Broker

Techpill
Techpill

Your official profession
What it really should be called

Broker
Contract printer

All urls found in this thread:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYfceJhgvRM
https://dreamcatalogue.bandcamp.com/album/--18
Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

Information Technology
Try to get access to some data bases. Join some tables once a month

Evilember
Evilember

Your official profession
Owner Operator flatbed driver

What it really should be called
Truck stop food taste tester

SniperGod
SniperGod

Your official profession
Numismatist
What it really should be called
Coin counter, coin cleaner.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

business man(?)

i buy random things in bulk from china and resell them for some profit on ebay and amazon-man

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@Techpill
Your official profession
Warehouse Person

What it really should be called
Dogsbody
Gofer
Only One In The Department With Any GCSEs

King_Martha
King_Martha

@Techpill
unemployed

i sit at home and shitpost on Veeky Forums

happy_sad
happy_sad

Civil Engineering

Quantity Analysis Program User

eGremlin
eGremlin

corporate lawyer
contract editor and scribe

JunkTop
JunkTop

Trader NEET

Im not rich, but i make enough to get by

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@Evilember
Truck stop food taste tester

Do truckers actually eat that shit? And how do they live to be 40? Back when I wanted to get into trucking I always swore that I would keep a cooler with healthy food in the truck.

MPmaster
MPmaster

@Harmless_Venom
It's a joke. Us flatbedders hardly run half as many miles as van drivers so they always ask us how the food is at truck stops.

farquit
farquit

@Sir_Gallonhead
Is having GCSEs meant to be impressive?

cum2soon
cum2soon

@eGremlin
you should hire me; dying to do corporate work. in denver btw. am currently a 2L

iluvmen
iluvmen

@farquit
Considering most Warehouse workers have come from countries which have different qualifications,
Used Car Salesmen

Professional Dream Peddler
Habitual Liar (when it comes to GM products)

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@AwesomeTucker
Friendo, I've been thinking of doing something similar as a side income.

How much time does this eat from your daily?

Big hassle to find decent suppliers, as in quality for the price?

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

Also

Pest Management Service Specialist

That's actually an accurate title.

We can't literally eliminate pests in or around a building but we can roughly regulate their populations. The rest is smiling, being friendly and using big words to entertain lower management that signs our paperwork.

Supergrass
Supergrass

Compliance administrator

I think the title is actually really accurate as I work at a recruiting agency.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

Your official profession
Administrative Judge
What it really should be called
Nullifier of acts and scolder of people

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@Nude_Bikergirl
Is that like small claims court?

viagrandad
viagrandad

Industrial mechanic

Machine babysitter

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@Techpill
Software developer.

Programmer / autist

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

Account Executive
Call customers all day trying to cell them services while sitting in a comfy chair drinking coffee

Base pay is like 65k with all quotas but I plan on getting 75k+ new year now that I know how to sell shit

Not bad for one year out of college

Also I work 60ish hours a week so its not bad at all.

Learn how to sell shit guys

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@Stark_Naked
sell* wow I'm drunk/retarded

cum2soon
cum2soon

@PurpleCharger
About to pull the trigger and declare myself as a CS major, freshman year
Do you like your life?

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@JunkTop
Trader NEET
I don't think you know what neet is.

eGremlin
eGremlin

Whats itscalled: pipefittdr

What it should be called "i fit pipe together, yes it involves a pipe and fitting, dont fucking ask me what i do in it or i swear to god the next guy who asks me ill fucking kill him"

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

Management Accountant

Reddit shitposter

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

Your official profession
Engineer

What it really should be called
Drafter

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

Your official profession
Pipefitter
What it really should be called
Guy who occasionally installs steel pipe but usually is shitposting on Veeky Forums in the lunchroom.

whereismyname
whereismyname

Rolls Royce Mechanic

Professional completer of puzzles

Supergrass
Supergrass

@Techpill

previous career:

IT professional / Lead Computer technician / Server/network administrator
Pro googler

current career:
Professional ebayer
scavenger, vulture, lowballer, hustler, rat

(As im always trying to scrounge up more deals and profitable inventory, and people selling off their collections or bulk of items for this or that reason is a goldmine, especially when its due to an emergency and they need money asap)

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

Geotechnical Engineer

Dirt Doctor

viagrandad
viagrandad

learning designer

what I actually do:
tit about with Photoshop and watch the walking dead then build an elearning module in 4 hours that my boss thinks took 5 days.

iluvmen
iluvmen

Graduate research trainee
Lab bitch

Snarelure
Snarelure

Your official profession
Financial Management Consultant

What it really should be called
Common Sense Consultant

Mr. Client, you pay your salespeople 200k a year each when they only bring in 50k in business each. How you're still in business at all is beyond me.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@JunkTop
Teach me your ways, I'm desperate to move to a non-client facing job. How much do you make?

