Well, career fair is coming up and my dumb ass didn't get over to the career...

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

Well, career fair is coming up and my dumb ass didn't get over to the career center in time to do a resume review.

Resume thread?

All urls found in this thread:
http://dropcanvas.com/zpf5p
Supergrass
Supergrass

@Carnalpleasure
This resume while fake makes mine look like a smelly fart.

Lunatick
Lunatick

@Supergrass
Ye it's like this user actually does stuff. Mine is literally all whitespace

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@Supergrass
Fake names, not fake content desu

King_Martha
King_Martha

I've been unemployed for over a year wit this thing.

Any changes that i should make?

Red doesnt show on a pdf so just ignore it

Spamalot
Spamalot

http://dropcanvas.com/zpf5p

Get muh links two programs of note are find your dreamjob and overnight resume makeover

in the big links file under triplemaximumwageslave and hiremeplz

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

@King_Martha
60WPM

Lol, I think I have 90+ from merchanting on Runescape and playing WoW for such a long time.

Methnerd
Methnerd

@SomethingNew
Would 60 not impress normies/companies these days?

I mean its not like I'm applying to programming positions.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@Methnerd
I know programmers who fail to hit 50 WPM. Typing speed is really not am indicator of anything from a programming perspective.

From what I've read and seen, programmers generally write about 10 lines of working code per hour in a professional setting.

To answer your question, I don't think you should even include that metric as it doesn't matter unless you're applying for data entry jobs.

Maybe look into remaking your resume in Latex.

StonedTime
StonedTime

@TalkBomber
@Methnerd

Yeah programming is about thinking, not typing.

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@King_Martha
Firs line of resume says: incompetant. Good job. into the trash it goes.
6 years for a 4 year degree. lol nope. under performer.

Tech support no one cares about your day to day. People care about your metrics. First line is good 200 users. 25 clients an hour 1 client every 2 minutes.
For this thing there should be upsells or something, talk billables not I was on the phone and took notes. It shows me you're braindead and have no ideas about what an employer needs or what your KPI's are.

Various projects. Your gold is in this vague word.

hey more tech support. one number. 100 clones. 7 day job took 6 months. Nah bro you a clown.

You're a technician, you should be able to figure out any system, this section really ought to be much shorter, or targetted for the specific job. It says very little but takes up a lot of space

That first line in areas is complete b/s throw it out.
That last line no one cares.

Stop using various. What kind of problems are you solving. be specific. If you're not I'm going to presume it was unimportant. If they're too specific for a resume use 30k foot word to describe the breadth.

Also read tales of tech support for a laugh

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Carnalpleasure
Why put soldering and operating a bandsaw on your resume? Are you applying to be Dr. Frankenstein?

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Carnalpleasure
Hello guys, please review mine. This got me hired at one place, but I really want another job.

GPA is mad fucking low cause I do a bunch of other shit and work as an engineering consultant.

StonedTime
StonedTime

@RavySnake
lol I work across from u nerds at JPMorgan

pro rule of thumb for future reference: work experience above schooling if you have relevant, current work experience.

but nyu engineering is impressive by itself (I think, maybe its not really impressive bc engineering is not as name brandish as finance/law/etc)

DeathDog
DeathDog

@RavySnake
oh and also, scholary awards right below university studies, regardless where you put university below or above work experience

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@King_Martha
Your resume is bland and uninteresting the previous employment sections. No employer is going to say, "Holy shit, everybody STOP. This guy MONITORED things! We've found our new hire." If you highlight your brainless chimp work, then you won't be considered for good jobs.

whereismyname
whereismyname

@Carnalpleasure

particuularly

straight to the trash

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@whereismyname
spends 10 hours trying to fix a fatal bug in a program his team is designing
"Haha sorry guys, turns out I spelled "in" with two Ns."

likme
likme

@Fuzzy_Logic
Kinda hard to highlight a job thats nothing but brainless chimp work though

Emberburn
Emberburn

I got a question for you guys. I'm first year uni doing engineering. I didn't get a normal job working at maccas in high school. I tutored kids making more money and working better hours than other kids by far.

If I put that on a resume, will that be perceieved as crap, he didn't have a "real" job kind of thing?

I continue tutoring at intro level math units for engineering students, so im not an idiot teaching primary school kids their times tables

SniperGod
SniperGod

@Emberburn
If it's unclear, I am in my second semester and I nearly got a HD in my math class so I tutor that class to a student as well as another class which was also next to HD to another student that I did in semester 1

Techpill
Techpill

@Spazyfool
Not using a statically typed compiled language that tells you immediately on compile of your variable is wrong
Into the trash it goes.

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@Spazyfool
not linting

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

Anyone got any good LaTeX library recommendations for resumes?

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@Carnalpleasure
typing (75wpm)
are you serious ?
why do you mention your wpm if it's so low ?

askme
askme

@Crazy_Nice
There's literally zero reason to write a resume in latex

Inmate
Inmate

@askme
Personally, I like the challenge. I've done it in latex before and it ended up looking very professional and was easy to maintain.

