Dude I'm too lazy to cook, so I'm going to put on clothes, go out at night in -10 degree weather, and buy hamburgers

If I had that guys kitchen I'd never eat out.

all that faggoty finesse and the cheese isnt even melted

>smashed the patties against the grill instead of taking the time to form them by hand
>uses a bunch of unnecessary tools
>burger is burnt on one side and raw on the other because he cooked it unevenly at a super-high temp
>looks like shitty processed cheese
>bun is barely toasted
>some kind of fucked up brown sauce on one side of the bun
>no onion or other garnish to enhance the flavor profile of what is obviously cheap unseasoned beef
>drippings that ooze out at the end are watery and brackish

You got a real loose definition of "perfected," OP.

>doesn't know what a smashburger is

Although I agree, he could have used a better bun and cheese (even though processed cheese is "traditional" for this style of burger).

Who the fuck uses a handpress like that for burgers? Or is that even a cooking tool? Looks like a wet cement scraper/flattener thing.

Do people seriously not just flatten them out and make burger patties by hand? I mean, I could see something like that being pretty useful in a restaurant situation. Made of heavy cast iron so it can be rested on the grill/flame/whatever at the same time so you just plop the patty down and then use the press to flatten it and cook it at the same time for fast and easy burgers.

>kitchen fires perfected.webm

>name comes from 3 different parts of the world

is this the 56% face that everyone is talking about?

Hello, fellow /int/ poster. :^)

he's probably a flip

I'm stoned and would eat all of that in a second

The point is to mash it into the griddle with a flat tool so that you get maximum contact between patty and the heat. The result is a really fucking thick and crusty sear. I've tried it and now prefer the double patty smash to a single thicker patty.

>burger is burnt on one side and raw on the other because he cooked it unevenly at a super-high temp
>drippings that ooze out at the end are watery and brackish
These two are valid criticisms.

buterbrods are even easier to make
youtube.com/watch?v=f0KcoZhG3oE

>he doesn't buy ground beef, make pre-formed patties, and throw them in the freezer to quickly make a bunch of burgers in the pan or oven when you're hungry for them

It's not cooking stuff that's the problem, it's the giant fucking mess I don't feel like cleaning up after.

this
>cook any type of meal
>20-30 min to prepare and clean alltogether
>eating takes 5-10 min

Just feels like i time jewed myself

So do you eat take out food and frozen food only?

Oh you left out the whole go to the store buy the ingredients for more money than the burgers would cost
get home unwrap wash everything
cook everything
clean everything
finally eat a hamburger that may or may not be better than the shit you get in the drive through. You have no spent more time and money to do more work.

>I'm too lazy to cook so I pick someting up on my way own
such is life when you leave the house

>Why not just take a few minutes to make your own burgers?
That is what I'm referring to. Yes I cook, but trying to claim that making food takes "a couple of minutes" is nonsense. Cleaning up after cooking burgers is a greasy mess. If I don't feel like cooking, I sure as hell don't feel like cleaning after.

I can order a cheeseburger 24h a day here. It's here in like 20 minutes, it's not as fast but when I'm drunk at 2AM, I don't feel like cooking.

How hot does the pan/griddle need to be that you get flare ups like that? Should I be cooking my burgers at that heat level? Fire in my kitchen scares me.

Yeah all of this desu
>form patties by hand, it's not fucking hard
>season the meat, throw it in the pan at medium
>don't fuck with the shit
>flip once browned halfway up
>don't fuck with the shit
>throw on cheese a minute before done, add a cup of water and put lid on pan
>let 'em rest and dress toasted potato buns with mayo, mustard, onion, tomato, semen, whatever
Done

Anyone else imagining all the grease splattering all over the kitchen when he spins around with the patties on his spatula?

Also: shitty buns, he doesn't even let the cheese melt and the top halves of the patties were not cooked for nearly as long as they should have been.

I'm sober and fat and that looks delicious

No, not just imagining. He literally is doing that.

I take it a step further and just buy frozen black bean burgers, at least I can be lazy and healthy.

If you live somewhere where it's -10 LITERALLY kill yourself for being retarded.

clean up not included. that's why.
what about the fries, the coke, the tomatoes, salad, bacon, sauce, pickles. there you go, easily 1hour to cook and clean up everything.

Michigan resident chiming in, it gets cold as fuck sometimes, but the rest of the seasons make it totally worth. Kill yourself might be a little extreme, but I will accept severely injure yourself if that's good enough.

