Look at the nearest book in your collection

w8t4u
w8t4u

Look at the nearest book in your collection. You are now in that world armed with nearest item to your person that could be described as a weapon, and nothing but the clothes on your back. How do you fare?

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

I am in the world of Snow Crash
I have a big-ass knife
I am wearing only socks
I feel like a dark souls meme build. And it could go one of two ways; either I'm going to immediately attract the attention of security and be locked up, or I'm going to basically be invisible on the grand scale because no one wants to bother recording footage of someone that they're going to have to bother censoring before they can put it on the market.

Playboyize
Playboyize

@w8t4u
DnD 5E
handgun
We blaster sorc now

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@w8t4u
Well the nearest 3 books to me are english versions of the Overlord novels. I'm armed with a well used kitchen knife and wearing slacks and a t-shirt and nothing else.
Well I'm probably killed by some sort of demihuman. If not proceed to E-Rantel and pledge myself to the service of Ainz Ooal Gown. If that's not feasible then I'm probably in for a hard time of it.

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

Uprooted.
Long gun strapped to go bag.
Barefoot.
I'm probably fucked and still would be even if I had my boots on.

happy_sad
happy_sad

Closest book is Tigers in the Mud by Otto Carius, so I suppose I'm gonna be somewhere on the eastern front. Closest "weapon" is either a pen or a small tank of ligther fluid, I guess I'd go with the latter for general utility. Hard times.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@w8t4u
Rise of the runelords
A beer bottle
shirt, pant and hiking boots on.

Feels good Veeky Forums, until Nualia's suck my dick for theses boots.

MPmaster
MPmaster

@w8t4u
I am in historical Napoleonic Europe, armed with a fucking rolling pin.

... BITCH SWERVE, BADASS COMING THROUGH.

Spamalot
Spamalot

@happy_sad
Sucks to be you man!

w8t4u
w8t4u

Im in Forgotten Realms (Legend of Drizzt) wearing a t shirt and jeans armed with a crowbar.

Yeh

idontknow
idontknow

House of Leaves
No clothes
Metal crossbar from a keyboard stand

Well, looks like I'm fucked by the Minotaur.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

I'm in 1970's England in the Dark is Rising series. So... That means I should go and find an old one and hope they can send me home.

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

Dracula and scissors

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@Poker_Star
wearing high-waisted shorts and a crop top with no shoes, im probably not gonna last terribly long.

Skullbone
Skullbone

The Pepsi-Cola bottling plant in Hokkaido, carrying a lighter and wearing jeans, a hoodie, and slippers.

Let's see if I can talk my way out of deportation, if I don't just land in a public area.

Firespawn
Firespawn

John Steakley's Armor
A cheap letter opener
Bathrobe + flip flops

Depends on when and where in that world I end up. Odds are good I'll be just fine or at least get a cell and meals.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@Carnalpleasure
Well if you can explain to Van Hellsing that maybe the fine young woman might have some good ideas about why all of her friend's blood keeps disappearing, you're probably fine.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

agatha christie novels
20s london
crossman pellet co2 gun
shorts,tshirt , flip flops

pretty nippy in bongland no?

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

LotR with an AR-15 and a white t shirt and sweatpants

I'm fucked after the 31 shots are gone

farquit
farquit

@w8t4u
american gods
metal baseball bat
bear onsie
does anything change?

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

Tractato Logico Philosophicus
Fountain Pen

What exactly does a world concerned with describing the nature of the world look like Veeky Forums?

happy_sad
happy_sad

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children
An orange romper...barefoot
A dildo

TreeEater
TreeEater

@w8t4u
an encyclopedia about guns
armed with a big kitchen knife
dressing random shirt+comfy pants

I don't really know where I am, though

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

html basics ( oolddd as fuck )
ball shorts/shirt/asic toprunners
9mm

I guess ill manage

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

math textbook
pencil
wearing just enough for freezing temperatures

I guess I go stab some example Bobs and Johns, and kill myself out of boredom.

w8t4u
w8t4u

@TreeEater
You find yourself in an infinite white space like in the Matrix, surrounded by never ending rows of firearms.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@PackManBrainlure
You'd be better off switching weapons with @happy_sad

askme
askme

@happy_sad
An orange romper
A dildo
Which is the weapon and which the attire?

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@w8t4u
I am buck naked on Arrakis with a short sword
I'm dead.

Bidwell
Bidwell

@StrangeWizard
Within the hour. Unless, you arrived during Leto the Second's reign. Then you get to enjoy being worked over by hot women for hours on end as they try to figure out where a primal Terran came from. Enjoy being introduced into Leto's breeding program because he didn't see your arrival.

massdebater
massdebater

@w8t4u
I'm transported to modern-day Russia, holding a fork and wearing nothing but my underwear.
Not looking good for me, desu.

Techpill
Techpill

@LuckyDusty
Dungeons and Discourse, Dresden Codak.

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@massdebater
Don't turn down any drinks offered to you and look for the American consultant. Flag down a Russian police officer and tell him you escaped from some human traffickers.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@w8t4u
sherlock holmes
leatherman surge

meh, I'll be all right

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

1e D&D
1.5 foot bat covered in electric tape
Well it's somethin' at least. I always figured I was small and graceful enough to be a half-decent thief.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@farquit
bear onsie
Please let me see that, user!

askme
askme

small snap off craft knife

closest book
the autopoesis of architecture
im in some crazy cyberpunk smart city. probably end up homeless because i have no money

closest novel
brothers Karamazov
e i can't speak russian. Maybe Alyosha would take pity on me and take me to the monastery. wouldn't mind living the rest of my life as a comfy monk.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@w8t4u
on phone, first pdf in files is the Complete Fallout Bible
armed with phone? Or unopened, 5 gallon jug for a water cooler.
work uniform and steel toe boots

Depends on how dangerous my starting area is and how fast I can get real weapons, armor, meds and food.

