Known about crypto since sophomore in high school

Just tell them what it's worth now??

It's theirs stupid.

Kill them. It's the only way.

buy a gun and threaten them with it

Your parents sound like cunts.

If your parents were that obtuse about it I would kill them and get new parents.

They steal from you, you steal it back from them.

Assuming you aren't larping.

Literally steal the safe, a half a million is worth breaking your toxic family bonds.

Try to find a lawyer or something. Throw twice the equivalent money they apparently paid for in their face, if they refuse to give it back, congrats you're parents are trying to steal your 1/2 mill.

I'm scared the same thing will happen to me. Why do people try to fuck you just when things are getting good for you?

Your parents are shitty fucking people. Tell them you will buy the laptop from them.

They don't know the first fucking thing about Crypto and if they tried to get someone to sell ti for them they would steal it.

...

Become a crafty merchant and outwit them. Think of this like Morrowind where you have to negotiate with the Kajit traders.

since you're not mentioning your country I'm going to assume the USA and I can't tell you I'm not an american lawyer. but in belgium (I was told in school) it's impossible for direct family members to steal from each other.
that's heartbreaking user I'm hoping your parents have been shit all your life so it didn't hit you too hard that they would do that to you
did you mention how much ethereum is on there. do they know how much it is?
maybe you can drop a line like "ok I'll pay for the laptop and the electricity then those few thousand dollars should make up for it and you're right you fed me all my life, gave me a laptop & the electricity. I just didn't want to pay for it at first because you didn't seem to approve or understand of what I was actually doing"

You don't have the private key anywhere else? Is the wallet secure where they can't get it unless you tell them the password or private key?

What the actual fuck
Do you have money to buy the computer? How much can it be worth nowadays? 200/300bucks?
Your parents are dicks dude, good luck

no
no
NO

Fucking hell don't do this.

The problem with this is if you get a lawyer they will just destroy the laptop. Based on how shitty they sound.

They are trying to steal your money and they don't even know how it functions. This is really a kill them situation.

Steal it and lawyer up.

M8, just say you'll give them half. Once you have the laptop, do everything to send them over half, but don't actually do it (this is to check whether they took out your HDD or something fishy like that). Once you see that you have your ether, run out of that house and never look back. And tell them that they can go fuck themselves and their entitled boomer asses, and that you won't visit them when they're in the hospital because they are legitimately shitty human beings.

This is the worst of the worse - when they tell you you'll fail but once you succeed they act like they have any legitimacy to your earnings. Fuck them, man. You don't need them in your life. But you need that ether.

You have very shit parents. You probably deserve it

I never realized they were this big of cunts. I kind of understood the typical boomer mentality towards their dweeby kid's hobbies that they didn't understand. But never in my life would I have expected they would straight up steal from me, I was the kind of kid who never even fathomed of taking anything from my parents without their permission. I even asked them if it was okay to set up my mining rig in the basement way back when, which they begrudgingly agreed to.

>Hey guys the laptop is worth a lotta money but only I can access it

Boom.

This. Levels in bartering, speechcraft and illusion is in order, OP.

I agree with Say whatever you can to get the laptop from them. Say you don't know how much is on the computer but you think it's like 5 or 10 ETH and you will give them half.

Then fucking book it out of there once you have the laptop. Fuck Boomers. Scum of the goddamned Earth.

fake your own kidnapping, call them asking for ransom, and when they say they have no money tell them you take crypto too, then tell them you're not playing and switch the fake voice to your real voice screaming in pain (you can paper cut yourself to make it sound believable).

Just ask them to drop the pc at some bridge inside a bag, be alone, don't call the cops, don't look back. Send them a small gift afterwards, and iphone or something.

tell them you got $5,000 on there and that you'll give them have. make the point that they'll never figure out how to open it without you.

I'll cut the safe open for you for 5k usd worth of eth

assuming you are in the US someplace

lmao why are you still living at home when your net worth is over 500grand, shoulda chipped some off the top and rented a place for a year the moment you had the chance

you have some shitty parents. for reference, I made 1k a few months ago on Monero and used it to pay off a student loan, told my dad about it and he bought me dinner and offered to retroactively pay for half my expenditure. if they seriously won't give it back and you're a grown ass man then call the cops.

here
actually yeah, fucken do this can you be cool user? they must not be able to tell from your face
just go all out for the exits with that fucking laptop
fuck your parents

Steal it back OP. Fuck your parents, they sound like they suck. I believe in you.

Good luck brother

I don't live at home faggot I just got home from school for the holidays. I hope this Christmas is as miserable as possible for everyone in my family.

Do this, but send the ETH to a new wallet.
Tell them the wallet is for them, but just take the lot and fuck off.

The biggest problem again is they are likely to destroy the laptop out of spite.

It's valuable to him because he has the ability to access and use it. It's value to them is on the potential to steal it with zero consequences.

Once you get the cops involved they are more likely to simply destroy it or remove the hard drive and hide it than let him have it.

