How has getting Veeky Forums improved your sex/love life?

>shit greentext

pic related is my boner

nigga stop whatever youre doing and give us at least a 2 post

how did you just tell your aunt you wanna fuck but cant fuck random girls?

why is youre family so fucked?

shieeeet

Damn shame about the aunt thing.

When I was in nursing school I got to know this late fourties woman with a daughter. She was so different from the other 20 something year old girls my age. Duh. But she was so charismatic, charming, opiniated and mature. I have never been more attracted to a woman in my life.

Never did her but oh man.

I mean you could see it on her that she was nearing fifty but she was in better shape than most girls my age.

I've realized that girls are only good for sex up until a certain age. Then in their early 20s to late 30s they're pretty much worthless. If they age well they're attractive again once they reach mid life.

Is she like blood related or the skank your actual uncle married?

I've evloved past banging sluts and now focus on making money and building shit on my land.

Lol. I was expecting a very erotic story.

I actually have one now. But as soon as I was actually able to get laid at will, my interest in random hook ups waned dramatically. It was like a proof of concept thing, it was never really about the act itself, just the ability.

>blood everywhere
From a woman with 3 kids? Ok.

I constantly get told by people that my Gf looks 14. She's 20, will she look young in her 30s and 40s?

That wasn't me.

t. OP

Nothing to greentext. She saw me after a long while, was impressed by my look, started talking about the way I look and about how I probably get a lot of girls etc. Then she asked what I want for my name day (yeah, we celebrate that here). She asked if I wanted money, I said no. Clothes? No. In the end she got frustrated and said "alright, you name your gift". I just laughed and said "you'll never agree". She said "try me". "I want a photo." "What kind of photo?" "The kind of photo that aunts usually don't send to their nephews". She laughed at me like "are you kidding me?" I said I was serious. She paused for a second and then asked "what do you mean?" I just looked at her and said "you know what I mean, just surprise me". Then I left and came home.

And then on my name day she sent me a pic of her boobs. Then we flirted for a while and she asked if I wanted a pic of her pussy, too. I said "no, I want to see it live". Cue more flirting.

Few days later she asked me to watch her kids and I agreed. But ooopppss, her kids wanted to go to their grandma instead and now we were alone at her house. Then we went to sauna bare naked, like we do here. Cue more flirting like "I feel old" "No no, lots of young guys would be ecstatic to get a piece of you" "Really?" "Yeah" ... "Even you? If I wasn't your aunt, I mean" "Yeah, I you weren't my aunt, definitely. And even though you are my aunt, if nobody ever found out... I would"

Kissing, touching, fucking, badabing badaboom.

The end.

>Kissing, touching, fucking, badabing badaboom.
>The end.

thats cool. id never have the balls to ask my aunt that, did it cross your mind she might refuse and then call you out on it

...

And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

What the fuck you want to know? I'm not a professional erotica writer. We started kissing and touching each other like adults do, then I bent her over and fucked her in the sauna. I came inside her, we kissed a few times while I was still inside her and then we went to shower and then I left.

post an imgur link to the pic of her tits

i.imgur.com/M6FZqVh.png

There you go.

holy fucking shit this is even worse, she's old, fat and ugly

ABANDON THREAD

Thanks user
Stop masturbating to porn

>47yo married with 3 kids
>she's old, fat and ugly

Surprise?

...

and you never thought, hey maybe shell be freaked out and let people know or itll be really akward i got rejected by the aunt i want to fuck?

>i.imgur.com/M6FZqVh.png
holy fuck
>going to hell
>for that

how bad is it

Aunt by blood or....?

To be honest, not really. I usually say pretty much whatever comes to my mind, no matter the situation. That goes double when I'm horny and want to fuck some girl.

By blood. Father's sister.

>building shit on my land
What kinda shit, friendo?

This sounds like something written by GRRM.

Going to sleep now. Have fun.

t. OP

>Father's sister
Ugh.

I agree with
>Father's sister
Boner kill...

Neither of these was me. Actual story here:

>have slightly overweight aunt, tho not too obese considering her age
>she visits Mom from out of town for the weekend
>stays in the guestroom adjacent to mine, it's close enough so that the light coming from under her door can be seen from mine
>one night I'm up late playing vidya, usually long past everyone's bedtime
>notice out of the corner of my eye something out of place
>it's the light from under her door

Keep in mind that as a shut-in, when variability happens so close to where I dwell, it holds a greater impact than the average person.

>pause game and sit listening for a while, content with the silence
>after a quiet while, I swear I can hear my own heartbeat
>thump, thump, thump, thump
>it takes a moment for me to realize it isn't my heartbeat at all
>it's coming from the light under the door
>listen to confirm
>yep

I put the controller down without noise and slowly raised my bulk to the door. There isn't a soul on Earth who knows the locations of the squeaks and creaks in my floor better than me. I dance about with deft precision, avoiding minimally raised floorboards and piss bottles like a coked out minesweeper, until my silhouette darkens the leaking doorlight. I rest my ear on the door and listen intently

As soon as my lobe made contact with the door, the knob began to turn, and blood rushed to my face so quickly I thought it would flow out my ears. I knew immediately I'd been caught

>"user!" she gasps, covering herself with her robe. "What are you doing?"
>I looked around completely dumbfounded. Not even a stutter could escape.
>"I, umm, go to the kitch-- the bathroom."
>"Oh," she said, dropping her hands to her sides, the robe trailing in loose folds
>I started to walk away
>"Hey," she whispered. "Come here."
>I blush again, expecting to get yelled at
>nope.jpg
>She puts her soft hand around mine and leads me into her room

go on

>I give her the fat sausage
>barely fits
>blood everywhere

exactly

I know Veeky Forums has a lot of virgins, but even they should know how stupid it is to imply a woman with 3 kids would have trouble taking a cock.

