Times you fucked up

if you call ground beef "mince" you're form a third world country and probably get food poisoning on a regular basis anyway

You think you fucked up because you undercooked it
But in reality you fucked up even earlier when you didn't make multiple crispy, delicious 1/2 inch patties that taste better and are impossible to undercook instead of making a big, nasty wad of meat on the grill like every subruban dad who just bought his first grill.

Another fuck up I've had.
Wasn't satisfied with how the fat rendered.

Your whole life is a fuck up.

>he doesn't know how to make a proper English BLT
youtube.com/watch?v=OkiDyS5_AOE

that being said. all my fuck ups look better than most of the things people post here.
at least she's smart enough not to eat her own cookin.

I love Kay. She's such a fuckup at cooking, but she seems like a chill, down to Earth and sweet lady.

I like her too in principle but she is literally going to cause the death of her son and herself eventually; it's a miracle they're still alive at all

>best friend and I both come from wealthy 1% families
>he's a full time student and i work full time at $10/hr so he gets a little allowance from his family and I get a minor supplement because my wages don't even cover my rent
>end of the month and we both have $7 combined after buying DUDE ____ LMAO and hungry as fuck
>we have instant rice, garlic, and an onion
>spend our last $7 on a pound of lean ground beef, a tomato, and a can of black beans to make the poor man's picadillo
>friend's apartment kitchen is a fucking mess so we do the dishes
>use Fabuloso to do the dishes since he doesn't even have a small bottle of Dawn or anything
>rinse everything 3 times, cook rice and beans in a pot
>fucking tastes like Fabuloso
that was a terrible night
>tfw both from families worth about 10m each yet living on pennies per week
goddamn I can't wait for the trust fund to kick in

Oh, without a doubt. Sometimes I wonder if she does have some sort of mild mental disorder though considering she can't even seem to follow, or even have basic common sense to make the most simplest of recipes.

You cant even put bacon, lettuce and tomato on a bun without fucking it up

>I p-promise I'm not humblebragging about making something that's extremely easy to cook

no i legitimately fucked it up.
that wasn't the fuck up.

>worth about 10m each
>1% family
lol

lmao my first burgers in the day on new grill in the burbs was exactly that kek

wrong

was the meat fresh? did you handle it properly, hygienic wise?
kinda hard to believe that happened to you in Europe, especially because it's beef. in switzerland, you can even eat raw bacon, nothing happens to you.

I guarantee you this dumbass bought pre made hollandaise.

My bearnaise would blow you out of the fucking water son. That shit will hold for up to eight hours and it only takes me 10 minutes to make two quarts of it.
Fuck off. If you're gonna brag at least be good

Staph poiaoning presents within just. Few hours and can be transmitted easily from the butcher as many people have it naturally occuring on their body (which is why staph infections are a major issue in hospitals).

Be happy your parents are instilling a work ethic and appreciation for the lower class instead of turning you into one of those douchey spoiled trust fund kids.

stahp poisoning
stahhhp

You have to cook ground beef well because it has a shitload of surface area that bacteria can grow on.

Thanks mom

I keep salting dishes cooked with soy sauce.

Wtf is pre-made hollandaise?
How come everytime i do something accurately it's assumed to be pre-made?

All i did was follow this video.
youtube.com/watch?v=sPKWYM8-YgY

Are you saying that is still too complicated for me to do? I chose the easy method for my first hollandaise.

I've seen hollandaise packets. You know like meatloaf or taco seasoning packets. I dunno why that would ever be necessary because hollandaise is literally 4 ingredients and you'd have to go out of your way to get the packet

I didn't use a packet. i used chef johns 1 bowl method.

>Back Bacon BLT
nigga, thats a pork loin sandwich.
Get some streaky next time for your 12 bong meal.

i was told it was english bacon. is this not english bacon

That right there is a good use for sousvide form patty, 130 at an hour to kill all bacteria. salt & pepper sear and eat medium

i once forgot to salt a guacamole I made,it was horrible, my lobster taco was less than perfect

I once fucked up rice because I added too much stake seasoning and it became inedible.

not my proudest moment.

I was more talking about people in general. I guess folks probably don't know just how simple it is to make

steak, god damn just remembering has killed a few braincells

If it tastes bad without salt then you either did something wrong or used shit ingredients

Not really

last night i ate a can of sugar free frosting

i never knew stomach pain could be this bad, and it's fucking unending

I came to Veeky Forums.

Only time I fuck up cooking beef is when it turns out medium

that sucks. hate it for you. i never do rare or medium rare for preground meat. don't want to risk it.

i disagree. most people here have 0 presentation skills, poor picture quality, and bad lighting.
a lot of those factors really fucks up how good their food looks.

This was less of a fuck-up than the first attempt.
However I would still like the egg to be cooked to a gooier consistency.
I poached the egg yolk too thin for my tastes

>went to a Western restaurant in Taipei
>le "Brass Monkey"
>they apparently heard about the "rare burger" meme
>they apparently didn't hear about the "you have to grind the beef yourself just before cooking" part
>restaurant has "mood lighting" so dim that you can't see shit there
>took two bites before I noticed the texture was slimy
>demanded that they bring a flashlight out so I could see what the fuck was going on
>raw ground beef
>refused to eat any more, refused to pay, left
>ended up feeling like my intestines were full of razor blades for the next several days

Stupid fucking bastards.