Nojokur
Nojokur

Reading to my daughter this morning. Closest responsible item is probably a chef's knife downstairs.

I'm pretty good, I'll just walk down to the Hooper's store and ask if they need help. I can chop veggies and do food prep while living in an idyllic world of early childhood education.

Good end man.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@w8t4u

The thread in which we fail to realize the OP's intent is that a book in your collection means an RPG book, not just whatever book is closest.

SniperWish
SniperWish

@w8t4u
Halo collector’s edition novelty book
9mm SR9e

Well fuck...

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

@w8t4u
Dune
Swiss army knife
Woolen jumper
Fuck.
I mean, as long as I spawn on the north pole, or on another planet I'll be fine, but if I appear anywhere in the main deserts of arrakis I'm screwed.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

TFW you end up in 40K with an x-acto knife wearing only your boxes,

askme
askme

Once Upon a Time in Russia
a swiss army knife

As long as I don't step between the oligarchs and Putin's rise to power, I guess my chances of survival are about the same as any guy in the modern world with just a knife.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@ZeroReborn

Hopefully you are on Ultramar or some other rare gem of stability. Given that you are unambiguously human, you have something going for you at least.

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@w8t4u

Hero of the Imperium collection
Shirt, jeans and waterproof shoes
A lamp

I'm oh so lucky.
Better try to join the Guard ASAP

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

basic writings of Nietzsche
billy club
business casual

Guess it's the real world. Looks like I die the same way I live

An edgelord

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@w8t4u
I am now stuck back in time, in central Spain, while a crazy man goes around pretending to be a knight.

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

@w8t4u
Lord of the Rings
AR-15
in the nude

Well... it will be interesting.

Methnerd
Methnerd

@PackManBrainlure
I don't have my collection with me, all I have are PDFs at the moment, so sue me. I'll be hanging out with my man of La Mancha, and turning him into a proper Haruhi Suzumiya rip-off.

Skullbone
Skullbone

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (reading to child this morning before pre-k)
Walking stick
Dress pants, blue ocbd, Schreier Tassel Dress Loafers

I would live the comfiest of lives, hangin' out and playing pooh sticks,

SniperGod
SniperGod

Harry Dresden novel
Steak Knife
Jeans, ankle socks, dark souls t-shirt

Umm....not really sure how i feel about this. Guess i go figure out if i can do magic?

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

@w8t4u
GURPS basic set
Scissors

Inmate
Inmate

@w8t4u
I've a bottle of beer and Ulysses here

Not sure how I'd fare

If, by wayward dare

Toward tides, salt and fear

Snarelure
Snarelure

@w8t4u
The Bible
table knife
Thank G-D I'm Jewish.

whereismyname
whereismyname

@Fuzzy_Logic
If we're including non-fiction then it's The Ego and His Own for me (plus table-knife). I will join you in edgy heaven (hell), my brother.

Booteefool
Booteefool

@TreeEater
You should not have brought a knife to a gun fight.

Illusionz
Illusionz

@w8t4u
I'm in Camorr with a pair of scissors wearing a suit.

I'm utterly fucked.

massdebater
massdebater

pic related
scalpel
So basically the real world except I'm considerably poorer and without a home. Time to brave the homeless shelter with my shitty shiv, first order of business is to get some shoes and then I'll just wing it from there. I'll be fine.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@w8t4u
International Releations-Concepts and theories
Combat Knife

What is even going on here.

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@PackManBrainlure
No, the OP's intent is to show what absolute trash passes for literature on Veeky Forums. Almost every single reply is some genre trash instead of philosophy, history, or science books. If most of your bookshelf is fiction then it just means that you're a failure in making a well-rounded, learned individual.

eGremlin
eGremlin

@w8t4u

Legacy of Caliban
Ballpoint pen.

Yeah, no.

viagrandad
viagrandad

@LuckyDusty

It just said closest book. That doesn't immediately mean that every book in the collection is fiction.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

DnD 5e PHB, so I would assume I'm in Forgotten Realms. I'm armed with a 22oz beer bottle and I'm in my boxers.

I'm gonna go and probably fight the nearest kobold or goblin and take their stuff.

whereismyname
whereismyname

@LuckyDusty
I don't like litterature
Yeah, we got it.

iluvmen
iluvmen

@w8t4u
The Wealth of Nations is sitting on my desk right now
I have a Leatherman on my belt, and clothes that would seem well made but highly out of place in 1776
I'm pretty much fucked, but maybe if I can make myself useful long enough to earn some dollars, I can write a "prophetic" "science fiction" "novel" warning of the many and varied woes that come with using theme-park versions of ideas as propaganda.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

@w8t4u
Blood Meridian
Knife
Jeans and T-shirt
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

Well, the nearest pbysical book from my personal collection would be... an entire shelf. Shit.

The nearest PDF, though, is going to be Stars Without Number. I'm wearing office clothes and have the torn off blade from a paper cutter.

I can probably make this work.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@Harmless_Venom
You find yourself on a small foot trail surrounded on each side by shrubbery. There is a small wooden sign in serious disrepair but you can't recognise the language at all. You do notice that there has been an attempt to scratch the words out.

You hear a sudden sound from the bushes and a diminutive, scaly, green creature charges towards you. It has small, white jagged teeth and is wielding a rusty sword flecked with blood.

Roll intiative

What do you do?

