Shark Tank

girlDog
girlDog

So we all know that people on the internet aren't reliable, but we're all posting here anyway. Let's play a little shark tank: tell us how much you need to start your business, what your business is, and how much we'll be getting back and maybe somebody online might think about funding you.

All urls found in this thread:
http://chrisjayhenningsen.wixsite.com/adrater/white-paper)
SomethingNew
SomethingNew

@girlDog
How much I need
71.3 Billion.
I'll be privatizing space travel ladies and gentlemen.

5mileys
5mileys

I have knee pads

takes2long
takes2long

@girlDog
You already posted this thread.
For fuck's sake, you already posted it TODAY.

No one here is going to give you money, OP.

askme
askme

@takes2long

No I didn't, and I'm not the one asking for money.

Inmate
Inmate

@girlDog
That you escort girl?

I make 600% returns on my customer's money presently (they pay for stuff before I buy the materials and build it). I'm not very sophisticated, so I may be talking out of my ass here, but... If I took a loan or gave someone an equity stake, which I wouldn't, I'd open up shop in other markets with it and could theoretically double an investor's initial returns every 60 days, until I found my ceiling for demand.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

Do YOU like pizza? Do YOU adore pizza? Can you LIVE without pizza?

Do YOU like ice cream? Do YOU adore ice cream? Can you LIVE without ice cream?

Introducing Conizza! We combined every body's favorite food, PIZZA, and the cones of ice cream into one delicious magnificent and cheesy dish called Conizza's!

Each Conizza can be selected from our growing menu, currently holding 25 different combinations of toppings!

Each Conizza costs me $0.50 to make and I'll sell them for $2.50 each, or 2 for $5 with a free can of pop!

What I need from the sharks is $50,000 to register my business and purchase a small shop lot near a university (across the street) and some kitchen equipment.

You will receive $1 from every Conizza sold until we reach $50,000!

We currently do sales out of my garage, and I make about $400 per day in revenue, with profits in the $300 range. With this new store, I can project sales of $1000 per day, with profit in the $800 range!

WHO'S READY TO CONIZZA WITH ME AND GET FREAKY?

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@askme
Yes you did.
/biz/thread/1473586#p1473586

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@Inmate

It's me.

@kizzmybutt

Not my thread. Also looks dead as fuck.

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@girlDog
Male prostitute
I need about 100k for penis enlargement and some nice hugo boss suits
Ill give you a 3% cut of every sale i make, For life.

Methshot
Methshot

@Poker_Star

escort girl

wut

Methnerd
Methnerd

@Poker_Star
You ever gonna show us anything else? You've been here almost as long as I have, and if you've posted full body, i missed it. :(

TreeEater
TreeEater

Need: $250k
Purpose: apartments being gutted, redone and resold. Not listed on market.

Maturity in 10 years.

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@Poker_Star
Not my thread.
Same title and same idea.

Also looks dead as fuck.
Yeah, that explains why you started a new one.

Flameblow
Flameblow

@Methnerd

Blue board. Also Veeky Forums generally can't afford me.

@TreeEater

Kinda slow.

@Carnalpleasure

Not everyone posting threads you don't like is the same person or part of a conspiracy to annoy you.

SniperGod
SniperGod

@girlDog

I'm trying to set up a web development shop in my town. Eventually graduate to a brick and morter location but for now everything can be done from home and meetings can be arranged with clients in rented space.

I have been in the industry for 8 years and i'm 22. I have had jobs at top development firms and got to know many different business models.

I would need an investment of 5k, in return i would offer 20% of the business for 5 years with the option to negotiate a larger/smaller position after 5 years elapses.

I am a programmer with a background in marketing and hard sales. There would be virtually no overhead in the beginning and i am connected to a lot of 3rd world designers and developers if i need extra hands.

I have already prepared a list of leads i've data-scraped from various government reporting agencies and have tailored a pitch for a few different business sectors. I just need money to register an LLC, get bonded and insured and start bidding on larger contracts while the mom and pop shops pay my bills.

If anyone is interested you can reach me at [email protected]

RumChicken
RumChicken

@Flameblow
can't afford me
Yeah, but we're your bros. I was still a telemarketer trying to things a niche back then. We've been through so much together...

StonedTime
StonedTime

@RumChicken

If it helps /leftypol/ has seen my tits a few times.

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

@lostmypassword
So I loan you 50000
And in return you pay me 50000
I risk 50000 for no return , hmm I'll pass

TechHater
TechHater

@StonedTime
/leftypol/
Now I don't want to see them.

FastChef
FastChef

@TechHater

Kek. They have an equal fascination/repulsion for converse reasons.

JunkTop
JunkTop

@Flameblow
won't post tits because it's against the rules but has no problem posting an "ask other people for money" thread
not even bumping the one already posted on the same day

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@JunkTop
I'm not like a white knight, in the classical sense, but ship you have anything else to contribute, or what?

