Field Kit Inspection: It Ain't My Fault Edition

Skullbone
Skullbone

Stick close and form up, men! Neat and orderly, just the way I like it!

Now then, I know that it has been quite some time, since you all last received jungle death world survival training. As such, I have good news for you all. As you can clearly see all around you, this is most definitely, a jungle death world! As such, you may all consider our stay here, a refresher course on the matter.

At any rate, Segmentum Command has ordered us to this world to retrieve... Something... They weren't exactly clear on the matter. But I'm sure that with our skills, and a little blessing from the Emperor, we'll be able to find and retrieve it, in his glorious name!

Now then, with that being said, and considering there are no vicious predators, or man eating plants the size of a Leman Russ battle tank around us, I believe that now would be a great time to take a break, while commiting ourselves to a mandatory fielding kit inspection.

As such, all guardsmen! Present arms and equipment for a Field Kit Inspection!

Welcome to ''Field Kit Inspection", home of the 'Unknown Regiment". Feel free to join in! Remember though, we tend to use spoilers for OOC chat, while greentexts for are used for describing a character's actions. D20s are for combat checks and d100s for other things you wish to roll, with higher being better.

All urls found in this thread:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbI0cMyyw_M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNkQMtZAMAw
Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Skullbone
Brutus have... hammer!
Bigger big.... Brutus..!

Inmate
Inmate

@Skullbone
Third Company, reporting in! I took the liberty of sending a few of my men to scout ahead, a few moments ago.

Other than an abundance of man eating birds, the size of Hercules half trucks, that shoot out poisoned barbs the size of a man's arm, and are capable of slicing through Leman Russ armour plating. There isn't much else ahead that could kill us.

hairygrape
hairygrape

@Skullbone
Oh course honorable commissar, may I ask what the planet is called exactly?
@Spazyfool
Yes honorable Brutus, here's you hammer
Gives a power hammer two times bigger tha his previous one

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

I have the most heinous fucking swamp ass, holy fuck. Why do I keep following you onto those dropships

Nojokur
Nojokur

@hairygrape
BRUTUS SMASH!

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Skullbone
Reporting f-for duty, sir.
his voxcaster appears to be tuned to a local radio station
this is playing loudly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbI0cMyyw_M

Lunatick
Lunatick

@Gigastrength
Have you seen the size of our paper work? If we didn't constantly bring you along, we would in all likelihood, buried in it, on a constant basis.

On the plus side, don't you get hazard pay?

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@Lunatick
I get paid?

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Lunatick
What is a... pay?

TreeEater
TreeEater

a man drops from the trees and lands next to the commissar his knife pointed in the groups genral direction, he seems to bear a resembleance to another trooper from somewhere........

you sir? me scout. me do scouting.

the guardsman keeps his knife in a fighters grip

eGremlin
eGremlin

@Inmate
Why little bird.... so mean...?

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

Rolled 55 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

@Evil_kitten
*would construct a fortress around the man*

Firespawn
Firespawn

@Skullbone
Jungle death world... I see.
CHARLIE SQUAD, PRESENT AND ACOUNTED FOR, SIR!
ALRIGHT YOU YELLOW JENNY JUMPERS, WERE ON FOOT FROM HERE ON IN!
DISMOUNT THE MISSILE LAUNCHER, AND WERE LEGGIN IT! JUM
TO!

cum2soon
cum2soon

@Evil_kitten
Matthias would let out a groan.
It was going to be a LOOOOOONG day...

Yes adept, you get paid. Don't you fill out your own pay stubs?

@w8t4u
This, I should have expected...

@eGremlin
These aren't little birds... They're the size of a Tank.
He would be about to point to a tank, but would stop himself from doing so. Knowing the the hybrid would interpret it as "the tank is the giant killer bird, kill it!".

Let's just say, it's as tall as two men, standing atop each other, and four times as wide.

@Spazyfool
Emperor's throne, van Kleez. Your taste in music is terrible. Where in the throne do you find this sort of music?

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Firespawn
loud. loud and stupid, draw preditor

the nimble trooper climbs back into his tree and begins leaping from branch to branch around the camp

Playboyize
Playboyize

@cum2soon
I kill... tall men?
BRUTUS SMASH... BIRD MEN?

Methnerd
Methnerd

@cum2soon
the man stuffs payslips made out to himself with a considerable amount of digits on them into his briefcase
U-uhhh... no?

Snarelure
Snarelure

@PackManBrainlure
A bird the size of a Leman Russ battle tank, would swoop down, and grab the logs that Brutus was using to build his little fortress, everytime he went to place one down.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@Playboyize
The bird that had been tearing his fortress apart, would sit atop a massive tree and look down at him.
It would seem to be laughing at him.
CAW! CAW! CAAAAW!"

whereismyname
whereismyname

@Snarelure
...why do they take those logs?

Nojokur
Nojokur

Rolled 17 (1d20)

@ZeroReborn
jumping on the back of the bird from his nesting place of the trees, iu begin stabbing at it, safely nestled on the back of its neck

die bird of the empra

Illusionz
Illusionz

Rolled 8 (1d20)

@ZeroReborn
*brutus would lob his hammer, "big Brutus" at the bird in order to kill it*

farquit
farquit

@Nojokur
The bird would let out caws of pain as the knife slices through it's flesh.
Wait... Is it getting bigger...?
Yeah, it's getting bigger.
I think it might Explode.... You'd better roll a d100, to see if you can escape the explosion.

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@Methnerd
Matthias would merely roll his eyes at this.

Whatever... As long as everyone else gets their proper pay, I don't care what you pay yourself.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@Firespawn
Excellent idea, Sergeant! We can use the missile to signal for help, if we ever get lost! Which of course we won't, as I am great with directions!

eGremlin
eGremlin

Rolled 8 (1d100)

@farquit
the man cackles and stabs again before jumping

dead bird

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@eGremlin
The bird would caw loudly, sucking it gases with each breath it takes. Causing it's body to grow to absurd proportions before...

"CAW~!"

The bird would explode into a shower of gore and red and blue paste.
It's unlikely that he survived such a thing

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

Rolled 60 (1d100)

@Crazy_Nice
rolling to survive

bird is a.........

Inmate
Inmate

@Crazy_Nice
The necron steps out of the landing craft and is instantly covered from head to toe in viscera.
One of his eyes flicks to a deeper shade of green for a split second, before returning to normal

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@haveahappyday
nasty bitch

mostly dead

Will die in three posts if not for a good roll of the medics

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Crazy_Nice
Oh goody...
Gets covered in guts
Victor get there and bring me any claws the bird has left behind

RavySnake
RavySnake

Rolled 30 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

@Poker_Star
Illya would attempt to stabilize the man.
-10 due to the explosion ripping him apart.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

Rolled 43 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

@RavySnake
*would build a fortress around the hospitalier*

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

Rolled 94 (1d100)

@RavySnake
night night sister

the wreak of a man does not seem to comprehend he is in fact dying......scratch that dead

he lies back smiling and goes still

[rolling to see if all of you are struck dumb by his stupidity/ "bravery"]

Bidwell
Bidwell

@Evil_kitten
*brutus would already be dumb*

likme
likme

For a few moments after the "goreslosion", the jungle would remain silent. As if it were in mourning for the life that had been lost.
Then it would fill with caws, and the buzzing of poisonous insects the size of baseball's and basketballs.

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@Bidwell
it means stare at him not beliving I'm that stupid

not litteraly dumb idiot

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@Raving_Cute
Another bird would swoop down, and grab each of the logs, that Brutus was a
Using the build the fortress.

WebTool
WebTool

@Sharpcharm
I don't get it

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@Evil_kitten
Wow, what a retard.
I'm hungry

DeathDog
DeathDog

@Evil_kitten
Illya would frown, before taking his dog tags from around his neck, before closing his eyes.

Good night...

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@Evil_kitten
hmm...what a shame, yes.
Loots his knife

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@DeathDog
@BunnyJinx
Check if he had any snacks

Techpill
Techpill

Rolled 27 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

@Sharpcharm
*brutus would fill all of his construction materials with explosives*
*brutus would build a fortress*

FastChef
FastChef

@Techpill
The bird would once more swoop down, and grab the logs, before tossing them away, to expose harmlessly in the forest.
"CAW."

