That guy that wears full plate armor to the gym

>that guy who pokes others' asses while they're stretching
My worst fear.

>nobles parked their horses in the squat racks again

If I may, I implore thee to remove this comment from my presence immediately

>Collecting gains tax from the gains peasants, so steep they will barely every get out of DYEL mode
>Gains peasants using manlets to pull their plows to till their small protein fields, they aren't pleased but they're too DYEL to fight
>Take almost all of their gains and bring them to the steps of the king
>By the time I get up the stairs almost all of the gains are dead
>Realize I went to fast and accidentally did cardio
>King tears me in half

JUST

>gym butler has come down with typhus
>too sick to escort me to gym
>have to put weights on barbell myself like some common peasant
>mfw I catch other gym Dukes looking at me with disgust

>gym is closed for the week because of an outbreak of the black plague
>squire has come down with it
>no one left to put my armor on
>no one left to put weights on my barbell

Am I expected to lift like a peasant? This is intolerable. The gains pope better do something about this, I havent paid for those gains absolutions for nothing.

Gentlemen, how does one attain the physique necessary to fit this harness?

is there anyone on earth with better form than this dude?

>travel to gymnasium where I train
>gymnasium choir making unpleasant sounds
Any other dukes consider executing some of these god awful choirboys?

Starting Squire + GOHWAD (gallon of holy water a day)

Don't forget to pray daily for maximum spiritual gains

You will never satisfy that codpiece without an 8x6, stout yeoman.

jej

An it please thee, remove this calamity

>thou nobleman who jesters a loincloth about the metal house.

Perish the thought.

>the bowpull apparatus is with fault
verily, wherefore continue i to live?

>tfw cast into the chasm of squat sires

someone post the webm of the guy doing lat pulldowns in full plate please

>webm
youtube.com/watch?v=Fa2irrYK09w

>Tfw your gym is mostly Saracens.
Anyone wanna help to crusade my gym? They are starting to force me to pay Jizya.

> There they are
> Fucking goddamn knights
> So loud and they take up so much fucking space
> Oh shit, here it comes
> Just once could they not-
DEUS VULT
DEUS VUUUUULT?
DEUS VULT!!!
> Jesus Christ every single goddamn time they finish a set

>The dwarves think giants are real
Keck, next you'll tell me you're just a short regular person.

>Be me, a simple but hardworking squire
>village idiot has parked his donkey in the squat rack next to mine again
>pay him no mind, I am here to mind my own hoisting
>he keeps grunting as loud as he can while doing donkey kickbacks
>in his defense, the donkey looks pretty heavy
>proceeds to load the donkey on his back
>surely he isnt gonna try to squat an entire donkey?
>he looks me in the eye and gives me a wink
>he screams "tis just a peanut!"
>descends, the donkey looks confused
>the gym maidens have gathered around him and start laughing at his foolishness, as he reaches the bottom of his descent his back cracks and he falls down, the donkey still sitting comfortably on his back.
>fucking jesters, when will they learn?

> How do I get knights to stop asking me about crusading for Jerusalum?

> this thread

I fucking love you guys

>tfw gym priests keep trying to convert me to christianity. fuck off with your meekness cult, let me lift in peace

>thy feel when too poor for arranged marriage
'tisn't fair, maidens care not about gains, only land

>tfw landlet

>maidens care not about gains, only land
RELINGUIS

Cease letting the little men dig tunnel as I, the pit guardian, must fill them up again

klokov

Kekd

Is under armour really the best brand for compression gear underneath your armour?

> be me
> schedule date with qt3.14 winch
> the day arrives
> dawn full plate armor
> bless thy gains with holy water
> say my payers, bless st. piano
> proceed on my crusade to slay pussy like dragon
> meet qt at bus stop
> gives me the look and I already know I've conquered her vagina like Jerusalem

>lmaofullpl8

>Doing mew for three months now
>at the gym doing above head hoisting exercises
>a sea raider come to me and says
>that's a nice head you have on those shoulders.
What did he mean by that? Is my face gains coming around?

kek

Lads is anyone here excited for Knightfall?

