I recently realized pooping is literally the only joy in my life besides eating

Snarelure
Snarelure

I recently realized pooping is literally the only joy in my life besides eating. How do I maximise the size and frequency of number two without increasing calories I eat?
Not bait, dead serious.

All urls found in this thread:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0m67tvx_C4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHEf0Qwr6nU
Emberburn
Emberburn

@Snarelure
eat pure fibers

SniperWish
SniperWish

@Snarelure
Please explain how pooping gives you joy.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@SniperWish
not trying to be crude for the sake of being crude but it feels incredible when it's so big and presses against the linings of your asshole. It gives a lovely fluttery feeling in my chest. It's like drugs but not intoxicating.

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@Snarelure
I went camping for a weekend and didn't eat much else besides bananas and biltong. When I came back I curled out a thick, solid, foot long cable. It was oddly enjoyable.

Supergrass
Supergrass

@BunnyJinx
Have you considered anal sex

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

@Snarelure
t. Jun'ichirĊ Tanizaki

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

@SniperWish
How old are you?

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@Supergrass
I'm not gay. I used to stick my finger up my ass when I was 8 or9 though to feel what was inside, one time there was blood and coincidentally(?) ever since there's been blood when I poop 1 everry 4 or 5 times I poop. Rate.

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@Supergrass
I think the object is to shit out BBC shaped turds. All the pleasure, none of the pain.

farquit
farquit

@Crazy_Nice
Are you eating fingernails or something?

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

@BunnyJinx
Might want to get your blood pressure checked and stop forcing turds out. Wouldn't want to have a heart attack on the shitter.

takes2long
takes2long

@Crazy_Nice
I'm no doctor but blood in the stool is an indication of something seriously wrong

go to the doctor you retard

iluvmen
iluvmen

Pure shitposting folks.

idontknow
idontknow

@Snarelure
Eat a big bag of pumpkin seeds with the shells on. Chase that down with spicy peppers. Feels great coming out, trust me.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@iluvmen
nah I'm serious

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Crazy_Nice
it's not gay to use a dildo

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

eating lots of celery will make you poop without increasing your calories also all those cereals like all bran and whatnot

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@BunnyJinx
you could just buy yourself a large dildo and fuck yourself in the ass with it all the time and not worry about putting on weight because you want to increase the amount of poop you produce.

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

@Playboyize
Also, it's not gay to get pegged by a girl with a strap-on.

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

@Snarelure
Vhat ve hav here is a guy? stuck in the oral and anal psychosexual stages, you derive pleasure from intake and holding onto the food and find release pleasurable. Is it a fetish or an eating disorder, remains to be seen.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

I used to love pooping too but been sick with ibd and i poop 10+ painfull poops everyday, hemoroids, fistulas, skin tags, abcesses. Doc been telling me to get a stoma but i want to poop a nice big log again, so i try different stuff, next month im going to taymont clinic in englang for a poop transplant. Try drink smoothies with psyllium husk, banana and water for bigger poops

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

Chicken and broccoli stir fry. There's not muck. Just pure log. And tissue is damn near clean when you wipe.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@StrangeWizard
Hope that goes well for you user, make sure your transplant isn't from a fat person though. That tends to result in weight gain for the recipient.

King_Martha
King_Martha

@StrangeWizard
Get the stoma.

iluvmen
iluvmen

@StrangeWizard
a poop transplant
what the hell

Techpill
Techpill

@Raving_Cute
Thanks. Hope i get some prime stuff
@King_Martha
I think about it every day. This transplant will be the last thing i try

Methshot
Methshot

Bump, relevant to my interests

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@iluvmen
A human body is host to billions or even trillions of individual bacteria and other microscopic organisms. They're on your skin, in your blood, in your organs, literally saturated throughout your body. Some are bad and cause sickness, some are neutral and simply reside inside you without casing any harm, and some are actually nessasary for your survival. Some of the most common symbiotic bacteria are the kinda found in your stomach and intestines. Without them, you wouldn't be able to digest things anywhere near as efficiently. We get our gut bacteria from our mothers during birth and breastfeeding, but sometimes this can get messed up. Whether that's through an abnormal birth or a later factor killing off bacteria in your gut, it can really mess up your digestion. The best way we've found to fix this is by taking some poop from a healthy person's gut and inserting it in the unhealthy person's gut. This repopulates them with hundreds of different species of beneficial bacteria. Simple, crude, but effective.

Emberfire
Emberfire

@PackManBrainlure
in case anyone is wondering, he is not trolling. i did some research on the matter and it is 100% true.

