How can I short my own life

TreeEater
TreeEater

How can I short my own life

All urls found in this thread:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4025200
https://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/bank-crime-statistics-2011/bank-crime-statistics-2011
Snarelure
Snarelure

Take out a life insurance policy before committing suicide

Skullbone
Skullbone

@TreeEater
Take limb insurance, cut of arm

Emberfire
Emberfire

blow up some kuffars and get 72 virgins

SniperWish
SniperWish

@TreeEater

Purchase -9001 shares of yourself
Wait for others to believe in you and "borrow" shares
Disappoint them
They sell stock in you
???
PROFIT

StonedTime
StonedTime

@Snarelure
Preferably by pissing off some gangsters, so it won't look like suicide.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@Snarelure

Insurance fag here.

You have to wait 2 years typically

"suicide exclusion period"

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@TreeEater
You already are. Your employer is borrowing you, and after 50 years he'll give you back worth less than you are now.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@SniperWish
OP already fucked up and went straight to the disappointment step

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@TreeEater
There's a book called The Unincorporated Man. A few centuries in the future, every person is "incorporated" at birth, allowing people to buy shares in him. Each parent gets 10%, the government gets 5%, and you're left with 75% of your own shares. You typically have to sell a bunch of your shares to go to college. Any person's shares can be bought and sold by anyone.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4025200

Unfortunately, after thinking up this cool setting, the authors shat all over it by making the protagonist a human popsicle who's old enough to be "unincorporated" and starts a political upheaval to eliminate incorporation, which he views as some kind of slavery or something. I think I gave up a few pages into the sequel.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

Join the army.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@lostmypassword
this is actually it. also sell organs.

Inmate
Inmate

Sign up for one of those gigs where they test new meds on you, anti depressants and anti psychotics, should net you anywhere from $100 to $10k depending on the length of trial and stuff

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

Long $ROPE

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

Robbing a bank

risky
huge payoff if successful

hairygrape
hairygrape

@StrangeWizard

https://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/bank-crime-statistics-2011/bank-crime-statistics-2011

$38.5m total. 5000 robberies. $7700 per robbery.

huge payoff
huge payoff
huge payoff

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@AwesomeTucker
@Snarelure
also depending on the policy, there might be a huge reduction in the payout after those 2 years if its suicide. make it look like an accident.

Emberburn
Emberburn

@TreeEater
Join the Republican Party

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@Snarelure

This

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@Emberburn
Kek

Snarelure
Snarelure

@hairygrape
all robberies are successful
not just robbing online

RumChicken
RumChicken

@TreeEater

Get married and have kids

Illusionz
Illusionz

@TreeEater
OP if you want to kill yourself but can`t because of family, we`re in the same boat.

I have put much thought into this and the best thing I came up with is playing video games to have time rushing by. If you`re not into video games, do sports you enjoy, watch movies. Time flies by.

I`m saving money for a time when cyrogenic sleep will be available. Then I say `Hi` to my family every two weeks after two days of getting in shape again (brain, muscles) and the rest of my life will be shortened by 12/14.
This might be a illusion but it`s the only thing that keeps me going.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@TreeEater
@Illusionz
You could also find someone from a poor country who looks like you and disappear for a few years. Pay him to play you for you family. If your family notices it`s not you (keep in mind you had disappeared for a few years), you play it off as a shitty joke or like he tried to take your place without you knowing.

idontknow
idontknow

@RumChicken
PFFFFT

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