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@Nude_Bikergirl
@BunnyJinx
Knochenmus would smile at the sight.

Good thinking, men! Salvage whatever you can from the poor man, and then prepare to move out!

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

Rolled 5, 1, 7, 4, 6, 8, 7, 7, 4, 1, 7, 3, 1, 4, 8, 7, 6, 9, 8, 5, 1, 10, 3, 2, 10 = 134 (25d10)

@FastChef
*brutus would coat his building materials in fire*
*brutus would build a fortress*

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@SomethingNew
Apparently Brutus had burned himself alive...?

RumChicken
RumChicken

Rolled 25 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

@PackManBrainlure
*i fucked up the roll*
*roll to build a fortress*

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@RumChicken
The bird would continue to outsmart the hybrid everytime he tried something, when building his fortress. Tearing it apart, everytime he attempted to build it.
It would also laugh at his stupidity.

takes2long
takes2long

at this point, the Commissar would stand up, and begin shouting.

Alright men! Break is over! Let's move out!

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Spazyfool
Well this is going to take some time...
@Crazy_Nice
Oh honorable Commissar, where exactly are we going?

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

@Spazyfool
*brutus would grab some rations from kleez' locker and feed them to the birds*

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@takes2long
Where... we go... boss?

SniperGod
SniperGod

@w8t4u
Where ever my gut tells us to go, trooper! We shall retrieve this important object, and bring glory to both ourselves, and the Imperium!

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@SniperGod
Oh course honorable commissar
*inner thought: Great, he doesn't know what we have to search for and what it even is*

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@SniperGod
Can we... take the... chimaera?

Supergrass
Supergrass

@SniperGod
Do we even know what we're here for? Or are we going to do something really stupid and inane, like last time we were sent to get something?

Spamalot
Spamalot

@SniperGod
Vu Chen emerges from a copse of trees, wiping sweat off his brow
I can lead us, milord.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@Spamalot
Tiny man...

RumChicken
RumChicken

@Supergrass
We've never done anything insane, nor stupid! Only tactical genius ever leaves my brain, trooper. And I trust my gut, just as you should! I knows what it's doing.

@New_Cliche
No, trooper! You'll walk, just like everyone else! The chimeras are for battle only. The Hercules half trucks as well.

@GoogleCat
This way, gentlemen!

The Commissar would begin leading the regiment through the massive jungles.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@Spamalot
Very well, Corporal! Lead the way.

whereismyname
whereismyname

@RumChicken
*brutus would follow, destroying every tree within a metre of the path he walked with his hammer*

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

@BunnyJinx
Roger that, commissar.
he leads through the jungle, occasionally giving survival tips

massdebater
massdebater

@RumChicken
Nods
Hooded figure begins to follow the Commissar
@Supergrass
Honorable scribe, would you like to bet that this planet will end up getting an exterminatus?

Skullbone
Skullbone

@massdebater
I bet... 60%... of van kleez...

Firespawn
Firespawn

After standing still for the past 5 minutes covered in birb guts, the Necron suddenly comes to action, marching after the group

FastChef
FastChef

@Skullbone
Excellent

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@FastChef
Hold the f-fuck up, that's not *cough* excellent. Not excellent at all.

farquit
farquit

@Harmless_Venom
Why... that...?

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Harmless_Venom
Slaps him on the shoulder a little too hard
Roll with it my man, roll with it.
@massdebater
Yo, I bet the other 40%

Skullbone
Skullbone

@w8t4u
Weren't 30% already owned by Illya?

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@Skullbone
Who owns anything, really? Besides, what was she gonna do with him anyway?

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@BinaryMan
Honorable scribe, you know exactly what she'll do with him

Evilember
Evilember

@Ignoramus
Exactly, therefore I believe that he is being mistreated, and I should contact the correct authorities. And, by the power of the most holy God-Emperor of Mankind, that is me.
Signs several forms
The property known as "Kleez, Van" has now been requisitioned by the Adeptus Administratum
@Harmless_Venom
Stamps the man on the forehead with a wax seal

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

fanned out, compas and map held by the seargent.
Oi now! It hot it is! I could do with some rain, right boys?
grumbling
Thats the spirit!

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@Ignoramus
@BinaryMan
The two would both feel a cold hand on their shoulders.
Turning around, they would find Illya, smiling at both of them.

What are you two talking about...

JunkTop
JunkTop

@LuckyDusty
Paperwork

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@LuckyDusty
Bussiness

cum2soon
cum2soon

@LuckyDusty
We are betting... van kleez... to an... alien...

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@Harmless_Venom
The young Captain would place a hand upon his shoulder, as he walks by him.

Cheer up, ol' chap! At the very least, you'll be going to a better home than you have now.

@Boy_vs_Girl
He would jog up the Chen, his voice a barely audible whisper, as he speaks

Don't take tthisthe wrong way, or as Mr Being a pessimist. But what do you consider the odds of survival for most of these guys? I'm guessing pretty damn low, personally. But they have been known to survive, the worst this galaxy has to throw at us.

Emberburn
Emberburn

@Gigastrength
Yelling
WE CAN STILL HEAR YOU. DICK.

SniperGod
SniperGod

@JunkTop
@New_Cliche
@cum2soon
Despite her smile, she doesn't look very happy at their replies.

Well... Which is it? Aliens, slavery, or paperwork?

StonedTime
StonedTime

@SniperGod
All... of the... above...
By the way... who owns... the other... 30% of... kleez?

TechHater
TechHater

@SniperGod
All of the above

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@SniperGod
All three for me are business honorable Illya, and nobody forced them to bet Van Kleez
@StonedTime
Illya

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@BinaryMan
This math... hurts my... head...

takes2long
takes2long

@Stark_Naked
We aren't doing math

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@SniperGod
Right then hospitaller! Cheer yourself up some! Were all in service to the God Emperor, aint we boys?
general chorus of yeahs

Playboyize
Playboyize

@takes2long
Oh.. good...
I can't read...

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Playboyize
I know

Evilember
Evilember

@Gigastrength
I can't say for sure, I don't know what we're fighting.

TechHater
TechHater

@Emberfire
Can you read.....
What's... it like...?

Supergrass
Supergrass

@TechHater
Uhh... hearing but with your eyes I guess.

iluvmen
iluvmen

@Evilember
@Poker_Star
Can any... of you... read... with your.... ears?

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@iluvmen
looking at one another
trooper veskon:
What?

Nojokur
Nojokur

@BlogWobbles
You get... your ears....
and read.... with them...?
Yes?

Lunatick
Lunatick

While walking takes out a tablet
Types something into it
Takes out a remote
Remote beeps
Nods
Places tablet and remote inside his robe

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Nojokur
takes headset from vox
Naw man, here, this is what you do with your ears
pust headset on brutas
changes frequency to make a squealing noise
minimal volume, barely audible

SniperGod
SniperGod

@Gigastrength
When we arrive.... boss man...?

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@Nojokur
@BlogWobbles
@iluvmen
@Supergrass
@TechHater
Matthias would shudder, at the stupidity coming from a few rows down.

@Evilember
I don't think that matters, with this lot. Do you?

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@PurpleCharger
Boss... when we arrive...?

Booteefool
Booteefool

@PurpleCharger
So far they didn't kill each other as often as one would expect

Spamalot
Spamalot

@Emberfire
@SniperGod
quickly turns up set to max volume, borderline earshattering.

iluvmen
iluvmen

@Stupidasole
We'll arrive, when my gut says we've arrived, trooper!

...that, or when Vu Chen days so.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@Spamalot
*removes headset and smashes it to pieces*
NO... BAD SOUND...

Spamalot
Spamalot

@BunnyJinx
HEY CUNT THATS IMPERIAL ISSUE!

takes2long
takes2long

@Spamalot
I HAVE AN IMPERIAL ISSUE.... WITH YOUR FACE...