Evilember
Evilember

@PackManBrainlure
You kids really take your fetishes way too far these days. What's wrong with just giving your wife a schoolgirl outfit and a paddle and having a good time with that

Firespawn
Firespawn

@PackManBrainlure
It can't be a troll when it's this long

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

@BunnyJinx
I know everyone is giving you shit for this, but yes, I know how you feel.

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

one evening at work
take a huge shit after eating tons of nuts the day before
it looks like a boomerang, just drops into the bowl and won't flush down
call the maintenance guy to use the rubber bell or give me a bucket or something
he looks at it and explodes into laughter, runs to the warehouse and tells everyone to go look
there's a fucking line before the toilet, everyone is dying from laughter and the smell
my brown banana is legendary
I'm known as The Phantom
I have been clogging up toilets all over the factory ever since

viagrandad
viagrandad

@BunnyJinx
you gay

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

@PackManBrainlure
@Emberfire
@Evilember
@Firespawn
Read Grant Morrison's "The Filth." It made me realize how fantastically gross life is. Bacteria is the one true god of existence. Promoting healthy bacteria - especially in the stomach as there is a nerve cluster there similar to the brain - is a good thing. I myself since learning of this have spent an ungodly amount of money in boozing the fuckers up.

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

Picture says a thousand words.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@Snarelure
can't believe this is the first thread i can actually relate to on this board
feels weird

Nojokur
Nojokur

@BunnyJinx
I know what you mean, user

Lunatick
Lunatick

@PackManBrainlure
what the fuck

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

@Snarelure
You need a hobby

DeathDog
DeathDog

@BunnyJinx
I LOVE THIS FEELING

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@BunnyJinx
Right there with ya bro. I'm poo-posting right now. This is probably my 5th runny shit today because I was out drinking last night and had pizza. Have the day off, so I have my little TV dinner stand in my bathroom and just bring my laptop in and watch sports and Netflix.

Good stuff.

TreeEater
TreeEater

@StrangeWizard
Try taking paprika pills it helps with healing.

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@PackManBrainlure
Are you telling me to feed my healthy shit to my spouse who has colitis?

w8t4u
w8t4u

@Snarelure
If you enjoy pooping, you should try the next level up, enemas. If you have one of those handheld showerheads on a flexible hose, take the showerhead off and stick the hose up your ass. Feels neat as the water fills you up, then you can squirt it out and clean your ass out.

Do it at low pressure, don't overdo it, and don't use hot water.

Bidwell
Bidwell

@Crazy_Nice
Stick a vibrator up it. Best while fapping. There are some great vibrating buttplugs on the market now too.

iluvmen
iluvmen

@TurtleCat
Sigmoid Freud here.

Methshot
Methshot

@Crazy_Nice
Seriously though, having blood in your feces can be a sign of something serious. You could have bowel cancer user. Get it checked out.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

@idontknow
One time I ate a bag of sunflower seeds with the shell on in one sitting
It was the worst pain of my life shitting them out

Methnerd
Methnerd

@Snarelure
Psyllium fiber. It will give you enormous shits. It works to make your stools soft, enormous, and wet. Its a bulk-forming laxative and works amazing. You will shit large and a LOT. Just keep hydrated while taking it

I was in the hospital for a longass time thanks to tonsillectomy complications and was on oxy which wrecked havoc on my ability to poop. So the doctors put me on Psyllium fiber (which you can find at your local GNC/health or healthfood places) and it had me moving after dealing with an initial impaction.

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

@Deadlyinx
no
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0m67tvx_C4

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

I feel you OP, I once had the best shit of my life when I was a young lad. Never could replicate that shit.

Soft_member
Soft_member

@BunnyJinx
What happened to you that this is the highlight of your life?

happy_sad
happy_sad

What do those girls in scat videos eat to take those huge 3ft long shits that are twice as big around as my dick? Its like a full solid log that could choke a horse.

I want to take shits like that.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

Eat soup for some days in a row and post results.

viagrandad
viagrandad

@Methshot
@takes2long
@Crazy_Nice
Bright red blood in your stools is likely a sign of hemorrhoids as the blood is getting on the poo at the very end of the digestive track. Not a good thing but not terrible.

Dark red to black blood in your stools is very bad. It is a sign the bleeding is occurring further up and the blood has been partially digested.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

@viagrandad
This user speaks the truth.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@viagrandad
Long term untreated hemorrhoids can lead to rectal cancer.

likme
likme

@viagrandad
Bright red blood in your stools is likely a sign of hemorrhoids
Or fissures that tear open and heal and then return.

