What kind of shenanigans get on in a wizard school, especially between the...

farquit
farquit

What kind of shenanigans get on in a wizard school, especially between the various colleges. I'm going for a general 'no sense of right or wrong' wizardry, where the plural of wizard pretty recently was War, and that each class involves a non zero chance of death. Advancement generally means people will die, and that the higher ups would literally kill for tenure. I'm thinking things like collecting bat gauno from dire bats for third years, and parties getting crashed by the community bard college down the road..

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

There's always the need to repair the blown lightning rod on the Philosophy of Religion building.

takes2long
takes2long

Every time someone new learns how to make minor illusions, they leave piles of shit in chairs and make it look like whoopee cushions to see who would take the bait.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

There's also leaving out and cleverly disgusing copies of the instructions for the spell Harm Self.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@farquit
Prestidigitation the cafeteria food to literally taste like rotten shit
illusion stairs to look like flat ground with a coin on it
skipping class to hide in the closet and Counterspell people trying to learn
the always funny "go to page X, see page Y, check the corner of page Z" except there's an Explosive Rune at the end
Antipathy or other warding spell on the bathroom door
letting 3 displacer beasts loose with the numbers 1, 2, and 4 painted on them
summoning a water elemental to drench the tests from today because you didn't study
convince the freshmen that dragons can't see colors that don't exist on the dragon spectrum, e.g. they can see gold, red, blue, copper, etc but not purple

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@farquit
Getting to lectures for Apocryphal Geography is difficult, especially when you encounter lost tribes and explorers in the halls
The timetables for Holistic History are uncertain and you might end up attending two classes simultaneously, but resist the urge to share notes with yourself
Phantasmal Psychology has three professors sharing one body, which is good for office hours and bad when he decides to share this advantage with others
Quixotic Botany has left an entire wing of the dorms uninhabitable and the local fertility cult are sneaking in to worship there
A few study groups save time by meeting up in shared dreams, but collective nightmares can start bleeding into the real world
And whatever the rats are eating has led them to petition for grant money

SniperWish
SniperWish

summoning a water elemental and have it hide in the toilets for the next person to come in
antimagic field in the broom tower, watch people jump off expecting their brooms to catch them
Wizardesses wear extremely short robes... to reveal they have Symbols of Pain engraved on their underclothes
Forehead-height thin wall of force when people try to enter doors
wall of force covering toilet seats
unseen servant constantly looming behind cursed target, misplacing his belongings whenever possible
Sneaking into the Transmutation lab and swapping their hybrid circles, so that for midterms the entire class channels their powers together to end up creating the fearsome bear-owl, which is an adorable owl-sized bear with a penchant for rats and has tail feathers.
Buying the bear-owl from the transmution students, use it to get chicks.

JunkTop
JunkTop

@farquit
the collective noun for wizards is war.

Shit, I'm so stealing this.

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@Harmless_Venom
mfw when the freshmen leave to hunt a wyrmling dressed all in purple

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@farquit

I'm glad you brought this up, OP. I have been thinking of a side quest where the PCs investigate a hazing at a Wizard' school gonr terribly, terribly wrong. I haven't given it a lot of thought yet, but I will be monitoring this thread for ideas.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

What is Magical Date Rape like?

What sort of PSA's would there be to prevent it?

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@Harmless_Venom
Long term domination spells, probably targeted against younger students who are less likely to have any kind of defenses.

"PSAs" about it mostly consist of paladins and clerics breaking your arms and not healing them for at least a few days when they come around for their bi-monthly evil sweep.

takes2long
takes2long

@CouchChiller
bi-monthly
It would be weekly at the very least, maybe an evil sweep at the beginning of every class.

Paladins and Clerics would be actually effective campus security.

iluvmen
iluvmen

@JunkTop
not recognising a Terry Pratchett quote...

TreeEater
TreeEater

@iluvmen
Terry Pratchett
Literally who?

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@farquit
Some desperate guy/girl using necromancy to get a prom date

TechHater
TechHater

@Harmless_Venom
@Crazy_Nice
@SniperWish
moar

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@TreeEater
b8

JunkTop
JunkTop

@farquit
Accidentally killing the creator's pet Marty Stus.
Finding good "Rocks falls everyone dies" insurance.

