ITT: Help me create the worst party

Ok, long story short, my group and I had a long discussion about That Guy, and they want me to run a One-Shot where everyone in the party is That Guy. The only caveat is that I just have to bring pre-generated characters to the table.
I need five of them, but I really only have 1 good character in mind, a Bard that does ERP the same way an Edgelord weeb roleplays his character.
>"My penis is so Large in order hold myself back! If I had a penis any smaller I wouldn't be able to contain my power, and the force of the orgasm I'd give you would kill you!"
So, do you guys think you could help me flesh out the bard, and come up with four more?

Broad ideas:
The platonic ideal Kender. Completely oblivious to any and all consequences to their actions and ruled exclusively by curiosity.
NE personified. A guy who lives only for the sake of finding backs to stab. Zero awareness beyond the immediate future, happily fucks himself in the long run for the sake of the short, then compensates by fucking over someone else.
Judge Dredd. Gives precisely as many fucks are required by law, alloted according to Title II Statute IV of "Hierarchical Structure for the Allocation of Department Resources" §. Perfectly apathetic to loophole abuse so long as you don't so much as graze the edge of the hole in question. No self preservation, will execute himself if the law demands it.

Since you didn't mention a system, I'm going to assume you want just character archetypes.

Grim "Ow the Edge" Darklord. Nothin' personnel kid. Always has to seek out the shadiest corner in the room. Broods with an aura of darkness. Rogue, obviously.

The Elf Princess. Looks 14 but actually 1000 years old. A black hole of drama so dense that not even Grim Darklord can escape. Probably casts magic or maybe is a healer.

Chaos Personified. Demon summoner (or warlock etc). Does things for the lulz. Would probably be friends with Grim Darklord if Darklord wasn't such a stick in the mud. Says one thing and does the complete opposite. Just wants to watch the world burn.

CN tiefling Rogue who steals for no reason and does le random shit "because I can"

>Slutty ERP Bard
That's nice. Let me help you out with some others.
>Anime loli. That's her entire personality. Unironically uses words like "moe", "kawaii" and "dokidoki". Also uses Japanese suffixes. Tsundere as fuck.
>Grimdark edgy dude with a huge sword who is after "him" but never explains who "he" is or why he's after "him". Also only replies to things in disapproving grunts, leans against walls to look cool, is a "loner" and constantly criticizes anything because it's not cool enough by calling it "lame". Also doesn't take kindly to authority.
>Lolrandumb barbarian. CN, as in 1st edition CN. By which I mean "literally roll a die" for every moral interaction.
>Tonald Drumpf, who is basically the cartoon villain the far left thinks Donald Trump is. CE, of course.

>Tentacle Summoner
>The Most Seductive Elf Succubi Imaginable, with a fetish for acting like a slave
>A murder hobo so obsessed with murdering, that if he wanted to buy a weapon, he’d murder a party member for their gold even though he already has a shit ton of gold from his constant murdering. Then he’d murder the merchant. And then the witnesses
You better be playing FATAL, my friend

>The platonic ideal Kender.
Additionally the Kender needs to be an Invention Wizard from Unearthed Arcana, it's literally just the "lul so randum xD" wizard class.

Scantily dressed oppai loli specializing in seduction
Force the guy who would be most uncomfortable playing it into the role

>The murderhobo is so obsessed with murder that he kidnaps young women, ties them up in his basement, rapes them on a daily basis until he gets them pregnant only so he can keep strangling his newborn children
>Eventually he kidnaps enough women and has perfectly figured out a system so he can choke at least one baby every single day
>He then cuts off their heads and puts them on alcohol so the mothers are forced to stare at their dead newborns for all eternity
Nothin' personnel... thot

The Houserules Lawyer: Does whatever it takes to secure unfair advantages and favorable outcomes for his character, which usually involves explaining to the DM how the rules are supposed to work (that is, in his favor) in spite of what's written in the manual or common sense. Also an expert on medieval contract law ("You said you'd pay us 100 gold and a magic sword, you didn't specify the reward was for the whole party, we took the job thinking it was 100 gold and a magic sword EACH")
Will be the most bullshit race/class combination he can bargain the DM into accepting.