Playboyize
Playboyize

@BunnyJinx
@Spamalot
Matthias would sigh.

If you two dont settle down, and make up, I swear to the Emperor, I'll make you.

Techpill
Techpill

@Gigastrength
the crosshairs of a powerful scope would pick out Matthias through the thick foliage
Spotted TO-1... Tracking... Zeroed... Permission?
...
...
...
Copy...

Snarelure
Snarelure

@BunnyJinx
SHIT SON! TECH HERESEEEEY!

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Playboyize
AYE SIR
whispers to brutus
You had better watch you pile of grox shit, or ima put my iron fucking fist up your arse

farquit
farquit

@Evilember
he has spent the past few minutes picking the wax off and grumbling

@iluvmen
F-Forgive me for asking, sir, but *cough* d-do you actually know where we're goin'?

hairygrape
hairygrape

@Techpill
Matthias would continue walking along, near the head of the formation. Painfully unaware that he had been zeroed in on, by a sniper of some kind.

@Snarelure
@takes2long
@Spamalot
@BunnyJinx
Do you know whom else is going to have an issue? All three of you, when I kick your asses, and have you lashed! Now make nice, or I'll make it happen!

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

Rolled 24 (1d100)

@Spazyfool
*flexes every body muscle at once*
*roll intimidation*

SniperGod
SniperGod

@farquit
Don't ask him, he doesn't know what day it is. Also I hope you picked up that wax, it's expensive

Nojokur
Nojokur

@farquit
Sergeant, I, and by I, I mean my gut. Knows exactly where we're going!

He would point directly ahead of them, with his good hand.

That way of course! My gut and therefore my brain, always knows the right way!

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

@iluvmen
@Techpill
the scope would quickly snap to the Commissar and zero onto his forehead.
Spotted TO-2... Tracking... Zeroed... Permission?
...
...
...
Copy... Orders same as TO-1...

happy_sad
happy_sad

Rolled 2 (1d100)

@PackManBrainlure
the squad bursts into violent laughter at seeing the shorter idiot begin seizing up
trooper markon
Aye sir! We'll make nice
roll to give brutus a noogie

Emberburn
Emberburn

Rolled 69 (1d100)

@Dreamworx
Hmm, better be careful
Types in his tablet
Victor begins flies into the sky to spot any ambushes
Roll for spotting

Flameblow
Flameblow

Rolled 18 (1d20)

@happy_sad
*brutus was mildly autistic and the fact that someone was even trying to go near his head caused him to fucking charge the entire squad*
*roll to brawl a puny guardsman*

Booteefool
Booteefool

Rolled 9 (1d20)

@Flameblow
the trooper takes the punch to the face, and is layed out
the now pissed off squad begins their attack
roll for three men to beat down brutus

massdebater
massdebater

Rolled 21 (1d100)

@SniperGod
he scowls at the man
You want it, you go get it. Should be scattered over the last, oh, mile an' a half of trail.

@Nojokur
Ask me why I'm n-not reassured.

@Dreamworx
It's too damn quiet, I'm tellin' ya.
he nervously scans the trees
rolling for perception

hairygrape
hairygrape

Rolled 5 (1d20)

@Booteefool
*brutus would ignore all of the blows and continue knocking out the squad*

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@massdebater
Maybe it's quiet because you scared all the wildlife away with your classical music

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@hairygrape
one man stumbles back, and quickly redoubles his attack
several men pull out their nine seventy handles to use as clubs
roll for attack

the sgt runs to the commisar
SIR, SIR, the xeno has gone full raving mad!

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@hairygrape
@Booteefool
@Flameblow
Matthias would slip out his hell pistol, and would fire a shot at the ground near them.

BREAK IT UP! ALL OF YOU! OTHERWISE, THE NEXF SHOT, WILL BE TO YOUR HEADS!

farquit
farquit

Rolled 18 (1d20)

@Emberburn
Victor spots two snipers
Hmm
@Nojokur
@Lord_Tryzalot
Commissar, captain, it appears that there are enemy snipers
Pushes button on the tablet
Victor begins to attack one of the snipers@Techpill

Roll for attack

happy_sad
happy_sad

Rolled 1 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

@Stark_Naked
shit

Snarelure
Snarelure

@Lord_Tryzalot
But... but...
He started it..!

Emberburn
Emberburn

@Lord_Tryzalot
at the futility of the fight, the squad simmers down.
Aye sir!

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@Dreamworx
PT-1 not sighted... Will advise and wait for further orders... Moving to Position 7...
the scope pulls off as he looks out at his targets, his eyes barely able to pick out the guard as they advance before he hops down the large tree, puttinf his rifle on his back and moving swiftly with his pistol in hand to another overwatch location

whereismyname
whereismyname

@Emberburn
@Snarelure
By the eye, I should be having you both lashed, for this!

He would turn to the Sergeant.

And you! You're responsible for these men's actions! You should have been stopping this fight!

@farquit
What in the Eye of Terror!?

massdebater
massdebater

@whereismyname
the seargent, being several yards away, talking to the commissar about what just happened, did not hear the captain
he was saying
I dont know what happened sir! The bloody thing just went looney! Smashed part of the vox, and attacked my men!

Inmate
Inmate

@whereismyname
Gives tablet with map of the jungle and two glowing dots
Here, two figures, armed and looking at our direction
Victor is on the way to dispatch this one
Points at one of the dots

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@whereismyname
she pops out of a chimera and looks for Matthias knowing the Commissar wouldn't understand
Where is he... can someone help me find Mr. Wyvern?

Methnerd
Methnerd

@lostmypassword
Over there, yelling at things
points down the trail, where several birds can be seen flying away from muffled shouting

SniperGod
SniperGod

@Inmate
Blasted jungle.... Alright, keep an eye open,I'll go talk t-

@lostmypassword
The Praetorian Captain, would cast a look towards the diminutive Magos.

What seems to be the matter?

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@BunnyJinx
A giant bug leaps at the sniper @farquit

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@SniperGod
I-I found something... o-odd on the radio.
she waves him over

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Spazyfool
Matthias would nod his head, before entering into the Chimaera.

I hope this is what we've been looking for.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@Playboyize
Well... i can't decode it but...
she looms at the radio and starts fiddling with it
I-It's gone... there was a signal... it's g-gone now but it was here and I couldn't crack it. I couldn't even recoard it.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@Playboyize
I was... told.... we don't get... chimaeras...
We go.... on foot...?
How.... chimaera.... get here...?

SniperWish
SniperWish

@lostmypassword
We could have taken the bus!
chorus of aaawwws

Spamalot
Spamalot

@SniperWish
Your bus.... stupid...
Goliath... truck... best... vehicle...

Bidwell
Bidwell

@SniperWish
No. I get a Chimera because I need to carry all the tools and parts to fix all your weapons.
she glares at the group

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Spamalot
I have exactly 354 reports from various mining corporations that the Goliath brand truck is unreliable, prone to breakdowns, and are frequently stolen from their hiveworld based mining operations.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@Spamalot
I myself prefer something a bit more...floaty
@Bidwell
Oh course honorable magos
*Whispers to others*
Did she ever fix anything?

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

What? A tool kit? Lookit all this shit we have to carry! This pack weighs as much as I do!

whereismyname
whereismyname

@BlogWobbles
*whispers*
I don't think I've ever even seen her before.

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

@RavySnake
The Goliath... truck.... is sturdy... and the most... reliable vehicle.... that has... ever been... made...
I... have no comment... about your... last.. statement...

happy_sad
happy_sad

Just kind of shows up, then again, one could suppose he was always there and noone paid attention to his existence.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@CodeBuns
Did you atleast manage to track it? It might be what we were sent to look for.

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@PackManBrainlure
It came.... from the senders....

JunkTop
JunkTop

...so while we wait for them, anybody want's to play cards?

Spamalot
Spamalot

@JunkTop

Perks up, hearing the offer, makes his way to join the Game.

askme
askme

@JunkTop
I'd be down. D-Deal me in, boss.

@happy_sad
Ah, that r-reminds me!

