How do you have a healthy relationship with a girl in your 20's, when you're...

viagrandad
viagrandad

How do you have a healthy relationship with a girl in your 20's, when you're trying to grow your own success and yet she is upset about the lack of free time spent with her?

Own a small business
Dating the love of my life for 2 years
Hitting a breaking point because she says I'm indifferent about seeing her or not because I'm tired after a week of work and dont feel like going to the bar with her on a Friday night, yet say I want to spend all weekend with her and all weekday nights, just not at a fucking bar and not out at a party.

I dont want to leave her. She's probably gonna leave me if the pattern continues and if so there's nothing I can do. I feel like it's either do a good job at making moneys, or do a good job with the girl i love. I ain't creative enough to come up with a way to do both. Wat do?

Methshot
Methshot

@viagrandad

Leave her asap, she doesn't want you to succeed because only then will you realize how worthless she is to you.

Remember

Homies > Money > Hoes

Skullbone
Skullbone

The simple answer is you must choose between either the woman or your business. It sounds as if you're growing apart, nothing lasts forever.

I'd let her go, concentrate on your business and find one more supportive of you.

Plus it sounds like she's only interested in having you take her out and spend money on her. She's probably using you.

Flameblow
Flameblow

Does she live with you?

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@viagrandad
My GF was like this when we were 18/19 (Australia drinking age is 18)
I really enjoyed spending time with her, chilling out at home or going on drives along the beach etc.
Her circle of influence and beliefs, however, meant that she felt compelled to 'go out' to bars and clubs in order to 'have a good time'
I tried to do it for a while but each time I was bored out of my brain, couldn't converse due to noise, didn't feel safe or comfortable and we'd leave, I'd ask if she had a good time and she'd be over the fucking moon happy
I didn't get it, we went our separate ways. I think she's the customer service manager of a grocery store now. Dream big

TechHater
TechHater

@Skullbone
Plus it sounds like she's only interested in having you take her out and spend money on her. She's probably using you.

It does sound that way from my first post, but it's honestly not the case. No money is required as she has no problem making the move to pay her own way when out and about; it's just that I can't be out at midnight when I was up at 5:30am. I'm fucking tired and want to go to bed. She doesn't like that, and when I'd rather not go out with her, and sleep instead, it's take-it-or-leave-it mentallity to her.

@Flameblow
Does she live with you?
Yes, we live together. But we rent so it's not a major player.

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@viagrandad
If she's convinced bars and parties are the only things she wants to do with you, I would suggest asking her if it's only those things she wants to do with you. If she agrees with the assessment, I doubt it's a salvageable situation.

viagrandad
viagrandad

@TalkBomber
If it's a Woolworths, it's a$45K to $55K position pending on 'tier' and GMROM (Margin per square)

Average or higher than average wage. At least it's not a center link slave.

hairygrape
hairygrape

@viagrandad
It might be because she is young, many people grow out of the 'clubbing' stage. I could never fucking stand it and if I met someone that enjoyed it a lot and always wanted me to go out with them I'd probably break up with them desu - to me that is basic incompatability.

If however, she is a true catch, smart, funny, beautiful, a good cook, not a feminist and not needy - then just slow down on your business for a while and take time to maintain your relationship. Speak and you both need to compromise and realize that it is going to be difficult to maintain both and that you both need to have realistic expectations of the business and the relationship - if she is not level headed and smart enough to realise that it is better for both of you in the long term, and to realise that clubbing is something which you neither enjoy nor is a good way to spend time together, then she's probably a fuckboi and you should let her go.

Regardless of what people say about relationships and true love etc. you should always put yourself and your goals first. Love and relationships are usually transient and it is very unlikely you will ever find someone to stay with forever in this century unless you can both come to the table and take a logical approach to your relationship, and can both look at eachother and realize that it isn't just about the relationship but it's about sharing mutual goals and helping eachother succeed in life, rather than just the good bits we see in movies. Detach yourselves from the Kardashian level relationship expectations and you will save yourself a lot of trouble.

SniperGod
SniperGod

OP, end it. Not only will you then be able to focus your energy entirely on your business but you also won't have to worry about your GF at the bars and if she is flirting with other dudes (which she is doing... She's a young female wanting to party.)

You're young, and you sound driven and successful. Focus on that.