Booteefool
Booteefool

@Harmless_Venom
the always funny "go to page X, see page Y, check the corner of page Z" except there's an Explosive Rune at the end
Antipathy or other warding spell on the bathroom door

Hilarious, I'm totally stealing these.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@farquit
the cosmological engineering department manipulates the universal gravitational constant in the hallway as a way of announcing room changes
one of the party-heavy fraternities named itself in explosive runes so nobody has been able to write them up for anything without the forms combusting
the dean of students is advertising a bounty for a plaque of adamantium so he can work around that problem
unfortunately he's a bigger nitwit than the dean in Animal House, and three dozen adventurers have died so far
the xenobotany department got tired of the token "it's just a plant bro" dudeweed activist and locked her in a room with a thicket of Japanese rape vine
they're very happy together and are expecting a leafy bundle of joy
a missing rune on a philosopher's stone transformed lead into old, thus rapidly aging anything it comes in contact with
nobody is sure when the department of time magic vanished or when it will reappear

happy_sad
happy_sad

@New_Cliche
one of the party-heavy fraternities named itself in explosive runes so nobody has been able to write them up for anything without the forms combusting
Now that's just clever

farquit
farquit

@New_Cliche
nobody is sure when the department of time magic vanished or when it will reappear

I love it

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@New_Cliche
The school cafeteria is said always stocked to the brim with freshly prepared food of all kinds, ranging from ancient civilisations most famous dishes to obscure local specialities.
The canteen lady has worked there longer than anyone can remember and the Dean is too proud to admit he can't read the contract she signed as it's in elder being runes that give him a headache to look at.

some of the older school buildings have ancient and immensely powerful self repair spells built into the walls, cast by some of the greatest wizards and witches ever to live these spells were intended to cut costs on repairs
An extension project started several years ago caused mages ordering around the worker constructs to realize there was no way to break the wall down and have it remain broken long enough to add the new corridor.
The constructs are an older model, so they can't stop or take new orders until they're finished their task.
the building is now known as "smash house dorm" and is used as lodging for the more destructive students

there is a bottomless hole in the ground near a small sign that simply says "extraplanar shifting for beginners"

the squirrels on campus have learned over the centuries and various experiments subjected to them to carve anti magic runes into anything that matters to them.

it is now against school policy to take a succubus to graduation ceremonies.

Magical creature activists have been protesting the use of magical creatures in potions, rituals and talent shows. These protests have caught the attention of a small but dedicated group of elves who are trying to make the whole things about natures rights

JunkTop
JunkTop

@SniperWish
Wizardesses wear extremely short robes... to reveal they have Symbols of Pain engraved on their underclothes.
That (and this whole thread) just reminded me of the "Mage hand but with tactile feedback" spell from the third party ERP 3.5 supplement. That spell always stuck with me because it seemed like the EXACT thing that horny teenage wizards would create. Symbols of Pain underwear seems like a fitting retaliation from the opposite sex.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@farquit
GURPS IOU Iluminati (you're not cleared to know what the O stands for) University is literally this campaign.

Inmate
Inmate

@takes2long
The paladin's/clerics have to learn somewhere, and you also can't have Wizards thinking ALL paladins are fun-hating-partypoopers. Probably best to train them in tandem, at in the theories of the multiverse before splitting them up due to differences in power source.
That way the wizards don't see the clergy as "those guys who don't let me have fun" but rather "Aston, the guy who accidentally used arcane lubricant to oil his sword that one time." And the paladin's don't see the wizards as "those fucks who can't stop messing with the fabric of reality."

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

Taking classes on things Man Was Not Meant To Know requires basic abjuration, mid level conjuration, and a smatterign of illusion
it also requires insurance forms
Taking Classes on Men things Were Not Meant To Know requires triple vetted permissions from the Dean, The Instructor, and two different extrapolate beings

happy_sad
happy_sad

@Inmate
Please don't humanize the wizards, makes it worse when they inevitably polymorph you into the uni's mascot and send you into a fighting ring against a rival school's PolymorphedPal.

Spamalot
Spamalot

@Booteefool
Not glitterdust

It would probably look like a shoujo manga when the guy turns around and sparkles.

But with a mangy old wizard.

RumChicken
RumChicken

@farquit
I don't know but you damn well better play with Ars Magic as the system.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

this makes me think of a campaign in which i'm a player, where The University has, among others, a door to next week thursday and if you want coffee you grab a cup out of the walls

Spamalot
Spamalot

Everything goes to 11

Psycho ex girlfriend?
Literally demon from hell.
Cramming for midterms?
Time stop spell for extra hours go wrong.
Panty Raid?
Literal dungeon crawl with panties hidden in a treasute chest.

Evilember
Evilember

@farquit
I'm thinking things like collecting bat gauno from dire bats for third years
That is an inefficient system for gathering sulphur but did give rise to the term "Bat shit insane!"

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

Don’t forget about the wizards who have to leave early for their Work Release Programs...
Which 6 times out of ten involves babysitting the senior Warriors from Sweat Tech while they dungeon crawl.