Firespawn
Firespawn

@Stark_Naked
I work 60 hours a week
for 65k
it's not bad at all guise

Idiot

RavySnake
RavySnake

Valet attendant

First I park your car, then I fuck your bitch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYfceJhgvRM

FastChef
FastChef

Process Improvement Facilitator
Professional Veeky Forums User with Occasional Good Ideas

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@Firespawn
What do you do you loser? Trade meme currencies? do you even have a job?

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Burnblaze
are you blind? @RavySnake

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@Firespawn
I work 60 hours a week for 47k. Idk why... I really love my job for some reason I guess because I'm too busy to think about anything but work.

director of logistics

counselor to whiney fucking truck drivers

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

@Techpill
businessman
phone call middleman

TechHater
TechHater

Accountant (industry)

Excel monkey

whereismyname
whereismyname

IT Help Desk

Abuse Taker

Nojokur
Nojokur

Prime Brokerage Analyst

Excel and Bloomberg bitch

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

Business Development Manager

Shit Cleaner , though I do love the job and can get away with 2 hours actual work when we r not busy.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@Techpill

what a cute pic of homer

DeathDog
DeathDog

Businessman/day trader

Researcher of human behaviour

Techpill
Techpill

@Supergrass
current career:
Professional ebayer
scavenger, vulture, lowballer, hustler, rat

Same here

The margins in 2nd hand goods can be real tasty

RavySnake
RavySnake

Project Manager
PowerPoint presentation proofreader & professional nagger

WebTool
WebTool

@Techpill
Your official profession
Securities Trader

What it should really be called
Retired

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

@Techpill
Software Eningeer
Stackoverflow/Google

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

waiter
everybody's little bitch

feels bad man

Playboyize
Playboyize

Sales and Training Representative

annoy best buy employees and take pictures of computers.

Methnerd
Methnerd

@Techpill
Your official profession
Software Release Engineer
What it really should be called
Suicide Aspirant

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

CAD Operator

Selling barely complete designs online

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

@Techpill
\biz\nessman

shill PnD cryptos 4lyf

eGremlin
eGremlin

NEET

Comfy ^_^

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@Techpill
Data Analyst

Excel Bitch

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@Techpill
type designer
Monk

whereismyname
whereismyname

Technical Solutions Analyst
"Listen to know-it-all doctors bitch at you, then teach them how double-clicking works"

Illusionz
Illusionz

security researcher
web hacking wizard

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

unemployed
free

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@Techpill

student

man willing go give up his anal virginity for an internship

Booteefool
Booteefool

@AwesomeTucker
That's called vending

SniperWish
SniperWish

Electrician
Cable Pulling Monkey

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

NEET

autistic manchild

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

Pizza Delivery Driver

Accurate Title

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@Techpill
Unemployed/Affiliate Marketing Professional

Suicidal Depression

Lunatick
Lunatick

Senior Financial Analyst
excel monkey

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@Stark_Naked

someone sold you on that shitty car

Booteefool
Booteefool

@Techpill
Human Intelligence Collector
Trading cigarettes for names

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

Computer Technician.
Retards' Helper.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

Liability Information Analyst

should be: data entry clerk

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

Editor

Illustration picking ad salesman

Emberburn
Emberburn

Landlord

Money transfer recipient

WebTool
WebTool

@Techpill

Proces operator

Coffee drinker

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

Commercial Real Estate Advisor

Space presenter

MPmaster
MPmaster

small business owner

Coffee drinker, web surfer

Methnerd
Methnerd

@Techpill
Your official profession
Barista
What it really should be called
Lib-arts grad hell.

Snarelure
Snarelure

Mechatronics engineer

Combine existing tech and create 'innovative' solutions

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

doctor
Life saver :^)

Soft_member
Soft_member

@Booteefool
Sup officer

cum2soon
cum2soon

@Need_TLC
I just imagine some schmuck in a cheap suit leading buyers into an empty warehouse and making the "tada!" stance.

Inmate
Inmate

@Crazy_Nice
Sounds fun, what are the perks?

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@Techpill
Mech. Eng. Student

Boderline suicidal HP calculator number inputter

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@Snarelure
This sounds like my kind of job.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

Unemployed
Funemployed

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Nude_Bikergirl
Doctor
Lawsuit aficionado

Evilember
Evilember

@Garbage Can Lid
Is that supposed to be something to be proud of?