What do you use?

w8t4u
w8t4u

@GoogleCat
Li I'm surprised you still come here

I've been unemployed since last year of graduation and downloaded some of the stuff you provided to the board and tried to apply it. Networking sucks ass and no one gets back to me when I try changing my approach in the emails

I use the Harvard lay out for resumes and still haven't been employed. I even mention and cold call places saying I'll work for free and volunteer and they still turn me down

Any advice?

askme
askme

@askme
Op here, mine is done in LaTeX and I think it looks pretty damn nice. Definitely better than MS Word would put out

MPmaster
MPmaster

There is a small career fair tomorrow (with only 1 employer I am actually interested in), though I am feeling like complete shit right now and don't feel like going . Plus I have a shit ton homework and two exams this week, and I left my pair of oxfords in another city and my friend's a lazy pos who still hasn't sent them back, so I currently have literally no nice shoes to wear.

Still, any thoughts on how this is formatted?

girlDog
girlDog

@MPmaster
woops here we go

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

@w8t4u

I'd turn you down too. You're providing an employer 0 value by offering your "services" for free.

In fact you are a headache.
You're untrained, so that's like 2 weeks minimum I've got to take good people off to train your ass. Have to spin up HR and legal to hire your ass.
I'm down a couple hundred manhours just to deal with you. If these are highly compensated individuals, its a huge loss. if you're a highly compensated individual you're costing me double on top of that.

The rules on the employer end are hire slow fire fast.

It sounds like you're trying to take value before giving it. Can you post up some emails?

Cold calling works when you have a genuine value proposition. Without a good hook, you're just a well dressed beggar.

What's your elevator pitch?
Why would anyone hire you?
I'll upload some stuff tomorrow. My list needs maintenance any way.

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@RavySnake
I have 0 problems with this resume. I know you're a numbers, data and tech guy with problem solving experience.

Its all related and I know where I can put you and what you're saying you'd like to do for me.

I could hand your resume to 2 people right now as it stands and they'd take a serious look at it.

Structurally it starts off weak, I'd put the much much stronger work experience higher and sandwich the education above awards and honors, to create the shit sandwich effect. (primacy and recency biases).

On second pass through, I notice few performance indicators though. You have a great deal of specificity (a sign of expertise and flexibility) but very little performance cues, (this impacts your position on the negotiating table later).
I'd also spruce up some of the vague wording, that leaves out performance cues.
Met with prestigious orgs, to do what, ayewashka? and presented a new method, "new and shitty" was the implication. Created a report- sure but that's every day stuff, talk about the scope here.

This resume gets you through the door if it touches a person. I'm not sure if it gets you though the spam whitelist. But that's your research to do.

On some midling organizations this gets you onto the shortlist. At some more selective institutions the shortlist is not a guarantee.

You've got your not fucking around face on and I like it.

You throw this in a hiring packet with a bunch of sealed letters of recommendation/commendation. Project proposals, and some other big dick agenda items and you're walking into pretty much everywhere sitting pretty.

10% above median entry level salary/10

good job.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@Carnalpleasure
Thanks for the advice

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Emberburn
bjump please

eGremlin
eGremlin

@Emberburn
If you have no other job experience, include it

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

Rate me please.

Currently going for management consultancy internships.

Thanks.

idontknow
idontknow

Alright, Veeky Forums. I'm currently a first year undergrad and obviously I'm gonna have a really hard time writing a resume. I never really had a relevant job to what I want to go into (Engineering). All I really have is volunteering and a small high school competition. How do I fluff out my resume?

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@Carnalpleasure
Specify your resume to your application. By that I mean your shop skills shouldn't be on your resume alongside coding unless you are going somewhere that needs you to do both... for some reason.

If you are applying to be a programmer, list your programming languages separately. I.E. :

Programming Languages:
- Java
- C++
Etc

List everyone that you have any experience with. It doesn't matter how well you know it, because you can always learn the syntax better on the Internet. As long as you have a basic knowledge of it, slap it on.

Source: I just graduated and got a job as a programmer doing none of the shit that was on my resume. They want to know that you can learn new languages quickly, not that you know one really well.

Methshot
Methshot

off topic but can someone tell me the difference between being a non-exempt and exempt employee? Pros/Cons of each?

Methnerd
Methnerd

Must make the most Veeky Forums and honest Veeky Forums resume

Accomplishments
Shilled website link 5000 times to desperate single moms
Bought useless chinese garbage wholesale and sold it locally at 10,000% markup
Once got fired over accidentally saying website shill link in real life at job to client
Sold copies of this resume after interview
Held 3 programming jobs at once but was secretly just paying indians to do it remotely
Bought house on loan just to rent it out

Skills
Can turn anything into a greentext
Capable of arguing about anything forever
Can make 3 useless WP websites per second

Work Ethic and Mission Statement
Your business fucking sucks and I don't give a shit about it but you happen to pay the most so here I am

What Co-workers said
"Biggest autist ever"
"Literally memes"
"would steal cars with again"

Job History
2005 - 2008: CEO of company that doesn't exist. $100k/year.

2008 - 2009: McDonalds

2010: CEO of mcdonalds.

2011: CEO of company that makes and sells CEOs

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@StonedTime
lel nyu engineering is a meme school, it has a 75% acceptance rate. A monkey without brains could get in

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Boy_vs_Girl
I know nothing so dont take me seriously.

I found reading the >83% in Engineering Maths pretty cringey and I dont think you need to include your A Levels with your degree and experience. Use that space for something else (if someone more experienced agrees with me)

Evilember
Evilember

thoughts?

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