Only if you cut off your [spoiler]anus[/spoiler]

um, because it takes way longer, especially if you have to go buy the food. The cleanup on its own justifies going out

>b-b-but im busy!!!
>i dont have time to cook!!!
>i'm too tired after hard day at work!!!
>i can't make anything good anyway so why bother!!!
And then they proceed to throw that frozen pizza in the oven for 15~ minutes, wait for it, eat it and then after a few hours they weel hungry again because it just wasn't all that satisfying.
>I made stir fry tonight and was delicious
I make almost nothing but stir-fry at home because it's so damn simple, quick and damn tasty even when it's just some onions, green beans, basmati rice and spices.

>fat black bitches general

I sometimes wonder why this board exists anymore
Veeky Forums - Alt-Right Redditors Discuss Fast Food & Jack

I don't know man I like the cold weather, places where it gets above 70F I fucking hate

one CUP of water?

What the hell about that post gave you the impression they are alt right?

I don’t enjoy cooking, washing up tableware and cookware is irritating. I’d rather buy food that’s gonna taste the same every time I order it.

I was just giving a general overview of what this board has become in the last year.

You mean this site? Fuck off back to tumblr libtard

u use a drywall scraper when making smash burgers so u don't leave any crusty stuff on the pan u fucking idiot

Welcome to Veeky Forums I guess? This website will cease to exist before it ever leans left. We enjoy freedom of speech here.

And this is exactly what I was talking about.

And yet you are still here.

That grease is disgusting

The only difference between Veeky Forums and any other social media sites is they don't ban people or lock accounts for speaking your mind. Bite back if you don't like what people say to you. It happens on /pol/ all the time.

Clean your fucking kitchen.

Because I've been coming here since 2006 and I'm not going to leave my home even if a bunch of redditors come in and shit all over it.

I shouldn't need to defend my political beliefs on a cooking board and that's my main issue. I don't even lean left but I'm tired of this shit.

why do nu males put toppings on the bottom of sandwiches?

I don't really feel like this board really has a big problem with alt-right posters. There is always going to be a few here and there, but that's Veeky Forums dude. I'm probably dead to it though because of spending so much time on /pol/. But I come here for the related topics, I don't spew politics here. My recommendation is to just ignore it.

>bitches that people won't put in any effort to make their own food
>just easts stir fry every fucking night because it's simple and easy

What a fuckin' idiot. Anyways, cooking at home sucks when you have a life to live. That's why I love Uber Eats.

>Why not just take a few minutes
lmao. every time

Nah it's good. Looks like fried potatoes with some peppers. God tier baby. For breakfast most days I eat sausage, eggs, and friends potatoes with peppers and onions and turn into a breakfast skillet thing. Cover it in some texas pete.

this looks excellent, OP looks like mashed beef with kaft cheese between buns

Lmao. You are just a newfag from reddit. Veeky Forums is way less racist than it used to be. Youre just a dumb nigger lover.

technically accurate. before it was more "racist" but purely to troll people. the difference now instead of pretending to be retarded racist rednecks to piss people off, theres actual retarded rednecks here. weird switch.

The point being that if he is getting triggered by some Trump supported on Veeky Forums I would love to see his reaction to all the cheese pizza that used to run rampant in the early days.

It was left leaning long before you ever showed up though. The alt-right pleb factory is a brand new phenomenon.

i dont think its that unreasonable. back then it would of been a person pretending to be a trump supporter to get a rise. now theres actual trump supporters. we used to laugh at idiots for fun here and...well, now, heres an idiot who thinks hes in welcome arms.

honestly thats the biggest change here, over all the years. this place went from not taking itself seriously, just in it for the laughs to taking itself seriously.

not as heavy left as people think, much more neutral. people cite us taking down hal turner because he was a white supremacist, i dont think thats true, he got targeted because he was online, exploitable and reactionary.
If hal showed up today, people would unironically defend him. back in the day it was attack him...or defend him ironically to piss MORE people off.

Yeah but nobody was pro bush. I mean to genuinely like any person in politics you gotta be a bootlicker

No he's just a cuck who took his wife's name.

It cooks nearly all the way through on the first side because it's so thin.

So the lettuce catches the juice instead of the bun.

I don't care if you support Trump or not, I voted for him myself. My point is I'm tired of having politics spill out onto a cooking board. It's really not that difficult to understand but people like you can't see beyond black and white "libruls vs conservatives" and assume that my concerns are an attack on your political stance.

The thing is, not every thread on every other board was derailed by child porn like most threads are derailed by shouts of cuck and soyboy. You could hop off of /b/ and be pretty certain you're in safe territory.

