I traded in my good hubby points and wifey let me get 12 bottles of 'vark sauce! Woot woot!

Unironically it's the best hot sauce ever

I could probably get 6 months worth of 'vark out of 12 bottles if I rationed myself to half a bottle a week. Thoughts? Any way I can make it last longer?

Just fucking move to PDX. Every time I get a bottle it lasts me a week at most.

>wife let you
cuck

Real it's decent hot sauce and as someone who lives in Portland it isn't hard to get a hold of. Is it hard to find for rural and suburban retards?

>is it hard to find for rural and suburban retards

Look up their limited distribution, dum dum.

t. Reed alum

That little tranny is such a cutie

I got a bottle for the first time tonight. Pretty good stuff!

I'm on a diet rn so it's all I'm gonna eat for the next two days.

Why is this a meme on Veeky Forums and only Veeky Forums despite Veeky Forums pretending it is used by numales all over the world?
Why would you people lie to me like this?
No.

Honestly, really, I would fuck its confused little brain out

I can't imagine discussing buying 12 bottles of meme sauce with my girlfriend, and she's the one who makes all the income.

I literally want to fuck boys on /trash/ and I can say you have shit taste.

I always mix 2 parts 'vark and 8 parts Soylent when I go on a diet binge.

Add the vark sauce to a bloody mary. Its so fucking good.

I think Veeky Forums just made it up because there was a shill here once.

I like this sauce, but my one complaint is the bottle is very hard to squeeze. I wonder if it's supposed to be like that, or if I got an abnormally firm one. Does anyone else have this problem?

I have never seen this sauce outside of Veeky Forums. I don't understand the meme culture of this site anymore.
Maybe I'm getting too old.

I struggle with squeezing them too. I wish they used a softer, recycled plastic instead of this material because it's too hard. I feel like I'm going to get arthritis from trying to squeeze the bottle every day.

No joke I had to go to the doctor because I sprained my hand on a bottle secret habanero. It turned it was fine, but I thought I broke it. Turned out it was just a cramp in my hand.

Just take the cap off and pour it into your own bottle you dumb bitches.

Wouldn't that ruin the flavour profile of the sauce?

It's pretty wasteful to not even use the bottle it comes in, desu

Oh yeah sorry my bad.

>trading in your good hubby points
Never trade in your good hubby points. They're hard to earn and it's satisfying to have lots. I have over two thousand now and every morning I like to remind my wife just how many I have. I think she's very proud of me, too.

It's reverse psychology from secret aardvark shills.
I think it's working.
I know this is a joke but that actually made me smile like I was watching a really wholesome anime. Thank you, user.

You're an idiot.

Pretty sure that’s a ftm tho. Sorry user, no dick for you.

I've got no problem with trannies and find many of them attractive. Whatever that thing is is fucking gross though.

I actually ordered a bottle because I couldn't tell if people were being ironic. It's just decent. I don't think I'll order anymore. Meh, can't hate it unless you try it yourself.

>can't hate it unless you try it yourself

I challenge this statement

whats a cheap place to order from?

more like soy sauce

...

'vark palace dot org

The grossness only makes it better.
Ftm is still a tranny. There's something so interesting about fucking a little fem thing that is trying to be a man.

>locks his knees

Also, OP is a fag

the state of marriage is at an all time low

>a guy gets 12 bottles of his favorite sauce
>OH NO MARRIAGE IS DOOMED
Stop projecting.

I prefer 'cha.

I saw someone link it on /v/ in a soy thread so I thought you guys were behind it.
I was not wrong.

Shit meme though.

Hit too close to home soyboy?

There's nothing wrong with avoiding excess androgens and pointless masculinization

but do you keep a spare 'vark for the times you don't feel like having 'cha?

because of expiration dates.

get on my level and accept women as your superior already

that plan backfires when daddy starts giving the baby laxatives to get more diaper change points, and ends up killing it from dehydration

Of course!

brofist

step aside child

>eating cactus
Do Americans really do this?

I accidentally wasted an entire bottle because I had to put a book on top of it and sit on it to get any of the sauce to squeeze out but then it popped open and went everywhere.