Women in their late teens early 20s want the athlete jock guys. That fades so fucking fast. By your late 20s early 30s EVERY woman wants the successful man. You sound like you're on your way to being that guy, so bear down and focus. Don't let this girl ruin that for you (considering she gets mad because you're working to hard... complete garbage, you're better than her)

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@viagrandad
Women come and go. If she is giving you ultimatums that should be a red flag already. You're in your 20s. Most people don't aren't mature enough or have enough life experience to make such huge choices such as being in a relationship. Most people at our age aren't ready, and that's ok. You won't want to leave her now, but in the future you will always look back and see that it wasn't that bad to leave her. You have a business. Grow it, take time to reflect on yourself and set some immediate and long term goals for yourself, and then when you're financially independent and mature enough then you should get out in to the dating scene.

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@viagrandad
She's going to leave you if you can't make enough money to give her the life style she wants.

So you rather be broke without a girl. Or rich without that particular girl and later be able to get just about any girl who wants to find a man to pay for their life?

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@viagrandad
Be honest with her. Let her know that you honestly don't like hanging out at bars, and you'd rather do other things with her. Suggest that she do those things with her friends, and then do other things with you.

If she really can't do that, there might be an issue. But don't listen to all these virgins telling you to leave her based on limited information

JunkTop
JunkTop

@TechHater
But we rent so it's not a major player
I would check your local laws regarding common law. It's only 1 year in my locality and poof, good as married. Love is need and need is love!

Bidwell
Bidwell

@SniperGod
lol yeah OP you'll get Chad's sloppy seconds if you just buckle down and work hard now.

RavySnake
RavySnake

@viagrandad
Bro I'm in your same shoes. Finish working Friday, and go out Saturday. No one goes out Fridays. Drink some redbull and you'll be golden.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@Methshot
no money is more important

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@PurpleCharger
I've had a gf do similar things when I was in university (engineering degree with internships).

She basically got very sour and wanted me to do things to "fix" our relationship after choosing not to see her to work or relax with my little free time. Although I did not see her for about a month at one point, I just ignored her anger and kept saying "I needed to time to study/work"

Basically anytime she got sour with me I would ignore that if she got very indignant. It stressed me out but she got over waiting for me to do something amazing to "fix" things. Not sure what she meant but I think she wanted some really expensive date. We hung out more when the semester ended and I had more free time.

You should focus on is she working on her success too? You don't want a Netflix or vidya junkie as a gf

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

Step 1: Turn out the lights
Step 2:Close the doors
Step 3: Remind yourself you don't love these hoes

Spamalot
Spamalot

@viagrandad
Just last night I had a girl break into tears during dinner about this. She's got a job she dislikes but which gives her a lot of free time, whereas I work something like 16 hours a day on work/classes. She's used to becoming a "unit" with someone where they do a lot of events/parties/etc. together, my last relationship was with a medical student who barely gave me ten minutes a week (another issue entirely, but I digress).

My honest thought: you've gotta make a choice, and that choice should probably be improving yourself. If your girl is anything like the one I've been seeing, her choices for you would result in safe mediocrity. There's nothing wrong with that for most people, but working hard sometimes entails making big sacrifices that others can't. In other words, to achieve something big in your down time, you can't be spending your down time clubbing.

I've been in the "fixing" situation that @BinaryMan
was in, and it's a no-win game - relationships shouldn't be this stressful. You'll end up self-flagellating and feeling weak. The ideal girl is equally motivated or - at minimum - understands your needs such that you don't need to apologize like that.

@SniperGod
This is true... kinda. I don't like generalizing women because it sounds redpill-y, but:

As someone in his mid-20s who is "successful" on paper, you can easily get early 20s girls as well. I regularly hook up with college students in my area because, somehow, it's less drama than the girls closer to my age (who tend to latch on and not let go). Online dating is the best thing ever.

girlDog
girlDog

You find a girl and make her yours. That's how it was when we conceptualized shelter. Nothing's changed, except some buildings here and there. If you let a bitch run you, you don't run yourself, anyway.

happy_sad
happy_sad

@viagrandad
Not a Veeky Forums question. Your GF likes bars and clearly you don't.

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@viagrandad
you don't. if you wanna fuck you hop on tinder and add "entrepreneur" to your profile. girls will ask about it. tell them you're a businessman and you're making millions. proceed to make some fuck and then get back to work.

tips: be good looking. have a cool car.