@PackManBrainlure
he approaches the officer and attempts a smartish salute
Captain! If I may *cough* be so bold, I got a recommendation for you for promotion - a certain Conscript Wolfe, for gallantly taking charge in the trying situation of having no fuckin' officers around, *wheeze* as well as personally dragging me to a medical ward thus p-probably maybe saving my life.

MPmaster
MPmaster

@JunkTop
Sure... what... game...

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@askme
*mumbles something about clearing 9 lifetimes worth of debt from his sorry ass*

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@MPmaster
Oh goody....
Takes guardsman to Brutus
Gives him pamphlet "Cards and you"
Gives few thrones
Read this to him and explain him what cards are, yes....
Guardsman begins to read

whereismyname
whereismyname

@askme
Matthias would narrow his eyes, as if in thought, before speaking up a moment later.

... I'll see what I can do...

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@Harmless_Venom
Oh poker?
...
Deal... me... in...

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@askme
@MPmaster
@Spamalot
Hmm excellent, my friends, anybody else wants to join?
If no lets us play
Deals hands
Anybody wants to bet something? How about Kleez? Heheheh...
Just joking, who wants to go first?

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@AwesomeTucker
Somebody say poker?
the man fumbles with the sleeve of his big coat
I'm in

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@AwesomeTucker
I fold....

5mileys
5mileys

@AwesomeTucker

After a moment, decides to Fold. Unwilling to go off first.

likme
likme

Rolled 25 (1d100)

@Stupidasole
Aliens long, narrow arms take out the cards out of Viktors sleeves
Come and join in
Gives him a hand
Hmm
I'll go
Roll for quality of cards

RumChicken
RumChicken

Rolled 26 (1d100)

@Ignoramus
Yeah, I owe y-you one for that.
he mumbles reflectively
I feel like I'm gonna regret sayin' that.

@AwesomeTucker
F-Funny one, xeno.
he scans the faces of the other players, before putting down 10 thrones
rolling for hand

TechHater
TechHater

@likme
Shit... fine, what are we betting?
Squats down, a lit lho stick in his hand procured from deep within his coat

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@TechHater
Whatever you want
Places five thrones

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

Rolled 95 (1d100)

@likme

Keeping his Hand close, he checks to see how good it is.

Rolling for Hand.

cum2soon
cum2soon

@Need_TLC
the sergeant is quick to add
Within reason. Specifically, me being out of reason.

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Need_TLC
roots around in his big briefcase and pulls a thin folder from within.
it has the words "Kleez, Van - Financial details and Records" stamped on it in deep red ink

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>rolling for card quality or whatever you base this on I guess

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@Sir_Gallonhead

Barely knowing what he's actually doing or what most Hands mean, lightly shrugs and bets Ten Thrones into the pot.

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@Spazyfool
@likme
@RumChicken
@Sir_Gallonhead
@PurpleCharger
Hmm congragulations Wolfe, you get 20 thrones ...and Van Kleez's Financial detail

viagrandad
viagrandad

@Stark_Naked
Trust me, the records aren't that valuable

cum2soon
cum2soon

@Lord_Tryzalot
Allright..... deal me another hand...

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Lord_Tryzalot

Feeling oddly proud, though still confused, moves his winnings towards him.

He gestures for another Hand.

JunkTop
JunkTop

Okay, another round
Deal eveyone their hands
Who goes first?

whereismyname
whereismyname

@RavySnake
the financial details read like a roller coaster
they're fairly singed around the edges, as if someone had pulled them out of a fire in the nick of time
several times

@Lord_Tryzalot
Fuck, alrighty then. D-Deal me another.

likme
likme

@JunkTop
I bet.... 10% of kleez...

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

Rolled 45 (1d100)

@JunkTop
I can go all day, I have records for literally everyone on the ship

Skullbone
Skullbone

@JunkTop
he sighs and slaps down another 10 thrones
rollan

@likme
Fuck off, that's *cough* all of me I have left!

StonedTime
StonedTime

Rolled 73 (1d100)

@JunkTop

Gaining his next hand, takes a quick look at his cards.

Roll for Hand.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

Rolled 18 (1d100)

@Skullbone
Fuck

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

Rolled 56 (1d100)

@Skullbone
Puts down 20 thrones
Now Kleez, you still own 10 % of yourself
Rolling

Booteefool
Booteefool

@StonedTime

Still confused as to what his Hands mean, blindly throws forth Ten Thrones.

Bidwell
Bidwell

@Booteefool
@Skullbone
Pay up people@BunnyJinx

iluvmen
iluvmen

Rolled 5 (1d100)

@BunnyJinx
*roll*

TechHater
TechHater

@iluvmen
@BunnyJinx
@ZeroReborn
@StonedTime
@PackManBrainlure
Allright, conguradilations again Wolfe, lady luck is truly smiling at you today, you get 60 thrones, 10% of Van Kleez and everything he owns, and someones records

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@TechHater

Again, scoops the Pot towards him, and Inspects the Records.

He Gestures for another Hand.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

With the regiment following behind knochenmus, and knovhenmus' gut leading them in the right direction. The men and women of the unknown regiment, would make there way through the jungles. Only losing thirteen men to quick sand related deaths, twenty-seven to predator attacks, and five to exploding birds.
Eventually however. They would make it...
Before them would lie.... A cave?

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@TechHater
That is...... enough cardage!
We must now depart...... to kill.....
snipers presumably!
Agreed?

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Evil_kitten
Oh, were here,yes
@kizzmybutt
No need honorable Brutus, Victor dealt with them

TechHater
TechHater

@Evil_kitten

Blinks and sits up from the Game, Las in hand, seeing the Cave before them.

Discreetly, slips Van Kleez's Financial Records back to him.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@Evil_kitten
he picks up his voxcaster handset and informs command of their arrival, before peering into the darkness
This'll be good, I c-can tell.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@Emberfire
*charges wildly into the cave as soon as he sees it*
CAAAAAVVVVEEE

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@Evil_kitten
Hmm... This doesn't seem right. Yet my gut led us here. So whatever we're looking for, must be in here!

Before the regiment, would sit the entrance to a massive cave. The entrance easily big enough to fit three Leman Russ tanks side by side, even as the entryway slopes downwards.

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@Stupidasole
Knochenmus would trip him, before he could go ahead.

Skullbone
Skullbone

the man shines a torch into the cave's depths
Uhh... can I get inside the Chimera?

Evilember
Evilember

@Poker_Star
*brutus would stand up and peer into the cave before throwing a grenade down there to see what happened*

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>Looks a the cave
Hmm, Victor
A giant bug with bloody mandibles comes near the hooded creature
Scout
Roll for scouting

JunkTop
JunkTop

@Skullbone
Like hell you are. You're walking, just like the rest of us.

@haveahappyday
Well, Commissar, what's the plan?

King_Martha
King_Martha

@Evilember
Thankfully like the idiot he was. Brutus had forgotten to pull the pin. As such nothing happens in there.

@TurtleCat
It's dark...

takes2long
takes2long

@King_Martha
*brutus throws some more of kleez rations down the cave to see what happened*

likme
likme

@King_Martha

A grim look on his face, comes before the Captain and quietly volunteers to lead into the Cave.

Quietly, requests several Guardsmen to go with him.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@takes2long
he just sighs and screws another suspicious-looking canister into his respirator

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@likme
It seems that a squadron of scout Sentinels had already been sent down there.
But the Captain would thank the trooper for the offer, nonetheless.

@PackManBrainlure
Life must really suck for you, van Kleez.

@takes2long
They hit the cave floor, after landing five meters away.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@CodeBuns
With his growing debt to...someone in this regiment, it may only get worse

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@CodeBuns
*brutus would do it again*

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@CodeBuns
After about ten minutes, the Sentinels would return.
There would be a quick meeting amongst the senior regimental officers for a short while, before everyone returns.

The Commissar just have the word. Third Company is to move in ahead of the main force. Apparently this cave goes on for quite a while.

King_Martha
King_Martha

loud, defeated sigh, followed by grumbling
Making me carry all this paperwork... goddamned hole in the ground... still got fucking swamp ass

girlDog
girlDog

@CodeBuns
*brutus would charge into the cave*

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@girlDog
Again, Brutus would trip.