Booteefool
Booteefool

@w8t4u
Diskworld
pocket knife
sweatpants, t-shirt and light hoody
Eh depending on where I land I should be ok-ish.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@w8t4u
wearing my pajamas
I have a Swiss Army knife
I'm in The Flavor Bible

...Okay.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

Rolled 16 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

@Garbage Can Lid

I'll try to use an action to dodge, considering I would have, like, 9 AC.

massdebater
massdebater

@BunnyJinx

It doesn't take into account negative modifiers?

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

Malazan: Book of the Fallen
Set of modelling knives

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@w8t4u
Dinner with a cannibal
Knife
not too bad

idontknow
idontknow

@w8t4u
I'm in Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses with a bottle of good whiskey. Wearing a full set of clothes but no shoes.
Things could be worse, though I guess it depends on whether I'm in the present or in one of the flashbacks, and where exactly.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@w8t4u
Arabian Nights
I have a pocket knife
I'm wearing pajamas
I die in the desert. Terribly. An arab finds my body and it becomes a curiosity/warning to other travelers from distant lands.

w8t4u
w8t4u

Rolled 8, 20 = 28 (2d20)

@BunnyJinx
The goblin reacts first with worrying haste and swipes at you with his rusty blade as you attempt to dodge out of the way.

I'll be generous and assume you have an AC of 10. Your base stats as a 5E human are all 11. If you feel you deserve a higher score in any of those let me know.

King_Martha
King_Martha

@LuckyDusty
So as the book nearest to me is civil code an nearest thing passable for weapon is stick with national flag...
I am thrilled for exiting and not boring adventures to come in weird land of legal writings.

WebTool
WebTool

@w8t4u

It missed (assuming you were rolling disadvantage). I retort with a quick, jerky swing, gripping the bottle neck and pretending I'm using a really short and slippery mace.

Nah, I'd say I'm pretty average.

Nojokur
Nojokur

@w8t4u
The Scarpetta Factor
Medieval axe
Work clothes (no shoes)
There's no reason to suspect I don't exist in the Scarpettaverse, so I might have to kill and dispose of my doppleganger but otherwise life as normal.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@w8t4u
Semi-hard sci-fi set on a generation ship
Armed with an assortment of glass bottles
Jeans, T-shirt, and barefoot
So long as I don't land in one of the wildlife preserves and get eaten/freeze to death, I'll be fine.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@w8t4u
a brief histoy of time
at this point whatever I'm wearing or have for a weapon doesn't matter whatsoever, since none of it is a space-suit.

I knew I should've put that fucker back in the bookshelf.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@WebTool
Its wild flailing does indeed miss the mark, evidently your strange, pungent aroma has put even this creature off.

You strike it back with a full swing of your bottle...

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@w8t4u
Horus Heresy
compound bow
this is going to interesting

TreeEater
TreeEater

Discworld
walking stick
fancy waiter clothing

Hmm, either I masquerade myself as a fancy wizard and bullshit my way out of everything...

Or I do my goddamned best to not be noticed by the patrician... Don't wanna talk about angels

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@w8t4u
Guns clearly stated to be extremely unreliable in the Old Kingdom
I'm kinda fucked if I can't get past the wall to civilization

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

Well I am in my 4 year old son's room (phone fagging). I am now armed with a wooden one and a half foot long sword and I am actually very surprised to be in the 40k world as my copy of Dark Heresy is in the children's book shelf while I'm renovating the study. I was sure this would be an easy assignment in some candy land or something but I'm pretty much screwed.

iluvmen
iluvmen

Sister Alice
A wooden katana
Pajamas
Seeing as I am not a transhuman I either die quickly or get swallowed into the underworld of the ecumenopolis. If I arrive early in the novel I might be able to warn the families not to try their big bang project. They won't listen, but I might be made into a starship when they realise I'm right.

@Skullbone
Walking stick
Are you disabled?

@LuckyDusty
lit plz

farquit
farquit

@LuckyDusty
You can't enjoy multiple kinds of books

askme
askme

@w8t4u
WOT
My shoe, bane of all arachnids
just took a shower and just chilling in briefs
Punished for public indecency. After my punishment I find a pair of pants. I'll start a vermin extermination company. In the WOT, vermin are spies for the dark one so I might be able to get government subsidiary depending on which country I'm in.

Start a small comfy extermination company and find myself a QT waifu. Ill probably just introduce a few modern concepts as I see fit, especially those involving none source fueled medicine.

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

@w8t4u
an illustrative WW2 history book for children
a bottle-opener/corkscrew hybrid
cargo pants and a t-shirt
Pretty fucked. The first page of the book (the closest part to me) describes the Norwegian theater; best case scenario I can try to get some English soldiers to believe that I'm an ordinary American bystander and flee with them.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@w8t4u
Caught in the Revolution
A pot
Shoes, jeans, a t-shirt and a dressing gown

Arthur Dent meets the Bolsheviks (and introduces Petrograd to Teflon-coated cookware)

Skullbone
Skullbone

@w8t4u
An Asterix comic
A wooden bed frame board
Well, i'm no roman, but living in occupied territory, so i'm doing okay, i guess.

TechHater
TechHater

@w8t4u
Pre-WWI Finland
A pair of blunt scissors

They're not even good enough to kill myself with.

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

Looks to left.
HP Lovecraft Collection.
Looks to right.
Backpack.

Well shit.

JunkTop
JunkTop

The Brothers Karamazov
Set-Square
Jeans and T-shirt

Probably die of hunger or frozen during winter on the streets of some russian city.

massdebater
massdebater

@TechHater
Move to small village and open up a barber store
Live comfy snow elf life
What's the issue? You dodged a bullet, or in this case billions of 7.62 diameter bullets specifically.

Lunatick
Lunatick

@massdebater
M8, you're talking about a country and a time when the poetry in vogue was about mixing bark into your bread so you could live to suffer a little longer.

And when I say pre-WWI, I mean that WWI is just about to start.