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@viagrandad

Why don't you just fuck her better?
You know, just so she stops complaining because she's addicted to your cock.

Spamalot
Spamalot

@viagrandad
Dump that stupid bitch. You need to be making money in your prime years, because you won't have as much energy in your later years.

t. oldfag

takes2long
takes2long

@viagrandad
I feel like it's either do a good job at making moneys, or do a good job with the girl i love. I ain't creative enough to come up with a way to do both.

I know exactly what you're going though, my man. Fortunately there is a way.

The thing is, it's not really the going out thing she's upset about. It's always some underlying bullshit like she's jealous of her old classmates living the wild life on instagram or some shit. I basically get this shit 5-6 times a year from my girl.

The solution is to get to the bottom of her dissatisfaction.
So ask her about why it's important to her that you go out together. When she gives you a reason, keep digging deeper for the underlying reasons. She probably doesn't even realize it herself. Just keep asking why and eventually she will discover that the underlying reason is that she's afraid of feeling inferior to her friends, or being alone or some shit. Then you drop the bomb on her and explain that the reason you work so hard is PRECISELY to give her the thing that she wants. Then you have makeup sex and love each other forever until instagram makes her feel like shit again 6 weeks later, and she starts nagging about you not helping her around the house or something. Then you just repeat the process.

Any kind of relationship will have conflicts over time, money, sex and relationships to other people. If you break up over minor shit like that, you will spend most of your life alone and unfulfilled. Check out John Gottman on youtube for more tips on conflict resolution in relationships.

Emberfire
Emberfire

@takes2long
This is the worst advice I have ever heard.

Just replace her.

Booteefool
Booteefool

@Emberfire

just replace her

Would be good advice if we were talking about cars. People are different. You can't just go down to the dealership and get a new model.

The issue OP is facing is almost universal with all women. If he 'just got a new one', they'd eventually have a similar conflict. That is why learning to handle it is the best way to have both a relationship and a career.

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@JunkTop
Eh? What country are you from? It can't be the United states.

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@viagrandad
leave that succubus in the dust.

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@viagrandad
If there's any reason to think she's the girl of your life, don't let her go no matter what.

You'll grow old one day, and no matter how much money you've got, you'll never find someone quite like her

5mileys
5mileys

@happy_sad
Not a Veeky Forums question.

Literally 50% of the conflict is an actual business.

likme
likme

@viagrandad
She's probably gonna leave me if the pattern continues
what makes you think this?

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@likme
what makes you think this?

Her bark, albeit with a lack of bite. She may very well be bluffing hard, but I assume the worst just in case.

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Poker_Star
I dont know the details, but she could just be testing you, testing your leadership and frame in the relationship. How about you man up and be her leader? Own your passion. Women find it attractive when a man has something he is passionate about be it art or playing a musical instrument or whatever just as long as he owns it.
Also watch what women do not what they say. What is she actually doing? looks like staying with you or does is she actually leaving?

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Booteefool
You can't just go down to the dealership and get a new model.

No you go to Tinder. If you end up swapping them out every 6 months when they become insufferable bitches I see no issue with that. In fact that is the ideal situation, you get variety, new exciting women, and don't end up enslaving yourself to their happiness.

Look at all the failures of men you see around you. How many of them got there because of a woman? Pitiful divorcees paying other men to live in their houses and sleep with their wives. If you want to line up for that insanity go right ahead and attempt to placate women you love.

OP needs to accept the reality of the situation. Love is nothing but a condition his mind creates to try and make him breed. Allowing yourself to be controlled by emotions is a sure fire way to make shit decisions and end up a failure.

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@viagrandad
How do you have a healthy relationship with a girl in your 20's, when you're trying to grow your own success and yet she is upset about the lack of free time spent with her?

You don't.

If someone, anyone is holding you back from what you want to do, then dump that person (friend, family member, girlfriend, boyfriend).

You simply aren't compatible, it's nothing personal. People just having different views and goals. It's really that simple

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@Sharpcharm
If there's any reason to think she's the girl of your life, don't let her go no matter what.
You'll grow old one day, and no matter how much money you've got, you'll never find someone quite like her

How can she be the girl of his life if she's holding him back and they don't agree on a core component of life?

