Wife Bazaar

I'm a huge faggot, please rape my face.

So, I don't need to pay?

Now we're talking! How much for the sales woman!?

Each girl has her own price. An ex pirate might need gold to keep bounty hunters off her back. The high elf spinster just wants a young man to take care of her. An angel might demand you accomplish a task to earn her.

I make a whip of cords and drive everyone out, turning over tables and scattering coins

That sounds really nice. But I have no money, so no sugar for me.

This. Fuck hedonism.

I am a possed pig.

Please line up to be possed you little dogs.

I don't really have the financial and temporal stability for a wife right now, being a vagabond adventurer.

I'm a dirt cheap whore, all I want is a slap on the butt.

My /righteous/ brothers.

Jesus' only true mistake was underestimating the Jews love of money.

I offer 10,000 gp for the Saleswoman.

"For you sir? My face is free of charge! Although I would appreciate if you take me somewhere private first. Sis?! I'm handing the floor over to you!"

DEUS VULT!

This makes no sense. Why would an EX priestess want a donation made to Lolth. Shouldn't she be in fear for her life from the members of her former faith for abandoning it?

If the wood elf wants to learn English why doesn't she just hire a linguist tutor, or at least find and fuck one of those. Why rely on some random asshole who may reach her wronglyz whether from ignorance or as a joke

Why the fuck would I put some strange eladrin bint in charge of ny finances? What are her qualifications? How do I know she won't swindle me? If she could handle money why would she be a slave?

The only one that makes sense is the high elf spinster, because she's old and elf men don't want her so she's insane for some human dick which is like perpetual jailbait to her, she just wants to have her midlife crises as some mortals jizz rag before fully commiting to that 5th cat.

My hearts soars to the chorus of ringing shekels. Then I pull the rogue aside to discuss how we're going to dupe the paladin into playing along.

>blaming "The Jews"
>ignoring Jesus was a Jew himself
>not blaming the old fucks who brought him down by cooperating with Rome

You had one job, sempai.

"Look Jerry, we've talked to you about this before and we don't want to deal with you putting on a whiny high-pitch falsetto and describing how lewd your elves are!"
>B-But I made this whole roll table for which ones you could pick and encounter stats for each of them and the mistress and-
"Were you honestly planning to have us do anything other than cut-to-black after we pick a 'waifu'?"
>Why would we cut to black? I thought you were roleplayers, not rollplayers
"Get the fuck out of my house Jerry"

I offer 15,000 gp for the Saleswoman's sister.

Considering his death was Keikaku, why would Jesus great champion of tzeentch consider it a mistake?

"Ugh. Useless skank. Hm? Oh no I didn't mean you sir! And fear not, many of our girls ask for no money!
Take for example this little number. She asks only that you help her spread the wood in your spare time!"

You have to understand the Pharisees saw Jesus as a dangerous destabilizing element that was gonna get them all shanked

I hope you get crotch rot and suffer permanent erectile dysfunction.

I hate you, Veeky Forums.

...

It's okay as long as they're buying and not renting.

Give me the sluttiest one you got.

"I'm afraid I'm no-...... 15,000 milord?"

I wonder how sex with an Iop girl would be. Imagine if she enters into battle trance during it.
>"They gave me an stainless steel bed because the wooden ones couldn't handle me sir!"

houtengeki-fags are the worst.

15,000, my dear. You're just my type, and I'm feeling somewhat generous this day. If you worry about leaving your sister behind, I'll gladly up my offer on her to 12,000 so you can stay together.

>He was going to get us shanked, so we shanked him first.

Got any wizardesses?

"But I wanted to unzip you!"

I know, its terrible, right?
You can't make them love you...

I will buy all 4.
polygamist for the win.

> no hooves
Turn 360 degrees and walk away

"Oh we have a few sir. Perhaps this one strikes your fancy?"

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE /d/GENERATE WIZARD

call me chadrick woodsworth!
Boy! Fetch me my leotard!

What was this race called again? I remember it being not-dwarfs.

And how quickly they forget the warning of the Guise of the Thespian.

NONE of those are girls, morons.

Spinster.
At least old lady shove twenty doller bill down my pants before we make love!

"Marvellous! Girls? Come meet your new master! After that milord we should discuss the buy four get one free policy..."
"Hmph! Not bad!"
"Hi mister!"
"He will suffice I suppose."
"Ara ara..."

No shit.

When do i get to be the princess?
I'd have something i'd ask of her, instead.

>all these guys looking for sluts
>mfw I just want to spend time with a nice lady and get to know her.

My good sir, I am merely seeking someone for intelligent and enjoyable conversation. I have no preference for race, just someone to talk to and possibly have a nice dinner with. Also, if it would make them feel more comfortable, I don't mind this being a group date.