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@viagrandad
Sounds like you could start your own business and produce content X10 faster than the competition (current company)

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

systems administrator
error code Googler

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@Stark_Naked
65k for 60 hrs....

Mobile app Developer
Make shit appear on a screen for dumb people to oo and ah for.

70k starting, <40 hours a week.

askme
askme

@Techpill
Fuel tanker driver....
Fuel tanker driver?

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

Shipboard Photographer

Shipboard canvas salesman

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

Receptionist at a small luxury hotel

Professional smokebreaker

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

science student with a 1.5 GPA
suicide contemplator

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

Slot machine attendant.

Professional circle walker and money giver.

King_Martha
King_Martha

@Techpill

Programmer

Stackexchange and google ethusiast

viagrandad
viagrandad

field engineer

Dirt inspector

cum2soon
cum2soon

@King_Martha
Extremely accurate

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@TurtleCat
stackoverflow/google advice QA is your real title

Nojokur
Nojokur

business owner
unemployed leech

girlDog
girlDog

Philanthropist

Being a human being

Firespawn
Firespawn

Actuarial consultant.

Pretty accurate. I fucking love my job.

MPmaster
MPmaster

baker

professional guy-who-picks-things-up-and-puts-them-down

likme
likme

UPS Driver
Khornate Berzerker In Training

RING! KNOCK! DROP! RING! KNOCK! DROP!

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

Your official profession
Network Engineer
What it really should be called
Visio bitch and senior documentation copy and paster

FastChef
FastChef

Cop

Nigger killer

Firespawn
Firespawn

it manager

jew space battle

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@Lord_Tryzalot
Cool bro enjoy getting laid off when Ramesh comes on his visa to do your work for 1/2 the price

massdebater
massdebater

@Techpill
IT Consultant
beta tester and box&line painter

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@cum2soon
Software Engineer here

Only been working for a couple of years concentrating mainly on Java development of microservices. I love my job when I have work but the days can drag on a bit near the end of a sprint (AGILE). Writing up documentation and dealing with managers/clients is the worst part.

Nojokur
Nojokur

Consultant

Scapegoat

farquit
farquit

Your official profession
Project Manager
What it really should be called
Baby Sitter

Expected a whole different level of professionalism when i first started this job.

askme
askme

Sys admin

Printer and wifi guy

Methshot
Methshot

Education Assistant: Technology

Budget tech teacher with Google Chrome on the school supply list

Evilember
Evilember

Nuclear physicist
Work dodger

Supergrass
Supergrass

@Techpill
Finance Student

Severe yellow fever sufferer

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@kizzmybutt
My company already got burned by pajeet. I'm good for life. Stay mad, NEET

happy_sad
happy_sad

Computer technician/webdev

Professional Veeky Forums shitposter

DeathDog
DeathDog

customer service specialist

Call center cuck
Explain confusing and overpriced plans to irate customers

eGremlin
eGremlin

Aircraft mechanic

Old Man Yells At Helicopter

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

Steel trader.

Fraud avoidance/due diligence guy.

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@StrangeWizard
Are you "don't learn Mandarin" man?

King_Martha
King_Martha

@Need_TLC

Yep

viagrandad
viagrandad

@King_Martha
I'm currently learning Mandarin. Red pill me?

happy_sad
happy_sad

@King_Martha
Neat

I will make sure to not learn Mandarin

takes2long
takes2long

HAHAHAHAHA

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@viagrandad

There's an image floating around that goes into more detail with my dealings with the Chinese.
Protip: since writing it the shenanigans haven't stopped, saved a client a few hundred thousand dollars few days ago by pointing out the company they were about to send money to a tower crane supplier that was blatantly fraudulent. They were a company that seemed to do their due diligence on all suppliers, but didn't seem to notice that a tower crane supplier with 3 employees registered last year in Beijing's art district with $100,000 in start-up capital w/ prices ~20% below market value seems a bit fishy. Whatever.

tl;dr version, don't do what makes economic sense, do what makes the best sense in terms of quality of life, because that's what you'd use money to get anyway. I would argue Chinese is almost never the right choice for a westerner.

Evilember
Evilember

@Deadlyinx
Holy shit you're the mandarin story user?

Illusionz
Illusionz

@Evilember

--> @King_Martha

I'm back in the west at the moment. Went on vacation after dealing with an extremely stressful period.

We were shipping 600 tons of color steel (roofing steel, non-corrugated) to a massive ($400m+ in revenue) Azerbaijani client we're good friends with; we were on very good terms with our Chinese supplier so they gave us favorable terms, 50% down payment + 50% after the goods arrive in port in Poti, Georgia. Payment terms for the Azerbaijanis were 100% CIF, aka when the goods reach the port in Poti they pay us 100% of the value of the steel minus their down payment.

