Anyone else get really psychoanalytic when they're high, and then feel like DFW must have felt before he killed himself? I'll rarely smoke because of this very reason and the anxiety will ramp and I'll try to watch an episode of The Office or Freaks and Greeks where I'll see elements of something I wouldn't've imagined before.
And then the next morning I regret it and chalk it up to nothing.
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When I'm high all I want to do is listen to black metal and play GSG's.
I don't even enjoy the GSG's that much while I'm playing them. I just have an irresistible urge to watch the map move and change.
yeah, i'm feeling you, opie...
>watch The Office or Freaks and Geeks
what the fuck? this is Veeky Forums. if you're not opening to random pages of sophocles's plays and feel like the women of trachis are talking about you, GTFO
I used to overanalyze all of my relationships with other people and imagine what people say about me behind my back. I haven't had that very much in the past couple years, but I really only smoke once or twice a month now.
Also one time I accidentally ate like 3x the recommended dose of edibles and had kind of a weird breakdown where I eventually started to hear voices all saying bad things about me. I've avoided edibles entirely since then.
I've tried and a few times I've experienced something great when re-reading...
Once I opened up Ulysses and just started from the beginning and the entirety of Telemachus was lucid in my mind. It was like Fantasia was playing in my head. Buck Mulligan was a round, fat, old mix between Schopenhauer and Dopey from Snow White on the top of the tower and Daedalus was Mickey Mouse, a mopey wizard whose snotgreen rag was the mop. "Switch off the current, will you?" Had me laughing in hysterics.
yeah... it's awful.
it sounds like your imagination has been overrun by someone else's products. i'm sorry, opie. you should probably try to not watch so much TV and spend more time away from screens in general.
classical music isn't bad, but modern improv jazz is something i really enjoy while stoned. i can't fully appreciate bach or any other baroque boy when i'm high because it becomes a little too insincere; i'm too detached from their realitet.
Can confirm, nothing is better than modern jazz when you're high
>get high
>all I want to do is clean myself
Whenever I'm high it's like I'm aware of all the grime on my body and no matter how much I clean I can't get it off.
thanks bros. I'll be checking this thread from my phone, but afterwards I'll give it a shot.
holy shit, i forgot about this tendency. no one i know IRL has these paranoid, freakish passions when they get stoned, even if they do feel slight paranoia. i also tried to clean the house, but got distracted halfway through each task.
this is nice stuff, user
More good jazz
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Of course. Everyone tells me not to smoke weed after a schizo diagnosis, but I don't listen. Last time I smoked I got really paranoid that I'd ruptured my colon because I've been masturbating with anal stimulation lately - Gave me a great deal of anxiety.
You know I always get a little paranoid when people talk about weed being a drug that keeps them relaxed because after a while all my smoking experiences went something like what you've just described. I had to stop because it was making me literally insane and I just chalked it up to me being some kinda schizoid or anxious freak or whatever. I felt it starting to have pretty bad effects on my anxiety levels and gave me a habit of thinking suspiciously and making spurious. I decided it had to stop so I dropped it completely and I currently feel marvelous. I've mostly chalked it up to being a curiosity of my mind when on drugs but part of me is kinda deeply convinced that in some way I must be pretty fucked up or have some underlying issue waiting to come to the fore.
How have you guys dealt with these kind of experiences?
Also, semi-related: Has anyone done too much MDMA in a public place and had a bad time before? Because it seems like a rare occurence.
That's hilarious. It can't be very pleasant I'm guessing.
I was having the problems that you describe when I was smoking daily. I eventually got to a point where I couldn't ignore the fact that the weed was having a very negative impact on my life.
So I took a long break. I was planning to just take a 6 month break but I think it ended up being almost 8 months just because I felt way better not smoking. Then when I finally started up again I really just made sure to keep it to a few times a month. And I feel that's the right amount where I don't feel negative about it.
Also if I smoke alone I almost always go out for a walk and listen to music rather than sitting at home. I think that makes a difference too.
Literally would get up and shower in the middle of watching a show. If I was at work I would scratch my nose pores, get my finger nails dirty from that, then clean my finger nails until I felt a spot of grease on my face.
>tfw you get high and realize your fingernails are really dirty and you get a pin or a needle and meticulously clean them out
so satisfying
It's good to hear that there's a number of people with these problems, it puts me at ease a little. I think of all the feelings I had during those times, the sense of freakish alienation was by far the worst. I'd be constantly and frantically marginalizing, criticizing and damning my self. Of course if you're convinced there's something deeply wrong with you then there kinda is something (else) wrong with you and because there was no consistency between, and an unwillingness to face and sort, these delusions the whole rigmarole became self fulfilling.
When I dropped the drugs and, after a time, the attitude I could distract myself, breathe and begin rationally working myself out. Memories of my childhood and teenage years as a bright, confident youth came back to me where before they'd never came to mind and these acted as a sort of foundation for recovery. I'm not pinning the cause all on drugs of course, cause really I think it was personal issues being poorly dealt with and massively exacerbated by a unfitting constitution for drugs, but I think it's reasonable for me to mostly steer clear.
I have smoked since then a couple times and those experiences ranged from enjoyable to vaguely unpleasant and reminiscent of worse times, sometimes all in one session. I would take you up on your walking suggestion but I think all the gangs and hookers in my area would probably sink the high. But anyway it's not important to me if I ever smoke again.
I didn't mean to go on like this but I'm afraid I have.
>smoke and drink for 3 years
>quit
>feel suicidal for 2 months
Imagine how fucked up DFW must have been after 2 decades of chronic smoking, alcoholism and antidepressant abuse, all on top of clinical depression.
Unfortunately, the guy had no chance. He should have lived a sober, productive life, spending most of his time writing, reading, studying his craft and looking for ideas in the real world.
For me the opposite has always been true.
If I smoke with no tolerance I'll freak out, I'll hear weird whit, hallucinate shit and when I close my eyes I start visualizing things over which I have no control whatsoever (it never lead to gore images, but I'm still infinitely scared about it). Generally, I feel impending doom, as if everything immediatly turned "serious".
Weed with tolerance is a breeze, if I have smoked everyday for a week I can do pretty much anything while stoned, even talking to my parents or going to freaky places like circuses or police stations.
So do you still smoke?
>Also, semi-related: Has anyone done too much MDMA in a public place and had a bad time before? Because it seems like a rare occurence.
Probably was not MDMA famiglia.
cringe thread
Never had a panic attack with ecstacy (not pure molly) but I've had one bad out of maybe 7 good-great experiences as a result of the high on it
Used to smoke daily and now I get severe anxiety with a single puff of weed as well. I've tried weak edibles but still get too serious and depressed when it kicks in. Currently trying to kick it for good since I've been trying different things (positive environments, people, small doses...etc) for the past 6 years and nothing has done the trick. I think it's a biological thing, maybe because of age or because I was smoking daily before then and my body had enough.
Damn though user. I relate to these deeply.
glad i'm not the only one with these experiences while high