StonedTime
StonedTime

@w8t4u

Phone book

FUCK! I WENT NOWHERE!

Booteefool
Booteefool

@w8t4u
I’m on Roshar in business casual with a cup of hot coffee.

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

@Lunatick
Admittedly most my knowledge about Finland revolves around the winter war. I hear birch bark has a nice minty flavour though so take heart user

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

Hyperion
Swiss army knife
in my pajamas

I might be OK

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

closest book Dragonlance
closest thing to use as a weapon: power cord
welp, thankfully I have nothing of value on me, so I won't have to worry about any kenders stealing my shit.

Illusionz
Illusionz

@w8t4u
in a book where all blades have magical power
machete
I'm pretty well off if I can figure out how magic works.
I'm wearing casual, but I think I can work with it.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@w8t4u
Leaning on a German textbook right now, so I guess I'm in Germany. I'll do all right as long as I avoid no-go zones and find people who speak English to direct me to the embassy.

massdebater
massdebater

@w8t4u

Night Watch
souped up hunting rifle

Sam Vimes is gonna go spare when he sees me.

takes2long
takes2long

@w8t4u
In my collection? Then it's either Terry Pratchett or the Oz books(the bookshelves are equidistant from me), and the closest weapon is one of those half-sized souvenir bats. If Pratchett, use knowledge of series and civil engineering/modern technology to get a job and survive. If Oz, find someone kind to take me in and have fun adventures.

currently in Teeshirt and boxers. Would have to find pants.

Techpill
Techpill

@w8t4u
Collection of H.P. Lovecraft's short stories.
Barbell
If I cannot protect my brain from cosmic horror, I will protect my muscles.

Evilember
Evilember

@w8t4u
1984 with an knife
shit

TechHater
TechHater

@LuckyDusty
What are you doing on Veeky Forums?

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@w8t4u
Well, fuck. Palestine during al-Nakba.

That's not fun at all.

Methnerd
Methnerd

@w8t4u
world of Japanese origami
box cutter
black hoodie
Bring it!

girlDog
girlDog

The Prince by Machiavelli
1/2" pipe with an end cap and "ram rod"
Im only in boots

I come from /k/
I might be on a watchlist
I wore boots to take my dog for a piss in the back yard

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@w8t4u

Ben-Hur

Pocket knife

I don't know Latin so i'm going to end up a slave..

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@w8t4u
World is Stephen Kings Black Tower -series
armed with switch knife
t-shirt, shorts and socks
I probably die pretty swiftly.

FastChef
FastChef

@w8t4u
LotR
Kitchen knife
Not as good as I'd imagine.

WebTool
WebTool

"What Happened" by Hillary Clinton
Armed with a kitchen knife
Wearing jeans and a sweater

I guess I just keep living my current life.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

The Pueblo Indians of North America
a really sharp pair of fabric scissors
I think I'll be OK. The book was written in the 60's, so I'd assume that I'd be on a Pueblo reservation in the same period. I'd probably just do a few odd jobs, hitchhike to Albuquerque or something, and buy a Greyhound ticket back to Rhode Island.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@Raving_Cute
Oh yeah, I'm wearing a flannel and jeans. If it's hot, I can take off the flannel because I'm wearing an undershirt under that.

eGremlin
eGremlin

@w8t4u
I'm wearing slippers, fleece pants and a longsleeve shirt. I'm gonna be fine.

farquit
farquit

@w8t4u
The Great Roman-Judea War of 70AD
A Hockey Stick

I'm probably fucked.

idontknow
idontknow

Ankh-Morpork
A knife
I'm probably going to die.

eGremlin
eGremlin

@w8t4u
Is this RPG books only? Because if it isn't, I'm carrying a NERF gun and standing next to Spider-Man.

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@LuckyDusty
Mankind needs lies to be happy and truth to stay sane.

A shelf consisting only of nonfiction is the shelf of a man with no imagination and no soul. A shelf consisting ONLY of fiction is the shelf of child.

A man needs both.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@w8t4u
The world of RAVE
Nail clippers
Completely nude
Well...

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@LuckyDusty
genre trash
Opinion discarded.

RumChicken
RumChicken

@Evil_kitten
The Mallorean with a camping knife. Depending on where I land Ill either be fine or quickly bludgeoned to death and eaten

StonedTime
StonedTime

@w8t4u
Dune
Crysknife
lets fucking go

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

the last wish
underwear and a fur coat
longsword

I'm also drunk, so atleast i'll fit in before i die.

SniperWish
SniperWish

@w8t4u
The State in the Third Millennium by Prince Hans-Adam II, reigning prince of Liechtenstein
I suppose I get to live in the ideal states of Hans-Adam II. Which is good. But not interesting.
Too bad Dune Messiah and Don Quixote were both a few inches further away.

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@SniperWish
Oh, and, if I need a weapon, I've got a pocket knife under my bed. I doubt I'd need it, though.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@w8t4u
Troubleshooting and Maintaining Cisco IP Networks
Basic Bitch AR in 300BLK with no sights
Someone help me, I really don't know what is going on.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@w8t4u
Lovecraft's Necronomicon with every published short story
fuck.png

likme
likme

Edith Hamilton's Mythology.
Tighty Whities.
VEPR FM-AK74-11

Zeus, meet Kalashnikov.

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

Ciaphas Cain
An AR-15
Currently wearing my work uniform
I'm going to fucking die

iluvmen
iluvmen

@ZeroReborn
Yeah, until you inevitably run into the fucking Shrike.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

I have a sturdy fork, and I'm in a Greek monastery in the early middle ages. I guess I'll enroll as a novice.