The Azerbaijanis are quite traditional and don't have a particularly professional, western set-up to their company. It's more family-oriented. So the 600 tons of steel arrive in port, all things are good and shipshape. However, as it turns out, the father of the guy who's in charge of payments died, and the payment guy didn't designate anyone to fulfill his duties in his stead. As a result, we waited two weeks for them to finally arrange payment to us.

The entire time while we were waiting for payment from the Azerbaijanis the Chinese are hammering us about payments. Our contact with them was getting increasingly stressed out, he began freaking out because, you know, we were getting *really* fucking late on the payment, and due to other obligations we didn't have a few hundred thousand dollars to pay the Chinese off and keep them good and happy; rest was all tied up in other steel projects. So the Azerbaijanis finally arrange payment on Saturday of the second week, everything's good and wonderful and whatever. Problem is, at the same time the Chinese issued a recall notice, stating that they were taking the steel back. The Azerbaijanis called their customs broker on Monday of the third week to see if the steel was released yet, their customs broker promptly informs them that there's a recall notice issued against the steel.

cont

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@Illusionz
Gaming Attendant
Gambling Enabler/Encourager

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@Illusionz
Holy shit bro, not sure I want to hear the end of this.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

Your official profession
Business Analyst
What it really should be called
Salesperson babysitter / mind reader

Posting shitty Boomer humour because fuck you

viagrandad
viagrandad

@Supergrass
I'm in the same boat. It's jarring hearing three different Asian languages in suburban USA.

happy_sad
happy_sad

@Illusionz

So the Azerbaijanis in the finance department cancel the payment and accuse of trying to scam them, i.e. they'd send payment and we'd just recall the goods back to China and leave them high and dry. Obviously we're freaking the fuck out too because if the Chinese recall the steel, we lose our down payment (50% of the value of the steel). The Azerbaijanis demand that we open a container to let them inspect and make sure that there was actually steel in the containers. Obviously we couldn't do that because we can't just unseal containers we don't own and let people look inside (we only own them after the Chinese release them to us) which made the Azerbaijanis even more suspicious. They refused payment until we let them inspect, but we couldn't let them inspect until we received payment. Needless to say, this made them even more suspicious. The Georgian port officials refused bribes and the Chinese refused to let us buy just one container, insisting we buy everything in one go. We were at an impasse. We immediately have one of the Russian managing partners fly down to Baku to go speak directly with the CEO, who was absent due to an illness and as a result couldn't tell the finance guys to stop being a bunch of fucking retards. After spending a day with the CEO and explaining the situation, the guy finally arranges payment only to have the finance guys FUCK UP ON OUR GOD DAMN BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER MEANING THAT WE COULDN'T RECEIVE THE MONEY. So that was on Tuesday US time, aka Wednesday Azerbaijan/China time. So we had two days to get the money to the Chinese before we take a huge loss. We call the CEO immediately after seeing their bank receipt and pointing out that one of their accountants fat fingered our account number, he immediately informs his bank and arranges a new payment to be sent as soon as the money returns to their account.

w8t4u
w8t4u

@StrangeWizard
Hey that's a great album.
https://dreamcatalogue.bandcamp.com/album/--18

Playboyize
Playboyize

@happy_sad
God damn user. I want to buy you a whole bar.

Methnerd
Methnerd

@happy_sad

In the end we got the money to the Chinese with ~4 hours left before the deadline, I called our contact immediately and had them issue a telex release to stop the recall notice and release the steel into our control.

Avoided disaster by the skin of my teeth. For the sprinkles on top of this shit sundae, the Chinese shipper ignored shipping instructions and packaged two sets of coils together to save space; problem is, one set was going to Tbilisi and the other to Baku, so we had the take the coils out of their 24 or so containers and arrange them by production number so that they got to the correct destination. Also, as the steel supplier we were dealing with was a subsidiary of a holding company, they had to pay ~$1500 in fees for being late on paying the holding company. We paid those fees for them, but I'm afraid they won't be giving us good terms any time soon as a result of this debacle.

On the bright side, the Azerbaijanis did remark that the steel was extremely high quality, so I there's a plus.

So I'm on vacation now. I still get occasional calls like the one for the tower cranes, "hey can you beat this price?" Shit like that.

I'm going to go get some breakfast, it's mid-day already.

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@Methnerd
god bless mandarin user

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

Control & Automation Engineer

Catch 22 unemployed

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@Illusionz
@happy_sad
@Methnerd
God, that was an incredible read. Considering sending it along to my SCM professor. Enjoy life in the West while you're still here user!

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