Veeky Forums, tell me how you do this meal (which is fit for a king)

Veeky Forums, tell me how you do this meal (which is fit for a king).
What are the best/worst ingredients and optimal methods? I'm thinking of picking this one up.

Like 3 pounds of browned hamburger, a can of tomato paste, and a half a pound of dried chilis. Also dump garlic and pepper in there to taste.

brown meat in pan (i use a dutch oven on the stovetop) use this time to put in some spices: pepper, garlic, cumin, chili powder

chop up 3 onioms, several celery and carrot
heat up some oil in a larger pot and start to cook then vegetables

you can add in some minced garlic to the cooking veg too, wait for the onions to get glassy add a jar of tomatoes and a jar of tomato sauce (we grow and can them in the summertime, but yeah go ahead and use the BPA tinned tomatoes too or w/e, if you are concerned + lazy you can go to a farmers market they probably have some nice canned veg too)

turn up the heat on your tomato soupy veg pot,
add in some beans (you can precook dry beans the night before, or again, be a sucker and BPA tinned beans it up) and then the browned meat

in the empty dutch oven i'll add some olive oil and a little more garlic/spices and cook up some jalapens or poblans pepper for spice, and then maybe some sweet bells for extra volume, then i'll fry up some mushrooms and add them to the big pot to simmer for a bit and then

wa la

sounds like shit.
anyone have a real recipe for chili? i have ground sirloin and some stew meat in the fridge, i plan on using both.
i am not going to be putting beans in it, but i have some dried chilies, tomato paste, canned tomato, sweet onion, garlic, chili powder, cayenne pepper, turmeric, cumin, dry oregano and thyme.
what's a good ratio of each of those for a proper chili?
the only reason it's not getting beans is because there's someone in the house that doesn't like beans at all.
i might actually heat some and add during garnish along side chopped onion, cheese, sour cream and maybe bacon bits, for those of us who do like them.
i dunno if i want to wade through a million recipes between now and tomorrow to find one that i like.

Throw all of that in a pot and let it simmer...except tumeric and thyme.

1 onion, 1 clove garlic, 1 14oz can of tomato, and 1/4c dried chilies and 1tsp cumin per pound of meat is a good starting point but for fucks sake dont measure. Its chili. Cook the meat first and use plenty of salt. There are othrr ingredients but you didnt mention them so.... this will still be chili. If you put corn celery ir carrots in your chili i will reach through my phone and choke you.

I'll add a carrot next time I make chili just for you.

Here's how I make my own bastardized version of chili.

>fry 500g of mixed ground beef/pork in olive oil
>season with salt, black pepper, cumin, oregano, cayenne
>add 1 chopped onion about halfway through
>once the onions are glassy and the meat is browned, add finely chopped garlic and some chili peppers to taste.
I use ~3 cloves and 3 no-name supermarket chili peppers because that's all we get around here

>pour in one can (500ml) of beer.
I use Paderborner pilsener because it's cheap but still very good. Alternatively, you can use a bit of whiskey and add water as necessary later on.
>let reduce a little

>add 1 can (~800ml) of tomatoes, hand-crushed
>add about a teaspoon of cocoa powder and some brown sugar to taste
You can of course also use sweetened cocoa powder, but then you can't control chocolatey taste and sweetness seperately.

>add one can (~400g) of corn and beans each, in case you're a cultural anarchist
>let simmer for at least an hour. The longer, the better

>make potato wedges, rice, nice crusty bread or spaetzle (if you're insane) and enjoy

>recipe
Try this:
>3lbs meat...your call
Season and cook.
>3 onions, diced.
>3 cloves garlic, minced
Add to pot, holding back 1/3 onion. Cook until aromatic.
>1 cup dried ground chiles
Ancho mulato mecca whatever.
>1 tbsp each ground cumin coriander pepper and oregano.
Throw it in the pot. Let this go a bit so the dry ingredients mingle with the fat.
>1 lg can(28oz) of tomato.
Crushed diced...whatever.
>1qt of beef stock or 4 bouillon cubes with water. Throw it in there...simmer a bit.
If its too thick adjust with water if too thin reduce and or add a bit of cornmeal.
>salt...kosher or sea. Never iodized.
Start with 1 tbsp. Once you have the consistency you like let it cool to serving temperature and add more salt if necessary.
If desired add some fresh oregano.

okay. celery was one of those optional ingredients i've noticed over the passed few weeks of checking recipes in waiting rooms and stuff like that. i'll leave it out for sure. i was on the fence anyway. definitely not doing carrot either.
i've got jalapenos in adobo that i was unaware of also.
we seem to be on the same page for the most part. you think a can of beef broth instead of all water or what? also, i'll add about half a beer because i've noticed that a lot as well.

not OP, but thank you guys. i appreciate it. i'll post a picture in an appropriate thread if this one is gone tomorrow evening.