Golden Corral

Booteefool
Booteefool

Grandparents are coming to town and want to take me out to golden corral

What can I expect, Veeky Forums? I haven't been there in years.

All urls found in this thread:
http://www.ibiblio.org/phil/fnordchan/golden-corral.txt
Soft_member
Soft_member

I remember the only good thing being rolls and the dessert bar.
Coincidentally, it was always my grandparents that took me too.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

what can I expect?
Indigestion

cum2soon
cum2soon

only eat the steak

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Booteefool
The CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL.

Inmate
Inmate

@Soft_member
Yeah, I remember them having nice rolls.

@cum2soon
I'm not sure if they serve steak at lunch. We are going around 10:30 because they are expensive as fuck and you just hang out for 30 minutes until lunch comes out. You can save 5 bucks a person that way.
inb4 cheapskate

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@Inmate
Holy fuck if your that desperate to save money why not cook a wholesome meal with your family instead of sitting around in a literal purgatory waiting to eat bland fried garbage

Skullbone
Skullbone

Try the bourbon chicken. Mix and match what you might think you'd try. But expect horrible shits for days after.

Also, chocolate wonderfall... Try it, but expect the least..

Flameblow
Flameblow

@Booteefool
take imodium before you go, you'll thank me.

SniperWish
SniperWish

Make sure your DPS is high.

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

bourbon street chicken an a++

RumChicken
RumChicken

@Skullbone
chocolate wonderfall

Disgusting. Probably has fecal matter, boogers, spit, hair, and other filthy things in it. I'm just picturing a kid picking their nose and sticking the booger under the stream for the lulz.

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

golden_corral.txt

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@Booteefool
Buffet stories thread please. What is your worst tale?

JunkTop
JunkTop

@CouchChiller
I am already giggling.
"THE CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL!"

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

I'd follow our general buffet rules. If it's not meat then it's a waste of time and real estate in your tummy. I wouldn't recommend the pizza or fried chicken. Otherwise get your glutton on.

farquit
farquit

@Inmate
it's all day dinner on weekends. Their grilled surf is also bretty good.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

Bunch of brown people screaming and hollering and getting more obese

cum2soon
cum2soon

@RumChicken
No kidding.

idontknow
idontknow

it's a Veeky Forums buffet thread

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@w8t4u
You mean the pathogen and dead skin magnet?

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

You need to fight your grandparents on this. They don't have your best interests at heart.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@Booteefool
A lot of fat people, black people, dumb people and little shit kids. Every time a friend suggest we go to Golden Corral we usually think it's a good idea but leave unsatisfied.

While we're on the subject I remember a late 30s women bitch at the guy cooking +15 steaks at a time saying something along the lines like "I wanted rare! This is medium, look! See! See! This isn't rare..." I remember the look on the guy's face expressed a fuck off vibe. I mean you're at a buffet asking for steak and expect the best of quality. You can only blame yourself for being so stupid. The guy is cooking mediocre quality steaks for a ton of fat people breathing down his neck.

This is what I mean by you're gonna see a lot of stupid and fat people.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@SniperWish
Kek, I love that story

Soft_member
Soft_member

Eats lots of salad with spinach, nuts, and mushrooms.

Snarelure
Snarelure

@Booteefool
Most of the food is crap but the desserts are great.

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@Stupidasole
Its so pathetic when ultrapoor people try to squeeze a fine dining experience out of a one star establishment

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@Booteefool
I only went to one once. It was okay until I started trying stuff that had meat in it. The burger was completely charred and bitter. The pot roast was at least 50% gristle/fat. The things that didn't have meat were okay, they were frozen food section tier but edible.

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@idontknow
The only people I know who go to buffets aren't overweight and just like having a variety of foods to choose from. I'm also pretty tall and physically active, so when I order a meal at a regular restaurant it's usually not enough.

last time going to chinese buffet
everything tasted fine except for a few pieces of chicken i had
later get mild food poisoning
can't go back there now
down to only being able to go to an indian buffet but never had a problem there in the dozen+ times i've gone
feels bad

Soft_member
Soft_member

@Ignoramus
Protip: go late friday, all day saturday, and up til Sunday night. Those are the times when leftovers are most likely used up already

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Soft_member
Makes sense, and I wouldn't have a problem with a few items occasionally being old on the buffet line. That's to be expected. But when it crosses over the point where it's noticeably off and makes me sick I won't go back.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@w8t4u
Don't blame ya one bit

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@Booteefool
Fat women projectile-vomiting into the ass cracks of skanks the next table over.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@Fuzzy_Logic
No, he's talking about the "70% vegetable oil to 30% actual chocolate so it'll flow smoothly" device.

askme
askme

Expect a spectacle.
http://www.ibiblio.org/phil/fnordchan/golden-corral.txt

StonedTime
StonedTime

You only go to Golden Corral to remind yourself why you haven't gone to Golden Corral in years.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@PurpleCharger
Rules?

