Are you thinking about learning to cook? Oh really? Well maybe here's something to consider.
5,000 dead bodies. That's one big pile of corpses. That's the equivalent of three full high-schools. That's how many people the CDC estimates dies every year in the US from food poisoning.
But you're too smart for that right. You think a little hand soap is going to dodge listeria in your veggies. The e.coli in your burger. The salmonella in your eggs. And pork? Don't even ask. Sea food? Please.
Not enough death and horror for you? FIne. Add another 120 American bodies or so onto the pile every year and make sure they're crispy, because the the majority of house fires are in the kitchen, where incompetent cooks apparently go to die.
And just what are your credentials anyways, aside from thinking you know the difference between braising and searing or a cutlet knife from carving knife. Sure, wait until your date's fork is in the food before thinking to ask about deadly allergies. Are you aware of how many seeds & nuts actually contain cyanide before (and often after) they are treated for your bungling hands?
So now you realize you're essentially the Angel of Death because you naively thought you were up to messing about in a room full of fire, sharp blades and various pathogens and toxins like some chimp in a laboratory.
At least now you know. Time to go back to nuking hot pockets and waking up to cold cereal. Its a long way before its safe for the likes of you in the kitchen. One egg a few degrees off could kill you and the next 2 people to touch your body. Bon appetit, your Ramen awaits. For the rest of your life.
And here it is. This should be the new banner for Veeky Forums. Because this is what most users here are the moral equivalent of: death from chaos.
I will shoop the text on shortly.
Death, death, death. The cold, dark shadow visible just beyond the edge of fading dreams before we wake. The fog from below that rises, the icy skeletal hand that reaches towards us from behind. That discomfort that arises when you're alone with an old clock and realize its ticking only for you.
Death, death Death! Around you in so many forms, waiting to strike so fast that you die confused because you didn't even have time to understand enough to be shocked by surprise. Those sizzling beef tips, quietly hissing. That odd smell from the oven you dismissed, that peculiar speck you washed off the chicken. Those odd spots on a cut potato, that moment while chewing when something seemed really wrong and then was gone again.
All about us, closing in as the walls of eternity rise around us. The horizon, a pale dying winter sunset. Forgotten voices fading in a cold wind. We finally see the bare trees, the grey sky and realize death is not something you find, you've been looking at it all along, and soon, the living will be gawking cluelessly at you too. "Where did he go" they'll wonder, as the material of your body and life remain frozen in the scenery, screaming silently and unheard for eternity.
All because you thought the eggs were done. Foolish, fooling anons.
Cameron Perry
This is why I eat fast food. Statistically you are less likely to get food poisoning from fast food than from casual restaurants.
Robert Morris
I was just reading about that a week or so ago. I assume people expect more problems, so they are policed harder from the health department.
A fast food place would have disease vectors a bit different from an actual kitchen, I think, mostly from handling and exposure, since most of what goes on at a burger place is more simply re-heating than actual cooking. If it weren't for burgers, chicken and pizza, the places would essentially be walk-in microwaves.
Evan Reyes
Except most of thoose food poisoning cases were probably caused by "professionals" in restaurants user ... I dont remember any "food poisoning" threads on here where the vast majority wasnt from restaurant food.
Ethan Martinez
There's just less to fuck up in general. Fast food is handled less, more assembly line, most of it ends up getting in the deep fryer, and everything is standardized. It isn't like the nogs running a KFC have to know when the chicken is done. The machines literally do the work for you.
David King
And yet quality of food varies from location to location. I guess its a matter of whether or not instructions are followed.
I was unclear earlier, I meant that the food is handled less, so that breaches occur otherwise. I imagine food makes very little contact with people or objects. You are probably more likely to get sick from customers in the dining area.
Although, I do look askew every time I see flies around the ketchup dispensers. But then I remember how buggy ketchup is already and shrug.
Bentley Young
But I like runny yolks. And fresh eggnog
Kevin Moore
>Is OP thinking about shitting up Veeky Forums? Oh really? Well maybe here's something to consider.
Tyler Turner
that does nothing for cross contamination.
Ethan Bennett
waste a money. I got my eyeballs, a knife and my finger. I can poke, prod, rub, squeeze and feel a piece of meat while looking in its holes, sniffing them and lick its juices just fine. Tells me everything I need to know.
Cooper Price
And someday.... IT WILL LIKE YOU
Blake Roberts
...
Brandon Edwards
Good point OP. I'll just stop eating. No way that could possibly harm me, right?
Carson Parker
There's only ONE WAY OUT-
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.
Ryder Phillips
I eat eggs raw on rice. >tfw I am a immortal god who has defeated death Get thee hence, reaper. You will not have my soul today