MPmaster
MPmaster

Do comics count?
Ghost in the Shell
Scalpel
Guess I just become a homeless guy without any shoes or something.

hairygrape
hairygrape

@BinaryMan
At least you're relatively well equipped.

Methshot
Methshot

standing next to Malcom X holding a transparent Nerf Gun in my pajamas

If I don't die there will be so much explaining to do.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

A fucking flyswatter
...shit

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@w8t4u

Blame
A fork
Welp I'm dead.

Booteefool
Booteefool

@w8t4u
Fuck it's like that Twilight zone episode with the library.

Guns, guns, everywhere,
And all the men did shriek;
Guns, guns, everywhere,
Nor any cartridge to plink.

Emberburn
Emberburn

Borderlands 's Pandora, hoodie and jeans, armed with grandfather's old switchblade.

I might be fucked unless I can get to Sanctuary in time.

Firespawn
Firespawn

@Nojokur
But user...Hooper's not there anymore. And he's not coming back.

Firespawn
Firespawn

@hairygrape
I'm curious as to how an AR would fare in the 41st millenium

hairygrape
hairygrape

@w8t4u
The collected works of HP Lovecraft
A CZ P09 handgun
It won't matter for long

At least I have the means to make me end quick and painless.

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

Ranma 1/2
Shibari rope
Welding outfit
Makes sense

Lunatick
Lunatick

A war biography about the Vietnam War
Walther PPS with 2 mags and 15 cartridges

If I'm plopped down in the jungle I'm probably dead. If I'm put in a US-controlled camp or town I'll probably be okay. I'm Half Asian so I'm not sure if anyone will believe I'm American, though.

TreeEater
TreeEater

House of Leaves
candle stick

I'll probably be fine right

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

@w8t4u
5th edition Imperial Guard codex
Semi-automatic .338 lapua rifle
So I guess I can be a sniper in a planetary defence force that still uses archaic weapons.

5mileys
5mileys

A Selection of Classical Chinese Essays From Guwenguanzhi
Draft mechanical pencil

Imperial China? I can speak modern vernacular Chinese, not Middle Chinese. My socks have yellow on them, so I can't be seen wearing them or else it's the death penalty for me.

The pencil will be pretty useless unless if I can adapt it as a brush. If I keep the book, I'm in a much better state. Hopefully I'm not plopped down in one of the chaotic periods though.

Techpill
Techpill

Armed with a fork, in my boxers
World of Endymion
Haven't read the Hyperion series yet, how fucked am I?

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

Asimov's Robot's universe
Portable typewriter
Bathrobe
pretty terrible I guess? It would be awful to live on Earth. Funny thing is that he predicted 8 billion as the time when people would be living in underground/caged places and now we are at 7 billion and nothing close to that is happening

Nojokur
Nojokur

@w8t4u
Mage: the Awakening 2nd Edition
a long metal flashlight like cops have
I guess I do alright. Could have some Mortals adventures with my trusty flashlight or something. Would need to get my hands on some shoes though.

Playboyize
Playboyize

@w8t4u
Battle Royale
A medium-sized screwdriver
Light clothes and slippers

I'm fucked.

Skullbone
Skullbone

@Techpill
Provided you don't encounter the Shrike, you should be fine as long as you don't piss anyone off.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@w8t4u
Veteran's Foreign Wars Edition of Pictorial History of the Second World War, Volume 3
Tape dispenser
Dressed like a fucking chicken

Why is my life a joke, Veeky Forums?

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

I'm in Rifts
I have a wooden bunk bed ladder
jeans and a tshirt

Just bend me over and fuck me while I die, please.

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@w8t4u
One of my wife's book called "the Land of Stories"
A sponge mop thing
Jeans, t-shirt, socks, boxers, and my glasses

Not sure, haven't read the book, it's written by the guy who played Kurt in Glee so it can't be to dangerous. Right?

Bidwell
Bidwell

Closest book near me is a photo book of gay male erotica by a Japanese photographer

How do you fare?

I do pretty damn good for myself that's what.

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

Hitman, the Bret Hart autobiography
An xacto knife
Sweatpants and a Dark Souls shirt

I'm going to try and avert the Montreal Screwjob by stabbing Shawn and threatening Earl Hebner until he counts the three

4/10

Emberburn
Emberburn

@Poker_Star
Sweatpants and a Dark Souls shirt

Are you me right now in an alternate universe?

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

A history of the Civil War.
A Mauser K98.
Jeans, a flannel shirt and steel toe boots.

Pretty good I guess? I "invent" the Mauser bolt action and smokeless powder early and make a fortune.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

@Booteefool
No, there's endless clips as well.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@w8t4u
TFW moving and have almost all of my books in my car
I am in my Dream Journal, therefore I am stuck in my own mind
Shotgun in my closet
Wearing nothing but my boxers and a US Navy T-Shirt
Considering it's my own dreams and my own mind, Ill hope to find some characters I've previously made, and hope they can help a bro out and give me some pants, then perhaps get a few beers or something

likme
likme

@Carnalpleasure
Fun fact. There's over 100 billion domestic pigs and over 100 billion cattle on earth. Both of these animals eat far more than humans. Writers often have no idea what the fuck they're talking about!

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@w8t4u
I'll be in a Japanese garden with a pocket knife? I think I'll be ok and fairly relaxed.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@w8t4u
All Flesh Must Be Eaten
a bowl of spaghetti
boxers, trousers, t-shirt, light jacket, and glasses.

I don't have any physical books so i just went with the last pdf I read. Our last game of AFMBE took place in cold war era new mexico where our party was investigating a conspiracy involving skinwalkers. I pray I don't run into my PC.

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@likme
Never mind. This incorrect, maybe.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@w8t4u

I'm in an NRA catalog. Nearest item to my person that could be described as a weapon is a Sig P938.