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@TurtleCat
Wow it's likely I'm really in New Orleans

Soft_member
Soft_member

@StrangeWizard
Some people act like a buffet is a challenge. So you eat as much meat as possible, avoid carbs/soup/soda. I can understand not wanting to fill up on bread at a buffet but carbs and vegetables taste good with meat.

takes2long
takes2long

@Booteefool
Tell your grandparents they have shit taste, give them a list of approved restaurants, and inform them they are not to speak to you or make eye contact with you until after the bill is paid

WebTool
WebTool

@Soft_member
Where do you sleep? Also my buffets aren't 24 hours. Feelsbadman

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@Inmate

You sound like a jew.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@Harmless_Venom
DELICIOUSNESS PER SECOND

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

@WebTool
Want to rephrase your question so i understand?

Methnerd
Methnerd

@Evil_kitten
He's making a joke because your post could be taken as telling someone to go to a buffet on Friday and stay until Sunday.

Emberfire
Emberfire

@Sharpcharm
why not shut the fuck up you faggot

Flameblow
Flameblow

Why all the Golden Corral hate? Golden Corral is honestly better than a fucking movie.

I have a friend named Bruce. Bruce looks to be some kind of honest-to-God pirate at first
glance, and I mean Captain Jack Sparrow's crew pirate, and the ornery, mean old fucking pirate
you'd never, ever want to mess with because he'd bite your God-damned nose off and eat it. He's
also wildly into K-pop, choreographs his own dance routines to it, and in the last year or two
has started just basically eating like a Korean, which apparently means shitloads of vegetables
and cabbage. Anyway, Bruce goes to Golden Corral like 2x a week, which I thought was kind of strange
due to his new health kick, so finally I asked him about it.

"Dude," he said. "Golden Corral has a shitload of vegetables, and their cabbage is great. But
you're missing the point. You don't go to Golden Corral just for the food. It's fucking dinner theater."

And you know what? He's right. For $12 you can sit and watch some of the most hilarious, downright
hellishly gluttonous behavior you will see outside the Plane of Fat in the Demonic Abyss. I went with
him one time and laughed so hard at some of the shit on display that now I go with him about once a
month, get a big plate of steak and another big plate of salad, stake out a spot where you can see
most of the buffets (and oh for fucking sure the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL) and just observe the kind of
unbelievably self-indulgent (and self-destructive) shit that would make a European or Southeast Asian's
person head explode off their shoulders in horror and make someone with a "sick sad world" sense of
humor laugh their ass off.

Someone, say, like me.

SniperWish
SniperWish

For example, the very first time I went with Bruce I was witness to "the recon." This is a real thing,
and what I am about to describe is not an isolated incident, no sirree. Humongously fat people will
literally go scout the buffet. Now, I think we all do this to some extent at a buffet, in the "Hmm,
what do they have to eat here?" glance-while-walking-to-the-table sense, but this is done with military
precision, people. I've watched with my own eyes three people, all of whom were 300 lbs+, meet briefly
and talk, then split up and go to the buffets, carefully eyeballing each selection, lips moving, fingers
pointing, as if cataloging the unearthly delights that await them, then fucking meeting back up in the
same place to discuss what they saw and plan an attack. I'm serious. They were like 10 feet away.

"Guys it looks like the fried chicken tonight is coming out pretty fast, pretty sure that stuff's going
to be good, but the rotisserie is just kind of hanging out. Pulled pork was kind of crusty but I think
if we dug down a bit there's good stuff there. There was a bit of a crust on the edge of the brown gravy
and someone dropped some fucking broccoli in it but the white gravy's looking fine. Outside of that, hot
bar A looks good. And of course the bourbon chicken looks good as always."

