Inept wife cooking shopping stories?

>wife goes out running errands
>"do you want anything while I'm going out?"
>tell her to replenish my dwindling beer stock
>calls me twice while out "lol which beer do you drink teehee"
>tell her exact brand, send her picture of empty bottle (spaten dunkel)
>comes home with Killians Red
>also dijon mustard
>ask what the mustard is for
>"im making rouladen tonight, trying something different teehee."

FRENCH MUSTARD IN MY FUCKING FAVORITE FOOD REEEEEEE.

I didn't even know they sold this shit beer in my country, why is this allowed?

Do you actually like your wife, user?

Also
>mustard
>roulade
makes perfect sense to me

Dijon has a petrol taste to it. Stone ground German mustard doesn't. The differences are astronomical. Also, I like my wife enough.

>wife buys you beer
>cooks for you
>still complain
>REEEE

That board is for people without wives. I'll pass. You really don't have ANY stories about incompetent female cooking or shopping? Shame.

iimplying killians isn't delicious af

>bf tries to cook me lobster one day
>says he doesn't want help
>go to kitchen for some water
>he has the lobster on it's back
>is heating up the knife on the stove
>"wtf are you doing?"
>"if I heat the knife it'll cut through easier"
>he burns himself removing it from the heat

Thanks for your contribution cumdumpster.

>Dijon has a petrol taste to it
no it really doesn't. it just has a strong flavour because of the way it's manufactured.
works like a charm for rouladen.

>I like my wife enough
so you come to Veeky Forums to bash her.
what a gem you are.

I wish I had a wife, even if she gets the wrong kind of beer.

>i know what things taste like to other people
>bash yer wife

Incompetent woman detected.

What's stopping you?

stop yer plebbing will ya

>Not having a wife that knows what kind of beer you like
Might as well kill yourself now

Go out shopping for your family then cook them a nutritious meal, ma'am. Running errands is a good form of exercise as well, even MORE incentive to stop shitposting.

>is a whiny cunt
>gets trolled by wife
>complains about it on Veeky Forums

I like your wife.

Samefatwoman.

>stop shitposting
yeah, nah.

Why don't you love your cats enough to cook for them?

>he refuses to believe that more than one person thinks OP is trash

>shit thread
>shit post
really don't know what you were expecting user

I never really put myself out there again after my longtime girlfriend left me years ago. For a while I was just heartbroken, then I suppose in the back of my mind I convinced myself I don't really have a lot to offer women now that I'm approaching middle age–older, uglier, etc. Even then I was fond of my ex's kitchen foibles because she tried. It told me she loved me.

Get fucked, hope your wife finds this thread... in her work email tomorrow.

You should beat her more often because she does not listen to you.

>HURRRR I TAKE OFFENSE TO BOARDS I TELL YOU TO GO TO THAT I GO TO MYSELF HERRRRR

TIPTOPKEK

All single women our age have children ergo lower standards. "My wife's son" will be your own reality, unless you find a younger stupid woman.

SameFatWomanAgain

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

/r9k/ is the exact opposite of where he should go, you cancerous little newfaggot.

I like the idea of a Step by Step type inbred family.
>You are now also remembering the theme song.

Who the fuck are you all... I saw this thread on the front page, came in to look around and everyone is bashing OP for lightly making fun of his wife.
>Been dating girlfriend since teens
>she works in research lab and is biologist
>Can follow chemistry procedures i.e. recipes to do all sorts of crazy shit with autistic precision.
>Seven years of living together, can't make anything except for wierd green goo in blender
>Two weeks ago, doesn't fuck up rice for the first time ever...
>Time to propose!

Neckbeard permavirgins arguing about which fastfood sandwich is the best, also fat useless women.

Why is Yoda knitting a strand of DNA?

>2 deep 4 u

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant.
She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

OP here, I like you.

>things that never happened

This is pasta, lads.

It's a mouse, without which most of today's work on genetics would have been impossible

I wish someone loved me enough to beat the ever-living shit out of me

To think if I had just reversed the sexes I could've got a decent response.

kys schweinhund

That post is pasta newfriend
>still not a single post in your thread is on track

>implying that is OP

Women improve with a good beating once in a while. Sometimes a slap just isn't good enough.

It is. I checked.

why are so many fags on this board?

If you have a stupid wife it reflects just as poorly on you.
I don't make these mistakes

I dont let my wife do grocery shopping, she buys all the wrong shit even when I specifically give her a list

She's also only allowed in the kitchen to make baby food

Last time I bought some expensive as fuck steaks she cooked them well done with a dark crust

>she cooked them well done with a dark crust
nice and crunchy on the outside, perfectly cooked on the inside...sounds delicious, your wife deserves more credit than you give her

No, she had the heat on high as possible while doing something else and the centre was like leather

this sounds like a you problem

What faggot.

Stop treating your wife like your mom.

Yes, it was my mistake for letting her cook dinner

>anyone with a bf is a fag
Nice warped worldview fgt

Jesus fuck not one person here could even attempt to stay on topic, let me try

Had longtime gf, 5 years and this bitch couldn't even cook an egg. I remember one time I said I would love some pasta and she bought some garbage hunts tomato paste, nothing else, she even cooked the pasta for like 25 minutes.

