O, Great Northern Mall, you dwindling oracle

WebTool
WebTool

Recipient of the 2015 National Poetry Society competition from poetrysociety.org.uk

O, Great Northern Mall, you dwindling oracle
of upstate New York, your colossal lot

of frost-heaved spaces so vacant I could cut
straight through while blinking and keep my eyes

shut, I’ve come like the flies that give up the ghost
at the papered fronts of your defunct stores,

through the food court where napkins, unused
to touch, are packed too tight to be dispensed,

past the pimpled kid manning the register
who stares at the buttons and wipes his palms.

If I press my eyes until checkers rise
from the dark – that’s how the overheads glower

in home essentials as I roam through Sears,
seeking assistance. I know you’re here.

For this window crank I brought, you show me
a muted wall of TVs where Jeff Goldblum

picks his way through the splintered remains
of a dinosaur crate. There must be fifty

of him, hunching over mud to inspect
the three-toed prints. I almost didn’t

come in here at all, driving the opposite
of victory laps, and waiting as I hoped

for the red to leave my eyes, but my urgency
smacked of your nothingness. I did it again –

I screamed at the woman I love, and in front
of our one-year-old, who covered his ears.

All urls found in this thread:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9o6Ktm_zvY
VisualMaster
VisualMaster

Tell me what you think is wrong with that poem and why it is not deserving of an award.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@VisualMaster
Maybe he was just showing us. Fucking confrontational faggot.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Stupidasole
I was assuming because of the facepalm reaction image of Harold Bloom, known elitist and literati conservative.

viagrandad
viagrandad

@Spazyfool
You're right in assuming so. It's fucking garbage. Forced, bland, cheap ending.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@WebTool
driving the opposite
of victory laps
It reads like bad rap lyrics.

iluvmen
iluvmen

@viagrandad
You can't just throw buzzwords around, you infantile pseud.

idontknow
idontknow

@WebTool
O, Great

People still do this? lmao didnt know we were still in the 1700s

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

I've written poems better than this when I was fucking 16.

Where's my award?

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

@iluvmen
You cant describe things!
uses the word pseud

Stupid

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@idontknow
It is purposeful, dumbass. It's not like the writer wasn't aware its archaic. It's a literary technique

baka at idiots

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

I like it except for the victory laps part. Who is the author?

whereismyname
whereismyname

@WebTool
a muted wall of TVs where Jeff Goldblum

I completely fucking lost it. You cant do this shit anymore, not with Jeff Goldblum haha.

SniperGod
SniperGod

@WebTool
kinda boring.
modern poetry is dead
real poetry is music, and has been for a while.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@WebTool
is there a word for when the sentences/thoughts break between lines? it seems really awkward and makes it strange to read

example, the line break between
your colossal lot
...
of frost-heaved spaces

Supergrass
Supergrass

@BunnyJinx
Take each line as a meaning itself

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

@Supergrass
its really hard when it breaks up the sentences though

e.g.
of frost-heaved spaces so vacant I could cut
makes no sense
straight through while blinking and keep my eyes
until you read the next line, which also makes no sense and feel incomplete

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

@lostmypassword
It does make sense, read some Wallace Stevens or Eliot who are masters at it

StonedTime
StonedTime

@Supergrass
and what does it mean in this case?

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

I prefer this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9o6Ktm_zvY

whereismyname
whereismyname

@WebTool
Seems like Veeky Forums is triggered by someone more successful than them.

Disable AdBlock to view this page

Disable AdBlock to view this page