They actually spend about 3/4 of their time trying to teach their Warrior how to write their own name so they can sign off on their forms.

idontknow
idontknow

tfw senior wizard made your locker a pocket dimension modeled after a dick themed dungeon. Again

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

tfw you give a golem runes to the janitor telling him is a cleansing rune
tfw campus is full of shit golems

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@farquit
@Nude_Bikergirl
I always thought it'd be cool if the discovery of the "Stop Time" rune was made by a careless student in the middle of class. It created an orb around him down to the waist and around his desk space that has never changed, though his hips and legs have long since been gone. It's fairly easy to deduce what the rune was, and it highly taught to prevent further accidents. They've not figured out how to resume time, so he's still sitting there, his legless body stooped intently over his papers with quill in hand, a grim warning against studying carelessly.

Firespawn
Firespawn

@happy_sad
Not really. Welcome to a world of codenames, one where your fraternity's codename is, "Exploding Dickasses".

hairygrape
hairygrape

@Firespawn
How long has it been since you were a teenager? That would probably just increase recruitment.

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

There's an ongoing campus tradition of telling freshman majoring in Drudaism that you can't unlock your full potential without letting an animal fuck you
Teachers don't really discourage the rumor mostly because the origin of the rumor is a little more complex
Professor Roosterbone has been running all of the basic Druid-related classes for a few centuries now. Pretty average looking druid, messy brown beard and friendly to all the kids
He's been courting Mother Nature, the spiritual power source of most Druid magic for a very very long time
Every twenty years or so one of his students come into his office to ask about something, and he senses that Mother Nature has placed more of herself than usual in this young adult
He unwillingly turns into an animal and dry humps the kid, who rightfully freaks the fuck out
Once he's done, he turns back to normal and explains to the kid that he has a colleague that can help properly train their advanced magic capabilities. He obviously can't because of his condition.
The other teachers are well aware of this, but Roosterbone's dick acts as a Mother Nature lightning rod, and he's one of the few in the world who can determine who the best druids in the world will be, so they keep this on the DL and send the kids to an oversea eunich to train their powers in a safer, more serene environment.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@Sharpcharm
This is garbage fetish bullshit.

Methshot
Methshot

@Garbage Can Lid
There's going to be a ton of sexy shenanigans at any wizard college.
full of 18-21 year old men
full of women that can reshape their bodies with magic
no restrictions on fraternizing

idontknow
idontknow

@Sharpcharm
I hope you hate yourself half as much as I hate you. That would mean you would be fellating a shotgun right now.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@hairygrape
All I'm saying is it's only a generation away from relatively senior members not knowing how to answer the question "Why are we called Exploding Dickasses?"

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@farquit
Blowing up the moon for the umpteenth time.
Fending off your own evil clones that have chainsaws.
Convincing new students that going into the storeroom alone is a good idea.
Summoning a greater demon with the protective circle around yourself.

RumChicken
RumChicken

@Stupidasole
implying that wouldn't be handed down to every new initiate

idontknow
idontknow

@farquit
Enchantment specialists are either widely loathed or the most popular students. No middle ground.

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@idontknow
Enchantment majors are all Stacies

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@PackManBrainlure
the weird nerdy girl builds a buff, handsome Frankensteinian flesh golem to be her date to the prom
complete with jumbo dong because she's a pervert
This is doing things for me. Thanks user.

Illusionz
Illusionz

@PackManBrainlure
Classes banned from prom
Necromancers - We've had one too many eyeball left in the punch after your date lost it.
Enchanters - Turning the dance floor into your personal "clique-war" for who can slip more charm spells into dance movies is frowned upon by janitorial having to repair the building
Chronomancers - "This night will last forever" is not giving you permission to trap everyone in a time loop.
Chronomancers v2 - "Dance like it's 19XX" is ALSO not giving you permission to time travel the gymnasium.
Conjurers - Fae, Lust Demons, and some elementals, while attractive, do not make good dates to a party full of horny teenagers.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@Nude_Bikergirl
Is it possible to have a hazing at a mage school that goes right?

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@Nude_Bikergirl

There are any number of embarrassing and demeaning magical pranks you can do to haze someone that don't result in lasting harm. Illusion and mind affecting spells to that end abound, and those almost never end up hurting people (directly, anyway).

So smart people haze with illusion or enchantment. (Guess what you spent the last week doing after you failed that will save!)

Smart trolls find a way to haze with abjuration.

Perverts haze with transmutation.

Idiots haze with evocation.

DANGEROUS idiots haze with conjuration or necromancy.

FastChef
FastChef

drow exchange students

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