>here isn't a soul on Earth who knows the locations of the squeaks and creaks in my floor better than me. I dance about with deft precision, avoiding minimally raised floorboards and piss bottles like a coked out minesweeper

jesus fucking christ my sides

>There isn't a soul on Earth who knows the locations of the squeaks and creaks in my floor better than me. I dance about with deft precision, avoiding minimally raised floorboards and piss bottles like a coked out minesweeper, until my silhouette darkens the leaking doorlight.
Glad you're putting that creative writing degree to use user, you've got real talent.

l e m a o

NONE OF THESE ARE OP. There literally isnt much but im going to put in the actual boring story instead of you faggots continiously making things up and fucking up my thread. brb

>>thump, thump, thump, thump
master baiter

Not that bad, just a kinda overweight, shitty quality pic of an older lady squeezing her tits together, 12 year olds on the board can't handle something like that I guess.

Not that I'm attracted to her, just not really that awful

I have a coffee date with a girl set up for 8 this Friday. I'm 100% sure she's DTF for reference, due to her sexual responses on Tinder. We are both under 21 and both live with our parents, who will be home during that time. How can I bang her? Or should I just escalate sexually but do nothing besides kissing that day, and invite her over to watch a movie some other day? Thanks brehs.

>fucks his aunt

Huuuûuurrrrrrrr

fucking $60 for a best western my dude

...

Ok I threw together some basics for you all

>Aunt actually looks pretty exotic because she's half Japanese
>So we're sitting down in the living room eating sushi with 2 of the 3 kids (the oldest is actually a huge fucking prick so I'm glad he wasn't there)
>She asks them to clean up and go do their homework as soon as they finished
>Normally we all laugh and chill for a bit so I notice something is a little odd
>She turns to me with deep eye contact and starts asking vague bs questions
>I try to focus on answering, but I notice her hand is slowly creeping up my thigh
>Oh shit I might just lose my virginity
>Nervous brain is going at a hundred miles a minute
>Think, what the fuck just go for it
>Kiss
>Green light baby
>She pulls me into a small bathroom in the hallway
>Going at it hot and heavy, take off my shirt and throw it behind me
>"Wow good thing this sink is so solid" she says, cause I'm behind her dry humping her hard and she's holding onto the sink
>She turns around and gets on her knees
>Best blowjob of my LIFE (but tbqh I've only had that one so whatever)
>Pick her up and turn her around and stick it in
>Only last like 3 minutes but that's all good

Go to a cheap motel or just go full teen movie mode and do it the car.

I would go for the car, motel seems tacky.

Just bang her at your parents, you know your parents had to have sex to create you right? They've been banging literally longer than you've been alive

This sounds stupid, but how do you bang in a car? I'd be scared of getting caught and being registered a sex offender. Also, if you do bang, where do you go? Do you take covers to hide the car view?
They're hardcore Catholics and its not like it would be sneaky, its a family of 4 living in a 2 bedroom apartment. Idk about her situation though, so I'll ask first when we're getting hot.
$60 seems too expensive if I want to make this a regular thing.

>I'll ask her first when we're getting hot
Haha, what a turn off faggot, just fuck her in the car
Im 6'4 and can manage

If you're white and not very clearly a hoodlum, you'll be fine.

h-how long should it take before I actually have the gains necessary to be attractive to girls?

Fucking Veeky Forums

Please don't tell me you're finnish

....so this is the power of Veeky Forums.....

I'm from Czech Republic, thank you for appreciating our culture.

ogre

I am.

>lifting for this

>i.imgur.com/M6FZqVh.png
those are some niice natural titties

I don't date because nobody deserves to be dragged down by me. I think it's a natural way for broken people like myself to be bred out, natural selection. It would be hard to anyway, being around people makes the depression worse than loneliness.

Nutted to this

Aye put me on screencap

>on fit
>not supporting an alpha
Bet you don't even lift fag

why are you even here if you are this beta? post body weak boi

Sup muhammad, did any of your family members get kicked out of this beautiful pure white country?

I'll dump amsterdam autists stories when I get on computer.

ebin troll
>I don't even browse here often
>I will be sure to browse even less now
>I really hope you're trolling
>And not troll-ing

Finna bust a nut to those later, thanks famalam.

friendship with /x/ is over
Veeky Forums is my new friend again

...

When you can dl lmao5plaet

Kekkkkkkkkkkkk

Girls are definitely nicer and more friendly to me but I still haven't had sex at 26.

I went from scrawny nerd to wierd Dadcrush nerd.

Camelfuckers and Spics have to go political 24/7

nah, motels can be fun. plus it's more private and you have your own bathroom for cleanup afterwards. my gf and i dated in secret for a month or two because her dad was overprotective, i used to book a motel down the street from her house and pick her up after her dad would leave for work. then we'd go to the motel and bang all day and watch adult swim after the sun went down. good times.

Absolutely this. I consider it a personal victory, still waiting on that sheltered virgin qt to show up, though, not these loose sluts.

Still mad huh?

Keep crying little pussy

...