Field Kit Inspection: Gauss to Meet You Edition

...Hmm
Okay so you bet on the "Red storm" the biker?
Excellent
>Takes the gun
That's 5 to 1, come people, race starts in 20 minutes

>I'd sit idly on a wooden crate, drinking some Amasec, while looking a picture of my family, before they were obliterated on Cadia
Dammit, I'll get my revenge on you on day, Despoiler.

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>A thoughtful look on his face, attempts to loot one of the dead Skitarii that lay around the Mechanicus ship for a .better weapon.

OI... go on over... and let out all of the.... child servitors... quickly...

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>I'd look to the conscript, aiding him in finding him a better weapon

Why so glum
What's wrong pal?

"Red Storm" Bike driven by Sergeant Rons 4 to 1
"Viper" a chimera driven by Private Nathaniel and Sergeant Lisa 7 to 1
"Bull" a taurox driven by Leutenant Maria and Greg the ogryn 6 to 1
"Snake" a tauros driven by the ratling brothers Mark and Lenon 4 to 1
Khulan the rought rider and his steed Ogla 5 to 1
"Devil" Hellhound driven by Sergeant Markus and Private Leslie 7 to 1

Rules:
No killing
Stay on track
No sabotage

If you want to join ask Ars'andog

>the man snaps a photo on his antiquated pict capture device, then speaks into a cumbersome looking vox device
Shapin' up to be a real race today folks, the racers are workin' on their cars as we speak, tryn'a stay outta this sun! Be sure to tune your vox to channel 134 point 23, or if you're lucky enough, you TV to Channel 17, to catch ALL of today's action!

When's starting the race?

>the reporter takes the man's pict, the bright flash disorienting him, before speaking rapidly
I donno pal, I'm just the reporter. Ask that stand up guy in the robes, he seems like the guy ta' know!

The race starts in half an hour, just time for people to buy some snacks, place bets, and racers to get ready, maybe some will join too, who knows, yes.

I am here to defeat my competition by all means possible!
I am entering the race!

Of course, tell me about your vehicle, yes

>The Lord would wake up on the ship, disgruntled and disorientated. He would make his way towards the hull, where he would greet Guardsman, awaiting their reaction

>The man looks up from trying to balance a quill on its nib at the sound of the lord approaching
Oh shit son

My vehicle is a standard racing car with no modifications at all to speak of. I assure you of this.

Relax! Relax. If I wanted you dead, you would have been already.

>the man flashes the camera in his face
Tell us about your car, your strategy, whaddaya think about the other racers? How did you get here? How did I get here? How did any of us get here?

>Spits out his water, in the middle of attempting to drink from his canteen.

>Knowing the danger, only stares, wide-eyed.

My car is unimportant, my strategy is secret the other racers are pricks and we all got here on the crashed ship.

>I'd sigh, looking the man up and down
Oh dear...

You... big smashy. I smash you?

"Red Storm" Bike driven by Sergeant Rons 4 to 1
"Viper" a chimera driven by Private Nathaniel and Sergeant Lisa 7 to 1
"Bull" a taurox driven by Leutenant Maria and Greg the ogryn 6 to 1
"Snake" a tauros driven by the ratling brothers Mark and Lenon 4 to 1
Khulan the rought rider and his steed Ogla 5 to 1
"Devil" Hellhound driven by Sergeant Markus and Private Leslie 7 to 1
"Standart racing car" a racing car driven by Richard Dastardly 5 to 1

Rules:
No killing
Stay on track
No sabotage

If you want to join ask Ars'andog

>From out of nowhere, several hours of green, electric light, would flash along the desert sands near the race course, before quickly dissipating.
>Hovering above the ground where each ball of light had once been, would be a Necron Tomb Blade. Their armour painted an almost black-silver colour, with blood red trim.
>Their pilots would look about ready too shoot at the foul organic beings, treading upon their world, but would stop short of such things.
>A moment later, a ball of green light later, and they would eahc be gone. Only to reappear mere moments later. Their vehicles now painted with bright flames.
>The leader would then point towards the recently contructed race track. Implying that should they wish to live, they will race against the Necrons.
>Hsould anyone reach for weapons, they would immediately open fire upon them.

Do not touch me you brute.

WHAT YOU WANT?

Oh boy, erm hello my metalic friend, were about to begin the race, how many of you will be racing?

I would like you to leave me alone.