Inb4 it's a shit thread. Welcome to Veeky Forums

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@GoogleCat
I'm just mad that I called out a shitposter but was apparently wrong.
But it's still a shit thread that wouldn't exist if we had mods.

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

Blowjob bar. You sit around with your buddies, drinking your alcoholic beverage of choice and eating a burger or something while strolling whores wander around. You give them money, they blow you while you eat and drink.

Im gonna need 100,000 for startup costs.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@Dreamworx

Already exists, and I've thought about starting one in Nevada before.

Lunatick
Lunatick

@Raving_Cute
Thats where i was gonna start mine. 50/50 partnership?

PS dont try to kill me for my half of the business, it will be ironically willed to an anti-human trafficking charity

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@Dreamworx

I can't think of a single place in the entire world where 100k would be enough to facilitate success for that type of business.

Whether it is a government or some locals you're going to have to pay for protection.

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

@Lunatick

Eh. I have a lot of industry experience. It's more drama than you would anticipate.

MPmaster
MPmaster

@Garbage Can Lid
Its gonna be a small bar located in rural nevada because laws say that sex worker establishments can only be in counties with low population.

I just need money for licensing. Whores will work on commission.

Soft_member
Soft_member

@Boy_vs_Girl
Off topic, but i wanna hear some stories

viagrandad
viagrandad

@MPmaster

You're underestimating the trickiness of running that kind of establishment.

1.You're selling booze
2. Guys tend to get violent when they cannot get erect
3. That's the most dangerous time to be sucking someone's dick
4. Booze gives whiskey dick

It's playing with fire just a bit.

5mileys
5mileys

@Soft_member

Funny stories, weird stories, or what?

takes2long
takes2long

@5mileys
Both, preferably related to when business transactions went horribly awry

askme
askme

@viagrandad
Ive worked as a bouncer in a rural bar before. Usually shotguns sober people up fast

iluvmen
iluvmen

@viagrandad
Guys tend to get violent when they cannot get erect
How many years on the job does it take to pick up all the ins and outs? You're like the grizzled veteran plumber that knows what's wrong with a boiler by sounds it makes.

Inmate
Inmate

@viagrandad
Not only this, but IIRC Nevada's sex worker establishment laws are fairly strict and include stuff like regular STD testing, cleanliness ordinances, etc.

Also, yeah, multiply common bar issues (violence, creepy assholes, etc.) by 100.

hairygrape
hairygrape

@takes2long

Whew.

Well, there WAS a time when I was thrown out of a three story window when exactly what I described happened and the guy couldn't get erect. Sooooo, I contacted the guy's wife and offered to provide her with detailed transcripts of our conversation in exchange for a consulting fee from her divorce lawyer.

He really shouldn't have thrown me out of a window, it cost him his house, car, and alimony the rest of his life.

@iluvmen

I've seen some shit. I have only been working for maybe two years.

Techpill
Techpill

@hairygrape
Holy fuck, and you stuck with the job even after that? I would say you've earned the right to become a madame.

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@Techpill

Eh. It was early on in my career. These days it'd be easier to handle.

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@hairygrape
Did you offer him a floppy dick refund? Or maybe just chill and play xbox for a half hour till he gets his roger righted?

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Sharpcharm

Usually the situation is either going to boil over or not before that becomes an issue. If not then I would have given him half back.

Firespawn
Firespawn

@Carnalpleasure
What made you choose this business? Do you love sex? Or just so indifferent to it that doing it for money is ez pz?

@Sharpcharm
I've barely been exposed to the inner workings of hooker-john encounters but even I know it probably isnt that simple.

SniperGod
SniperGod

@Firespawn

It was something I could do as a sideline while in college. I'm still in college, but I have stupid money to play with now.

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

@Flameblow
Real Estate is slow. All about that cash flow Braham. Make some shekels from the poor, establish rent roll, and sell

DeathDog
DeathDog

@Firespawn
Like lawyers and doctors, i guess. Time is money, and cancellations need 24 hour notice.

@SniperGod
I called an escort once. She ended up hanging up on me.

her: how long do you need?
two hours?
her: its 350 an hour
oh... can I do like 20 minutes
her: no
can me and a friend split 45 minutes for $275
click

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@DeathDog
being rejected by an on the clock escort

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@DeathDog

Splitting a girl with a friend

Are you a nigger?

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@DeathDog

I would have hung up too.

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@BinaryMan
Im aint even mad. I am however retarded.

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@BunnyJinx
Kinda. At least with sex. I don't want to pay for that shit.

whereismyname
whereismyname

@Ignoramus
Then why did you call an escort?

