Confess

I bought a betty Crocker knife at the dollar store for $4. It came with a plastic sleeve to protect the blade. It's fucking perfect 10/10 would recommend

I drink coffee for the taste... i dont even need caffeine

How were they?

Wait til you’ve had that thing for over a month leaf fag. It’ll be as dull as your fucking posts.

I must be the other 15 then

jews run the synagogues

I accidentally the entire

I force myself to like pretentious mustard and I don't hate ketchup as much as I let people think

My personal record for hot pockets eaten in a single meal is 15. I plan on attempting to break that record next weekend live on twitch. Shooting for 20.

stoner or just fat?

What's your favorite hot pocket?

I deepthroated a whole corn cob while it was hot

My favorite BBQ sauce is ketchup plus brown sugar and liquid smoke

Both

Ham and cheese or pepperoni and cheese

they also run (((israel)))

You're doing God's work.

cool

I eat ramen every single day

I don't have a freezer. Is that normal?

I eat too many carrots

I ususlly post the "runny eggs=salmonella" threads, but i only eat my eggs with a runny yolk

A few times a month I get a l.c. extra most bestest and I eat most of it behind the store overlooking a lake. Usually I'm drunk for this and I smoke a cigarette after.

I work in a prison, and I have several sins.
>commissary
Sometimes I'll lie to inmates and tell them we're out of whatever they want.
>package room
Sometimes inmates will lose the privilege of getting outside packages and if he doesn't tell us what he wants to do with those packages we normally eat it
>messhall
If they have something good for lunch like fried chicken or chicken patties I'll take some and give them to my coworkers, sometimes they run out so some inmates get baloney sandwiches.

the sign said "do not step on grass" and I stepped on it

The only way to consume kit kats desu

Today I've even two baklavas, a bunch of brownie bites, an entire cornbread with peanut butter and apricot jelly, multiple bowls of rice pudding and chili, and a whole can of mackerel with mayo and valentina. It kicked ass and ruled but I know my body's gonna look like shit in a few days. At least I don't have to take my shirt off around anyone anymore.

I deeply inhale the noxious fumes of my own farts and enjoy them, exspecially when I am drinking alcohol specifically wine and cider.

I imagine on your janitor's salary it's tough to pay for all that

I tried the Lay's ketchup flavored chips and actually enjoyed them.
I have eaten a family size bag of cheetos puffs in one sitting.
I unironically enjoy the films of Wes Anderson.

...

Stfu I'm actually a wed programmer pulling 6 figures a year from my.house you little faggot.

i love bacon, but i'd rather be here than reddit.

I eat with my knife in my left hand, fork in right

Well I'm a thurs programmer pulling 8 figures a year from my garage you bitch made fuccboi cry harder.
But real talk if you don't know what janitor posting is then lurk moar

>I hate mushrooms
came here to post this

I don't put salt in anything.

Also this: .

That's pretty shitty, user.

>Well I'm a thurs programmer

I Used to be gay. Every day, fighting my urges is hard. The only things protecting me are God and my dreams of some day having a beautiful wife and 5 children.

For breakfast today I had two sandwiches. Each with three maple sausage patties, a hash brown patty, two eggs, cheddar cheese and mayo.

haha fucking floridian furfag you'll always look back at the gay times and realize they were actually better

devilish

Sometimes I like to stop on the way home and window shop in publix, especially around their flowers, bakery, and deli and pretend I'm not poor.

>week day programmers
Absolutely pathetic

i would be perfectly happy to eat rice with chickenstock+tomato for months

I pretend to not like teenage girls, and act grossed every time someone mentions to like them IRL, just to hide my uncontrollable lust towards them.

I talk shit about foods I've never eaten.

You and every other pedo

:'

I hate broccoli, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts. I've tried them many times and I think they're disgusting.

yeah, this

I bake about 2 pound cakes a week and eat them all by myself

I hope you're talking about a BBQ sauce, lad.

10/10

I just ate a hot dog bun with a slice of processed cheese in it.

i am a sip poster

Man these Goya taquitos are good and blow José Olé out of the water, the beef ones taste the best.

I have eaten a whole box of these every day for like 2 weeks, the store is actually running out of them probably mostly because of me.

Like a true patrician.
Caffeine-cucks are pathetic.

Sorry I ruined the day of a convicted child rapist. My bad.

Good job. They shouldn't be committing crimes or getting caught

>uneducated, unsympathetic gorilla can only get a job at a prison
not surprising

Reported to the FBI, you will reap what you sow.

lol, and lefties balk when we say they want to just let criminals all go

this guy got 21 years "psychiatric detention" for machinegunning a heaping pile of brown children, are you sure this is what you want?

>ketchup is the best condiment
>mustard is only good when mixed with honey
>the only good tomato is a pan fried one. Raw cold tomatoes are fucking disgusting
>I have never tried mayo because the smell makes me almost throw up every time
>milk is for babies and children. It isn't natural to drink it as an adult.
I won't ask for forgiveness, father. For I know the truth

That's not America you fucking retard. America's prisons are for profit and all privately owned. This scumbag went on a hunger strike because he didn't have enough games for his xbox

I have eaten hell and enjoyed it

I got drunk last night and made a tasty abomination that would probably send me to Veeky Forumss Hell for a sin I'll describe in a bit.

First I made some fries. Then I warmed up some mussels in garlic I bought from Kroger. This is when things started to go sideways.