Some more details are necessary. Do you know where the safe is? Are your parents idiots? Is it easy to guess wheee the key is? Do they have a combination lock, are they the type to write down combination. Is it a good safe or a shit safe. Are you able to go to their house when there not home? If you are call a locksmith to meet you there just that thing open, get the laptop send the eth and put the laptop back. Seriously some details and we can help u out. Fuck boomers.

This is a legal issue, OP is probably a manlet that doesn't lift so he can't resort to violence and probably lacks the emotional intelligence and liquid capital to get thugs to steal it.

He's gonna have to try and do this the white person way.

Honestly I'm more worried that OP's family will torture him for the private keys, 1/2 a mill is a lot to trailer trash.

Alternatively you could try tricking them idk, but the risk level in this ploy goes up exponentially. Just give them a bunch of ethereum classic as compensation and turn your ethereum into monero so they (or someone they hire) can't track you.

But uh.. just a thought. Do you not have the 24 letter pass to recreate your wallet and then transfer your coins to a different one? Kek. Watch the boomers get BTFO.

Oh btw OP, you're supposed to be paying taxes. As a last resort if you don't try theft tip the IRS that your parents not only stole half a mill from you, but also owe the IRS 6 figures in taxes if they claim it. You have to pay your taxes anyway.

why would you only store your coins in one place? Sounds like larp or you're dumb

Just tell them it's worth 1/4 of what it's worth unless you already messed up and told them what it's actually worth. Tell them you'll set them up on coinbase and send them money for supporting you with setting you up with the computer in the first place and keeping a roof over your head and the laptop fed with electricity. Even if you don't mean it, swallow your pride. Thats a lot of money.. they'll likely take the bait and you can send them 2 coins each for good measure and laugh when they lose it all trying to trade.

Your parents sound like fuckheads on levels that is unimaginable, I can't imagine your father or mother betraying you and your continued success by doing this.

Try getting in and guessing the code, If you know them well after a couple of tries you should get the password and it is possible its some stupid shit like 1-2-3-4 or a birthday

user I was literally molested and beaten by my family. growing up I had some fucked up childhood I fought myself and my parents and hated the world. I was saved by the books, sport and streets. Only after I reached my 30s I realized that my family hurt me because they failed in life and did not want me to fail like they did. trust your instincts - if you think you will not make it with only half of eth and have nothing to be thankful to them tell that to them, i'm sure they'll give you your laptop and erase you from their life.

>remember user - everything happens for a reason - everything you have or know came to you by help of people around you

What i would give to have half of 700 eth. Make face long enough with them and offer them a portion. Dont try to haggle your parents. Parents dont always support our decisions not out of spite but out of a lack of understanding. Don't get stuck on the 'I hate my family thing' or you'll stay resentful and lost a couple hundred g.

Would absolutely stalk them and log their daily routine, and plan a way to steal the safe. It's probably not such a badass safe that it can't be beaten/sawed into.

They're mad he didn't do it the way he did

wait

I have another idea
you can actually make your parents a wallet and send them half, just make sure you have the private key aswell so you can move it the instant you get out of the house

Did you offer to buy the laptop?

Okay. Here's a /biz esque plan that may have disastrous consequences.

Hire a local thug to get the safe open for you. Say you're addicted to video games or something and that's why you need it.

hire a locksmith, bust it out, never speak to them again

if its a moveable safe take it in your car and just leave

Nice larp faggot. What are they going to do without a wallet password?

Tell them you “wired” the Ethereum to another computer or some shit. They won’t know any better. Just make sure you don’t let them know that you know that they want the crypto.

They can destroy the laptop i guess

There's no way your parents could learn what crypto really means unless you told them

You don't have to pay taxes until you cash out brainlet

I will rob your parents for 50%

Either your parents think they're keeping it safe for you, or you have shitty parents. Sorry about that, really.

Everyone here who says to send them half if a fucking idiot. Look if you’re larking I don’t give a shit. Otherwise, I’ll help you solve your fucking problem. I hate shitty parents. Give some fucking details.

>IRS
That only works if he can prove he had the ETH and the parents destroyed the laptop.

I'm more fond of the create another address he controls the key to and send it all there.

Just bring a USB with the address in a text file and say you need it to access the ETH.

Send it straight to the new wallet and fuck off.

Unless they plan on beating him to death they can' t do anything. The Boomer is an arrogant and stupid creature. It can be tricked.

What would that accomplish?

Mining is taxed as income you twat. You've never even reported crypto on your taxes.

fake story

a person smart enough to mine and hold this early would never consider this a problem
there is like a million dollars in there, blow it out the wall if you have to

it's a big steel gun safe in the garage. Probably weighs a ton. literally. Combination, no key. I'm literally living in the house for the next two weeks. My mom is stay-at-home and my dad just took his two weeks for the holidays, I doubt there will be a moment where I'm allowed to be home alone to call a locksmith.
Is proof that they have half a million in untaxed income on the property enough for a search warrant? How do you tip the IRS? I would rather watch them get fucked on tax evasion than give them anything right now.

They are boomers. They don't know how Crypto works. They just know he has magic internet money on his computer and it's valuable.

They don't get how to use it. They are at the very least planning on extorting him for money. It's why they said they paid for it with their hard earned money and have it in a safe. They want him to PAY.