"Fantastic. Well, the guy cooking the steaks told me they are busting open a new box in about 20 minutes,
so we should probably lay off that until then. I noticed there was a lot of bacon in the green beans right
now so that should probably be one of our first stops. The mac and cheese tonight also looks fucking
delicious, it's got a nice crust unlike that bullshit last week when it was practically yellow water, so we
need to move on that. It looks like they recently changed out the taco stuff, especially the nacho cheese,
it looks brand new, so, take that for what it's worth."

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

"Well I've got bad news guys, from what I could see it looks like tonight's a no chocolate cake night,
they only have that fucking one that has those fake cherries on top, and we all know how that fucks things up."

groans all around<

"But it's not that big a deal because they just put out rice krispies with chocolate coating and the girl
said they've got tons of them. They've also got those sugar cookies and some fudge brownies that look all
right, and all the other pie shit they usually have."

"OK, so green beans, fried chicken, the mac and cheese, the white gravy, those are tonight's superstars.
Let's go."

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. I expected a fucking Wonder Twin powers-esque ring bump at this point, but instead
they just all fled to a plate dispenser and began loading the fuck out of their plates. It really reminds
me of nothing so much as when people like, discuss what's going on with their favorite sports teams.
Except with food.

This is also when I first experienced the phenomenon of the "multiplate."

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

Now, your average person will take a plate to the buffet, fill it with food, and go back to their table and
eat. But, you see, that person understands that when they are done eating, if they want more, there will be
more food available at that time. But the multiplater wants to hedge its bets. What if, between that first
and second trip to the buffet, the restaurant suddenly ran completely the fuck out of food? Like, not even
mints by the cash register or gum in the quarter machines? WHAT THEN? Your deliciousness per second
(DPS... sorry) will go down!

It doesn't bear thinking about. Now it's unlikely, gentlemen, but not impossible, so as we are smart
consumers, we're going to guard against the possibility. So let's each go get three complete plates of food
and come back to the table.

Now I'm not talking a meal plate and a salad plate, as I mentioned before I myself do that every time I
go to watch this... whatever the fuck it is, Theater of the Grotesque, I guess. But just imagine for a
moment going up to the buffet and getting a plate loaded down with actual fucking rib-sticking food. 3-4
chicken wings and legs, a big-ass helping of mac and cheese, some mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans,
two corns on the cob, and a yeast roll or two, then taking it back to your table. Time to eat, right?
WRONG. DIPSHIT. WHAT IF THEY RUN OUT OF FOOD WHILE YOU ARE EATING YOU GOD-DAMNED NINNY? WHAT ABOUT YOUR DPS?

So you just set this completely full plate down and go get another one, and again you just completely fill
the fuck out of it with food. A couple of steaks, a pile of pulled pork, a rice mountain topped with sugary
chicken (MOUNT BOURBON), and a couple of smoked sausages with nacho cheese on them, then you take that
back to your table.

eGremlin
eGremlin

You now have enough food at your table, JUST ON YOUR PLATES, to feed an entire platoon of ten year-olds who
have been playing all day. Time to sit down and pig the fuck out. WRONG. DIPSHIT. WHAT IF THEY RUN OUT OF
FOOD NOW? YOU'VE ONLY GOT LITERALLY TEN OR FIFTEEN THOUSAND CALORIES ON YOUR PLATE, YOU'RE PRACTICALLY
GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH. IF YOU DON'T KEEP YOUR DPS UP WE'LL HAVE TO KICK YOU OUT OF THE GUILD DUDE.

So again you set your second completely full plate down and go back AGAIN. I dunno what the fuck you get this
time, since you already have basically everything they serve, but on one multiplate I watched a dude walk(?)
to the salad bar and create the following salad:

1 giant ladle of blue cheese dressing directly onto the plate
Multiple giant scoops of shredded cheese on top of this
Multiple giant scoops of those weird ham cube-bits on top of this
Multiple giant scoops of bacon bits on top of this
Multiple giant scoops of boiled egg crumbles on top of this
An enormous pile of croutons
A giant scoop of mushrooms (I think this "made it healthy" because mushrooms are like a fish or something and
fish is negative calorie superfood?)
2 giant ladles of blue cheese dressing on top

Just think about that for a fucking minute. OK, frankly, it sounds pretty delicious, but holy shit how horrid
does something like that have to be for you? Imagine trying to shit that out a few hours down the line. But
now you have your third plate, and so now you can at least quiet the yammering fear that you won't get to eat
everything in the entire God-damned place before it closes down for the night, and at last you can finally
start to eat.