I am not looking for sex, just wanting to get to know people first before rushing into things. Its been so long since I've left the druid grove, I'm worried about my people skills and my ability to talk to people of the opposite sex.

Well, this is awkward - I'm not quite at the point in life where I would be ready to marry and settle down, you see?
But I'd consider adopting one...

...

"I-I suppose... Thank you milord! May I ask that you let us finish the days sales before you take us? In either sense of the word?"

I know who that is, and nothing good comes of this. Ever.

Walk away.
God of Death that my priest follows is against such low pleasures of flesh.

>engaging in a smut thread
>engaging in a erpg-thread
>replying to a name-fag
Hide and report, they said. But how should solve any problems when Veeky Forums is actually replying to these kinds of threads instead of just ignoring them?

The sentient fedora girls are in hall 3

Clearly my Dhampir Antipaladin has no use for this, being already dead and all.

yes. Yes!
This is me.

how much for her? Can I keep her?

"Will a minotaur do? All she wants is something strong to drink every day."

Didn't you guys get rid of /wst/ and quests to solve this problem or something?

"Get me something exotic, and make sure it has atleast one vagina".

Why does /d/ treat this board the way /pol/ treats /k/

>stop liking things i don't like

drow man whore

>having traditional values and wanting a proper date
>somehow fedora
I miss the days back when this was properly used to insult militant athiests. Now its just a pointless buzzword, like cuck

"5,000 gold and she's all yours! Will that be all? Or are interested in browsing a little more?"

I'm bored and I feel like making a snarky reply that doesn't involve punching my DM. What about you?

"Ooh, a druid you say? Wait right here!"

>If the wood elf wants to learn English why doesn't she just hire a linguist tutor, or at least find and fuck one of those. Why rely on some random asshole who may reach her wronglyz whether from ignorance or as a joke
Clearly she wants to act out a tutor/student fantasy, user.

This is simple shit, get it together.

Fuck off nazimod, you already got rid of /wst/ and quests, and the quality and spread out degeneracy only got worse!
You redditors are the cancer killing Veeky Forums.

You are the reason why /pfg/ is a fucking hellhole of degenerates and 2hu!

This has nothing to do with "liking things", but with this thread being horribly misplaced and these kinds of smut threads being banned from here. And that self-moderation apparently doesn't work.

Yes, but now we have this name-fag. This isn't the first time he made this thread.

"This gentleman gets it! Here sir, on the house!"

That's enough, but why would a wizardess be sold here, where have you find her and is this legal?

>My good sir, I am merely seeking someone for intelligent and enjoyable conversation.

That (and only that) are definitely euphoric fedora stuff.

/pfg/ can do that on it's own though.

I don't think that he wanted to buy armor.

Enjoy your ban, buddy. They don't take kindly to the truth here.

I'll throw in an extra 10,000 if the three of us can return to my estate at once.

My trusty Purveyor Golem will handle your sales from here.

By the order of the mighty Caesar, you are to gather in the middle of the town square. Failure to do so will comply in death.

Tell me, profligates; Are you feeling lucky? Because I think its time for a lottery.

> but with this thread being horribly misplaced
Board is traditional games, thread is roleplaying Wife Bazaar, the only misplaced thing is your infalted ego thinking that you're the judge what can be posted on Veeky Forums and what can't be

doraf

"But sir! Why such a hurry? I mean, I'll fetch my sister at once but- is something wrong?"

I`d buy a lich.

Does she have a 10 inch thick horsecock?
If so, she is literally perfect

"She'd exhausted all other routes of finding an interesting man, and so came to us! I assure you milord it is all pirely legal."

She's probably hoping that if someone makes a big donation, Lolth might let her off the hook.

If she herself donated or went into Lolth's temple, presumably that would remind Lolth that this elf is to be punished, and something horrible would immediately happen.

She's selling her body in hopes that someone else either frees her from divine wrath or inadvertently triggers that wrath upon themselves.

Because Drow, of course.

You are mistaken if you think that this is the role-playing board. There are other places for forum games. Also this is a smut thread, which has been banned from Veeky Forums for good reason.

"I'm afraid not, but that's what cosmetic magic is for!"

It just means I don't want to talk to someone who will just talk about sex and things like that. I want someone who can hold a conversation, and that can talk about something coll, interesting, and professional, without having to ask what every other word out of my mouth means.

Is that too much nowadays? Have I spent too much time in STEM and church discussions that my expectations are now ridiculous? Am I just too autistic?

Please tell me, I'm scared!

... Define 'strong drink'.

>moralfags

Go yell at the kids on your lawn somewhere else, grandpa.