I go find the hiking girl on Page 15 and take a trip to Fucksylvania, defending myself from small bears.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

IG Codex.
Fug.
Beer bottle.
Yup, I'm fucked.
Gym shorts and tee shirt.
Destination Fucked.

eGremlin
eGremlin

@w8t4u
Farseer Trilogy at the start of the Red Ship Wars
Scar 17 & ~3k rounds
Carhartt work pants, boots, & a sweater

Eh, definitely could be worse.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@StrangeWizard
So your a close combat recon specialist guardsman, whats the problem? Your in no more trouble than anyone else in the Guard.

Spamalot
Spamalot

@StrangeWizard
Welcome to the guard Son. War's been declared!

Methshot
Methshot

@w8t4u
Thank God I wear my gun at home. I'm in enders game. Time to kill some buggers.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

snowpiercer
2 soviet era amputation scalpels
fully clothed including steel capped boots

I am more than fucking fine.

idontknow
idontknow

@w8t4u
The Witcher
A katana
T-shirt and boxer shorts
Well, I'll get horribly mauled.

Emberfire
Emberfire

@w8t4u
Earthsea
M1903 Springfield
Mario pajama pants, extra-fluffy socks, bear claw slippers, t-shirt, zip-up sweater, commando

Look, I don't want to hurt anyone with this rifle, Earthsea might be the comfiest fantasy setting known to man. I just want to go fishing and herd goats, and if I have the knack for it, maybe learn some Words.

It's going to be a bitch and a half when my eyeglasses finally get smashed or lost, though. I can't imagine even the best healers of Roke know what astigmatism is.

JunkTop
JunkTop

@w8t4u
mistborn: wax era
box cutter
shirt and raggedy track pants
I'd say I'd be dead, but maybe Harmony will save me.

Lunatick
Lunatick

A Sonic comic, Flyn Era.
Well I might not be completely fucked. Unless I keep my aesthetic (In other words, I look like a live action bloke who photoshopped himself in) then the zone cops are going to be on my ass sooner or later and I'll look like something Penders would have made to boot.
I have both a tomahawk and a broadsword on the wall.
Not sure how sharp they are but pretty good. Handle on the sword is a bit akward though.
Casual wear.
And I have nowhere to actually put my sword.
Guess I'll see if Eggman needs someone to make him blueprints, because god knows I'm not about to fight a robot rape machine even if I had a good gun. Again, unless I keep my aesthetic then in which case I'm just fucked.

Techpill
Techpill

@w8t4u
Sabriel with a hunting knife and wearing gym shorts and a flannel shirt.

Well, I'm fucked but good thing I don't have a gun.

Emberburn
Emberburn

@w8t4u
I am in the world of C.J. Chivers's "The Gun". Given that this is a nonfictional book, nothing has changed. If it means anything, I have a kazoo.

Techpill
Techpill

Homage to Catalonia
moist nugget with 5 rounds and a bayonet

Guess it's time to do my part and try to save the Republic. Hope I can figure out a way to keep the Commies from fucking things up again, though.

TreeEater
TreeEater

The Monster Girl Encyclopedia
Gladius and Scutum
Pair of pajama pants
Off to find myself a Hellhound waifu gents.

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@TreeEater
user, no. Believe not their lies. Accept not their corruption.

eGremlin
eGremlin

@Gigastrength
Ah piss off. Let an user get his waifu. What reason do i have not to?

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

The Extraordinary Adventures of Baron Munchausen
Pen knife
Heavy shirt, pants, trainer shoes

Sounds like an actual adventure of the Baron

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

At first I thought all the "in mah undies" replies were just because of the OPs post timing, but it's been a full day and they are there at all hours.

FFS Veeky Forums, put on some pants.

likme
likme

@w8t4u
The closest book to me is Moby Dick, all i'm wearing is a dressing gown and the only thing even remotely resembling a weapon is a pair of old, dull scissors. This is not going to end well

StonedTime
StonedTime

@Techpill
Anarchists would never win, the best you could hope for is curbing Franco away from war crimes

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@eGremlin
Would you sell your soul, your humanity, your knowledge of REALITY, for a dream - a dream which you can never control? A dream in which your values are painted over with theirs? You will not be yourself if you give in to them. You will not be who your parents raised, who your friends cherish, who your enemies grudgingly respect.

You might as well be an empty doll, for all any of them might recognize you.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

Audobon Society Field Guide to North American Mushrooms
Pencil
Oversized sweater, sweatpants

Im gonna record the shit out of these fungal motherfuckers.

Lunatick
Lunatick

@w8t4u
Pathfinder
Lighter or Fork
Nude.

If I can get a class, naked barbarian, survive forever.

Otherwise, I'm fucked.

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

Excession (A cluture novel by Ian M Banks
A Swiss Amy knife
Dressing gown and slippers

Looks like its comfy hedonism for me

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@w8t4u

Forgotten realms
Pocket Knife
Button-up shirt and khaki's

Well fuck. I got nothing. might as well be a merchant or some shit.

Flameblow
Flameblow

@Raving_Cute
Watch out for anything remotely related to Cordyceps.

TechHater
TechHater

Closest book: Tao Te Ching
Closest narrative book: Penguin Classics Call of Cthulhu (and Other Weird Stories)

Clothes: Jeans, thermal underwear and a t-shirt

Weapon: Does a steel chair count, or can I use a big-ass kitchen knife?

I am probably fucked.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@Flameblow
Oh shit.

viagrandad
viagrandad

Warhammer 40k core book
empty beer bottle
Work uniform

I guess if I break the bottle I'm about as well armed as an average Guardsman.

Evilember
Evilember

@viagrandad
IG gear is leagues beyond anything on modern Earth, it only looks weak because everything else in 40K is filename related.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@New_Cliche
What book am this?