>There would be about 30 tomb blades hovering above the ground before him.
>While the mechanical Xenos before you neither speaks, nor indicates anything with its body movements. You feel as if he's calling you a waste of space, and a moron.

Where's the steesee?
Stacey?
STC?
Where?
WHERE?

>Looking rather uncomfortable, shifts from one foot to the other.

>the man stares, his mouth agape, before raising his camera and flashing a pict, then picking up his vox microphone
Shapin' up to be a real race today folks! We've just been joined at the track by... uh... a bunch of metal skeletons!
>the man puts his hand to his ear
Huh? What's that you say? Total annihilation?
Alright folks, I've just been informed by this thing in my ear that if we don't win, we'll all be killed! And that's not just us here at the track, they'll trace our broadcast signals and murder all of you listeners and viewers! Looks liver everything is on the line, for what shapin' up to be a real race folks!

>Skull probes hovering over the race track would start to speak
Attention everybody, our race has changed a bit, now it's the Imperium VS necrons,a race for our own survival, and the only one of it's kind in the history of the galaxy. Y
ou can still bet who comes first
Also the race is about to begin, all racers, including honorable necrons, please proceed to the start line

*proceeds to the starting line, blatantly strapping a load of illegal modifications to his car, to be fair nobody will stop him, all the referees are human*

It is up your anal rectum.

>Frowning, the thought of the Lord being incredibly rude crosses his mind.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

BRUTUS SMASH
*roll to cave the robots head in with my power hammer*

>The tomb blades would set themselves up on the track. Waiting patiently for the fleshy organics to follow suite.
>Something tells you all that, despite their patient look, they'll start vapourizing people, of the other racers don't show up on the track in a few moments.

>ignores

>The other racers are on the track
>Hooded figure calls over the megaphone
ALL RIGHT RACERS
READY
SET GO
>Shoots at the sky with bolter pistol

>the man looks over at the strange hovering vehicles, before shouting at the human racers
HURRY UP YOU FUCKERS, THESE ARE THE BEST RATINGS CHANNEL 17 HAS HAD IN YEARS

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>Rolling to sabotage the Tomb Blades

Rolled 18 (1d20)

*drives along the same as everyone else, but attempts to throw explosives at the nearest tomb blade*

>Hits him at the back of the head
>Points at he racers leaving

>the man slowly raises his camera up to the hooded creature's face and takes a pict, the bulb flashing with blinding white light

Gah you, focus one the race...and pray to whatever you worship that we win

Well you better too, we're giving a live commentary on the race!
>the man jangles a set of car keys
C'mon, we'll miss the m if we don't hurry up

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>Rolling to covertly sabotage the Imperium vehicles as well

>Goes undetected, but fails to sabotage them

Rolled 54, 80, 46, 23, 46, 79 = 328 (6d100)

>First roll for the Red Storm
>Second for Viper
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance on the first eight of the lap

Rolled 83 (1d100)

*roll for performance of richard*

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>Rolling to throw a plasma grenade onto the engine of richards car
>60+

You go ahead, I have bets to see to

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>Rolling to further sabotage the tomb blades, rigging their engines to explode!

Rolled 83 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>The tomb blades would shoot off like silver bullets across the tracks.
>The speed at which they were going, would make them look as if they were nothing more than a blur of black-silver and blue flames.
+20 do the the amount of vehicles in the race, as well as the fact that these things are technically starfighters.

Ya fork, alpha legion sabotaged them

Get one of the servitors to do it, I need someone to hold the camera

Rolled 9 (1d20)

*richard would see them travelling far faster than he*
I'm going to have to take a short cut!
*roll to not take a shortcut and actually just fire missiles at the tomb blades*

Yes
>Works with the tablet
>Servitor comes near
Take this one

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>The majority of the tombblades would explode into great balls of fire and metal form the bombs.
>It's seems the leader hadanaged to discover this foul trick, however, and had planned accordingly.
>One of the other human racers would explode in his stead.
>Rolling for necrodermis repairs to the rest

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>Rolling to sabotage the Tomb Blades again!

>After about 30 seconds, the vast majority would simply reform, and once more take flight.

>Matthias would let out a long groan as the sight of the Necrons outside the Explorator ship.
>They had set up a fucking Pict screen and were intently watching some kind of race, rather than shoot at the guardsmen.
>"I bet those idiots at the dropship, had something to do with this..."