Skullbone
Skullbone

@New_Cliche
lol ass cancer

Firespawn
Firespawn

I used to be perpetually constipated. Now I eat prunes and drink bran water. Put 2 tablespoons of bran in a cup. Swirl in water and drink it off. Repeat until all the bran is gone.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

Post photos of your hemorrhoids please.

girlDog
girlDog

@BunnyJinx
comon this gotta be bait

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

Personally I like that empty, lightened, relieved feeling best that comes after having dropped a massive turd.

Firespawn
Firespawn

@viagrandad
What about beetroot?

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

Is this you, OP?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHEf0Qwr6nU

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

@Snarelure
Develop a dairy allergy. Drink tons of milk.

Massive runny shits every few hours. I had to install a bookshelf in the bathroom.

Supergrass
Supergrass

@BinaryMan
First time I see an asshole on jewtube.

takes2long
takes2long

Eat more cheese and prunes.

That outta be fun

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

@Snarelure
muh depressing life
Please go back to /r9k/ and stay there

Booteefool
Booteefool

@Snarelure
pooping brings joy
Lowkey likes getting his asshole getting stretch, faggot get constipation

5mileys
5mileys

@StrangeWizard
Hahahaha perfect visual imagery user kino as fuck.

SniperGod
SniperGod

@5mileys
kino
You guys are keeping me busy today.
Let's go.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

@PackManBrainlure
Pooping back and forth, forever

takes2long
takes2long

A high protein diet increases the speed of your metabolism. I love shitting, too, although I have other joys in my life. Since I consume 200-260g of protein daily, I get 3-4 solid shits a day.

Nojokur
Nojokur

@BunnyJinx
not intoxicating
Bullshit.

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@New_Cliche
has the time of his life
depressing life

FastChef
FastChef

@BunnyJinx
You are feeling the poo brushing your prostate. Consider the dildo.

Supergrass
Supergrass

@kizzmybutt
That one went over your head didn't it

SniperWish
SniperWish

@5mileys
I do what I can dude. If this thread is still up tomorrow, I'll be the same way. Oven roasting some really discounted, beautiful pork sirloins. Rubbed with rosemary and garlic and some olive oil. Also drinking bourbon like a fish. I will be poo-posting tomorrow as well. Atlanta Falcons game on at 11 am MST, I will see you then!

I just want to say how much I appreciate all you other poopers. It's a glorious thing. There is nothing better than a true, memorable shit.

Nojokur
Nojokur

@Snarelure
so user, i heard a lot about you. what kind of hobbies do you have
oh well you know i enjoy food
ok
and shitting
what?
yup. eating and shitting, thats about it

idontknow
idontknow

@Methshot
yeah retard, having blood in your shit could be a sign that you are sticking shit in your ass

Emberfire
Emberfire

@iluvmen
Sigmoid
A contextual and relevant shit pun. You will not go unnoticed as you made me laugh hard. Thanks.

RavySnake
RavySnake

How lewd.

King_Martha
King_Martha

@Methnerd
how much fiber / psyllium husk can I take in day without being unhealthy? thinking of trying out eating only chicken, brown rice and psyllium husk for a week checking what my shits are like

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@New_Cliche
his life isn't Hell
why are you here?

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@Nojokur
I usually say I like video games because I look like a nerd. Then some normie asks what video games I'm playing and I have no answer.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

@Soft_member
depression which led to anxiety or possibly the other way around. Around age 14 I started to dread everything, shut out friends, life spiralled downwards, resorted to drugs and alcohol, social skills stopped developing.

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

@Snarelure
I don' t know what' s it called in english, but I think it' s bran? The outer shell of grains.

Just add a spoonful to your cereal (by itself it tastes like nothing) and your poop will be one long, soft piece. Don' t forget to drink an healthy amount of water.

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

@Snarelure
only joy in my life is falling asleep, it's always so nice when i get to waste half of the day in emptiness.

Inmate
Inmate

@Snarelure
i.e. OP may not like it in the butt, but definitely likes it out the butt.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

@Inmate
OP should look into rectal prolapses.

farquit
farquit

@Lord_Tryzalot
new mamasita latina cleaning lady starts
leave her presents in the john
mfw i am chris cringle
feliz navidad maria

Snarelure
Snarelure

@farquit
Kek

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@Dreamworx
What if you want it girthy and firm?

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