"Tell me, human, when you look upon my hoard, what do you see? Trinkets and coins, things that have no value to you beyond what they can be bought and sold for. To me, they are more than that. Each piece of my treasure is a memory, a reminder of a time long since past that my own mind cannot fully recollect. I have lived a long time, human, longer than you can imagine, and in that time I have played both the protector and the destroyer, I have raised cities to fruition and burned cities to ashes. I have known the mightiest of heroes and the foulest of villains alike, and in that time I made both friends and enemies that I do not wish to forget. Each item I own is a reminder of a day I was triumphant, or a friend who fell in battle, and for that reason I cannot ever part with even the smallest coin, for if I did it would be like losing a part of myself. I know this holds no meaning to you, and if you still wish to fight for my hoard I will not back down, but understand that the only way you will ever leave here with my treasure is if you slay me, there is no bargain to be made."
"Tell me, human, when you look upon my hoard, what do you see? Trinkets and coins...
Oi ya cunt! Gimme ya treasure. I swear on me mum I'll put my sword right up yer arse!
GIMME YER BELT!
It belongs in a museum!
"That's pretty interesting - I guess it'd take something powerful for a long-lived creature such as yourself to remember anything by.
Can you at least give up the princess, though? It's her I'm here for - I don't really need the gold."
I'm here because I'm translating an old book form a dead language and you're the only fucker left that's fluent in it. Your heap of memorabilia is not something I'm interested in.
Right... but I'm here to stake a claim to those unmined jewels your treasure hoard is sitting on top of.
I even have the title deed for this land.
You'll have to eat it all and fly away for six months I'm afraid.
Until I've mined out the entirety of the fortress, of course.
>Casts DEX-save Hold Monster
pssh, nothin personell, dragon.
Oyyyy vey, hand over the shekels you goy lizard!
...
"Oh no no no, my, sorry. I'm afraid you haven't understood. I'm a Dragons -Layer-. The 's' is in another position. Now...doing anything tonight, beautiful?"
That's cool I guess. I don't really like stale potato chips, you can keep them.
Wanna fight? I can't get stronger unless I challenge tougher and tougher enemies. Let's start with an arm wrestle.
Now I'm imagining a dragon running a museum.
>Tell me, huma
As if I talk to dragons......ever.
>Now I'm imagining Indiana Jones as a pre-Shadowrun setting, where the museum he acquired artifacts for is run by an actual Dragon.
>TFW the dragon is Scrooge McDuck
That would actually be pretty interesting.
>dragon sets up shop in a capital city
>collects valuables of historical significance
>allows visitors to look and learn, but never touch
>incinerates thieves
>the government provides both funding and protection, considering it a public work of sorts
There are a lot of possibilities here.
>TFW the dragon is Scrooge McDuck
I'd rather face a dragon.
McDuck has a fucking cannon in his office, and can hire armies of killers to come after you. Not to mention, when challenged, he often wins by brute force, becoming super powered as needed.
Having now snuck behind the dragon I initiate combat with a backstab.
Weeeelp that's the first time I've had a boner about a dragon. SEVEN YEARS ON Veeky Forums!!! SEVEN YEARS AND IVE BEEN FINE BUT NOOO YOU HAD TO WIN DIDNT YOU
Believe me, if you had been here before 2010, you would not be saying that.
explain
explain
>I have raised cities to fruition and burned cities to ashes.
Sometimes the same city, just to fuck with them. They'd be like, "what the fuck, man?", and I'd be like, "Them's the breaks, suckers."
>The DM is monologuing again
>And he's trying to make us feel bad for murderhoboing and looting corpses
>Again
This fucker's speech would've ended at the first sentence
I ain't here for the gold. I'm here for that ass.
"So, any memories you want to get rid of?"
/tg used to be a pseudo blue board, so a lot more lewd and other stuff was posted pretty regularly. Then there was issues with nazis, and quests, and things changed.
i would honestly love a red tg
One of the dragons in my setting is a banker. He loans money and viciously pursues repossession of assets. Due to his status and power he can legally raid your estate, takes your property, and either sell it adding the coins into his vault/bank, or puts it in its own little alcove with your name above it.
That would actually be the perfect solution to a dragon's hoarding problem. People can pay to come see the dragon's museum, which uses the historical significance of the dragon's treasures to teach and give back to the community!
"Dear old friend, how many times has it been since you've said this exact soliloquy? Every day I come here, and every day you forget and remember me. Each day I come to bring you a new coin, a new memory, in hopes that you'll remember me as you once did in our golden years. There's no need to be frightened any longer old friend, the kingdom we have built together has hidden you from the rest of the world. I just...I just wish we could go back in time and relive those years of adventure."
>Alzhiemer's Dragon
I love this idea
Now I'm sad.
''Look old man you pull this trick on us every week. There hasn't been a dragon around these parts in 400 years, if you want to pass just hand over a silver for the toll. It's the same price for everyone, a copper isn't going to cut it''
Mission accomplished.
If only we had a caster above 5th level here, we could trivialize all problems ever as we always do in D&D.
...how though?
There is no cure for alzhiemers in D&D.
Well we used to be /d/-lite, and some lewd stuff shows up there now and again, so pretty much /d/ is your best option for a red Veeky Forums
this
But I don't want to slay you. Btw, have you heard of mutual funds and compounding interest?
I didn't ask to feel today.
What if I could bring an object with an equally interesting history and story behind it to trade for one of yours? Something every bit as unique as every item in your hoard?