What kind of restaurant would you open if it could be anywhere you want and did not have to make any profit?

What kind of restaurant would you open if it could be anywhere you want and did not have to make any profit?

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i'd be the presidential chef and serve only the shit of unwell dogs

I've been thinking I'd really love to open a Western-style restaurant in China. And I mean the whole nine yards, it's be AMERICAN as fuck. Every dish on the menu would have a State name in front of it (Idaho Baked Potato, for example,) it'd be all decked out like a Texas steakhouse complete with taxidermied animal heads, everything would be over the top and showy and just AMERICAN in general. I wonder if it'd do well, I'd probably throw a few Canadian dishes like poutine in too.

Something that made foods from antiquity, particularly rome. starting from as authentic a baseline as possible and then trying to innovate

if you did this in japan it could actually turn out to be a great success

fantasy and medieval food

a dumpling and pierogi shop

If I'm not worried about profit, it'd simply be an american style bistro where I could change my mind daily for whatever I felt like making, and have daily specials, or just a coffeehouse, or just an irish pub or german beer bar. I have a particular fondness for latin food. The latter having boring food, but room for specials. Why these things? People are probably going out to have a good time.

There are few of these in Beijing and they work very well. Only issue is the rent is fucking stupid in China. On the first year you pay X amount, and 3 years later they make you pay double or triple.

not sure where I'd put it but I'd love to just cook whatever and not really have a coherent menu
I really love cooking gumbo so maybe a cajun restraunt
I'd have to get some real friendly waitstaff though

It opens at midnight and closes at 7 in the morning.

The menu is made out of things like hot sandwiches, pancakes, soups and ice cream. The portions are held small, so people are encouraged to order like 3 things.

Waiters wear pyjamas and/or bathrobes, you get a free bathrobe to wear while you eat.

All tables have TVs that run night-time entertainment such as documentaries about murder. You can get a sofa with a coffee table instead of a dinner table if you want.

pretentious improvised meals using things i found in the wood plus a regular lunch service with pastrami and selfmade rye bread

>when you work graveyard and on the way home all you want is a goddamned burger but everything's either closed or "breakfast only"

I'd probably open up a decent bakery out in the middle of nowhere so i wouldn't have any customers and just sit around eating baked goods and banging my husband against the chimney all day

Runs 5 pm to 5 am. Serves burgers, fat chicken sandwiches, poutine, doner, fried pickles, or a big-ass breakfast and a special of whatever I feel like making that week. A nighttime refuge for the poor drunk soul.

Id open a place in a busy downtown or winter resort area that serves nothing but soups and stews...good bread of course. I would only be open from labor day to easter.

That...or a classic american burger joint in ireland...new zealand...costa rica. Somewhere different but still english-speaking. It.wouldnt be campy kitch or corney...no stupid names or big hats. It would be simple and inexpensive burgers and fries. A place for both x-pats to get a legit taste of home and locals to experience authentic americana.

Craving pizza. Get out of work at 7 am. Have to wait 4 hours to order pizza.

yeah man what the fuck

At least the grocery stores here open at 7. I get to race out ladies to the clearance isle. Get all the discount steaks before they do.

Not gonna lie I got a boner reading that only because a girl I liked was into baking

nobody cares

Not gonna lie I got a boner reading that only because a girl I liked was into telling me nobody cares

I'm not a girl though, I'm just ultra gay

You do because you replied. Thanks for the (you)

Anyways. to keep with the thread I like the idea of a very aesthetic bar.

By this I mean leather reclinders and large circular booths with sliding doors if you want to smoke and talk and whatever without hearing other people. There would be a small console inside that you can call a waiter/waitress from and they can bring you anything from finger foods (meat and cheese dishes and the like) to cigars and beer/liquer/wine and be a spot for after work relaxation and conversation.

>Thinking I'd be put off by that

I have an idea for a boring restaurant that serves only the easiest, cheapest stuff possible. However, they would be HEALTHY cheap foods like beans, rice, and steamed vegetables. The look of the place would be similar to a school cafeteria, but I would want it to have wooden bench tables to give the place a more cozy rustic look. May even have a fireplace in there.

So you'll be able to come in and get a plateful of hot food for a dollar and a cup of coffee/tea/lemonade or water and have a seat anywhere you like!

outdoor tables by an alpine lake in the mountains somewhere
big open fires in winter to keep warm
lanterns and naked flames everywhere
spit roast whole animals over coals
wood fired oven to bake bread
fresh butter
very simple preparations of seasonal produce
loads of alcohol
big meadow with a stage for bands to play
rooms hewn into the mountain rock for bad weather and maximum comfiness

Awwwwwwwwwwww, me luvs eyeliner bunnies.

Anyway, I'd open a restaurant with nearly-naked female servers with enormous tits. Food would be whatever, because who cares, it's all about the tits. Hiring preference for preggos and still-lactating chicks, because some of that breast milk will be going into customers' coffee upon request, served up fresh at the table.

webm thread has convinced me I just wanna make a multitude of crab dishes and nothing else

steakhouse in India

That's a pretty bunny. :)

I'd like to open a nice traditional French restaurant somewhere in Eastern Europe.
There are many insanely beautiful old downtown houses that are waiting for money and an owner willing to redo them.