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@CodeBuns
he looks at him with weary eyes
...Yeah, sir. Yeah, I'd say it does.

whereismyname
whereismyname

@girlDog
You need to tie your shoelaces holy shit dude

iluvmen
iluvmen

@BlogWobbles
*brutus would walk carefully into the cave in an orderly fashion*

Snarelure
Snarelure

@iluvmen
This works, once the third company begins traveling into the mouth of the cave.

Keep and eye open, lads. There's no telling what could be living in here...

Illusionz
Illusionz

Rolled 9 (1d20)

@Snarelure
*brutus sees an insect and smashes it with his oversized power hammer*

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

Rolled 48 (1d100)

@PurpleCharger

Clasping his hand reassuringly on Van Kleez's shoulder and a small nod, motions forth with his Las in the other hand.

@Snarelure

Eyes wide and alert, an attempt is made to scan the dark for anything unusual.

Roll for PER.

takes2long
takes2long

Rolled 94 (1d100)

@Snarelure
the man holds his ornate las pistol at arms length in one hand, and grips his briefcase in the other, staring deep into the cave
rolling to look for shit

iluvmen
iluvmen

@Snarelure
Hooded figure nods and follows the company

Methnerd
Methnerd

Rolled 60 (1d100)

@takes2long
*brutus would loot the cave for rocks, Goliath rockgrinders or the occasional warlord titan*

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

Dunston would get up from resting, cracking his back
So, what's happened so far?

Methshot
Methshot

@Fried_Sushi
I now own.... half.... of kleez......
And also.... my hammer..... is bigger...

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

@Methnerd
None of the above are found. Nothing is found.

@takes2long
Thankfully, nothing save for a few bat like creature's, with cat like heads, pops out. And that only happens near the mouth of the cave.

@Stark_Naked
He doesn't exactly find anything

Following the passage, the third company would eventually begin finding various side passages. Most of which would only be big enough for three men walking side by side to fit, some however are smaller, or have collapsed entirely.
Behind them, the lights from the rest of the reigment can barely be seen. The commissar having given orders for the other companies to hold back nearly 200 meters.
The air in the tunnels eventually begins to cool down quite a bit. Almost to the point of freezing.

Nojokur
Nojokur

DID SOMEONE SAY JUNGLE DEATHWORLD?

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

Rolled 52 (1d100)

@VisualMaster
*brutus begins smashing rocks to stay warm?*

5mileys
5mileys

Sure is a good thing I wear 8 layers everywhere I go

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@5mileys
Meh, my robes have heating

Snarelure
Snarelure

@VisualMaster

Eyes darting back and forth, quietly tells several Generic Guardsmen to keep their eyes on the side passages.

Las raised, mind clear, expecting the other boot to drop.

TechHater
TechHater

These f-fatigues are j-jack shit for this men. Lets start a pool for funds for warmer gear, shall we lads?

JunkTop
JunkTop

@VisualMaster
The 9 foot giant would hulk behind with his explosive Autocannon

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@VisualMaster
Eventually, after having what felt to be nearly eight miles of the main passage, with its constant turns and rises, and descents. The men of the third company would come across something....
A ruin?

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>the man cracks a chemical light, and tosses it into a side passage
rolling for what's in it

Nojokur
Nojokur

Rolled 19 (1d20)

@CodeBuns
*roll to smash ruin*

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@CodeBuns
I think it was obvious we would have to search ruins, honorable captain...let's hope it isn't chaos

Lunatick
Lunatick

Rolled 83 (1d100)

@CodeBuns
Oh, ok then, this isn't sinister at all. I guess if we're trapped down here I can make a killing off rent
rolling to spot any decent condos

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

Rolled 71 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

@Raving_Cute
Excuse me, but would you happen to have twelve warm weather uniforms, for say
roll
Amount of thrones?

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@Gigastrength
Hmmm...Yes I do honorable troopers
Takes thrones
Gives a twelve sets of warm clothes

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

@AwesomeTucker
By the Imortal throne, I dont know where you keep this stuff, but thank you kindly.

Lunatick
Lunatick

@CodeBuns
the guerrilla leads his squad to investigate
Stay here.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@Dreamworx
Robes have lots of space costumer

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@Lunatick
*brutus ignores him and wanders into the ruins*

Spamalot
Spamalot

@CodeBuns
Before them, would be a hole in the cave wall, that would lead into an actual chamber of some kind.
Standing on the other side of the hole, would be a statue, carved from the stone itself. Its body would shaped like that of a man of over 12 feet. Its body designed to look as if it were encased in the armour of an ancient Terran knight, with a helmet in the shape of a snake.
All around the room, would be ancient machines and long, winding cables, attached to various other machines of a somewhat unfamiliar design.
From the look of things, these machines could only be ancient archeotech, from the dark age of technology!
The strangest thing however, would be all of the machines are activated, and would be displaying innumerable equations, and streams of data across their screens at an unbelievable pace that modern logic engines and Cogitators could never hope to keep up with.

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Spamalot
*brutus would attempt to find a console of some kind*

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@Spamalot
All of this data it seems, would be coming from other machines directed towards a large raised platform at the center of the room. A large container near the size of full grown man, sitting at the direct center of it.

Emberburn
Emberburn

@Spamalot
The mechanicus are gonna give us so many planets for this stuff

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@Playboyize
There appear to be dozens upon dozens of them all around the room. Each on activated, and displaying data at an amazing speed.

Don't. Touch. ANYTHING!

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@PackManBrainlure
Yeah, this l-looks like our cue to leave. I got a horrible feeling about this.

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@CouchChiller
*brutus would walk over to the closest console*

whereismyname
whereismyname

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>the man looks at one of the screens, trying to sew what it's saying or make any sense of it
rolling for sense-making

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@CouchChiller

Keeping a distance from the Ancient machines, though attempts to make some kind of sense of the Data.

Lunatick
Lunatick

@BinaryMan
Wait. This may be what we were sent to retrieve.
he motions to the container

viagrandad
viagrandad

@BinaryMan
Are you kidding? One of two things is in here! Ancient tech which we will be rewarded for tenfold, or tech heresy! If the former, we profit! If the latter, we serve the Emperor!

cum2soon
cum2soon

Rolled 46 (1d100)

@Raving_Cute

Whups, forgot to roll.

Roll for INT

hairygrape
hairygrape

@Lunatick
No.... that... is here say....
We need... to get.... computers...

SniperWish
SniperWish

@PackManBrainlure
he approaches the canister

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

@Lunatick
he runs his hand over his bald head in exasperation
Well, shit. Guess we grab it and get outta here b-before to much can go wrong, then.
he chuckles to himself at the prospect

@viagrandad
I'd rather a less, uh, l-lethal source of profit, and I feel like I can *cough* better serve the Emprah in one piece.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

the man walks slowly towards the raised platform, las pistol in hand

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@AwesomeTucker
*brutus would press a button on the control panel whilst nobody was looking*

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

@cum2soon
@Raving_Cute
The data is streaming by so quickly, it's impossible for him to makeout anything on it.
@Lunatick

Agreed. This archeotech was obviously transmitting the data our diminutive coggirl was telling me about.

@whereismyname
Again, it streams byntoo quickly for him to even make out.

@viagrandad
No one, is selling any of it! Don't touch it!
For those of you who attempted to get close to the box, or look at the screens, roll another d100.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

Rolled 89 (1d100)

@Fried_Sushi

takes2long
takes2long

Rolled 25 (1d100)

@Fried_Sushi
Blinks, before nodding.

askme
askme

@Fried_Sushi
Looks at the consoles
Hmm...could there be an AI inside that knight

Bidwell
Bidwell

Rolled 40 (1d100)

@Fried_Sushi

Techpill
Techpill

Rolled 87 (1d100)

@Fried_Sushi

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

Rolled 18 (1d100)

@Fried_Sushi

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@TurtleCat
The Cogitator's screen would freeze it's stream of data. Amongst its garbled up bunches of code, he could see one word.
Release...?
@takes2long
As he approaches it, he would feel the uncontrollable urge, to open the box.
@Bidwell
He would have the overwhelming urge, to get closer to the box.

