Hello Veeky Forums, I have a big writing problem and don't know where else to discuss this...

Hello Veeky Forums, I have a big writing problem and don't know where else to discuss this. Nobody I've spoken to in real life understands it. My hope is that someone on this board will have had the same problem and can help me overcome it.

For the past two years, I have been unable to continue writing the stories I used to produce on a monthly basis. This is not due to writers block, but what I can only conclude is a mental problem. For some reason I only wish I could understand, I have become obsessed with the length of each paragraph and the amount of white space on the page. Unless I have produced a tower of text with no gaps except for the lines between paragraphs, I will be unhappy with what I've wrote and delete it. It doesn't matter how good or bad the writing actually was.

To give an example, if a block of text ends with one word all alone on its own line, that will make it impossible for me to accept the text for what it is. I will have to needlessly edit the text, usually making it worse, just to delete enough words until the paragraph is a neat and square box again.

Worse still, even if I somehow make all the paragraphs into square or rectangular shapes, I then get uncomfortable about the length of each one. If they are all of different sizes, I must delete what I've wrote, even if it took all day. If they are all about the same size, it strikes me as unnatural, and I must delete that too.

All I do is (try to) write. I think about what I will write before going to bed, after waking up, all the way through work, and fill almost all of my free time doing so. But for the past two years I haven't been able to produce anything, not even a single chapter, because of this problem that makes me delete everything. It's torturous to me, so if anyone here has ever had even just a similar problem, I desperately need advice.

Obsessive compulsive disorder. Why not write in Notepad without line wrapping or use justified paragraphs (may actually make it worse though)?

>if only formatting was flexible

Somehow I never considered OCD, I am definitely going to look into it now. I hope it's something that can be helped, thanks for mentioning it.

OCD may also go on to explain why I frequently switch between justified and left-sided formatting. When all the words perfectly fit end to end it relieves me for a while but then becomes unnatural looking. On the flip side, the jagged ends of the regular style then relieves me for a while, before looking too messy. In either case, the problem of lone words on a lone line unfortunately isn't solved by either setting.

The notepad idea may go somewhere, I will give it a try, thank you user.

you have OCD. Look into cognitive behavioral therapy

>if a block of text ends with one word all alone on its own line, that will make it impossible for me to accept the text for what it is
Okay, I know this feel. My autism is a lot less pronounced and I don't need entire paragraphs, if anything, they look shitty and too block-y, but I do like to fill at least half the line ... so usually finding a different word or two in the previous line or deleting some does the trick, or even playing with punctuation.

>If they are all about the same size, it strikes me as unnatural, and I must delete that too.
I find it looks a lot better like that, I fucking hate 2 line paragraphs when my usual ones got 5-8. It's not going to look the same over couple pages either way.

Try using a simple text editor, where the formatting is always a mess. In the end you realise that whatever you got on a word page is mostly irrelevant for the end product either way, right? Also try to treat it all more as notes, so you don't get stuck on such silly endeavours.
For extra deep levels of autism, there is the "justified" setting.

It definitely sounds like OCD. Do you have an nervous ticks (popping jaw, cracking your neck, etc) or any other "eccentricities" such as the one you described above?

I exhibited mild-moderated OCD symptoms since I was a young boy. Touching things a certain number of times, hand washing, etc. One of the weird ones that I grew out of (it took a while) was counting 1-2-3 and imagining I was building a triangle with the numbers. Then I would count another two 1-2-3 triangles and mentally place them in their own triangle. I would do this counting/triangle pattern thing a lot; it's hard to describe. I guess I still do it now that I think about it.

Anyway, I wouldn't get too worried about it but read about cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, become mindful of your behavior etc. If you think it is OCD then you've identified what this odd compulsion is, and you can therefore force yourself through it. If that doesn't help, seek therapy.

Reading up now, thank you.

It feels good to relate, those are the same solutions I try to work with.

What you say about the end product winding up looking different anyway is pure logic, and I tell myself it all the time. Sometimes it helps relax me and I can write for a while by constantly reminding myself of it.

I will try writing in notepad with no line wrapping like an user above suggested, must be the simplest form of text editor available.

I don't know if it counts, but I have a length of string (thick and flat, pulled from the neck of a hoody), which I will roll up or make different types of knots with endlessly while I am in my bedroom. I also have a plastic spinning top which I enjoy spinning in my palm. Sometimes I shiver from my feet to my head in a strong, uncontrollable way too, like a bird ruffling it's feathers I've always imagined.

I think it's quite fascinating what you do with numbers in your mind, I am trying to do it myself now.

Hey, it's Veeky Forums, no matter how weird your problem or quirk is, it's almost given some user experienced something similar.

>Sometimes it helps relax me and I can write for a while by constantly reminding myself of it.
Personally it only helps me with the smaller stuff but still can't leave 1 word in 1 line, no matter how illogical it is to get bothered by a version that's bound to change later.

