Read old love poetry I wrote whilst in college

>read old love poetry I wrote whilst in college
>expect to cringe
>nope, it's still fucken amazing

And she had the balls to say "thanks but no thanks".

I often reread my work, thinking I'll find flaws or at least thing's I'd do differently now. I never do. It's perfect, each line, each image.

...

I wrote a story for a girl I liked in college.

She's fat now.

...

Post it. Let us see it.

Eliza dear with rosy cheeks
And summer eyes with light like dawn
Your conversation thrills my soul
I know that I could never yawn
Nor let my male attention turn
To thoughts of what delights you hide
Beneath those clothes, between those thighs.
Oh darling girl! My dearest love
I fear tradition's stifling glove
Will come between, but I cry
With all my might
Give me Eliza, or let me die!

Pretty nice. But that ending line, sounds like youre demanding Eliza from another persons. Shouldn't it be you demanding something from Eliza herself?

you sent her a poem and got rejected
chad from tinder sent her an almost incoherent one-liner and got her number

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

That's because this isn't the 1500's and poetry is considered effeminate and for pussies nowadays.

Frankly, I think you're a pussy too fot writing something so homosexual and thinking it would work. You would have been better off hitting the gym and then flex'a cep

But this is awful you fucking idiot. And the fact that you haven't grown enough in the intervening years tells me you don't read poetry and have probably never understood it

pretty bad

pretty lame desu and poetry is probably my favorite artistic medium other than music

>deaddovedonoteat.gif

I'm hoping this isn't real...

She and her friends had a good laugh over this. I guarantee it.

>Beneath those clothes, between those thighs

user.. easy with the come-ons

Started strong, slipped on an oil slick and caught fire at the end there.

>I sent her this and it worked!!! works on PHAT/THICC latinas only:
>Infinite bubble! Fatty ass!
>Let's put your eighty-eights to task.
>Let's make my potent seed your smear.
>I'll tell you for the last time here:
>Become my rio grande whore
>Or I will never write you more.

quoth the raven "nevermore"

OP here, that's not my poem LOL!

I truly hope it isn't

>damage control
sure op, sure.

>sent my high school oneitis a love poem
>she shared it on her facebook and mocked me with her friends
>chads and roasties at school start calling me "lamespeare"

Okay guys here's something I wrote while I was in severe withdrawal. I don't usually do poetry but I'm open to any and all constructive criticism:

Did you ever close your eyes in a sea of green motion, and watch as the birds dipped by
Did you ever breathe deep in a strong wind's causeway, and feel how the oak trees fly
Did you ever stumble down from a freight train's path, deciding to not yet die
Did you ever limp back to that paradise on earth, collapse in the grass and cry

That's pretty harsh

>read a "poem" I wrote in first year of high school
>expect to cringe
>yup, it's still not a poem

I've reread a piece of fanficion that I wrote in high school and never shown anyone except the one person.
Expected it to be awful, yet, despite some clunckiness and obvious limitations of the style, it still holds quite well. This was surprising, reassuring me that my current literary efforts are not pointless.

should have owned it

She had balls?

what was the fanfiction about?
most fanfics I write are about Sonic the Hedhog, one of which got a lot of praise. Most Sonic fanfics are about Sonic's interactions with humans and the contemporary world, I, however, set most of my fics on a idyllic universe where there are no humans(there are human-like creatures though, but not exactly human{Eggman is an example of these}). The paradise is disturbed by a villain that allies with a friend of Sonic sometimes - once I put Donkey Kong in a Sonic story, it wasn't my best, but people said it was actually funny and inventive-,
In the last one I did, Sonic had to seek his parents in order to help find the cure for a disease that was consuming his body.

>junior year
>fall in love with senior redhead from chess club
>barely know her
>spend several days crafting a poem in iambic pentameter
>seal it in a velvet envelope
>school recess
>I'm trembling as I approach her
>hand her the envelope
>she chuckles: "what's this?"
>"i-it's a p-poem for you"
>she immediately tores the envelope in half
>pulls up her phone from her pocket
>"watch this"
>it's a video of her giving a blowjob to the team's linebacker
>"I like men and I like dick, not faggy boys who write poems"
>kicks me in the balls and leaves as I fall to the ground in pain

Now I'm a 21 year-old kissless virgin hikikomori addicted to cuckold porn and she's single mother to a mulatto kid. Life is great

American Pie (1998)

...

I just came in here for Badlands.

Holy shit is that le aberican man?

This definitely happened.

>being this literal
Did you know we're posting on a literature forum?

Kek

Roll

can somebody really be THIS new

>whilst
I already doubt your ability

>writing a poem to win a girl over
just feed her sushi and slap her ass, it isn't hard.

Winning a girls pussy and dominating her very soul are two different games

romantic love is a male abstraction. women are pragmatists relationship-wise

dunno why people are making fun of it so much. It is kinda corny, but the meter's lovely, and structured better than 70% of the pretentious shit I see in the critique threads. Iambic tetrameter is underrated, and sounds really nice

The meter is good but the rhyme structure makes no sense and also
>To thoughts of what delights you hide
>Beneath those clothes, between those thighs.
has a rape vibe to it

that being said it's probably better than what I could write

kek

kek!

>she had the balls
please elaborate.

>Find an old Moleskine while cleaning
>There's a poem in it I don't remember writing
>It's actually pretty fucking good

I hate this.

this had potential, but you blew it towards the end

the fuck

>Nor let my male attention turn
>To thoughts of what delights you hide
>Beneath those clothes, between those thighs.
eugh, what a creep

This might had make her gag
OP is surely a closet fag