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

@Flameblow
@SniperWish
@LuckyDusty
@VisualMaster
@eGremlin
t. shill

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

Again, this is not fantasy. I've watched this multiple times. I've seen a woman so fat she had to use a walker
to move sit by herself at a 4-person table and completely cover the surface of it with plates of food before
she started eating, and she cleaned every last one of them. It has the same uneasy, somehow alien fascination
of seeing a car wreck, or a really fucked-up porn where the chick is wearing spider prosthetics and hissing all
the fucking time. You're like, am I really supposed to be entertained by this? I kind of feel bad, and sort of
weird, but... I mean, just fucking look at it. It's brutal, unchained nihilism unfettered from any concept of
moderation or shame or self-preservation and frankly it's kind of fascinating watching someone deliberately say
"Fuck any sort of a comfortable life, WHERE IS THE THOUSAND ISLAND CONTAINER?"

So what I'm trying to say is, Golden Corral really is cheap dinner theater, and believe it or not you can
actually eat there without consuming ten thousand+ calories if you just eat a steak strip or two and some salad
or potatoes or something.

Oh, and did I mention the Chocolate Wonderfall? Well, frankly, if you dare to use that fucking thing I salute you,
because it wouldn't surprise me to find a live octopus in it. This is already too long for a dumb post about
obsessive fatties at Golden Corral, but if I get a chance later I might type up some of the shit I've seen
people do with that thing.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

OK, so, as promised, the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL.

That's right, a non-stop flowing river of chocolate decadence.

I have no idea how it's legal to have this thing. At first glance it's like, "Yeah, that's kind of cool, looks tasty,"
but then on further reflection you begin to think of terms like "vector" and "transmission" and "patient zero" and
start to reconsider. They don't let restaurants serve food "family style" (big bowls and serving spoons in a common
dish on the table) and this seems like family style on steroids. I dunno.

Bruce told me about the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL one night on the way to GC. "Dude, they have like this chocolate river
thing now, you'll see."

"Is it good?"

"No, dude. No. Just watch."

Now, they have a person who stands in the dessert section who is supposed to, I guess, guard the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL?
But they are not always there, and occasionally disappear into the back of the restaurant to do whatever it is that
is done back there. This is as effective as any guard who is randomly gone. But in case user 'goldencorral' is in
this thread, I will say that every gross/unsanitary thing I've seen regarding the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL has taken
place when this person, who I will call Deputy Sweeto, was gone.

Nojokur
Nojokur

The way people are actually supposed to engage with the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL: take a piece of something that would
be good with chocolate, stick it on a skewer, stick it under the chocolate, you are done. Put it on a plate so it
doesn't drop all over the place, go back to your seat, eat, enjoy, go home. Fifty return trips to the CHOCOLATE
WONDERFALL optional, but necessary.

So here are some things I've seen people do with the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL. Note that the real threat to the
integrity of the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL is not adults, who although they may do disgusting and unhealthy things to it
(such as using, say, actual fucking fudge as the material to be chocolate-covered) most of them are conscientious
enough to not be unsanitary.

Oh, but unattended children, they Do. Not. Give. A. Fuck. And believe me, at GC there's going to be some unattended
children, because mommy and daddy are trying to get their DPS up people, and paying attention to their precious
living things might result in someone else getting more of the mac and cheese crust covering by delaying their
second multiplate.

Chocolate chicken leg: This is what I saw the first time I went there and just before the only time I contemplated
chocolating something up. Just as I was about to get up, I watched a little kid, probably about 6-7 years old,
walk up to the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL and stick a fried chicken leg in it.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

i miss when golden corral had wings and cajun sausage

RavySnake
RavySnake

@Stupidasole
I would expect someone who eats rare steaks to be insufferable, so nothing to see there.

DeathDog
DeathDog

@BinaryMan
this pasta so old it's moldy.

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@Booteefool
I vaguely remember that the fish was watery and bland

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@Nojokur
is this a copypasta?

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@Nojokur
walk up to the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL and stick a fried chicken leg in it.

GC's version of chicken mole. I see a great future as a chef for that little monster.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@Nude_Bikergirl
see
@CouchChiller

Disable AdBlock to view this page

Disable AdBlock to view this page