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@w8t4u
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
A clam handpuppet/shitty sword I found at goodwill depending on how anal you want to be about "nearest item to your person that could be described as a weapon"
In my pajamas
I am either now homeless in a foreign country, or promptly arrested for running around with a cutlass in my jammies.

MPmaster
MPmaster

@Stark_Naked
Which Part? If it's Part 4, try to find the Arrow.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@w8t4u
A generic collection of various mythologies, aptly titled Myths and Legends
A knife with a broken tip that I've been sharpening on and off for a week
Pants, sweater, no shoes.

Will I fit into the genre? Because if it's Irish mythology I'm set for irish heroics. Most others I'll just straight up die in the background. Good show either way.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

@MPmaster
3, unfortunately.

iluvmen
iluvmen

@idontknow
Excellent taste, but why are you naked?

Playboyize
Playboyize

@w8t4u
Miss Peregrin's Home For Peculuar Children
A folding knife
...I guess I'm fine? It's just our earth but with pockets of weird shit; unless I went looking for it I could easily just resume my own life; unless there's already a me in this world, then it gets weird.
On the other hand it's 2014(15?) so I've got 2 years meta-knowledge.

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

@SomethingNew
Try to get Joseph to teach you Hamon, seeing as he's the last living practicioner. He may be slacking off on it, but he still knows how it's done.

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@iluvmen
Why are you naked?

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@CouchChiller
I can't argue with this.

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

Boku No Hero Academia
A half-used linen scented candle
Normal clothes
I don't even fucking get killed. I'm just homeless in a country whose language I don't even speak.

At least I smell nice.

Lunatick
Lunatick

Glock 26
In the world of Death of a Salesman

Ok

cum2soon
cum2soon

@idontknow
The Minotaur isn't real you mongoloid. You're living in the real world, it just happens to be inhabited by the crazy lady who the writer intends as the true author of the book.

Evilember
Evilember

The tournament by Matthew Reilly
kitchen knife
I'd be fine except I suck at chess and can't speak a language other than english

guess I'll die

Flameblow
Flameblow

@cum2soon
It's been a while for me. Truants' mother was the writer?

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

I'm in the 40K universe and I've got a brick. I'm so fucked.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@Flameblow
Zampano's "mother" was the writer. Neither Zampano nor Truant are real.

Emberfire
Emberfire

@w8t4u
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, 1st edition
an old rapier

There are no stats listed for this weapon. Hopefully it's not too terrible though, and I prove sufficiently ultra-paranoid about traps and ambushes to survive a bit.

Skullbone
Skullbone

@Lunatick
glock 26
gun bro
it's kinda like finding out you and someone else slept with the same girl
then get drunk
have a great time
and egg her house
with bullets? Maybe.
gun bros

Evilember
Evilember

@w8t4u
World of Azeroth via Warcraft Manga
Louisville Slugger right beside me
Batter Up, Alliance Pigs!
Hopefully I could convince the Darkspear Mages to teach me magic so I could be of some use to my glorious Warcheif.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@Evilember
But you're human - as far as anyone is concerned, you're Alliance.

RavySnake
RavySnake

@w8t4u
Luckily for just such an occasion, I keep a gladius on my bookshelf!

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders
...... fuck

RumChicken
RumChicken

@w8t4u
"The Conspiracy Against the Human Race: A Contrivance of Horror" by Thomas Ligotti
A series of reflections and analyses on philosophical pessimism and commentary on both philosophical works relating to it specifically and literary works (specifically horror) that relate to it in essence
The central argument of this particular book being that life (and being alive) is not necessarily "all right" and in fact is quite horrifying and unasked-for
The book is non-fiction and the world is the real one

Well, according to the author I'm faring pretty fucking badly for having been born, regardless of what weapon I have at hand.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@Lunatick

You gotta have a good explanation for that commie gun user.

@TreeEater

Pssh, you're good man, just don't come back to the house. You haven't been thinking about going back to the house, right?

@eGremlin

Yeah, but, could be a hell.of a lot better man. Your optimism is laudible and all...

Supergrass
Supergrass

@RumChicken
Aw, come on, what could be so bad about existing as opposed to not existing? Can't do anything fun if you don't exist.

King_Martha
King_Martha

@w8t4u
A book about dogs, with a guard dog. I think I'm okay

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@Supergrass

Well it just so turns out out there's a considerable amount of reading you can do on the subject.

w8t4u
w8t4u

Tokugawa-era medieval Japan
two dildos
a full complect of clothing for freezing temperatures
Oh

RumChicken
RumChicken

A Song of Ice and Fire books
Factory fake wakizashi
button up shirt and cargo shorts.

Horribly bad unless I get the chance to scavenge a battlefield; still probably bad even with some gear.

Snarelure
Snarelure

@w8t4u

The Knight and Knave of Swords by Fritz Leiber

Maglight

I don't know.
I'm pretty sure I'll be murdered for my magic torch.

viagrandad
viagrandad

@w8t4u
stormlight archive
with a knife
but otherwise decent clothing on
well, i have blue eyes, so that certainly counts for something. i could fake amnesia and get in somewhere solid if its alethekar or jah keved. if im lucky, i might be able to break into the radiants or some shit. otherwise i can army up and become an archer or some shit.

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Emberfire
i would use a short sword stats for 1e.

idontknow
idontknow

@w8t4u
D&D 53
and Mosin-Nagant

if I can't learn magic then I'm fucked long term, but I might be able to survive long enough to learn some magic if I can.

Snarelure
Snarelure

The King In Yellow
Toy lightsaber
Hoodie only

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

@Snarelure
gif

Did he live?