@SomethingNew
Nothing happens. He feels a little cold though...

@Techpill
Hmm. It's notthing.

SniperWish
SniperWish

@kizzmybutt
What were out orders regarding the package, Captain?

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@kizzmybutt
the man frowns a little, picking up the pace towards the box

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@kizzmybutt
...hmm...something doesn't seem right

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

Rolled 22 (1d100)

@kizzmybutt
*brutus would recognise this as mind control, something he was taught about by his magus a long time ago*
*that is not to say he was able in any way, to fight against it*
*roll to press more buttons*

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@kizzmybutt

Mind muddled, cloudy, he shuffles his way towards the box, Las in a deathgrip.

He cannot understand why, only that he is compelled. A groan of confusion leaves his lips.

idontknow
idontknow

@Stupidasole
The screen merely stays the same, no.matyer how many buttons he presses.
Matthias, noticing this, would slap the idiot upside the head

I TOLD YOU NOY TO TOUCH IT!

@SniperWish
We weren't exactly given specific orders on it. Not that I was told anymore than you were, Coporal.

@LuckyDusty
Make another d100.

Skullbone
Skullbone

@idontknow
*brutus would disconnect the computers wiring*

Flameblow
Flameblow

@idontknow
Then we'd best not open it. I say we secure it and make to leave this world.

SniperWish
SniperWish

@idontknow
Something is off about this place captain, tell your men to restrain them

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@Skullbone
Matthias would have four men restrain the idiotic hybrid.

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

Rolled 13 (1d100)

@idontknow

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@GoogleCat
Victor would have the sudden urge to move closer, and open up the box.
Another d100

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@BunnyJinx
*brutus would shamble over to the strange box instead, the four men slowing his speed just a little*

viagrandad
viagrandad

Rolled 61 (1d100)

@Garbage Can Lid
the man's grip loosens on his pistol and briefcase

iluvmen
iluvmen

Rolled 85 (1d100)

@idontknow

Mind reeling, he gains a terrible migraine.

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@viagrandad
He's able to stop himself from reaching out for the box. Although the urge to move closer and open it up, is still there.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@iluvmen
He's able to stop himself from moving closer to the box.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@Carnalpleasure
The man keeps walking, his shoes grinding into the floor almost like he's fighting something
through gritted teeth he mumbles
Maybe... w-we... should... leave

whereismyname
whereismyname

@Flameblow
Agreed.

Wolf, secure the box. I'll go and report what we found to the Commissar.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@whereismyname
*brutus reaches the box, the 4 men that are meant to be restraining him are also shambling over to it*

Playboyize
Playboyize

@whereismyname

Shaken, but still stalwart, calls over several Generic Guardsmen to help secure away the Box.

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

Krux would come back to the 3rd company, with the skin, fir, and skulls of many of the deathworlds animals on him as clothes
... What?

FastChef
FastChef

@Playboyize
He yells at guardsmen to stand down
They will also be mesmerized by it
Victor, secure the box

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@Playboyize
being generic guardsmen who just happen to own a bus, they begin securing the box.

likme
likme

@GoogleCat
*brutus sits on top of the box, apparently forgetting why he is here*

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

Rolled 57 (1d100)

@likme
roll to see if ten men can even support the thing anymore

5mileys
5mileys

@PackManBrainlure
*brutus would scratch the name "Boxxy" into the top of the box with his rending claw"

hairygrape
hairygrape

Rolled 39 (1d100)

@likme
Rolling to yank Brutus off of the box
Git off it, ya' brute.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@hairygrape
Nu

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

Rolled 76 (1d100)

@PackManBrainlure
After looking at 10 men carrying a box with Brutus just sitting on it, Ars would attemp to decypher the monitors info with his cybernetic eye

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

Rolled 61 (1d100)

@TalkBomber
GIT OFF!

Illusionz
Illusionz

Rolled 68 (1d100)

@PurpleCharger
*brutus would lose his balance*
*roll to stay on*

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

Rolled 1 (1d100)

@Illusionz
rolling to push him off again

MPmaster
MPmaster

@Dreamworx
slips and falls

massdebater
massdebater

@Dreamworx
the sgt has just barreled into charlie squad, causing them to lose alance, and drop the box, and brutus with it

SniperGod
SniperGod

@Dreamworx
He would end up punching OpenTable he box, and grabbing hold of whatever as inside of it.
Please roll a d100 at -15

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

Rolled 41 (1d100)

@SniperGod

RumChicken
RumChicken

@MPmaster
the squad gets to their feet, and begins shouting curses at the seargent

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

Rolled 34 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

@SniperGod
This can't be good

Illusionz
Illusionz

@SniperGod

Heart metaphorically leaping into his throat, backs away far as possible, incidentally dragging Van Kleez with him.

farquit
farquit

What the fuck is going on here...

iluvmen
iluvmen

the man instinctively backs towards the exits, raising his pistol slightly

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Illusionz
the sergeant is watching the events unfold in stunned, awed silence
It's just picking up a box... How can we fuck up pickin' up a box...

Flameblow
Flameblow

@Playboyize
@Illusionz
Hey uh maybe we go check out those condos in the ruins now yes that sounds like a much better idea than getting our faces melted off our fucking skulls by eldritch abominations yes oh shit oh fuck being able to write my own payslips is not worth this shit

5mileys
5mileys

@Flameblow
No.... the box is quiet... l trust the box...

So who wants.... to smash it... open...?

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

The Kastellan robot would have been trailing the 3rd Company the entire time
It's a wonder nobody noticed it

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@5mileys
Hits him in the back of the head with newspaper
No, bad Brutus, bad!

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@5mileys
NO YOU FOOL, YOULL KILL US ALL!!!
runs back to cover

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@Carnalpleasure
*brutus would eat the newspaper*

FastChef
FastChef

Bleep bloop, bleep bloop bloop bleep. (I wonder what is in that box?)

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@Flameblow
Now that's the b-best idea I've heard in a while, why don't we do just that?
he begins walking at speed towards the exit of the chamber

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

@BunnyJinx
Yes, that's a good idea, I may also have a shuttle ready in case of emergencies, maybe of course I would never abandon my regiment, yes
Slowly walks towards the exit

King_Martha
King_Martha

@BunnyJinx
YOU COULD USE MORE MEN TO HELP SEARCH!!!
twelve men and a missile launcher sprint away

iluvmen
iluvmen

@BunnyJinx

Coughs softly and follows Van Kleez.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@LuckyDusty
The man would feel immense power flow throughout his body, as whatever he was grabbing hold of, began acting as a conduit. Feeding energy into his body.
His mind begins to feel like it's being torn apart by something. As if it were being ravaged and torn asunder, even as it is slowly stiched back together, in an entirely different way and wrong way.
The Sergeant would begin screaming for the first time in his life, as a bright blue light, shines out from his open eyes and mouth.
With this, his body begins to twist, and break, in ways be never thought were possible. As if his entire body was being rewritten by some other worldly force.
After a moment, a blinding light would fill the room, blinding everything and everyone both in the room, as well as the tunnel from whence they had come.
When the light had desipated, everyone would find themselves face first upon the ground. Their bodies and minds aching.
...Everyone save for the Sergeant... Who would be standing tall, with some sort of staff grasped tightly in his hands. His eyes glowing with an aether like light.
His body would feel different. Somewhat weaker physically than he had before, yet far stronger mentally than he had ever been before.
His brain would feel different, yet at the same time, it would feel the same. It was almost as if a thousand different passage ways, had opened up inside of it, and we're spewing forth untold energy into his mind, alongside the knowledge of how to use such power. It felt like they had always been there, but that these passages had always been closed off.
In his mind, he would hear a voice speak to him.

"My Champion..."

hairygrape
hairygrape

@BunnyJinx
@Boy_vs_Girl
@King_Martha
walks even faster towards the exit
Yes, let's go look at the condos, maybe they'll be nice and the rent will be low

WebTool
WebTool

@lostmypassword
My body and mind.... ache...