Supergrass
Supergrass

@whereismyname
Hoping when she saw me she'd want to fuck for free. Isn't that what everyone does?

King_Martha
King_Martha

@Supergrass

Escorts don't work like that. Ever. I've been to a few and regretted it every time. See the problem with them is even though I use a condom on them, I'm still afraid of warts or herpes because that's skin on skin contact. Plus sometimes they give you a blowy without a condom. (I can't cum from anyones blowy so it doesn't fucking matter it's a waste of time they just do it to get you hard etc).

Man, why not just date a girl. Women are stupid easy these days. The only problem is they get too attached if anything and then you have to break someones heart.

I literally just go up to store clerks or clinic assistants or w/e and ask them out for a date. Seems to work. I don't use Tinder or OKC strangely. I think straightforward approach gets girls much more interested.

I just don't know how to solve the heartbreak problem. I don't even lie to them. I tell them, "this is temporary" and they are usually kinda sullen, think about it, and accept it. But then they still cry in the end. What do?

Think I'm just gonna abstain from sex and then marry the next girl I like.

Also, stop being a nigger.

Spamalot
Spamalot

@Supergrass
I hope you're joking.

girlDog
girlDog

@King_Martha
Why don't you try OKC?
There are a lot of girls looking for short-term relationships on that site, and a few looking for fuckbuddies.

viagrandad
viagrandad

@Spamalot
It was worth a shot. I'm attractive and charming, but she wasn't buying what I was selling. Instead she probably ended up making 350 grabbing some fat kids virginity. Ah well... we all miss opportunities.

TechHater
TechHater

I have this idea where I'd open a clinic where I'd take in homeless women off the streets. They'd be provided with food, housing, clothing, and educational/career training over the course of a year.

In exchange I'd have them all be surrogates for couples.

I'd charge the couples a fair price for medical costs, administration and procedural fees, etc etc. The average cost of a surrogacy in the united states is somewhere between 100k and 150k. By providing expedited availability d a due to constant supply of surrogates, I could increase my asking price.

I'd use the money from each couple to pay for the rent and upkeep of my clinic and facilities, as well as the food/clothing/training of the impoverished pregnant women in my care.

I'd start off small, maybe do it out of the home at first. Once the income really started, I'd upgrade to maybe 10-12 surrogates at a time. Eventually I could probably even afford to pay the surrogates a small commission or stipend at the end of the process.

They'd have been given shelter, food, education, clothing and possibly earn a little bit of money to get back up on their feet. The city would have a drastically reduced homeless problem, and a couple would have the baby they always wanted. All while I make a profit.

I think maybe like, 200 grand would be enough to get me started.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@SomethingNew
Dammit Jeff Bezos, why do you keep coming back here?

@SniperGod
Sounds like it could work. Have you considered offering classes to the rugrats during slow times? Book out the local library, get some exposure and community goodwill? There seems to be quite a demand for it.

@Boy_vs_Girl
How much drama do you think I'd anticipate? Because I'd anticipate quite a lot.

@viagrandad
What if we did it in Colerado and made it a weed bar instead?

King_Martha
King_Martha

@TechHater
Homeless people are overwhelmingly homeless because of a mixture of drug abuse and mental illness.

Not exactly the kind of genetics anyone would pay for.

Soft_member
Soft_member

@TechHater
@King_Martha
Furthermore, you could get some kind of government grant or subsidy to do this sort of rehabilitation.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@VisualMaster
We aren't a bank, Jerry.

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@King_Martha
egg donor and fertility treatment

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@girlDog

My pitch is to have people rate advertisements and get a cut of what we sell that data for (details: http://chrisjayhenningsen.wixsite.com/adrater/white-paper)

20% for 40K or 40% for a partner who knows product development. Could be a big business if it catches on.

Evilember
Evilember

@King_Martha
You don't hire a surrogate for her genes.
Literally all she needs is a functioning womb and a healthy body.

DeathDog
DeathDog

@Evilember
I dunno man seems like some genes much sink in? I'm no gene doctor though...

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@DeathDog
You don't actually know how humans reproduce, do you?

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

A few million.

Start a investment fund to make asset backed loans to businesses. Could be bridge loans to real estate investors, merchant services advance, etc.

Minimum 15% IRR on low risk stuff, like real estate backed. The moderate risk return will depend on the state usury laws.

Potential for much more lending to small business.
Do we have a deal?

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@Fried_Sushi
lend me money so I can lend it to other people

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@Evilember
healthy bodied people get homeless.

JunkTop
JunkTop

@Harmless_Venom

I'm not the teaching type. That is an excellent idea though.

likme
likme

@Nude_Bikergirl
Right, just like the banks. See franctional reserve banking.