This Viking lounge sound pretty awesome.

At a resort area
People are chill, willing to spend money. No niggers. Return customers guaranteed if you don't fuck up completely.

I would open a brewery/pizza place. It would be somewhere in the mountains with an amazing view of a nearby river. The inside would be really comfy with fireplaces for the winter, but in the summer I would cook outside and enjoy the view all day.

I’d open an upscale American cuisine restaurant in a gentrified part of a tourist town somewhere in the South East. No kids menu, full bar with lots of beers on tap. The menu would mostly be American classics with an emphasis on Southern foods, but often with a small twist. Several items from other cuisines both American and foreign would also be on the menu, mostly from cuisines associated with ethnic groups that have emigrated to the US in large numbers.

comfy

A really upscale feast hall, probably in a renovated stone church for that medieval feel. Specialties would include whole roast animals, homemade mead and beer, and other traditional platters. The place would be available to rent for weddings and whatnot on Saturday.
The U.S. has a few restaurants that do "family-style" service, but none of them are really dedicated to the feast hall aesthetic.

So a homeless shelter?

I'd just open a gold star chili in the town I live.

the dulap on that rabbit is large enough to prevent her from being able to eat her cecotropes. She either has cancer or will soon have cancer.

What

>when bunny gives you that look

>when you hear your wife pulling up in the drive way

Fictional food items and it'd be a cosplay cafe. We would change the menu four times a year, serve cocktails, have specials. The decor would be an eclectic mix of grunge, steam punk, and egl with ddr and arcade games. I'd never leave. It'd be great.

shes talking about this.

animals.mom.me/purpose-dewlap-rabbit-6264.html

>she

probably in philly, something like redneck meat with french classics. i would have a lot of game meat but do it up all fancy, try to get people some more wild meats.

Does a candy store count?

Some place where every day I just make whatever the fuck I want. Only 3, maybe five seats max, which people can move around so they don't have to sit together. Somewhere warm, but in the middle of nowhere in the mountains.

>user, where's the menu?
>no menu
>user, how much is it?
>however much I feel like it is
>user, what am I having?
>whatever I felt like making for slow cooked things or feel like making right now

So basically your place? Sounds good user, but I think you should have no tables and just extra chairs where the food will be placed.

sorry, *dewlap

the dewlap doesn't get that big if you get the rabbit spayed. Unless that rabbit is being mated constantly, it's got a nearly 90% chance of having uterine cancer.

i'd eat there

...

Potato King
>just potatoes all kinds

Pastry and dsert cafe, serving cakes, pastries, custards, ice cream, and other sweet desert type food. Also have an extensive selection of high quality cheese, like St. Nectare, Chaume, etc. This combines with an extensive beer, liquor selection making fancy drinks, plus an extensive collection of non-alcoholic beverages such as sodas and lemon water and fresh juice. Serve in a De Stijl/Bauhaus inspired setting, on clear, white, or black glass plates, and Simax or Jena Glass glassware. There would also be a smoking section, and it would be opened from 5AM in the morning to at 1AM in the evening.

The whole place would be underground, and the dining area would have a horror aesthetic a la haunted houses. The menu would be French- and English-inspired cuisine, but all the dishes would be presented as "deconstructions" – specifically to fit the plating with the setting. And I'd probably be somewhere just out-of-sight, fucking with a big cauldron of the Soup of the Day, like some fat evil Gaelic druid.

A Cajun restaurant that doesn’t serve any ‘normal’ meats (beef, chicken, pork). You can get pretty much anything else, barring pet meats (dog, cat, horse)

What do you mean?

dat ass

I wish bunnies were big enough to have sex with. Dogs just aren't as sweet.

>chop

i want this restaurant to actually open

one based on old timey american recipes.

Nice idea but I feel like you'd need to have a LOT of business in order to turn enough profit on $1 plates of food to keep the lights on

You guys want to fuck this?

Del taco

An American food restaurant in a little shack in the middle of nowhere, China.

would unironically eat here after work often

a lakeside shack diner where I make and sell fish and chips and seafood chowder using whatever I catch that day.

Waffle House in LA

A mutant hybrid of conveyor belt sushi and RC tank combat. Scoring a hit on an NPC tank places an order, and a crit gets you a discount

the food isn't important the gimmicks are that your waiter is in a fursuit, you can ask them to take off the fursuit and you'll either get a fat sweaty guy or a hot lady in a revealing outfit.

i'd call the place: Fursuit Roulette.

Asian/Mexican fusion

Japan already has a fursuit cafe

Japan has a "club" (to keep it legal) where you can fuck a pet before the kitchen kills and cooks it for you.

Nothing surprises me anymore.

Similar to this. If I had any professional experience, I'd like to rent out a stall at King Richard's fair one year to do a medieval bakery. Could meme it up with foods from Redwall and [spoiler]Game of Thrones[/spoiler] and stuff too.

Sleep themed diner. Round,with booths running along the walls. The booths tables are padded, so you can put your head down if you like. You are welcome to fall asleep, but will be kicked out by close. 2am-7am.

