Mages Guild: Amazing Race Edition

Hear ye, hear ye. I hereby call to order this meeting of the most illustrious Mages Guild! Now, I'm sure you're all anxious and excited, because you spent so long preparing for today, but it's finally time for the great guild race! I know that most of you are just in it for an I.O.U. from me, but whatever. Now there has been some rule changes since last time that I have to go through. As usual teleportation of any kind, including portals, is banned, however flight magic is partially allowed again, as long as you do not stray from the course. Also, killing your fellow racers is no longer allowed. You can still beat them within an inch of their life, but resurrecting them afterwards is just too much of a hassle. I have a list here of who all entered, but to be honest I really don't care. The race starts when I say go, and ends when everybody crosses the finish line. Now, get on the starting line with whatever you're racing with.

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>Sitting on a young zombie dragon on the starting line
>Looking over the competition

>Rests on the magic enchanted palanquin, surrected by the enchanted remains of deceased debtors

>walks over, hands behind his back
You nervous?

A race? That's what got everyone so excited. I think I'll sit this one out while the students have their "fun".

>He'd take a sideways glance towards the zombie dragon.
So... this might not end well for the five students I have down here... kinds hoping they pull out.

>He'd be prepared with both an earthwave spell in one hand, and a water spell in the other, as he stands upon a surfboard wearing nothing but a bathing suit .

>Is riding low in what can only be described as a large pinball machine

I hope you losers are prepared to eat my dust.

A race you say? Odd, as such things ought be left to less cerebral guilds, but very well, I could do with the exercise.

>whistles
>there is a thunderclap and explosion of ice as his magical steed is summoned
>the wizard mounts as his ice hulk form takes over

LET US BEGIN!

>Is wearing pit crew gear
Antruthius, why did you make me everyone's pit crew?

>Puts on nametag
Woops

Not at all. Why? What're you gonna do?

>Stares

Okay.... why?

You're just scared you're gonna lose.

>Is pushed onto the track by his two freakishly tall halfgiant babies.
>is sitting in life sized pinewood derby car
Lets roll

Heya mort, wish us luck?
>His niece and nephew climb into the side car

>He'd begin rubbing sun tan lotion on, having forgot to earlier.
Wait... so how many laps are we supposed to be doing again? The sign up sheet didn't really say. Also is any magic dealing with time still not allowed?

>shrugs
I'm not joining the race. Not interested in I.O.Us and am too busy with my studies. I want to go to a academy after all.
>he gives a smile
But I hope you do well.

>A giant, all metal airship moves up to the start line.
Hoy, look out down there!

Sure Frank.......What are Dova and Hue doing in your car?

Still salty about that copyright infringment cause?

>Walks onto tracks
>Chaoriot of hate in tow

"Alright, lets do this you chumps."

>Gets on

It's summer time. I'm on a surfboard. And if you haven't figured out by now that I'm an elemental specialist, then you probably shouldn't know my plan.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh sweet child, witches are never scared.

isn't it 3 laps standard? I mean who wants to circle this death trap more then that?

Mr.Moon and who ever else was sueing me can go suck it, I'm totally not a rip of of this tommy person, who ever that is. Geez.

why wouldn't they be in the car? they worked so hard on it.

>Turning towards his fellow competitors, he'd do a few stretches and flexs.

Well, good luck everyone! Hopefully we all make it out if this in relatively one piece!

>standing behind Obsidia
Ech...too many people.

Please, do not give the fleshmancers strange ideas.

"Doubt it. By the way, is time manipulation banned?"

How about they stay with me, because of if Morrigan finds out about this, your in deep trouble

Thanks for the encouragement...

>Sighs

>Frowns
>Sighs

Don't worry, I can probably race on my own.

Just need you to cast the age spell, so I'm not riding a baby.

The only things that makes this race a Death trap, is the werid ass stuff we're using, as well as this GOD AWFUL HEAT WAVE!!! I say we all go to the beach after this is done. Who's with me?

>the thunderhorse paws and snorts impatiently

STEADY UNTIL IT IS TIME!

Wait, what? We had one of these a couple of hours ago!

I think it still is... after all, fourth years of chronomancers winning this is kind of bullshit. Thank God they don't join in anymore

It was, but they went back in time and changed it

Nah lad, I'd prefer not to rust!
>Laughs and calls back.
CAPTAIN! ENGINES UP!
>The airship starts to hum.

>a whole in spacetime forms and expands to about 5 feet around
>from it emerges N'eet, Lord of Squallor and Weebcraft!

Well my eldernet's out, whats going on in the realm of mortals and fleshlings?

I'm still not a chronomancer. So we'll see how this goes.