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@w8t4u
The closest book to me this works for would be the Divine Comedy, and as for weapon since OP was kind enough to be vague guess I'll go for my rosary beads blessed by Pope John Paul the II.

w8t4u
w8t4u

@VisualMaster
They never found the body. Some say you can still hear the screams.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@w8t4u
If i will ever become an Evil Overlord, this thing right here will replace all the boring spike-pit traps in my Castle Of Evilness

WebTool
WebTool

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
wearing pajama bottoms, t-shirt and socks
wielding a hairbrush

I guess I'd go try to find Dirk and see if he could solve the case of me being pulled into his book. Sounds like the sort of thing he'd be into.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@w8t4u
Divine Comedy (whole thing, not just Inferno)
a pair of footlong knitting needles
barefoot
so I guess that's a 2/3 shot of landing somewhere relatively comfortable, at least. Or if we start in chapter 1, I guess I'm going through Hell because there's no way I'm going to be able to take on a she-lion with a half-knit scarf

Techpill
Techpill

@w8t4u
The book is Forge of Darkness
I have a revolver
I am otherwise completely naked

Fucking god this is not going to be a good day. Though if I can get a lay of the land and get to a certain noble house, I can pretty much fix the entire setting in the future timeline and prevent a lot of people from going through a lot of fucked up shit. Doesn't even matter if I die doing it, will and intent has a power all of it's own in this shit.

Gonna put a bullet in Hunn Raal before he makes every bad decision it's possible for a man to make. Heaven or Hell motherfucker.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@Stupidasole
Wasn't the she-lion an allegory for some kind of sin? The violent ones, right? Can you fight an allegory with any weapon?

Snarelure
Snarelure

@StonedTime
post pics of the crysknife

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@RumChicken
Fantastic book. Inspired me to hang myself. Wouldn't recommend it to anyone who's emotionally unstable.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Stupidasole
i love gustave dore's work

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@PackManBrainlure
Supposedly, all three of the animals were. There was, in no particular order, a she-lion, a she-wolf, and a leopard. I've read a tiny bit of literature on them, but as far as I can tell consensus on any a meaning for any one of them is elusive.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@w8t4u
AD&D 2e
I am completely naked
Splitting axe
I'd say I'm fairly well fucked until I can get some goddamn clothes at least. I'd settle for boots.

StonedTime
StonedTime

@Carnalpleasure
Okay so they're all allegories. Can you stab allegories with sewing needles, or do you need to turn your sewing needles into eldritch magic wands first?

Lunatick
Lunatick

@StonedTime
I mean, even if they ARE allegories, so are the ironic punishments of Hell to an extent, so I don't see why they can't be allegories AND real, you know? Frankly, I'm not willing to bet.
I figure I'll work my way up to Hell, maybe do some praying on the way, and see if I can't find myself a divinely permitted guide in Limbo. And if I wind up in Purgatorio or Paradiso, I'm sure I'll be able to find somebody to help. I'd just rather not wind up with a one-way ticket to, I don't know, the River of Wrath or anything like that.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

I'm sent to the magical world of The Gulag Archipelago with a pair of nail clippers.

That sounds about right.

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@w8t4u
I am making america great again (Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again), and I have a kids putter (golf club). I mean... I suppose I'm ok, it's basically just my real life...

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

@w8t4u
surrounded by never ending rows of firearms.
...like in the Matrix

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@Skullbone
High Five, bro

Lunatick
Lunatick

Faerun 3.5,cigarette and vodka. Ll and a lighter

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@w8t4u
Just bought a copy of The Night Land after reading a Veeky Forums thread.
.22 semi-auto
Still royally boned :(

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@w8t4u
word bearers: the omnibus
pocketknife
I'm fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked

DeathDog
DeathDog

@w8t4u
I am in Java Software Solutions, 4th edition
I am wielding a computer
I'll be good, pham

Booteefool
Booteefool

Well shit, I'm not going to survive long in early WW1 with my wife's hair straightener as a club. Wish me luck user

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@w8t4u
I live with a battleaxe in the world of Windwalkers.
Well, guess I just embark on a wheeled ship and prepare to never use my axe

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@w8t4u
just moved
didn't bring any books
Do web serials count?
Nearest weapon would be the chair I'm sitting on. Might be able to pawn that for enough to cover an inn for a night or three; I may need shoes depending on where I end up, but I'm dressed and my cargo pants' pockets are pretty well stocked, so I'm no more fucked than most civilians on the continent of Calernia.

SniperWish
SniperWish

Well, let's see.
There is a book on the Icelandic language I use to learn, and the Niebelungenlied about equally close to me.
I guess I'll go with the Nibelungenlied, but Iceland wouldn't be too bad either. Glad as fuck that the Gulag Archipelago Is just a bit furhter away.
As for what could count as weapons, I guess my little hatchet is a bit too far. So I got a smol pocket knife.
As for clothing, just a t-shirt and a jeans.

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@w8t4u
look up from thread to tab window
Worm
armed with a pen knife
not wearing a shirt

I'm so fucked.

TechHater
TechHater

@Raving_Cute
Gird your loins you sorry excuses for minions, we're going on a magical fucking adventure!

You'll end up shivved by a goblin before sundown, user.

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@TechHater
You shouldn't be fighting, anyway!

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@ZeroReborn

You in the matrix, now. Build your ACLs into a fortress, become the overmind.

askme
askme

@w8t4u
the bush war in rhodesia by dennis kroucamp
a loaded L1A1 rifle
buck naked

Call /k/, tell them I'm going home.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

in the world of the Belgariad
closest weapon is a sword which isn't very sharp though
i'm wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@VisualMaster
He died of dehydration and exhaustion most likely. Bodies still going, probably.

Don't let your kids play over a portal to a mirror dimension.

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