I'm totally stealing this idea! I just got engaged last November and I can't wait >.

>not drinking san pedro tea
uhhhh

>san pedro tea
Do you drink the spines too, Amerigoblin?

'Vark is popular on Reddit.

Proof?

just go to r/spicy or r/hotsauce. it get's talked about and recommended in numerous threads.

I'm not going to believe you without some sort of proof. That's just bullshit, reddit would hate 'vark because it's not a Sriracha ripoff. Your just trying to make me feel bad for buying and eating it.

if the sauce stays sealed it will last years on the shelf.

This. I like to let mine age in the plastic bottles so that the plastic denatures and adds a whole new complex flavour profile to the sauce.

wtf is this? I love hot sauces, but i've never seen it

Secret 'vark is the sweetest and mildest habanero sauce on the market. Try some if you get a chance.

I've been putting this stuff on my eggs, what other uses would you guys recommend?

Put a shot of it into a bottle of Soylent. I am not kidding, it is GOAT. I thought the other anons were joking but it is seriously amazing. Only do it in the original flavour though, because the cacao, chai, vanilla and fruit flavors don't pair well with it.

Other than that I like to use 'vark to coat panko battered chicken wings after I fry them. Try using it as a dipping sauce for bacon-wrapped scallops or shrimp. It's also amazing if you drizzle it on pizza.

I don't see a single thread about it.

use the search
reddit.com/r/hotsauce/comments/7n2hhn/secret_aardvark_holy_crap/

I put a few drops on my sandwiches

Your 'cado toast or your McChicken?

...

Im in WI, would it be good enough to buy one of their sauces from their store? Like is this must try?

If you don't try it you're missing out on the best hot sauce to come out in the 21st century so far

I'd recommend it, it's got a nice subtle mustard flavor that i really enjoy

Looks like they only ship in 3s. are the black bean and jerk good too?

Not just good but amazing.

>actually buying secret aardvark

>actually buying 'vark
FTFY

Haven't tried those so i dont know, but i would imagine they are

aight I'll keep it in mind

What does this even taste like? Looking at the bottle it looks like it's creamy or something.

I'm quite satisfied with the habanero sauce I get from my latin grocer but should i give this a try?

its how i like my women. sweet and thicc.

If you like spicy mayo, you'll love 'vark sauce.

>obsessing over hot sauce
>instead of putting the spices in the food
I don't get it. I mean for a few meals I'm sure hot sauce is great, but I don't get this obsession with brands and flavours etc. Unironically, is it just an american thing?

>a real "human" "man" is currently trading in his points to purchase a hula dance from his wife who is, presumably, the love of his life
>he earns the points by doing normal adult chores and taking care of his child
Jesus, that is grim.

It is probably an American thing. But it's nice. I have 8 or 9 different hot sauces at home right now. Sure, there's the argument for just spicing the food, but what I enjoy about sauces is that you can make each bite taste different. I ate some sardines with crackers for lunch, and some bites were spice free, others were heavy in vinegar spice, and others were smoky spicy.

I think it's kind of cute

I think it is an American thing, specifically with our generation because we love spicy food but our Boomer parents hate it, so we get used to just buying hot sauce and adding it to our food, leading to the current craze.

>specifically with our generation because we love spicy food but our Boomer parents hate it
Yeah. I almost mentioned this in my post. I live with my mom (no, I am not a NEET), and sometimes her food is just really bland. It goes for eating out too. Most restaurants do not make their food very spicy, even if it's a dish which is customarily prepared piquant.

Really? I mean, you could make the sex things kinda cute, but "no nagging for a week"? "Get out of the doghouse"? Asking for permission to buy beer? It comes off as them thinking the basis for a marriage is to act like an extremely stereotypical sitcom couple.

No, you're right, on closer examination, the whole thing is fucking gay. I like that baby sideburns are on there. Shit, even the beer thing I could swing if the idea is that he's supposed to be cutting back for health reasons. But the dog house one is what really fucking ruins it. How manufactured is your relationship that hubby can play a chore card to make you stop being mad at him (for probably a dumb fucking reason to begin with)?

Kill yourself then, cuck