC ROFL

askme
askme

@Playboyize
Literally everyone in Singapore speaks english you'll be fine in country. I don't know if you need to deal with actual Han chinese over there, but you definitely don't need it to live and work there
t. student who studied abroad for a year there

What job did you get may I ask? How come you got a job in Singapore if you don't live there or speak any Mandarin or anything?

iluvmen
iluvmen

English is a first language in Singapore. It's how the Chinese are able to communicate with their subju- I mean their minorities.

Skullbone
Skullbone

@Playboyize
Hire a translator. Tell everyone she's your assistant. Let her know what you did so she can translate things for you on the down low.

JunkTop
JunkTop

@Playboyize
Hahahaha, hello friend. I'm in SG banking, as some others on this board may recognize.

You are SUPER fucked. Why the fuck did you lie about being able to speak Chinese in a country that is predominantly (70%~) Chinese? You wouldn't lie about Spanish in the states, why would you lie about Chinese here? Almost anyone who is Chinese will speak it to an extent, and you may or may not be aware that Chinese is one of the hardest languages to learn for an English speaker.

Did you think nobody was going to communicate to you in Chinese? Chinese people are nosy, man. If the word gets out (and it will), your cover will be blown in 2 days tops.

All it takes is for someone to mention that you speak Chinese. They're gonna be ALL over you trying to get you to speak it. In Singapore there's nothing to do - we're fucking bored all the time, and watching Caucasians struggle with Chinese is best form of entertainment to many, my man.

Tell me more about the job. You in the FO? If you're in the BO, perhaps you'll be able to get away with it if you just act like an autist and not speak to anyone.

whereismyname
whereismyname

@JunkTop
Hey banking user, any tips on getting into banking from someone with IT background? Specific finance related skills/keywords recruiters would look when scanning through resume? Thanks.

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@Playboyize
Your fluency in Mandarin was based on your evaluation not JP Morgan's so unless they tested you, skate by as long as you can and if you ever need it see if the Mandarin speaking Chinesse can provide you with a translator. BTW are you also equally fluent in Cantonese?

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

You can learn a language and be fluent in it in 8 months or so.

Better start learning.

iluvmen
iluvmen

@Playboyize
I'm starting to work for JPM in Bournemouth tomorrow
I don't speak or read any english
wew lad let's go

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

speaks Cantonese, mandarin, English, German
live in hk
with a uni degree
not gonna get hired by jp
dayum

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

take lsd and learn it in a night

Spamalot
Spamalot

@whereismyname
Hey, it probably depends on what you're doing right now. IT in banking is always a little lagging (non-consumer side), they don't always use the latest tech.

Are you talking about the FO or BO side of things?

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