I shucked all the mussels and discarded the shells. I now had mussels in a super thin but super delicious garlic sauce. To remedy this I added some flour to thicken up the sauce. But I wasn't done yet. I poured the mussels n gravy over the fries.

But I wasn't done yet.

I then sprinkled shredded cheddar over the whole thing and stuck it under my broiler. It tasted excellent. I really was not expecting that.

So yeah my sins are many but combining cheese with seafood is a whopper. Even worse I saved half which I plan to eat later in the week because shit just tasted good.

Is there any salvation for my poor, damned soul?

>uneducated, unsympathetic gorilla can only get a job at a prison
Well they are convicted felons. Sure they get paid $.20/h to wash floors, but you don't need to be a racist and call them gorillas.
>thinking the FBI gives a shit if a convicted child rapist can't buy pudding cups and nikes from the prison store
lol
>retard doesn't know about federal, state, and country run prisons
How anyone can feel sorry for murderers, pedophiles, gang-members, and rapists is beyond me.

The laws are laws and it's no one's job to match or surpass anyone's depravity and the law states people's sentences in accordance with their crime. Anything else is potentially cruel and unusual and most importantly beyond the law. Adherence to the law is one of the primary pillars of any civilized society and failure to do so by those tasked with enforcing it is a threat to it.

>America's prisons are for profit and all privately owned.

Less than 10% of the US prison population is in private prisons, user...

I’ve eaten two whole pizzas.
I’ve eaten a twenty piece zaxbys half nuclear a side order of chips and another of curds. I only eat vegetables now because I can eat something close to as much as I want, I’m ravenous.

I also mix buttermilk ranch with soy sauce

>how can anyone feel sorry for
>unveils self as furry

Corrections employees are bottom of the barrel as far as real police are concerned and are fair game for targeted prosecution for self promotion, acquisition of government funds, and sowing trust in the general public.

Federal or State? also cite sources

>conflates being a murderer and a pedophile with being a furry
Are you upset your boyfriend didn't get the K2 you sent him? I hope you don't start an incident in the visiting room.
I spend at least 5k every year commissioning the most deranged fap material imaginable, while they're in there eating shitty government food and wallowing in their own filth.
You think I consider myself a fucking police officer?. I got paid almost $100k last year, I get full benefits, deferred comp, all for being a glorified babysitter for a bunch of retards.

Pretty much this.

Look up After Prison Show on YouTube. When you get locked up it's literally because it's illegal for people to take you out and shoot ya. And if not for, you know... Civilized society and laws making this impossible the corrections industry would switch over to the 'human disposal industry' no fucks given. So they'll give you the bare minimum. Because in reality they want your ass dead. That doesn't stop them from making sure you'll WISH you were dead 24/7. And part of that 'vacation package' they give you is making sure you enjoy -nothing-. Least of all food.

So that's what always kept me on the up and up in life. Because if you end up behind bars you are fucking FUCKED. Even the biggest hardasses would rather die than go back.

Even more of an excuse to send your life crashing and raise the living standard of a real duteous official.
valleycentral.com/news/local/former-willacy-county-prison-guard-sentenced-to-18-months-in-prison

what is that?

The Big Shabang chips were literally discontinued because inmates enjoyed them. People meme NO FUN ALLOWED but you have no idea what it's like to have a group of thinking people engineer the least enjoyable experience for you by design. No matter how petty the reason somebody is always on your nuts.

It's not all fun and games.
One of my besties is a former CO. He quit due to to too many risks to the guards.

You know how it is. There's always a Billy Badass who wants to make a name for himself and fucking up a guard makes you a rock star. So in this case Billy nailed my buddy with a lock-in-a-sock. In the fuckin' knee.

>acting like your above bot of the barrel shit dregs as a massive degenerate and lapdog
nobody likes you, kek

t. David Shekelstein

The ethics of scrupleless scoundrels. "I like being threatened with brutal cruelty".
Maybe it should be democratically decided to have people with such tendencies committed to institutionalization albeit an ethical one.

>And part of that 'vacation package' they give you is making sure you enjoy -nothing-. Least of all food.
It's not that, it's because the state is cheap as fuck. That's the reason why the food sucks. That's why prison's will settle instead of taking things to court. That's why prisoners in max prisons have fucking TVs and cable.

Inmates are like retarded kindergarteners with knives. The reason they're in prison is that they are shitty people with no morals who need to be confined like the animals they are for the benefit of society.
>The Big Shabang chips were literally discontinued because inmates enjoyed them
They were discontinued because an inmate sued about the bags falsely advertising the amount of chips in the bags. The inmates ruin shit for themselves and then bitch about it.
You think I give a shit about a inmate sympathizing retard getting caught smuggling them shit?
The pay and benefits are good. My prison isn't one of those pussy hug-a-thug ones, the inmates know what will happen if they assault staff.
Yes. I am above literal child molesters and drug dealers. Every day at work I make a point of telling the cop killers that I get to go home every day, that they'll never, ever, get out. That they'll die in prison. All in all it's a great job.

>probably more degeneracy and verbal masturbation
mommy didn't love you, huh

>being this upset that child molesters and murders get treated like shit.

Peanut butter, ketchup and coleslaw. It was a good sandwich

Thank you for your service, lap dog! How's it feel to know the vast majority of those you guard have an iq 30-60 points higher than you, lol?