>Coffee, tea, hot chocolate and milk.
>Dessert wines and liqueurs.
>Warm chicken/turkey sandwiches with thick crusty bread and light dressing.
>Omelettes
>Nut-based cakes/brownies
>Melatonin pills in bathroom instead of boner pills

sleep tight Veeky Forums

Sleep themed diner. Round,with booths running along the walls. The booths tables are padded, so you can put your head down if you like. You are welcome to fall asleep, but will be kicked out by close. 2am-7am.

>Coffee, tea, hot chocolate and milk.
>Dessert wines and liqueurs.
>Warm chicken/turkey sandwiches with thick crusty bread and light dressing.
>Omelettes
>Nut-based cakes/brownies
>Melatonin pills in bathroom instead of boner pills

sleep tight Veeky Forums

I would call it: The Fat-Ass Humiliation.

Basically, you have to be over a certain weight and you have to reserve ahead of time by sending a current full body photo of yourself and a headshot.

The food is just fatty stuff like birthday cake with a cheetos garnish, greasy burgers, cheap pizza, insert midwest youtube "comfort food" abominations here, etc. And provided that you are fat enough you are allowed in and you get to eat for free, money speaking.

The catch is the fat customer has to be surrounded by photo-shopped pictures of themselves showing them what they could have if they made the effort to back from the junk and starting eating healthy or at least going with a sensible daily calorie intake and exercising, in addition to that they would be barraged by insult after insult from the waiter saying things like "Yeah you sure look like you could use some food, tub-o." to beautiful ladies saying things like "A fat loser like you has no chance with girls like us." but, that's just the tame stuff & I would have my staff being way more vicious than that and the whole time their humiliation would be streamed live and then saved on the internet. The whole goal is to get disgustingly overweight people to discover the dignity they forgot they had (the entire cast would applause and praise them "I knew you could do it! Now keep this up at home too!" if they throw away their food as long as there's only no more than a quarter of it missing with the plate. If they've eaten half or more of the food then fuck them) or to push them to ending their miserable existences more quickly.

would there be anyone with low enough self esteem to eat there though?

I had this crazy idea for a Wild West themed brew pub. They’d have to bigger to accomadate a decent amount of people

>the building is a circle of train cars, all done up in authentic 1872 era railway interiors
>enter in the engine where a little gift shop is
>food can be ordered and eaten in the “dining car” dedicated eating area that also serves beer and children are allowed
>lounge carwith tables and board games to play if one wants
>another lounge car that is open with stuff like shuffle board and corn hole
>bar car with the bar and 21+
>the handles are shit like tomahawks, revolves and rifle butts
>no shaker glasses, everything old fashioned mug with handle
>the cars form a square centered around a “camp fire” with tables and benches; can purchase food and snacks to grill on the fire

Tell me more

>Aussie Food chain in the US selling meat pies, sausage rolls, chiko rolls and the like.
You'd be greeted at the counter with
>G'day mate, what can I gettcha?
>Wouldn't have ketchup, just tomato sauce

It'd just be a farm to table restaurant except instead of a farm I'd have gigantic aquaponics greenhouses

>fantasy and medieval Food
what is this, boiled water with veggies and meat?

Add water guns to the rc tanks so i can shoot up your waitresses skirts and get thrown out.

wtf this is my kitchen in the off-grid hut im having built, except mines an open fireplace for cooking.

Dragon Ham
Lembas Bread
Fish Pies
shit like that

>off-grid
>still shitposts on Veeky Forums
user I...

No, I wanna fuck a live, cuddly, furry one that has a human-sized twat and enjoys the act. Sadly, unless genetic engineering gets a lot better real soon, that won't happen.

I really doubt that one. Post a link if it really exists.

Another fine shitpost, faggot

I got 2 ideas floating around.

One is a "bar" that doesn't serve any alcohol. It'd still be 21+ at night, but only serves mocktails and soft drinks, teas and such. The idea is it'll be a place for people to hang out in a bar-like setting who don't actually want to drink alcohol. AA members and such, or just losers who don't like alcohol. We'll serve regular bar food, nothing too fancy. We'll have a large selection of mocktails.
My second idea is a restaurant where you can just sit down, order, eat, pay and leave without having the waitstaff bothering you about today's specials or try to up sale you on appetizers or sides or desserts or anything. Won't have the waitstaff ask where you're from or try to make other needless small talk. I'm thinking maybe have a system in place so your waiter knows when to come over to see if you need anything instead of asking every 5/10 minutes. Basically, I just want it to be a regular restaurant for people who don't want their waiter making small talk and bugging them about everything the entire time.
It's not that I want the waitstaff to be rude, I just don't want them to be overbearing.

Please don't meta-post outside /qa/

That is a meta post faggot

Indian food in the white ethnostate.

>bones and twigs and grease
Yep, that's good eatin'!

I would make the stuff you had as a kid for lunch but all dressed up.

put a giant canvas cylinder inside and project a slowly moving image against it

Not moved in yet.

A full-scale restaurant with table service is too much of a pain in the ass for me. How about something where people bring the ingredients and I make shit up based on what they bring