Everytime she went shopping she would buy everything pre chooped, like all those fruits at super markets in plastic cases pre cut and not ripe, yeah anything like that. Lunch meat counter with all the horrible sides they sell sitting out all day, yeah buy tons of that in tubs. Regular old Sara Lee ham or turkey in the plastic cases. And frozen food, my god the frozen food. Frozen pizza, frozen pizza rolls, hot pockets, dinners, fries, tacos everything. And when I'd make a list for her she always called me complaining she had a hard time finding what I wanted. Like for example, "I want a 3 pack of the organic chicken, I don't care that it's more expensive it doesn't taste like shit and the butcher I like is closed" instead of looking at the pack to see if it's trimmed properly and not just the price jacked up with nothing but fat inside, just picks up the first pack she sees, same with steak, ground beef, pork anything, couldn't be bothered to go to the meat counter.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes the packaged shits easier and I can't always make a 3 course intricate meal, but I always chose wisely.

Burned chicken when she tried and would rage quit, burned everything. I mean can't make scramble eggs, really?

Thank God she played volleyball or she would of been a fucking hambeast, always praised my cooking though and mines nothing to special. Fun fact, her mom made all their meals at home and never used all that disgusting shit. Truly lazy and when I'd try to teach her, refused because "I can't cook i accept that", truly frustrating

Confirmed gay.

That's what a wife is for...what other purpose do they have besides being a portal through which you extend your progeny?

Good man.

That's what your mom is for?

I had a korean girlfriend who would make the most delicious kim chi jiggae, bossam, bulgogi beef and soondae soup. sometimes in return I would cook carbonara, bolognese, sunday roasts and english breakfasts. we loved each other but her visa ran out and she had to move back to korea and I'm too poor to afford to fly over there. I've been single ever since. sage for a shit thread full of dickheads. >hurr i'm so yough i beat my wife til she coul cook ma eggs properly. go fuck yourself you redneck cunts. this is why people think Veeky Forums is full of flyovers. i'm not even from your country and I can tell this board is full of hicks.

My mum lives 200km away, I'm a grown 32 year old man

>tfw your girlfriends were all good at cooking and maybe better than you

I don't know if I should be happy they weren't lazy shit eaters or sad I'm not with them anymore

My dad is in his 40s, and his current partner is a woman his own age who doesn't have an ex-husband or any children. Situations like that are the exception to the rule, but that doesn't mean they're impossible.

>muh animu waifu

Lolfaggot.

u jelly m8?

Nope, my wife lives with me.

In case y'all were wondering, this is why there aren't any women here.

She must be desperate

Modern women don't cook and housewives use Yummly and Pinterest. That's why women don't come here.

Not as desperate as yours, just tell her to get on a boat and claim refugee status, making sure to wear a hijab the entire trip. They MUST let her stay in those circumstances.

If you can't cook for yourself, you're not grown in any way that matters.

Why cook for yourself when you can be a man and provide for your family while ypir wife raises your children and keeps house? Those gender roles have worked for thousands, and thousands of years.

Boring story.

How did he even get that idea. That's utterly stupid.
It's SchweinEhund. E E EEEEEE

Only a woman, use dreksau instead. Means dirty pig.

More like diry pig.

"Drecksau"

>diry pig.

What ...?

I'm just learning German, only lived here as a refugee for 2 years now. Kys.

user was making fun of the fact that the other user missed a letter. And Drecksau means dirtsow

Meaning dirty pig...like a belching man or child who farts on someone for fun. The term is almost exclusively used when talking about drunken men or precocious boys being annoying. My Oma used to call me that 10 times a day.

Don't defile my precious language, sandnigger. All the wars in your Arab shitholes are winding down, you'll get deported back soon. Thank god.

>husband cooks everything over high heat and burns it
>house smells like burnt butter, eggs, etc....
>fucking hate it when he cooks
>end of fucking story

you can't be THAT new

>ya'll

You're a loser for bitching about your wife on this board full of 20-somethings who talk about mcchickens all day

You should have just kissed her and thanked her for getting the things for you, drank the beer like a man, and gotten your own mustard, because mustard is too important to leave to anyone else to get.

This was the least interesting story I've ever read

>You should treat your wife like a mental retard

Close thread pls.

>All the wars in your Arab shitholes are winding down, you'll get deported back soon.
>you'll get deported back soon.

Kai-Sören, you know that's not true. He will probably fuck your girlfriend, Lisa, which studies some bullshit like Kulturpädagogik and held a refugees welcome sign at some train station.

No shit.
It's not interesting to smell burnt food every morning.

If the shoe fits...

You're the reason actual chefs and gourmets dont post here.

>not liking brown butter

Savage.

Good luck my kids are citizens. Mmm dat kindergeld you paid for sustains me. Go back to your containment board racist scum.

brown butter isn't BURNT butter. Big difference.

>bf constantly uses metal utensils in my nonstick pans
>now they're all scratched to shit
>leaves rubber and plastic utensils in hot pans
>now they're all warped and melted

He makes a good chili tho, surprisingly.

Yes it is...burnt butter is delicious, you're just an uppity cunt.

Probably from this

Fair enough, but OP heavily implied she had normal thinking capacity.
Is your wife a retard OP?

Most women are irate retards controlled by their wombs and ovaries. They're all like this, no exception. Overly emotional spastics.