>Kaptin Toofrich would interrupt this gay race on his giant barge, called Gork's Sail.
>Him and his band of m8s would get off of his barge, and onto the race track

DIS ROAD IS OURS NOW YOU FILFY' METUL' GROTS. SURRENDA' OR DIE!

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>Confused about the situation, attempts to wander off to find the Explorator ship's Armory.

>After the first eight of the race track Richard Dastardly and the Leader of the Necron Tomb Blades are tied in the lead of the race

No, I mean you take the photos, the servitor takes bets. You can choose the radio station?

Rolled 16, 9, 10, 15, 7, 3, 11, 19, 12, 1 = 103 (10d20)

>The Necron Tomb blades wouldn't seem to care for the Orks on the road. They seemed (oddly enough) more interested in the race they were slowly winning.

Those Orks that didn't move out of the way quick enough, would either be run over, or shot with twin-linked Tesla cannons.
>First five rolls are for shooting, the rest are Orks being run over.

Rolled 48, 95, 31, 43, 56, 56 = 329 (6d100)

>First roll of the Red Storm
>Second for Viper
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance on the second eight of the lap

Why should I take the photos?
I'm the organizer of the race and besides I have skull probes to both take photos of the race and film it live across the sector
>Points at the big screen in the middle of the bar

Because I need photos for the newspaper, see? And the servitor is too god damned dense to work the camera, see?

Rolled 20, 12, 17, 13, 3, 13 = 78 (6d20)

>The Orks would begin firing at the Necron leader, first three rolls
>The other Orks would fire into the necron warriors, last three rolls

Wait we are on a ark mechancius?
and theres Necrons
Pinch me it must be archeotech sanguinalia

Ehhh
Yo Jeffry
>Brings a private to the man
Here this is Jeffry, he ows me a lot of money, but I'll forgive him half of it if he takes photos for you, will it do?
I'll also give you this new bike, so you can catch up to them
>Shows and eldar hoverbike, which is painted green and has skulls and aquila slapped on it

...

>Calls over vox
Hello, honorable captain, anybody, are you alive out there?

>looks the man up and down
You'll do buddy, you'll do. No need for the bike my man, I've got my own wheels!
>the man points back at a dilapidated blue sedan

Of course, best of luck

Rolled 19, 86 = 105 (2d100)

>The Necron "leader", would go down in a burning pile of half melted scrap metal, alongside a dozen other tomb blades.
>The rest however, would continue with the race.
>First roll for the race, the second for the downed Necrons repairing.

Rolled 73, 56 = 129 (2d100)

*first roll to race, second roll to glue the tomb blade in first place to the ground

>Matthias would answer through his vox bead.

I hear you, loud and clear. Unfortunately we're stuck at the Explorator ship. There's an army do Necron warriors, and vehicles sitting outside, watching some sort of race on a big screen. I assume one of you had something to do with this...

>the man gives a thumbs up, before grabbing the nervous looking private and slamming the camera into his hands
Now to take a pict, ya just push this button here, after ya turn this lever and turn this knob 36.7 degrees clockwise...
>this continues until he gets to the ancient car, which lurches towards the race in a cloud of thick, oily smoke

>The second roll auto fails, as tomb blades aren't ground vehicles. They hover and can fly both in atmosphere, and in space.

>Calls all over the race track with skull probes(the soldiers mechanicus ship also hear it)
AAAAND THE VIPER TAKES THE LEAD! SECOND BEHIND HIM IS RICHARD AND THIRD ARE BOTH KHULAN AND THE DEVIIIL
THE TOMB BLADES SEEM TO HAVE LOST THEIR SPEED BECAUSE OF FIGHTING THE ORKS AND ARE AT THE LAST PLACE!
It is possible honorable captain, but on the plus side if we win you might survive...if we don't they'll just slaughter us all

Rolled 42 (1d100)

I WILL WIN THIS RACE
*roll to throw 10KG weights into first place car*

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>Attempts to wander around the Explorator ship, trying to find something useful.

>Roll to find something useful, like a Baneblade or whatever.

Rolled 94, 67, 26, 38, 16, 37 = 278 (6d100)

>First roll for the Red Storm
>Second for Viper, get's +10 because of being in the lead
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance on the third eight of the lap

Rolled 100 (1d100)

*roll for performance*

>the man slams the venerable automobile into 5th gear, the engine screaming in protest as he does so
C'MON JIMMY, WE NEED THOSE PHOTOS

O-of course sir
>Sit's down and begins taking photos