Your party comes across a merchant

What are you buying stranger?

I will buy gold with my treasure.

Butter

One crabby patty!

Ahhh yes, that seems like a fair excange...I will keep 10% as a transaction fee
Nothing like a good, steamed lobster my friend, eh?
This isn't Krusty Krabs

I need to use this one as npc, thanks for a reminder

Aye, ye seem te just have bottles. I'll definitely be needing the rum, anything for healing, and something that's just mainly good for being on fire. I got silver, salt, and spices to trade.

I have found that roleplaying a merchant is 9/10 times completely unwanted and that you should just let them buy their OP swords/OP guns/food and let them be on their way.

I got this soul gen worth 20000 gold, how much skooma that buy?

Want to buy GF

Want fuck??

Can I get a boneless potion?

A crab gf?

I say this as a joke but I have feeling one could google for this and find it.

Well what do you have? It's hard to tell what's in a bottle from just the neck

I agree for random merchants, but if the party is going to run into the same one throughout the campaign then you might as well turn them into a fullblown NPC. Maybe use him/her/them for a plothook down the line.

a small bottle of lamp-oil
a big hank of strong rope
a lump of wax
and a stick of chalk

I need some crab armor.

>DO YOU DO POISON

Potions. Healing potions, courage potions, and haste potions if you have them.

Trick question, eat him and take his shit

Do you have any wolfsbane/monkshod/aconite, also do you have a goat or pig for sale?

If the answer to any of these is a no, I'll just take a shit load of potions that let me spew magma and scare the ever living shit out of some werewolves. I already have a reputation among them as the person that vomited liquid napalm down their Alpha's esophagus.

And yes, I am completely sane

I'll take spices and silver, thank you
200 big skooma bottles, shortages y'know
No slave trading, sorry
Will you pay?
Okay, which one exactly, I have many boneless potions
Potions and alcohol
126 gold coins
Yes
How many?
Yes I do, all of it

>a new challenger appears!

ok I need a bear trap. no make it two bear traps, a stuffed pigeon, 2 gallons yellow paint, 150 feet of rope, 50 feet of string, a bell, 2 mirrors preferably small, a rowboat, a hand axe or hatchet whatever is available, 2 days rations, Flint and steel, one candle, some pipe weed, the book "if it flies it dies: guide to dragon trapping" and enough lumber to build what resembles an onager.

also what's the average pay rate of the local peasantry?

Is this Patrick?

Get on my level.

Nothing, really. I do have these gems for you, though. I'll be back in a week to offload more. Give me a couple months and I'll be ready to take 'em all back in exchange for this huge Daedric sword I don't need. I'll be a repeat customer, by the way; I have entirely too fucking many of these things lying around. The kid's gonna put his eye out if I don't get rid of 'em.

Hello kind sir. It is I, Forgin McGreentoes. I wish to buy some of your wares. I need some water because I plan through the desserts to the west, and I need it for my skin and for drinking. Hydration is important, you see!

The earring is a legendary artifact created by a powerful mage to keep her aging intellect in tact. After a thousand years, it ended up at the bottom of the sea, landing near a curious crab. It wasn't long before he was able to bring his alchemical skills to making a potion that allowed him to explore the surface world...