>quick rundown
History channel drama like vikings but deus vult

he just wants to drink from your cock

but those are bohemian knights, look at em!

yeah that guy is pathetic

also
>that guy who sharpens his sword between sets

Rate my routine pls. Trying to develop some good man at arms fitness

A.

3x30 crossbow reloads
1x5 ballista turns
3x1 boiling and carrying oil
1xF trumpet blows

B

5x10 halberd squats
3x10 Greatsword swings
5x1 receiving knight charges
3x12 swimming the moat

>catched the plague on dayeth yonder
>welp, there goeth me gains
>and me life

>thou dost implicate

Expel yourself back to thine reddit from which you came, plebian!

>he's wearing full plate
>it's not the Giant Set

Sir CHADLER is courting princess STACILIA and eating LAMB while THOU is TRAINING in the STABLE

great painting choice desu

Top kek

>court jester keeps curling on the jousting horse

youtube.com/watch?v=Fa2irrYK09w

>tfw no concubine

the dark souls of lifting

truly the dark souls of comparisons

Will praising the sun increase my gains?

>my visage when a knave who claims to have bested me on the field of battle was totally using black powder.
>mfw he still claims to be natty

>my visage when I catch the court wizard using magic to cheat his lifts
>mvw he claims to be making gains just by looking at the weights

Gotta get that vitamin D

Verily!

>doing my holy cross bar set
>local muslim enterth the holy premises
>starts getting gains
>at end of the ninth bell he uses local gym mat for prayer
>his gains are given to allah
How do i giveth thy lord more gains to beat back these hordes?

Start by having your gym priest bless your weights with holy water before each set. Only by lifting the holy weight can you increase the lord's gains.

I feel the same way about all my brethren gathered in this Chinese silk weaving tavern.

>my visage when I must travel the Silk Road in order to train with my eastern brethren to learn of new discussions in the Chinese Silk Weaving Tavern
>mvw all that travelling keeps plaguing my gains
Will I ever make it brothers?

>that earl whom adorns himself in all manner of cloth yet cannot even raise one cart of grain

>mvw novice necromancers keep trying to lift the dead
>mvw they can only summon skeletonlets
When will they level up?

>be myself, patrician of good breeding
>hoisting dead weights off the earth
>apply drying cream, a gift from the castle alchemist, to my palms
>approached by a stablehand
>myvisageuponit.parchment
>he's but a lowly knave, barely capable of hoisting his own weight!
>must ask the quartermaster why he allows the rats of of the dungeon
>is it any good?
>it is adequate
>does the master not want to use gloves?
>I lay my gaze fully upon him
>NO
>he scurries off
>the horrible state of this kingdom

>The wizard keeps shrinking all the dumbells for the manlets

It's is said that man was made to be in God's image. By strengthening your physique and assisting in the gains of your gym comrades, you do the same for our Lord

Guys, is starting wizardry a meme routine?

Guys I believe Sir Jeff is the best knight in the land

>that guy whom must be hoisted upon thine mount

I request that we ban wizards from the gym my lord, for they do not pursue the blessed path of gains and instead walk the heretical path of cardio.

Exile thyself Jeff.

>Be told im to small to go liberate Holy Land
>but through God all things are possible my lord
>Does thou even lift kin?

Art thou speaking of Sir Jeffrey Cavalryman?

>harlots flaunting their ankles as to sabotage thy hoists
CEASE

TIS AN INJUSTICE

when will knightlets expand their intellect?

ooga

>all these knightlets not converting to the chaos god of /fraud/ and becoming chosen champions

>sacrificing immortal natty spirit for temporary mortal gains
REPENT

Sir Jeffrey Cavalryman, and his lowly squire Jessetinian.

>tournament champion accused of using potions
>the scandal!
>inquire about said potions with local alchemist
>costly beyond my earthly wealth
>hoisting and eggs, then

>30 measly swings

preacher curls

>tfw priest is out dealing with the plague and can't do preacher curls

How doest thou maketh gains in such a situation brethren?