Best of luck finding a way to restore your productivity, mate.

I have read up on cognitive behavioral therapy now. It seems like the physiological equivalent of suck it up and get over it. But I don't mean to downplay it by saying that, I actually think it looks like a great cure. The problem is entirely in me and not at all in what I'm writing. Thank you anons who suggested it. From here on I will not only attempt to ignore all the little moments that bother me so much, but try to recognize that I am doing so every time, until I am desensitized. I think that's the general idea.

To you too user, I hope you can one day ignore the single word cling-ons.

I am someone optimistic about that, since I am nearing the final draft, when there is no room to fuck around and bloat up sentences. Now being able to end chapters with just 1-3 lines on one page ... that's going to be quite a hurdle. Let's see how far repeating the "not the final version" will go for that.

>I think it's quite fascinating what you do with numbers in your mind, I am trying to do it myself now.
Don't try to encourage additional OCD behavior dude!

I've only told one friend about my triangles before, and they looked at me like I was nuts. I did a little picture to show you how it progressed. I would keep the triangles fixed mentally, and almost watch them grow exponentially as I counted. I would usually do it if I was walking, bored, probably stressed. Similar to your writing blocks, I felt relief while doing it successfully, but I always - ALWAYS - had to finish the triangle before stopping. I could never think, "1 - 2" and stop without #3.

It is nice to talk to another writer with illogical layout problems. Do you have any other related problems at all? I'd be glad to help out with them if I can.

For me, I was imagining solid shapes of 1, 2 and 3 tipped together like a playing card pyramid. What you visualize in your head I think must take a lot of memory. Do you ever forget how many triangles you were working with? Are you conscious of every last one at large amounts? I'm sorry that it's a symptom of OCD, but it is impressive to me. If you ever play a video game with a labyrinth in it, you should see if you can memorize and map out the route you take in your head.

The funny thing is, I think my spatial intelligence is very low in many respects. I can go back to a particular tree/log/small landmark with remarkable precision, which is handy because I am a biologist who often does field work. Yet I often get lost when driving and basically have no sense of direction when it comes to navigating roads. I can navigate in a forest with a compass and have an idea of where I am and where I was, but when constrained in a grid with limited mobility (e.g.: urban setting), I'm a loss.

I'm sure I used to forget where I was with the triangle thing, which meant starting over. It's not like I would get to the point of hundreds of triangles, but it would get complex.

As I've gotten older, I've found that I do have some unique strengths and also weaknesses in my thought processes (e.g.: my sense of direction). It is definitely useful when it comes to research though; I am a lateral thinker and a pretty creative person. I am definitely what you would call an eccentric, which has resulted in attracting undesirable attention from others since a young age.

Shit, I had a similar problem growing up. From the ages of 12-20 I used to count syllables in my head while walking.

At first I'd carefully step on my left heel, then touch my left toes on the ground and do the same with the right foot. Every time the heel or toes touched, I'd have to "say" a word in my head and form sentences with at most 20 syllables (meaning ten full steps). Additionally, it was very important that the words would end on my right foot, because I'd keep score of how many words "landed" on it, and the total number of syllables on the right foot should be >10 and an even number. Just typing it out is fucking liberating because I've never been able to talk about this to anyone in my life.

there is unresolved chaos elsewhere in your life that you may or may not be aware of. It could be sexual or work related etc. To cope with this you overcompensate by going overboard with order on something you have control over. I suggest going to a psychologist; there you can map out your life and identify where the chaos and unresolved loss of control originates. good luck user

As the triangle guy, I totally understand what you were doing and the relief/satisfaction you felt.

Not all OCD is crippling or bad, sometimes it is just a mental quirk or a way to cope with boredom/anxiety/whatever. It's a soothing behavior.

I used to walk around doing those triangles in my head all the time. Additionally, I had an epic adventure fantasy that I would revisit all the time, probably from the age of 8 until 25 (and even sometimes now at age 29). I've often thought about writing it out, because I've thought about it for basically two decades...

Maybe a recently discovered desire for alliterations or rhyming without a real reason which makes me pick a less fitting word, although it's more of a distraction at first draft than a problem that really annoys me like the layout thing. Later on my internal reminder to focus usually gets me to step the fuck up.

On a much bigger scale, maybe it's the obsession to go with book starts/ends and somewhat mirroring the first two and last two chapters at least on an abstract level, even though it's counterproductive for the story. And of course smaller stuff like consistent length of chapter names (as in 2 words), where it gets hard to discern whether I am doing it for the story or due some irrational need and justifying it with the story.

>I had an epic adventure fantasy that I would revisit all the time
That was one reasons I began writing, finally getting the old scenes on paper freed space for new adventures. Though it automatically developed from epic fantasy when I was 12-15 into an edgy realistic setting with 16-25 with most of the same side characters.