Banking and HR

King_Martha
King_Martha

I'm with one of the top 10 biggest banks in my country and I was very lucky to get a job there some months ago, I guess.

The problem is, it's HR and I hate it. Given the fact that banking as a sector is going down the drain since the crisis, I really, really should be happy right now, because payment is ok. Not great, but considering live expenses here in the city, I'm doing good. (fun fact: There's virtually no bonus.)

This really puzzles me, because everything I heard about HR here on the board is true:

- It is circlejerking, every problem is self-created
- everyone behaves quite absurd
- 90% wimmen who talk way too much, most are really not too bright
- there are no challenges, I feel like my brain dries out and shrivels
- everyone talks about everyone behind their backs
- I suffer from knowing that HR just wastes money earned by front office (I pray every day not having to talk to someone from front office, because of self disgust and hatred about the harmful role HR plays for the total revenue of the bank)

Since HR is back office I'm practically as near to investment banking as is some piece of bread. I really, really would like to change the department and here it goes:

Is there any chance for me to get as far away from HR as possible and at the same time come a little more closer to front office in a modern universal bank? Is there anything beyond revision, compliance and HR out there for me?

Also: If anyone would like to know something about HR/banking, I'm happy to help.

Playboyize
Playboyize

How much cocaine is consumed?

Evilember
Evilember

Never encountered this desu. But I know for a fact that this city has one of the highest drug related crime rate (especially in terms of cocaine) in my country.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@King_Martha
If you are in different dept then why do you have deal with HR?

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

But I AM in HR! This is what I was saying in the op, dude!

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@King_Martha
Interesting OP, vent a little more about HR. I love hating on it.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@TalkBomber
He is HR

@King_Martha
become friends with management and let it be known that you're trying to find a real job

idontknow
idontknow

@King_Martha
I suffer from knowing that HR just wastes money earned by front office (I pray every day not having to talk to someone from front office, because of self disgust and hatred about the harmful role HR plays for the total revenue of the bank)

HR guy here. You might see it this way, but it's not true.

You exist to protect the company from legal liability, and to reduce the costs by screwing employees. It's worth paying hundreds of thousands a year into HR just to save the company from that one multi million dollar lawsuit that gets dragged out in court for a decade.

Your job is largely to act as an internal form of insurance. Someone sexually assaults someone else? Fire them, then get the victim to sign off on an agreement that the problem has been dealt with. Congrats, you've just eliminated the financial threat of a lawsuit.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@haveahappyday

Yes, I guess this is always an option. Problem is I am entirely new to all this, I never did stuff like HR is supposed to do including all the juridical, administrative and technical realization of it, so I cannot really shine in what I do, because I have to learn all of it. Besides, there is mostly HR internal management I do have access to, so it's actually quite hard to get to know management from other depts.

@Stark_Naked

I know, man, I know. Self hatred incoming already, no need to retaliate.

@idontknow
Most of what you say is what I already know. I do not believe all of it, though. It's way too bloated, inefficient and wasteful. Biggest issue for me is, it's poisonous form what people one is supposed to work with. Dumbest people in a bank are HR. It's true. I somewhat knew I'd sell of my ass when entering finance, but I never dreamed of it being that unambitious. Sure, it is a tool to protect the revenue generating side of the group, but man...I'd work for half the money, if I'd get a proper job in front or even middle office.

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@King_Martha
Random user wants to get away from HR?

Buttcoin price goes through the roof.

Emberburn
Emberburn

@Lord_Tryzalot
h
Helpful, kys.

King_Martha
King_Martha

Guys, I am honestly looking for advice here. Someone knowledgeable about degrees of permeability in banks concerning depts? I need some glimmer of hope so I can go on dreaming about being able to leave that dumb hell named HR behind me.

w8t4u
w8t4u

@idontknow

Basicly HR is overhead for multiculturalism, feminism and asinine government regulation.

Bidwell
Bidwell

@King_Martha
It is next to impossible to move out of the back office into the front office.

t. guy in risk.

Best advice I can give you is to network and try and befriend front office guys who might be able to put a good word in for you- or look for front office jobs at another bank.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@Bidwell
It is next to impossible to move out of the back office into the front office.

Ya, I heard that. I do have bad dreams about and because of this. Like I said front office, oh well, would be fantastic, but it's not like I expect this to happen. Would be very happy with something in middle office. I would even be grateful if I'd be able to pick up a position just less back-office-ish as HR.

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@King_Martha
by front office do you mean red braces, BUYBUYBUYBUYBSELLSELL, snorting coke of f hookers tits or just gettinthefuckoutta HR ?

former - no, you're screwed, you could start from scratch and retrain but otherwise, not gonna happen.

the latter ? do-able, move into the middle office, settlements, trade support, floor support."hey boss, to better understand the needs of the business requirement process, how about I spend a month with some of our teams to see what they really need", network, get the hell out of HR. Middle office is tremendously hard to outsource overseas coz it's local knowledge, quite specific and traders like being able to throw things at you to get a response rather than speaking to Juan in East Bumfuckistan. Middle office to front office can and does happen if the whole coke/hookers/tits still appeals.

best of luck

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

@BinaryMan

When I say front office, I'm talking about restructuring, corporate banking, m&a, structured finance, markets, relationship management, treasury, asset management, private wealth management. I do realize this is lightweight stuff compared to how us investment banks are set up.

We do not have real traders/ecm/dcm here. Well some, but nothing big and I guess a position there would be out of the question. I do not fantasice about this... But I do fantasize about the others I mentioned and it this I can't be sure about if a position there is really out of question.

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Fried_Sushi
then in all honesty - retrain.

statistics/economics with a side of python and/or infographics ( they love a graph or two

coursera if you need to work, then ask for a internal move or look for a role externally

very best of luck chummer

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@King_Martha
What country are you in, OP?

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@RavySnake

This saddens me...very.

@BinaryMan

Germany.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@BunnyJinx
Most of what you say is what I already know. I do not believe all of it, though. It's way too bloated, inefficient and wasteful

Then get into a position where you can take an axe to HR. You think some senior executive won't love you if you can throw away 80% of your department and make it function better? Get higher up the foodchain, and prove that your numbers make you better than everyone else.

Otherwise, sit back, enjoy the silver spoon sucking, and take up some hobbies. You have to be there full time. Nobody is going to fire you if you do your job decently, even if half the time you are doing work for a personal business on the side.

You're in the fucking financial sector. Don't tell me you don't know how to hide what you are doing.

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@Playboyize
In HR? Lol none.

@King_Martha
You're never going to jump from HR directly to front office. You're better off working toward an analytical role in HR and going from there to a business analyst role for a profit center, then trying to get into front office.

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@King_Martha
Why is it that no HR person seems to actually know what the fuck to look for when hiring for a given position?

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@CodeBuns
@BinaryMan

man, Germany - you're just about to hire a load of Britfags who'll have to move coz Brexit, then sort out all their "this isnt essex" shit - you've got it made !

retraining aint that big a deal - I started being a runner at a lawyers office, didnt enjoy, retrained into IT. Ups and down but I've done alright - take the long view, grab a laptop, learn Unix and a language, put out the feelers.

viel gluck !

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