Now I'm in a thread about breakfast or comic books and having to ignore the idiot in the corner shouting about how angry he is about how the leftists are causing something.

imagine being this retarded

Just some triggered redditors. Nothing to see here

>Have to have everything on hand
>Wait for beef to thaw
>Wait for grill to heat
>Pull out all ingredients, arrange them
>Split buns
>Get cheese
>Get condiments
>Wait for burgers to cook
>Wait for cheese to melt
>Assemble
>Eat
>30 minutes of time for a snack
vs
>Get in car
>Drive to mcdonalds
>Get burger
>Get home
>Eat
>5 minutes

see, this is the new version of ebaumsworld.com, but he actually believes it instead of being just an insult. back then youd pretend to be from ebaums, or hate ebaums, just based on what you think would get the largest rise.

I would like to think I'm being pretty reasonable. I'm all for the troll shitposting on other boards, but blue boards used to be more respectable pre-2016 election

>Fag gets triggered over politics and brings it up in random thread for no reason
Fuck off retard

I was making a general statement but then triggered retards like you took the one piece of it and decided to make the conversation all about that.

The fact that you singled out "alt-right" tells anyone everything they need to know about you. From the second you singled out the alt-right you proved right there that you were triggered first.

Thanks for making sure the top bun was within 1 mm of perfect placement,John.

>actually adding "split buns" as a step
yea alright we can do this

>open house door
>walk to car
>unlock car
>get in car
>put on seatbelt
>start car
>back out of parking area
>begin driving
>stop at multiple stoplights
>arrive at burger place
>drive up to drive-through
>place order
>wait in line
>advance
>wait in line
>advance
>ready payment method
>give payment method
>take food
>leave fast food place
>stop at multiple stop lights
>park car
>turn off car
>open door
>close door
>lock car
>walk to house
>unlock door
>open door
>sit down
>eat

>didn't walk inside when you got home
>opened the front door and just sat down on the porch
>didn't unwrap food before eating
2/10 see me after class

At most you add like 50ml of water for steam, not a whole fucking cup

he orders his food unwrapped and eats on the ground outside like the fucking mongrel he is

>I don't enjoy cooking
What the fuck are you doing on this board?

he's probably here for the "food" part of "food and cooking"
but it would be a waste of time at that point, I think

You split bun get cheese/condiments while meat is cooking. Cheese takes almost as long to cook meat once flipped.

Otherwise
>drive to mcds
>wait in queue
>get told to go to parking bay

umm sweety?

>have to be born
>need to have soap
>need to have towel
>need running water
>turn on tap
>adjust temperature
>wash hands
>dry hands
>have to own refrigerator
>have to have cupboards
>have to have the foresight to purchase beef
>have to have the foresight to purchase buns
>but not so much foresight that the buns are stale by the time you need them
>need salt
>need peppermill
>need peppercorns
>need cookie cutters
>need cutting board
>form patty into perfect circle using cookie cutter on cutting board
>salt patty
>grind peppercorns
>pepper patty
>wash cookie cutter
>pay gas bill
>turn on burner
>adjust flame
>season cast iron skillet
>wait for skillet to preheat
>open drawer
>retrieve spatula
>place patty in pan
>sear patty
>slide spatula underneath patty
>flip patty
>retract spatula
>continue searing
>place cheese
>wait for cheese to melt
>remove buns from cupboard
>remove twist tie
>open bag
>pull buns apart from other buns
>place on plate
>bunch up bag
>re-tie
>place in cupboard
>close cupboard door
>split buns
>extract patty onto buns
>assemble
>eat
>wash plate
>wash spatula
>wipe out skillet
>clean stovetop
>notice single droplet of condiment on shirt
>take off shirt
>place shirt in washing machine
>measure detergent
>place detergent
>pay water bill
>set wash time
>set wash temperature
>start washing machine
>wait for shirt to be washed
>place shirt in dryer
>pay electric bill
>set dry time
>set dry temperature
>wait for shirt to be dried
>shirt is now too clean to wear
>take shower
>shampoo hair
>soap body
>rinse hair
>towel off
>put shirt on
>6 hours for a snack

vs.

>go to mcdonalds
>eat burger
>2 minutes

I actually am thinking about making burgers tomorrow. The local Food Lion has hamburger patties on sale for about $5.00 for four patties. Give me some good seasonings, Veeky Forums.

It's 80 degrees here.

Fuck Food Lion.

I singled out the most prominent political affiliation that destroys boards with shitposting. I don't see many people here talking about the communist revolution, but I do see a shitton of faggots tossing out their jewish food conspiracies and unironically calling people "cuck".

Nah. You singled out the political party that offends you so much. Look how triggered you are. You have responded to my every post, even my dumbass nonsensical ones. Youre that mad about the /pol/ boogeyman and big evil orange hitler.

i dont want to get my hands dirty

motivation is a matter of perception and attitude, not actual effort