Fuck you chronomancers and your abilities to cheat the system and auto win it! Thank God someone on the committee saw that it was a good idea to ban all forms of time magic in this fourty years ago.

>nods before waving and walking onto the sidelines

"Thats good. Because if they did,"

>Points to his horses

"These two would be pissed."

"Were having a race."

Rolled 15 (1d20)

What, you gunna run?

>Cackles madly
>Rolling for mad witchy cackling skills

implying there are not obsticals as well. HA! You think you can foll me? I'm a witch good sir.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

Eh, you're better at anything that isn't necromancy than me by default.

So at least give it a shot.
>Hands her a scroll of age-increasing

>Pretty impressive cackling
>Rolling to not be intimidated

>they start tearing up
Mort please, you are going to make them cry. Relax i'll keep them safe.

Been trying to lurk and participate in one of these threads for quite a while, but haven´t managed to catch one until now. Is there an exact time to when this thread shows up?

>notices the horses

horses? Who uses horses for transport?

What?? this is a Mage race only! The Sisterhood being here is most irregular!

>grumbling, another mage takes her position alongside the others, standing on a slab of material that seems to be drinking in the light.
I still can't believe I got roped into this, twice damned luck. I really can't. Still, at least it'll be entertaining.

Alright, fine. But if Morrigan finds out about this its your head.

What? Nun uh! Witches are totally allowed! Stop trying to kick me out befor we even started you dirty rule follower.

So you want me to cast it now or right before the race starts?

>He'd continue to stretch, and lotion himself up. Not wanting to both injure himself, or have a painful sunburn later on.

Hey, I don't tell you how to win this race, so don't you tell me how to! Besides, it's 37 degrees (Celcius) out here, and I don't feel like wearing heavy armor for this thing.

"Call me old fashioned, but thats how I roll. Besides..."

>Horses Roar demonically

"Theyre special."

What, who- when did that? This doesn't make any sense.. Those pesky..
Tell you when, what, we all come here - this day, every day - hoping to get something out of the day. The day! It's insane!

And they - they they, hey they go ahead and ban our magic. OUR magic. But everybody else gets to keep their magic - it's insane, insane!
Those pesky..

>Usually when we start getting too many posts in the post-thread archive

Now works, I think. It's already on the starting line, after all.

>All three of them cheer
>Dova accidentally dragon shouts and sends people in the stands flying
>Hue finds this hilarious and giggles like mad

Ah, thank you meatbag!

>notices the horses, raises an inquisitive tentacle

A-are you going to eat those?

>Approaches the start line on a raggedy old carpet, giggling maniacally

WOO-HOO! I'm ready to go! I brought my trusy flying lion! I'm sure I'll win this time!

>Pats the top of the threadbare hardly airborn carpet

>Riding up in a completely ordinary horse
Hey guys! I'm not late am I?

>puts her hands up
I'm not in the race, don't look at me!
>blinks, confused
Obsidia..are you sure riding a aged-up dragon is safe?
Pretty randomly. We do a new one once we hit 5000 or so Ghostposts on Archived.moe. So yeah, pretty randomly.

>Facepalms
Don't make me regret this Frank

Nope!
>He motions to the spell of earthwave in one hand, and the spell of water wave in the other. He'd then motion to the surfboard he's standing on, as well as his green and orange bathing suit/shorts.
Take a guess what I'm planning on doing in this 37°c weather... first two don't count.

Bha, rule fidgeting is perfectly within the rules, I checked them twice.

What are you, a fighter?

"I wouldn't advise it. Plus, I need them. Tell you what, ill treat you to some demon meat after this. Deal?"

Ah, okay. Thanks. I think I´ll lurk first, then.

IS THE ARCHMAGE GOING TO START THIS THING OR NO?!

...I remember you from somewhere.

No, but if you join the steam group you can get a ping when we start a new one. steamcommunity.com/groups/MagesGuildofAen
You can wait until we hit the archives to join.

>A discarded roast chestnut shell is tossed in the general direction of the ranting chronomancer, from the hand of a scruffy beastfolk mage in the crowd of spectators
"Oh relaaax would you? The retconjurors don't get to use their magic. I think. If they exist. Just enjoy the show!"

QUIET YOU! The Archmage will start as soon as his pooridge is ready! Right Monty?

>He stares into the distance at no one in particular

Yea... Monty.

that only works if you say take 3 guesses. also filing for a divorce.

But it's not /FUN/

>gets THE SCROLL out of a deceased debtor cranium and reads:

Section 4, comma 13: Consuming,eating or devouring other Mage's contraption, steeds and moving veicles is perfectly within the rules and the spirit of the competition, and therefore is punishable by any means allowed in said competition, up to, but not including disintegration and forced hand holding with a succubus

He already did!

