Sunday morning, feel like killing myself

Sunday morning, feel like killing myself.
I'm the biggest asshole on the planet

>Be me, 21, started lifting and getting my life on track
>Have gf of 2 years
>She isn't the prettiest when you compare to girls posted here but her personality and amazing ass makes her perfect in my eyes
>She is just a fucking definition of "good girl" a real keeper that wants to build a future with me
>Anyhow, all this lifting and watching "ALFA D00DS" makes me uncertain of what i want
>I'm bad as fuck with alcohol and when I sometimes hit on girls just for the fun of it because I guess I'm an attentionfreak
>Anyhow, to resume it to this point it's just easy to say that she got her shit together and I don't

Now what happened

>2 weeks ago she wants to talk
>says she doesn't know if we have a future together
>says she's been thinking of breaking up
>i too have done this but am too much of a pussy to say anything and desu I wouldn't trade her for a shot to find a "better girl" in "current year"

Cont.

>We end up saying it's all good and things become even more serious
>I freak out
>start becoming distant, prefer to be left alone in this mental misery
>Start contemplating breaking up but too much of a fucking pussy to do anything and I fucking hate talking about my feelings (especially with girls)
>Yesterday I go out drinking with some friends
>Some random mediocre chick takes interest in me
>Decent looking but from what i heard she's a slut
>Start saying that shit is over with my gf
>Drunk at this point and ideas my mind is having a fucking moral battle about what I should do
>Insecure af and love getting female validation, guess it's one of my big beta-traits
>1 hour later we're outside the bar making out
>FuckamIdoing?
>Wants to come home with me but her friend says I'm with a girl
>She becomes sad and says "we can take it another time"
>drunk me is a fucking pussy but unconcioussly I'm relieved
>Busride home is a fucking mental realizatio- trip to auschwitz where I'm going to get masturbated to death by nazi-robots slamdunking kids into deepfryers

Cont.

>Eventually sober up
>Call gf to say what i feel and we need to talk
>Directly goes on ultra defence, the kind of defence that would have made Italy qualified in the world cup
>Starts crying
>I'm shaking
>Haven't told her about the girl
>Tell her I'm coming over tonight to talk because we have to talk face to face
>Last night wasn't worth it
>Realize I don't deserve her and I'm basically a fucking loser
>hate my guts with everything I have
>Hurt her so many times and generally been a fucking dick from time to time
>I'm a wreck
>Going to see a friend to talk about this in 2 hours

What the fuck have I done Veeky Forums? Sorry for the blogpost but I needed to vent this somewhere and this seemed like the most fitting place because people might have experienced similar things.

I fucking hate my guts

do NOT tell her about the other girl

it is NOT worth it. keeping that shit secret is not going to be hard.

why does she actually think you don't have a future together? what's seperating your futures?

if you do break up, it's gonna suck man. but ultimately you're 21, young as fuck, have so much ahead of you. it might take 6 months, it might take 6 years but you will find someone who makes you feel the same way if not better.

if you don't look at your gf like she is the most beautiful girl in the world then it sounds like you can do better.

just brake up with her u faggot

It's pretty obvious you're going to miss her when she leaves your stupid ass. Time to do some growing up, user.

also its super common for couples around that age to break up over uncertainty for future lives because girls and boys mature at different ages. girls stop around 20 and boys keep going til they're like 30.

eg. my ex wanted kids and shit at 28 when she was 22. i was 21 at the time and couldnt tell her want i wanted cause i had no fucking idea. eventually we broke up and now im 23 and want kids and shit at around 28. good times. but now i'm with a hotter chick who isn't as neurotic and is just as sweet and loving.

My it was my one of my best friend's girlfriend's best friends and our circles are pretty close and if i don't say anything it will just come out.

Well are very different when it comes to world views (Not some /pol/ sperg trying to forcefeed her redpills for an aryan future, but somewhat conservative in my way of thinking and she is very "progressive" listens to faggot youtubers and feminists).
She wants to study and the university is far away and I got my life so eventually it wouldn't work but we "agreed" to plan and see if we can make it work.

Problem is that she is a great person and you rarely meet girls who are actually nice persons.

Anyhow, gonna see what happens tonight

>has a gf
>and friends
>and girls are interested in him
>can get girls to make out with
Fuck off normalfag