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@viagrandad
All I have to say is money matters more than some fucking arbitrary bullshit like "love". You can't buy awesome things that will make you happy with "love" you can't become wealthy from "love" and "love" will not pay the bills.
Remember that stupid Beatles song "All you need is love"? It's a load of hippy English horseshit! A real adult will choose money over "love" or "friendship" any day. You can literally get any piece of as you want when you're rich, all you need to do is show them the money. Does this woman have any money of her own coming in? She's a god damn leech, OP. You need to get your affairs in order

Lunatick
Lunatick

@Need_TLC
How can she be the girl of his life if she's holding him back and they don't agree on a core component of life?
Damn fucking right. OP needs to dump the bitch!

Booteefool
Booteefool

@Lunatick
I wouldn't call her a bitch, she might be fine. But they're not compatible, that's simply it. It's no harsh feelings it just can't work out.

OP will find a girlfriend who suits him and she will find a boyfriend that suits her and they'll both be happy. That's all there is to it

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@viagrandad
I've had two wives, I launched successful small businesses with both. The first one my biz killed our marriage. So I made sure the second one was ok with what I do before I married her.

Don't mean to piss on your parade, but most people aren't comfortable with what you need to do to succeed in business, whether it's the risk or the odd hours or the travel or whatever.

for a lot of people it's a dealbreaker, but they sure won't mind you when you're working 3 hours a week and making millions. Then your ex that dumped you for spending too much time on your catering company suddenly wants to elbow in on your marriage to the chick that supported you while you launched your janitorial firm. Go figure.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

Why so much advice for OP to dump his bitch? then OP would find another woman and the problem would repeat because its not been fundamentally solved. Wouldnt it be better for OP to learn how to manage his bitch and be the leader in the relationship? Right now it sounds like OP's girl has been challenging/testing him and instead of standing up for himself he's been submissive to her and apologetic for pursuing his passion. It would be better if OP took charge and told her instead of her telling him.

happy_sad
happy_sad

@Evil_kitten
the fear of starting a business is just too ingrained in most people.

OP is better off looking for the daughter of a self-made business owner, she at least won't be scared shitless of the idea. She'll understand that optimally the lack of time with him now will pay off as a lot more time with him later.

unless he's an idiot, in that case he needs to get a job.

5mileys
5mileys

@Evil_kitten
Why so much advice for OP to dump his bitch?

Because women (and men) are all different????

Wouldnt it be better for OP to learn how to manage his bitch and be the leader in the relationship? Right now it sounds like OP's girl has been challenging/testing him and instead of standing up for himself he's been submissive to her and apologetic for pursuing his passion. It would be better if OP took charge and told her instead of her telling him.

If you're just bossing someone around that isn't a relationship. A relationship is mutual.

If his girlfriend isn't corresponding with his desires from life than he needs to find a new one. There's all kinds of girls.

Drug addict girls
Lazy stoners
Videogayming girls
Ambitious, investment banker girls
Math/science genius girls
entrepreneur girls

idontknow
idontknow

@5mileys
A lot of times if you have a woman that is initially not on board with something you are doing, if you are confident about it she'll come around to your side, but if you're not confident about it she'll keep giving you shit about it and nagging you

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@idontknow
There's no point

If she isn't interested she isn't interested, you're just not compatible. Move out, there's billions of fish in the sea, you're bound to find one you match with.

Booteefool
Booteefool

@Poker_Star
I agree with you on the huge abundance. All I'm saying is dont discount the possibility of converting your girl. And converting her is much easier if you are coming from a mindset of abundance instead of scarcity.

girlDog
girlDog

@Booteefool
Converting is always dumb imo

Trying to change someone's values and beliefs is hard as fuck, best to not be attempted. In the time you spend you could've met 5 different girls and been that much closet to finding the right one

viagrandad
viagrandad

The only thing that sucks is that if you're not good looking or social able to pull a lot then you're pretty lonely sometimes. It's a mixed bag. Just put yourself first

TreeEater
TreeEater

@viagrandad
Teach her how to make money, you faggot.

If she refuses then she's a degenerate who doesn't want to be successful in life.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

Coming from someone who is going through a similar situation; it feels good to get real advice. You're not alone OP. Being independent, freedom, focus on real goals > Women, parties, losing money.

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