What do y'all think about this play I started writing?

What do y'all think about this play I started writing?

>God, i'm exhausted
>God isn't even in the play

What?

fuck you got me. major plothole. lemme fix it.

only 60-year-olds like highway 61 revisited that much

Not true. If very few 20 year olds like it, doesn't it say a lot about the character? It says that he's someone who yearns for the past - for the 60s - a time of revolution and love. And that he is someone who is in love with words and poetry and surreality.

Your prose is horrible.
>going to things like that
>practically the only person there who I actually
etc.

it says he's a poseur dude sorry to break it to you, it's not even the best dylan album, it's not even close

It's a tie between bringing it all back home, Highway 61 revisited, blonde on blonde, and blood on the tracks. Any distinct hierarchies within that are based solely on personal taste.

Bumpppppp

in the future, only share things you feel are done

Good point.
Well I finished the first draft. It's not "done" I still have to come back to it after letting it breathe, but I finished it for the most part.

fuck that is the second pic. this is the first one. PLEASE READ THIS ONE FIRST.

ok all feedback is appreciated. really tell me what y'all think and what your impressions are

you write like a jew. cut out the meaningless, boring complaining and get to actual plot development and likable characters

It’s actually good OP. I write similarly to you. You seem to have written this on a whim, though, so it’s more like a moment. But you have real humor. The we are gonna fuck but not have sex part was actually a funny line. It’s really refreshing to see someone with talent on here. I’d love to see more of your stuff. I’d exchange email addresses with you if you felt comfortable!

>you write like a Jew

really valid criticism. i highly respect you based on it. Thanks. Now I can be a better writer because of it.

It's not a great effort OP, your descriptions are clunky, your pose is poor, the dialogue is as if it's written by a robot who thinks people speak like this. the highway 61 revisited thing is too obvious. read more plays.

What do you mean by too obvious?

thanks!
You can email me at [email protected]

what was the problem with the record player exactly

it's almost as if thats how real people speak

not really

/mu/tant goes to a party.

It actually seems to be OK for a character introduction scene, but I'd been interested to know where you are going to take the plot.