This. Bring a crowbar and go to town OP

Nothing i guess. But they could do that if they wanted to be dicks about it.

fag

you need to think with a cold head, there's no point in loosing it all just to fuck them over

the goal here is to get the ETH
I'm a newbie when it comes to this but can't you access the eth with the private key?
you do have the private key right?

My parents are clueless boomers, they probably think they can get some computer forensics guy to extract the coins even if I straight up tell them it's impossible. My dad used to think I was the one getting viruses on the family computer when I was in elementary even though I was able to fix that shit at 1/10 his age.

>My dad used to think I was the one getting viruses on the family computer when I was in elementary even though I was able to fix that shit at 1/10 his age.
classic

Fake thread. Op is larp.

It was practically worthless when he mined it and you don't have to report under 600$ in self employment taxes

Link your wallet address to us, I like your story but I don't want to continue further if you're larping.

I mean, all transactions are on the public block chain. Tip them off that this particular wallet you have has a desktop client on your computer which they keep locked in a fucking safe.

The IRS will likely keep them on some kind of watch list, even if they managed to get your coins (only way for them to do this is to torture you), the moment your eth gets onto an exchange the transaction will get flagged and they'll get fucked.

In the very least they wouldn't be able to cash out your ETH without paying a price and triggering chaos for your family.

This is a last resort kind of thing.

It's not income u dumb fuck

OP you should feed your parents some bullshit about hard-drive degradation or needing to update the software to keep your crypto, so they think it will be lost if you don't get access to it. Offer to cash it out for them for a 10% fee.

Then just transfer everything to a wallet under your control and tell them to go fuck themselves.

do you have the private key in plaintext on your laptop? if they take the laptop to someone who "knows" crypto and that person finds the key, both you and your parents are fucked because he's going to steal them.

it's encrypted with a xkcd-style "correct horse battery staple" format password that can't be bruteforced. That's why I said I'm the only one who can actually retrieve the coins.

Just give them godamn money for the computer, u have like half a million there idiot.

Go sell your butthole if you are a retard and cant find a job

Do they have life insurance policies?

So, I have an idea. It's a bit odd.

Remember the Ether delta hacker (or any of the ico phishers)? Just look up that guy's wallet, look for an address that has quite a bit of ETH. And have OP pull off a stunt where he says he got robbed and needs to access his laptop to try and get back the ETH immediately. When OP has a chance to breath, shapeshift everything into monero as fast as fucking possible (would take a while since you have to do it in batch, this will avoid an exchange requiring verification from you and holding your coins hostage) and leave them ETH for them. They can't be too pissed if you leave them like 10 ETH or so.

Why don't you have your 24 word pass code?

I don't have the address handy, why would I bother to write that down someone and not the private key?
I go to school for Computer Science and my father still thinks he's "forgotten more than I will ever learn" about computers, he won't buy it.
This isn't about the goddamn laptop you brainlet, they probably know some of my wallets are on there. If I could BUY the laptop from them retail price why the fuck wouldn't I?

OP, what they are doing is straight up illegal.You could get the cops involved, or you could just get a gun and threaten them to open safe and cut off all contact. Any parent who does this to a child who has put their hard earned money (presumably from part time jobs and summer jobs) towards a hobby that has now payed off is a straight up cunt and they deserve to get shot in the head.

Shit, electronic combination or analog rotating dial type? The analog ones can be cracked with a laser pointer and about ten minutes. The electronic ones might be easy depending on the brand

I'll repeat
if you give them half and send it to a wallet from which you have the private keys
optionall set the number of nodes to 0 so their balance remains
you have 100%

say you are okay with it. get the trust of them.
than say there was a hack or some shit, some wallet got raided.
tell them you have to check if the coins are still on the wallet.
Than either note the private key oder send the ETH to another wallet

OP, here’s what you do. Play it totally cool, like you’re on the same team. Thank them for having the good idea to put it in a safe etc. Explain that it’s time to sell ETH before a crash that you know is coming so the laptop needs to come out. Agree to send them whatever amount they ask for - only negotiate to the extent that not doing so would be suspicious. Give them laminated pieces of paper with the public key of a new wallet and a fake private key. Obviously have the real private key stashed securely elsewhere. Open the laptop in front of them and send the ETH they requested to the new wallet. Use Etherscan to confirm in front of them that it’s in THEIR wallet now, and act as if that proves they have it. Transfer your portion to a different new wallet. And then keep acting cool and try not to be there when they figure out what happened.

wtf kind of family is this?

Tell those retarded thieves that they can't get the etherum without your password anyway and that if they give it to you'll give them some since you used their electricity and hardware. If they fall for that transfer it all and cut contact. Otherwise try legal action or just take gun and force those faggots to hand it over. Your parents are the scum of the earth.

perfect

Analog I think, it's pretty old. You can crack those with just a laser pointer?

play it cool and then shit on them, fuck them

tell them you transferred most of your coins to your mobile wallet already. There is only a few left on your laptop, you will give them 60% of the few remaining if they give the laptop back. Say you are the only one with access to the address and they can't cash out without you etc.

ok