Rolled 18 (1d20)

Alright!
>cough

O Paradox, being that resides beyond the reaches of time. Grant me thy strength to call forth times that have yet to come. Now shallt become then and young shallt be old!
Greater Aging!

AS SOON AS HIS PORRIDGE IS READY?! WHAT KIND OF MILKDRINKING SOP IS IN CHARGE HERE? I HOPE ITS MAGICAL PORRIDGE FOR IT TO BE SO DAMNED IMPORTANT!!!

Fucks sake! Has Nobody heard of eldritch knights!?! Good gods above and below, That's ridiculous!
>He'd simply sigh.
I'm partially a fighter, but I study elemental magics...

It makes sense when you assholes can freeze time, and then take 42 years to complete the damn thing!

Fun is meaningleass in the perfect and arid world of Law and Technicality

I'M GOING TO SUE YOUR ASS BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF TIME CHRONOMANCER, ONCE WE FINISH THIS RACE

Rolled 1 (1d20)

TK at full captain! We're ready to go!

Well, it is MY dragon, so of course it's safe!

For me. It'll catch me if I fall.

>The dragon is engulfed in light
>When it fades, Obsidia is sitting on the back of a much, much larger zombie dragon
>With stronger, bigger wings

Alright! We're going to win! Then you won't have to be a redrobe anymore!

Understandable

>looking up from her preparations of magical tests on her 'steed', the mage shrugs to the onlooker
I'm pretty forgettable, I guess. Should be, with the effort I put into it at times.. Pity it's all for naught, with this race. Still can't believe I lost the bet to do this.

>Na-ah looks straight towards the chestnut, his eyes following it closely - slowly - until it eventually stopped moving.
I am relaxed right now. You should have been here an hour ago.

>STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP
>The mages guild lumbers over to the starting line crushing many would be racers too slow to get out it's way
>The archwizard sit at the contols
Are you pansies going to sit around talking all day are are you ready to race!

OF COURSE ITS MAGICAL POORIDGE, OTHERWISE WHAT WOULD THE POINT BE EH SAM?

>Stares accusingly, one eye nearly seemingly popping out of his head

Oh yea, I totally remember how "safe" that concotion you wanted to patent as "elixir of eternal life" was.

It turned 3 of my most gifted archivists into zombies!

WE AWAIT YOUR WORD!

Heh. I see.

Yessir! All the technicalities are ready, the rules are in place, the binding contracts are binding, and we're still searching that missing comma but it should not be very important, so we can start without it!

I'll watch from inside then. Don't disappoint me Obsidia, I put a lot of work into the wards and spells.
>Walks back into the building.

>He looks down towards his feet. And incredibly depressed look, and aura about him.
... I don't look that old... do I? I mean.... I'm only 24... I keep good care of my body.... dont I...

I was around, in spirit at least. But you might have known that. Or, will know it. Has known it? I never know which tense to use when I speak to your depaaartment.
Wait, do you know who's going to win then?

>Clutches tight to her dragon's back
>Ready to go!

That wasn't even mine! It was a group project my entire class collaborated on that I wanted no part of!

I won't, I promise!

Rolled 7 (1d20)

"Were ready, you over bloated cocksucker!"

Right..don't get hurt. Please.
>walks to the sidelines
>CHECK'D

Uh...
>The engine on the metal airship seems to be stalling.
READY!

>Standing at the starting line stretching
Just say Go so I can win this, you senile bag of shit.

>Ignore the rolling

You may want to know that...

>wips out THE SCROLL

Section 237506324, Comma 13bis: "Insulting the archwizard is punishable by polymorph into a little girl and being the bitch of said archwizard for a variable amount of time"

>Lies down low against the raggedy carpet

Oooooo I'm ready for this! Me and my dragon are going to win this!

>Again pats the raggedy ass carpet

Rolled 2 (1d20)

Blegh, I've grown weary of demonflesh, it all tastes like hate and contempt after a while

Oh rest assured lawkeeper, I have no interest in participating.

Eh, suppose I'd better find a seat.
>rolls to conjure eldritch VIP box seating, complete with bar and tender

Ah, that should do nicely

Uh... that doesn't sound good...

That thing knows it's not allowed to eat the competition... right?

You know he already said Go right?
You guys would never win a race for souls...
I'm just here to be a cheerleader.
Woo!

>shaking her joints loose, Skora slides up to the starting line, the board not appearing to be entirely concerned about things like 'terrain' or 'friction'.
You bet your ass I am! Er.. sir. Lord. Archwizard. ...Majesty?

We'd never do that!

I'm very good at drawing out court sessions, my old - lawyer?

I don't know even know what we're doing right now. I've running for days.