DeathDog
DeathDog

@hairygrape
Takes out a remote
Yes, that sounds like a plan, yes
@lostmypassword
Begins to walk even faster
Maybe we should hurry and not make the captain wait, yes

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

Rolled 15 (1d100)

@lostmypassword
Nah fuck off cunt.
Rolling to break the gay spear

Supergrass
Supergrass

@lostmypassword

Eyes wide, can hardly comprehend this terrible sight.

His body and mind, reeling in terror and pain, he is unable to whether this terrible assault.

Lunatick
Lunatick

@DeathDog
ALRIGHT, WE'RE LEAVING, FUCK THAT NOISE
PRESS YOUR REMOTE AND GET US AWAY FROM HERE MY DUDE

farquit
farquit

@Lunatick
We need to leave the cave first, hurry up

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

YOU CUNTS HAVE 60 SECONDS, EXACTLY 60 SECONDS TILL WE SEAL THIS DAMN CAVE OFF! TO THE EXIT, AND START COUNTING!!!!!

Bidwell
Bidwell

My body is taken over my Tzeentch, as the staff is in my hand

KNEEL BEFORE ME!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNkQMtZAMAw

Methnerd
Methnerd

@ZeroReborn
The moment he attempted to break it. He would feel an electric shock course through his body. Burning his nerves, and forcing him to the ground
"No! You shall serve me, or I shall break you into doing so!"
Once he had stopped resisting, the voice in his head would continue.

"Youve been chosen by Tzneench for a reason, to be his Champion! That is why I unlocked your latent psychic abilities!"

Snarelure
Snarelure

@haveahappyday
BAILING
@BunnyJinx
the man grabs van Kleez under one arm and
@iluvmen
Wolfe under the other
LETS FUCKING GO

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@haveahappyday

Eyes full of terror, socks Van Kleez in the gut, before hauling him over onto him in a fireman's carry. Making all due haste away from that terrible Ruin.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

The absolutely sexy and ripped sorcerer would begin to summon HUNDREDS of pink horrors towards the guardsmen

KNEEL!

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@Snarelure
Victor picks up Ars, who then grabs Viktor and they fly out of the cave

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@Bidwell
No....
You are mean...

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>As all sensible generic guardsmen have fled, and so seeming have the officers, the missile tube opens up
TOP OF THE CAVE ENTRANCE! LOAD!
...
FIRE!!!!!
roll

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

Rolled 5, 4, 2, 14, 16, 5 = 46 (6d20)

@Ignoramus
The hundreds of horrors would begin swarming Brutus, attempting to kill him

Soft_member
Soft_member

Rolled 32 (1d100)

@Ignoramus
I'd also attempt to cast smite onto the Brutus

happy_sad
happy_sad

Rolled 19 (1d20)

@Crazy_Nice
*roll to summon them first you prickstickle*
*brutus would smash the sorcerers face in with his hammer*

iluvmen
iluvmen

Rolled 53 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

@happy_sad
I'd cast DOOMBOLT onto his face

Flameblow
Flameblow

Rolled 11, 20, 2 = 33 (3d20)

@Fried_Sushi
About 100 pink horrors would swarm the charlie squadron now!
Rolling for attacks

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>The launcher explodes, maiming the gunners
TUBE CHARGES!!!
roll for place and detonation

Supergrass
Supergrass

Rolled 70 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

@happy_sad
The staff would attempt to cast smite upon brutus

viagrandad
viagrandad

Rolled 6 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

@Stupidasole
All 100 horrors would be blasted into oblivion
I'd roll to cast 100 more!

cum2soon
cum2soon

@Stupidasole
Just before the detonation, the merry quartet escapes the cave
Were out, do I teleport ot shuttle?

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@cum2soon
No actually this place is starting to grow on me OF COURSE WE TELEPORT TO THE SHUTTLE

Methshot
Methshot

Rolled 19 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

@Stupidasole
I'd blast through the small cave, looking upon the charlie squadron
KNEEL!
rolling for some of the charlie squadron to get corrupted

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

Rolled 3 (1d20)

@iluvmen
*the doombolt would sear off much of Brutus flesh, causing him to bleed profusely across the cavern floor*
@Supergrass
*The smite would leave him seriously injured and near death, not that the dumb animal noticed*
For... The... EMPEROR
*roll to once again strike the sorcerer*

Nojokur
Nojokur

@Gigastrength
Pushes the remote
Moment later the quartet is on a clean, white ship with blue neon lights, from outside it looks like and imperial shuttle
Were here...

Lunatick
Lunatick

Rolled 7 (1d20)

@Methshot
running away, carrying dead and wounded
skreton turns, and lobs a grenade, then runs again
FUCK YOU SPACE NIGGER

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@viagrandad
@Supergrass
Having fully smited Brutus after he had hit the staff's owner. The voice inside of the Sergeant's head would once more speak up.

"So long as you serve both myself and Tzeench. I will protect you. Should you fail however, I shall dispose of you, and find Mother, who is more suited to such power."
"Now ignore them.... We have much work ahead of us, and very little time to do it."

askme
askme

Rolled 8 (1d20)

@Ignoramus
I'd attempt to smash my flaming sword into the face of the man

@Sir_Gallonhead
Yes, master.

After the attack was resolved, I'd teleport away from the regiment

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@Nojokur

Wheezing, mind aching, slowly sets Van Kleez down on a nearby seat and sits down next to him.

Methshot
Methshot

@Nojokur
examines the ship
Huh... clean... I don't like it
inhales
OK there is no smell of despair at all. Where are we?

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

The Grand Sorcerer would leave this place, only leaving pentagram-like symbol of tzeentch on the ground

This would be crackling with blue warp energy, hocking those who came near it

SniperWish
SniperWish

Rolled 26, 70 = 96 (2d100)

@askme
*Brutus, pissed as fuck would carve a statue of the sorcerer out of stone and then smash it before completely collapsing on the ground*

eGremlin
eGremlin

@Methshot
Back up ship in case things go south, any good merchant always has a fall back plan
Calls over vox
Hello, captain, you should leave the planet and call exterminatus, there's a Tzeentch champion on the loose

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@eGremlin
Tzeentch? Shit, that's the wackiest chaos deity, the plans always forming and twisting in a neverending waltz of sabotage and intrigue, a cunning and beautiful decay as they fail or come to fruition, the intense feeling of watching unknowing puppets jerks against their strings working their way towards a master scheme they couldn't even comprehend in its beautiful majesty...
the man stares into space for a few seconds
I'm hungry. Does this thing have a kitchen?

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@Burnblaze
There's a fridge with food, most of it is of my people though, but don't worry you shouldn't die, yes

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@Burnblaze
*is dying*

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

All but folds in on himself, slowly drinking from his canteen in an attempt to calm his mind.

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Burnblaze
begins setting charges on the walls a safe distance from the sorcerer

Bidwell
Bidwell

@Garbage Can Lid
the man slides up to him, a bowl of strange soup in his arms. Some of it's contents are moving
Pretty intense amirite?

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

Teleporting away, I would be injured. The strike from the power hammer had shattered my leg. I would begin to be healed by tzeentchian daemons. The more I was treated by daemons, the more I was corrupted by the sheer power of the daemonic energy.

My leg was heale, but it looked more daemonic than ever, mutations growing on it

SniperWish
SniperWish

Rolled 81 (1d100)

@Garbage Can Lid

Rolling.

King_Martha
King_Martha

@Bidwell
Sips from a cup
Yep, I have location of champion through my sensors, we should be safe.
Types on a console
What now? I may try to evacuate those left, but we have make Commissar think we didn't run away

Techpill
Techpill

Rolled 93 (1d100)

@GoogleCat
It was there that the adventure of Brutus ended, what happened to him, down, abandoned by those he once made the mistake of calling friends, nobody knows.
Did he escape, somehow?
Was he rescued at the last moment by one of his kind?
Was he simply left to rot?
Who knows.
All that is known, is that that was his last encounter (probably) with the accursed unknown regiment.
*roll for the fate of Brutus The Bold*

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@King_Martha
The champion would be in the warp, not on the deathworld

WebTool
WebTool

@King_Martha
eats a spoonful of the soup
Well, we did all scream about running away, then vanished in an explosion of light, sooooo... I don't think we can convince him on that front

idontknow
idontknow

@Techpill
Brutus, just as he were about to fall unconscious, would find his vision filled with a bright, yet dark colored light.
Before him, stood Krux and the staff he now carried with him.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@Techpill
Hmm...Brutuses hammer is worth a lot, maybe I should send out Victor to fetch it
Victor teleports out of the ship
@WebTool
True, so...what do we do?