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

tell us how much you need to start your business

20 dollars

tell us what your business is

sucking dick for money

tell us how much we'll be getting back

nothing because I will have to sustain my crack addiction with the money I earn

Skullbone
Skullbone

300k gonna open a spy shop with private investigators to hire and a divorce attorney in a separate building but working together across the street from the bj bar

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

I need 1 grand to start daytrading. Ill give you 1.1 grand in 1 year.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

Need 20k. Want to make adult video game.

TechHater
TechHater

@TalkBomber
I hope you don't mean a VN because you can make a VN on neetbux.

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@TechHater

what's a vn ? do those make money?

Booteefool
Booteefool

@lostmypassword
no interest on loan
no equity on loan
payment schedule contingent on sales
no collateral
nothing to keep you from saying lol no sales today, brah

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

A legal medical cannabis grow in California. If you put in $300k I'll make you $900k profit. I'll pay myself $60k so $840k.

iluvmen
iluvmen

you make it exist fuckquad@Dreamworx

hairygrape
hairygrape

@Ignoramus
Visual Novel, where these games essentially just story books which the player's few decisions lead to different animated scenes, usually of people fucking, can get really fucked up since they're pretty easy to make.

w8t4u
w8t4u

@girlDog

I'm an entrepreneur with a small software company. Currently I make psychometric and cognitive development apps. I would like to start tackling larger projects in the area of project management software, and require funding to hire a larger team.

My business idea is a project management and tracking platform that uses a unique ring chart system (that I designed) and cross-platform technologies to make small projects more efficient and easier to read for project managers and team members. The benefit of this system is increased project design efficiency and more streamlined tracking utilising data visualisation technologies. This software will also be usable on smartphones, tablets and other platforms (and it will interlink with all platforms).

I have a working prototype, but require a larger team to implement it as mobile app and PC application. The initial release will be functional for android, Iphone, OSX and Windows platforms. There will also be a browser based tool that can be used on Chrome.

I am looking for a $100k USD investment. Investor(s) can expect a 20% return on investment per annum, payable after the third year from the time of investment.

The monies will be primarily allocated to hiring and labour. The project is expected to launch one year after initial investment offerings.

Investors can expect full project transparency and project updates by a communique of their choice (email, phone, video etc.)

I cannot post any images of the project, but I am willing to discuss the specifics with interested parties.

For reference, pic is a ring pie chart.

Interested parties may indicate their interest in this thread. Serious inquiries will receive my email for follow-up.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

I'm not a particularly intelligent person, with almost no knowledge in this field, but I'd like to start a business buying out of statute debt.

I know consumers do not have a legal obligation in most cases to pay said debt, but I believe I could make an attractive proposal.

Twenty dollars US a month for two years. Each payment after month 3 would be reported to credit agencies positively. At the conclusion of the two-year timeframe, the debt would be passed on to a non-profit that specializes in removing zombie debt without a tax burden to the person, like Rolling Jubilee.

Positives in dealing with me:
I'm nicer than most debt buyers, and will not harass you.
I'm only asking for 480 dollars, spread out over 2 years.
Would be willing to make adjustments, such as 10 dollars for 4 years, or 40 for a single year. I'm here to help, after all.

Now, you are perfectly within your rights to not use my service. I do not hold that against anyone I would approach as a client. I would simply advise them that, since an agreement cannot be reached, I will be forced to put their debt back on the market. I am willing to not get rich doing this, but I'm not a charity.

With current out-of-statute debt pricing, it averages out to about 7 to 12 dollars per account in a zombie debt portfolio. Assuming a 5% rate of return on a portfolio of 500 accounts, that's five hundred dollars a month, or twelve thousand dollars over two years. Keeping at the high end of the estimate of 12 dollars per account, that's twice the original investment.

I would be looking for 100,000 to start this business.

Thoughts?

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Nude_Bikergirl

High risk with low returns.

The issue with debtors is they are in that situation because they don't know how to handle money. Put together a portfolio of debtors and the risk of default increases.

What if a third of your portfolio defaults due to an economic crisis. You will be up shit creek. And nobody wants to buy that shit either. The whole reason the 2008 credit crisis happened was because mortgage defaults. Big banks literally did the same thing you did except with mortgages.

Only difference is the government will bail out big banks because CAPITALISM. Nobody is going to bail you out and when that happens you will be filing for bankruptcy. And once that happens any future business aspirations will be severely limited.

Don't play with money. You are only going to get burned.

Skullbone
Skullbone

@Dreamworx
B-but I dont want to receive a blow job while sitting with my buddies and staring them in the eye. Who the fuck would?? I am open minded but this is next level degeneracy. Next you could suggest a blow-job diner where you could come with your family.

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

@Skullbone
this is next level degeneracy
Public blowjobs?
It's cute how innocent you are.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@SniperGod
With that skill set and being in the industry as long as you have, how the fuck do you not have 5k sitting around for this?

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