Rate the first sentence of my novel

What is the book about?

Not going the other way around.
>The absurdity of our existence in the real world shows itself through the retreat of mankind into the unreal worlds of social media and fictional stories.

tl;dr.

It's a bit short add more descriptions. the first sentence should fill the first page.

in an ironic novel, I'd rate 8/10

>Wasted life, in the end it doesn't even matter.

>You know, in hindsight, it's funny to me. How we create such fantastical places to escape to in our own heads, when at the end of the day— We're honestly just trying to escape from the weirdness we call real life.

I don't want to focus on the "escapist" aspect, because there's a bad connotation to escapism and using these mediums rather than living life. What I want to show is how much of an accident organic life is, how utterly imperfect its constituents and how filled with hypocrisy and fake virtue.

Adventures of a man who spent his life doing as many things as possible, only to come out of it with regret and a hatred for humanity. He then goes on to experience these fictional worlds and realizes the futility of this real world.

le bump

Please don't tell me you take that neckbeard seriously.

it's bad

i can explain it more if you let me

You should take out "The Consumption of" it adds nothing and makes your sentence to crowded.

pretty bad to be honest

is the premise itself bad?

thx

I want to fuck a slav.

not exactly hooking me, friendo. like, what about this is compelling me to keep reading?

This. Some damn good editing.

Is there an implication of another existence you're comparing to?

Is existence absurd because it seems like non-existence is real?

>Internet, novels, music, t.v.; all to understand - life is absurd
>Literature, music, tv; all to understand - life's absurd.
>Art and literature; life's absurd.
>ART LIFE CRAZYTOWN.

As a fist slammed into the side of my face and pain flashed through my head, I wondered briefly if I could have avoided this whole situation.

>Is there an implication of another existence you're comparing to?
The ones in fantasy fiction

>Is existence absurd because it seems like non-existence is real?
No, how is what I wrote that difficult to grasp? I'm saying that life is absurd because it has no internal logical structure; everything in a fantasy has a reason for existing. Evolution leads to highly flawed organisms and biological processes.

Shitty/OP is a faggot

#NotAnArgument

No fragments, please. It's fine when one author does it once, but everything's just going to go to shit if someone doesn't get this in check.

finally a non-pseud in this thread

le bumpzorz

For what, comments on the sentence? Have you said what the book is about, yet?

Personally, the first sentence makes me worried that this would be better off for all of us as an essay.

cringe

For the love of almighty Christ, would you fucking teenagers just fuck off. Stop writing. You are not profound. You are typical. I hate you so much. Every adult hates you. You don't have an insight into anything. You give credence to the belief that existentialism exists for morons to feel enlightened. Fuck you.

On the other hand, you may be trolling, and purposely wrote that to piss me off. If so, well done.

0/10
die as soon as possible please

Your pretentiousness in coming off as deep ... stop, just stop.

The first sentence made me lose any remaining shred of hope I had for humanity. I feel physically ill and am shaking with rage and sickness.

stinks of John Green OP

>It took the consumption of countless hours of internet to understand that I only wanted to sleep with her, just sleep, simply rest, and become drizzle in the wind or some shit.

What yr touching upon is what Baudrillard called Hyperreality, as I understand it.

The relationship between humans and the material world is really asynchronous because it is impossible to understand it, to place reason or meaning upon it, or to explain why we are here, in it, in the first place

When humans try and represent the material world in art it always comes out imperfect because it is impossible to contain the material world within something we have created.

So hyperreality is the idea that worlds created by humans, based on the images that humans produce rather than the material world, is inherently 'more real' than the world around us because we can understand it, we can trace its lineage and influences, and we can place meaning on it. It is 'more complete' than reality.

I think you're on the right path but brevity is definitely the way to go here

>It took countless hours of internet, fantasy novels, music, and t.v., to understand - real life is the most absurd existence
>Countless hours of internet, fantasy novels, music, and t.v., all to understand - real life is absurd
These are best.

The absurdity of life trumps
o internet
o fantasy novels
o music
o t.v.
one only learns this after countless hours
of fantasy novels
of music
of t.v.
of internet

I am of fantasy novels
I am T.V.
I, music
Internet
rate this masterpiece

>television

>Internet, novels, music, tv, life - absurd.

>Have you said what the book is about, yet?
yes:

I'm not looking to be "profound", I'm looking to change the way people look at this godforsaken existence.

this is accurate, although I also want to touch upon the fact that evolution consistently leads to irrational and imperfect worlds.

The only way there can be purposeful or just universes is through fantasy creation.

>The only way there can be purposeful or just universes is through fantasy creation.
If that's what you're getting at, it can be expressed in a way that doesn't sound like a teenager in a creative writing 101 course wrote it.

Take notes user, this could be a beautiful sentence in your novel.

I'd love to hear some (good) revisions then. So far I'm not impressed with this board's conflation of simplicity with impact.

Your girl is cute

but whom are you quoting?

Upon final analysis I've realized that this board is a bunch of pseuds that really don't know anything

That is all.

~ t. OP

RULE#1 OF LITERATURE: Don't mention the internet and fantasy works!!!