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@Techpill
You. My first disciple. Welcome, child.
I'd press the staff on the man's head, corrupting him with my Tzeentchian powers, turning him to be one of my own.

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@LuckyDusty
Okay that's fucking bullshit and you know it.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@LuckyDusty
Watches though the eyes of Victor
Hmm. maybe not
Victor flies away

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@lostmypassword
Well, I have the financial details of... uh...
lifts up his big briefcase
A lot of people here. We could just bail?

massdebater
massdebater

Rias is happily sleeping in a tight ball inside one of the Companies Chimera's

likme
likme

@Ignoramus
It was consentual. I don't know how it is bullshit [/spoiler[

Snarelure
Snarelure

@LuckyDusty
*after a brief spasm of mutation*
R-ready to serve.
Master.
*flexes new improves muscles*

DeathDog
DeathDog

@haveahappyday
Hmm...forge a document that these were the orders of the sector command for a special mission, yes.

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@Snarelure
Brutus, my disciple. You are granted minions to defend you
I'd summon 10 pink horrors around the man.
Serve me well.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@DeathDog
I was thinking drain every single one of these bank accounts and set up shop on a nice little paradise world far far away from anywhere, but that works too I guess.

5mileys
5mileys

@massdebater
Matthias would let out a loud groan, as he realises his wife had slept through everything, that had just bloody happened.

...dammit Rias...

He would sigh, as he takes a seat next to her, while the Chimera would loud up, into the transport it has come from.
After a short time, the massive transport would lift off towards the Eagle's Fury.

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Raving_Cute
Hmmm, that'll be plan
Teleports all of his possessions unto the ship, it's a bunch of junk, trinkets and bags full of thrones

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@PurpleCharger
Of course, always.
Master.
*he would raise his hammer into the air, as a salute before signalling his minions to follow him as he sook to retire for the (night? Is there night in the warp)

WebTool
WebTool

@Playboyize
*plan b

DeathDog
DeathDog

@Playboyize
...what the fuck. Can you do that with my apartment too? I'd say for van Kleez and Wolfe too but I assume they don't own anything

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@TalkBomber
A bolt of warp lightning would strike down onto the hammer, giving it the power of warp energy

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@5mileys
She stayed in this tight ball taking up two seats, cuddling her powerfist

hairygrape
hairygrape

@Playboyize

Frowning, quietly says how he cannot abandon the Regiment, even in his moment of weakness.

Eyes filled with determination, asks quietly to be taken back to the rest of the Regiment.

Methshot
Methshot

@5mileys
The captain would hear a small whisper in his head...
"Come to the light..."

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

he watches the troops load up
...Targets leaving... PT-1 Unseen... Orders?
...
...
...
Copy... Going dark... Ave Imperator
the darkened form hitches a ride in one of the landing craft up to the ship, staying hidden, tucked in with the landing gear

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@hairygrape
Sure, if we can figure out how to drive this thing, and by we I mean you. The creepy dude in the cloak is just standing there with his eyes closed, and this soup is making me tired as fuck.

JunkTop
JunkTop

@Spazyfool
Matthias would smile, as he strokes her head.

@Methshot
Matthias would look around for the sound of the voice, as the transport ascends to orbit. But, seeing no one around, he would narrow his eyes.
Probably nothing.

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

@JunkTop
The voice would whisper in his head again
Go to your place of rest. In a drawer. Open it.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@GoogleCat
*brutus smirked, things were definitely going his way for once*
*he wondered if there were any Goliath rockgrinders around*

hairygrape
hairygrape

@DeathDog
Sorry but I can do it only to rooms with special beacon
@hairygrape
I'm afraid I can't do it without endangering myself,
I can drop you off at the next mission and hopefully no one will recognize you,yes.
[Nighty night]

RavySnake
RavySnake

Chen and his squad enjoy a bottle of rice-amasec as they ascend to orbit

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@Dreamworx
And who might you be?
a second voice appears in his head, slightly angry sounding

Nojokur
Nojokur

@PurpleCharger
Hush, This is the new disciple.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@Nojokur
Hell no. Get out of here. This one is already marked.

idontknow
idontknow

@Nojokur
@PurpleCharger
Matthias would let out a loud, mental groan at this.
"Emperor dammit..."

Techpill
Techpill

@idontknow
Go. Go to your drawer

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

@Techpill
he can feel a strong demonic force forcing him out
I said get out of here. Don't make me get violent...

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@VisualMaster
I AM A VOICE IN HIS HEAD HOW CAN YOU HURT ME

Booteefool
Booteefool

@VisualMaster
@GoogleCat
@Techpill
Matthias would once more let out a mental sigh.
"What did I ever do, to deserve this?"

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@GoogleCat
I AM THE VOICE IN HIS HEAD AND I CAN HURT YOU NOW SHOO GO BUN VAN KLEENZ

cum2soon
cum2soon

@Booteefool
GO TO YOUR DRA- you know what I'm gonna talk in someone else's head. You're not worth the fucking effort. I work two jobs at minimum wage for this shit.

Playboyize
Playboyize

Rolled 80 (1d100)

@RavySnake
Rolling to make Vu Chen's amasec to go rancid

Techpill
Techpill

@Sir_Gallonhead
I CAN FEEL SOME SERIOUS FUCKING HERESY GOING ON HERE RIGHT NOW...
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
*An adeptus ministorum priest would barge into the scene, a hand full of Aquilas and purity seals*

Snarelure
Snarelure

@cum2soon
Good. Now shoo...

FastChef
FastChef

@Garbage Can Lid
My disciple, I require you to infiltrate the 3rd company. Corrupt the leadership and don't get yourself killed.

whereismyname
whereismyname

@Booteefool
*would begin plastering the man with purity seals*
I SENSE GREAT CORRUPTION HERE

cum2soon
cum2soon

@FastChef
Of course my lord.
I shall find a ship at once!

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@cum2soon
Plant sigils of corruption all around their ship.

MPmaster
MPmaster

@PackManBrainlure
The eagles fury shall be dust in my hand.
It shall be corrupted.
And none will stop your eternal plans master.
This I promise.

Techpill
Techpill

@MPmaster
Do not fail me.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@whereismyname
Matthias would be pulling of the purity seals.

I'm sorry but what exactly are you doing?

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Garbage Can Lid
I SENSE CHAOS
AS THE REGIMENTAL PRIEST I DECREE THAT IT IS TO BE MANDATORY TO WEAR PURITY SEALS AT ALL TIMES
TO REMOVE ONE IS TO INSULT OUR HOLY EMPEROR

I ADVISE YOU PUT THOSE BACK ON, LEST TOU SEEM CORRUPT!

Nojokur
Nojokur

@RavySnake
Matthias would blink several times. Confused by the look of things.
When he finally realised whom he was speaking to, he would immediately do so.

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@Nojokur
VERY GOOD CAPTAIN!
NOW, I SHALL SUPPLY THE TROOPS AT ONCE!
On another note, you seem dazed, do you require a motivational speech?

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@Crazy_Nice
Matthias would shake his head.

No Ecclesiarch. I am merely tired after the recent fighting.

cum2soon
cum2soon

@Evil_kitten
VERY GOOD, AND REMEMBER THE MEMOS, SEE YOU IN 6-II HOURS.
Today's ministorum approved thought of the day-
+++ Your life is a gift from the Emperor.
It will be taken away in duty as quickly as it was given, and you shall be grateful +++

Disable AdBlock to view this page

Disable AdBlock to view this page