>really trusting fucking Taiwanese people with raw fucking meat
>getting a fucking burger in Taiwan
You have yourself to blame. Retarded Americans have to get burgers outside of their own damn country. Try authentic Taiwainese cuisine. they are much less likely to fuck that up.

Fuck the lower class. Low class =/= working class.

i would still eat it.

thank you sir. it looks pretty well cooked for what it is.

>Less than perfect
Read to learn, dong ding

>buy skewers from butcher
>cbf using grill, heat up frypan
>fast forward
>4x burnt undercooked skewers
FUCK how does this work, seriously need advice. I had it on medium high and turned it over after it started burning, but shit was still not cooked.

*blocks your plate*

>it was horrible

learn to read you mong

I just put the other 5 in the oven and after 40 minutes they are still pink. The baking paper is fully burnt though. FUCK

Fuck it I bought Mcdonalds

new Veeky Forums banner

I guess you should try something even easier.

sasuga ceekay

Wa la!

I fucking hate the eggs on burgers meme

>Burgers

It's steak tartare

Just put the burger back in the fucking pan if it's rare.

>authentic taiwanese cuisine
so chinese food?

I'm trying to make guacamole but I think one of the avocados is not ripe, I can't squish it and my mixer just shoots the pieces around. What do

Put avocado in a paper sandwich bag and leave it on the windowsill overnight.

I think it's too late for that, and I don't have paper bags

Did you just assume my nationality, shitlord?

>$10/hr
>can't figure out how to find a place with rent under ~$1300 a month (post tax est.)
Yeah, you're really living like the rest of us working stiffs.

Can you just squish it yourself with a fork?

just tried, it might be doable but I might bend the prongs

why did you use a mixer
why why why

You only need to make like 250k to be 1% in the US

>on a diet for the last six months
>lost about 40 lbs, no cheating
>It's my birthday AND the super bowl last night
>fuck it I'm treating myself
>shitting my brains out this morning
>literally had to take a break from shitting, then shit some more

Cheat days are unwise

enjoy your salmonela poisoning

>user makes rice
>have a pan (mine are teflon tefal and ceramic one, don't know about cast iron etc) and a lid to cover it with
>put the pot on heat and put a little cooking oil in it (maybe 3-4 teaspoons, not sure i measure on sight) but definitely notice a little
>leave the oil to heat (sunflower oil btw)
>have about a tea cup of rice (~200g?)
>have hot water to clean the rice in
>wash it 2 or 3 times
>put it on a plate without any water to let it air and dry for about 5 minutes in room temperature
>now make sure the oil in the pan is REALLY HOT - I mean liquid like (assuming it was a bit denser when you first put it in the pan)
>if it is turn DOWN the heat to min and pour the rice in it
>stir for about 20 minutes on LOW heat until the rice becomes semi transparent and starts to colour a little (but before it becomes orange like, don't burn it)
>prepare water in another utensil, 2-3 times the amount of rice, let it boil
>if you stirred the rice all the time you may eventually notice it changed a little, stirring it will feel different to you than in it did in the beginning

>when the water is boiling add a bit of salt
>and pour the water into the pan with the rice
>now COVER (put the lid on) the pan and leave the rice to boil in it on very LOW heat for about half an hour
>do NOT take the lid of the pan, let the steam stay inside even after it is cooked!
>after the 30 minutes [to boil], turn off the heat and leave the pan to rest for another 30* minutes - keep the steam inside
after that you can finally take the lid from the pan and enjoy your fresh rice meal
tomato juice goes extremely well with it (but it would depend on where you get it from / how it's made i guess)

AGAIN I can't emphasise enough - leave the pot covered the whole time even after it's cooked.

It would be also very good if you have some wool or hard cotton rag to put on the lid of the pan while it's cooking and to wrap it around the pan when it's done to keep it warm.
* if you have one, you can leave it for 1h

warosu.org/ck/thread/9954907#p9957206

>want crispy wings without frying
>use baking powder bro
>coat those shits in baking powder
>create inedible, albiet crispy, powder wings

I realized on subsequent tries to lightly lightly apply.

>toilet

>tOILet

Just prepped some intused oil wanted it to sit for like 6 weeks before i touch it.
Now i read that i'll most likely ger botulism from it.
I'll heat the container/oil in order to salvage it wish me luck

don't be a retard, heating it will kill the bacteria but it won't denature the toxins they've produced which is what gives you botulism

You're wrong. Botulism toxin is destroyed by boiling for 20 minutes but the spores are not killed unless you reach 240F with a pressure canner. Learn your food, moron.

whatever facts are for queers

Buy better meat

I thought it might do the job with less effort than the wooden spoon I was using, but it just threw the pieces around.
I gave up last night and threw it out last night if your wondering how things ended

haha i put too much milk in my egg this morning and had to slurp it down
then i ate a pep and mozt lunchable for lunch
dinner was macd plain cheeseburger and med fries

maybe i'll make 2 perogies before i drink to sleep haha

What does your combination scat and bondage fetish have to do with your terrible cooking skills?

Why aren't you using a Hobart?

why why why?

Worst one here desu

Tried to make my own quick pickles in a mason jar with white and rice wine vinegar. dill and red peppers. Let them sit for three days in the sealed jar and had one, I was sick all for the next two days and eventually puked up a black sliver of what seemed like my semi digested pickle spear.

>he thinks you can live in Miami for under $1300 a month before utilities on 10/hr
How’s your sister-wife, Cletus?

After having had to work and live amongst poor low class boors like you I can confidently say I wish all poor people get sent to the ovens