Tfw another Saturday spent wandering aimlessly around the city alone

any cool innawoods/chainsaw massacre stories for /x/?

No conspiracy shit, but I've had strange experiences with what I believe to be some form of isolation induced hallucinations or fancies such as strange, threatening sounds and shapes or the presence of some half-corporeal form. The closest I have got to actual human contact was stumbling upon a day-old, primitive hut-camp which was fairly interesting

it does sound interesting, elaborate, user!

sup, maynard?

that new APC song sucks, but I still love you and that book was great.

I do that, except in Hannover.

based /r9k/ poster

Veeky Forums needs you to purify us from our reddit infection and your sadness while comical to us oldfags is like fire to them. it burns them out!

Du plus loin de l'oubli by Modiano

At least you have a city to wander around in. Not a boring ass red brick medium sized town with nothing going for it except easy access to marijuana and assorted stimulants.

Life in tedium.

OP here.

I just got back to my slum-tier flat, where I'm now eating a large bag of chips alone.

I took a bus north of the river up to Hampstead Heath. I didn't walk across it because people would probably think I'm a rapist or something, so I just walked quickly aimlessly and ended up in South Hampstead, then walked to St Johns underground station. I then rode the underground and ended up in South Kensington, then walked aimlessly again until I ended up in Sloane Square. Then I rode the underground aimlessly again until I became too sad and took the quickest route home.

Another day down. I have decided to kill myself, and the past weeks, and today, was spent narrowing down when where I'll do it. The only thing tying me to life now is a job which pays me relatively little and which is embarrassing for someone of my age to be working. It's dead end but still I cling to it like an idiot.

Happy Halloween Veeky Forums

Same but in Budapest. Feels European as fuck. (The British wouldn't know)

Do they have any second hand bookshops to while away your hours?
Or libraries to read in?
Cafeterias?
Shopping centres?
Parks?

What's the job?

tfw aimlessly walking around bank and st pauls. See young rich bankers enjoying drinks.

OP here.

I don't even read any more, it's too disheartening and my brain just tells me it's a waste of time. The only books I have read recently are biographies of strange people and books written by non-professional writers who killed themselves shortly after completing them. What's the point spending two weeks reading a 600 page novel written by somebody with a wife and kids whose central theme is that life is beautiful despite occasional tragedies or whatever? I am just wasting time until I die, my instincts tell me that clearly. All previous ambitions, sources of optimism, hopes and private certainties regarding the future are dead. I barely say more than 25 words on weekdays and on the weekends I have nobody to speak to so I don't speak at all except online to strangers like (you). I passed a few parks today but they were either empty since it's pretty cold or had one or two couples sitting on benches with the guy's arm around his girlfriend's shoulders. What's worse is that if I had nobody I thought about (i.e. an "oneitis") it wouldn't be so bad since I wouldn't feel like I was missing out in a specific way, but I know for sure that in the same city the girl I absolutely fell for over two years ago, who was the first person in a long time to look at me as if I was someone they would like to get to know, or at least smiled in a way that made me feel something I hadn't felt in over a decade if ever, is now dating someone from her own background and probably doesn't even remember my name. Beta, autistic, weird, creepy, obsessional, stupid, childish etc. Yes sure I admit to every charge. It doesn't change the fact I see suicide as the only thing to live for now.

I love all frogposters.

I'm not going to dox myself, but it's some Gogol-tier job with a title which makes it seem somewhat respectable. I'm just the quiet weird guy whose function nobody is quite sure of. An intern actually asked me "so what do you actually do?" for example. I just blushed and mumbled something while smiling like a fucking beta.

Ulysses and Dubliners

OP here. I've been wandering alone most weekends for about two years now, and most of the time I used to end up near Bank. I couldn't even explain it, I'd always end up there and the streets would be abandoned for whatever reason. Now I catch random busses or tubes and stay on until near the end and then just walk around. Last weekend I walked in a huge circle around Highgate school and I barely passed a single person in the suburban area there.

OP here. My intention is to starve myself in a rural area, but it's hard to do in the UK unless I go to Scotland because somebody is likely to find me and I intend to just walk in a straight line until I die rather than lying down and waiting.

Sadness and loneliness are the most Veeky Forumserary feels. Normies are out of place here.

At least you guys live in cities, where shit is happening.

Try living in bumfuck nowhere with farmland and forests every-fucking-where.

I'm fucking sick of nature, I want to live in a big, bustling city. That is my dream.

It doesn't matter if you live in a city if you don't know anybody. I barely leave my flat and when I do I'm surrounded by strangers who are all on their way somewhere. The fact "shit is happening" doesn't mean that "shit" is happening to you. You can walk past dozens of bars, pubs, clubs, house parties, theatres and whatever else and you still aren't involved, and nobody wants to hang around with a guy who goes to these places alone, and who has no friends or anything else. It's all the same. All the city does is provide you with an instinctive semi-conviction that you are "where it's at" when really you're just one of countless parasites trying to feed on the scraps left over by the larger, powerful fish.

kek

>tfw another Shabbat spent at feeling the emptiness of God's creation

No Pessoa? He's the grandmaster of aimless city-wandering lit.

I feel the same way. The difference is that I have """""friends""""" who """"care"""" for me. Loneliness sucks ass for real. I've been lonely and sad as far as I can remember but it's been even worse since my last breakup. I thought everything's going to work out and I'd never be alone again.

Well, back to self-destructive behavior and alienation under the guise of a healthy social life and borderline alcoholism it is.

What's the wandering for? Lots of people here seem to like it. I'm not accustomed to do so, but today in my city it is at once incredibly beautiful and also the most fall fall day we've had all fall, and I on the way back to my place I was considering just walking on. Today I sadly cannot.

But the question stands, for those for whom this is regular: why do you do it? What does a good roaming experience entail?

Book of Disquiet

Hunger

Hunger is the quintessential aimlessly-walking-around-the-city-book. You might like Journey to the End of the Night too

>OP here
>It doesn't change the fact I see suicide as the only thing to live for now.

YES, FUCKING FINALLY

>it's been even worse since my last breakup

Stopped reading there. Fuck off.

I just have an urge to go somewhere, anywhere. It usually comes when I'm sad. It's not to cope, because I feel like shit when I wander, or I sit down at the bank of my city's river after a short walk with 6 beers and listen to sad music.

I can't quite explain that urge. I'm restless, helpless, angry and sad and irritated and I feel like I should do something but I cannot, and then I just end up walking around aimlessly.

You have to get rid of your ambitions, at least for now. Books don't matter, neither does beauty. Quiet and happiness do, especially for you, right now. There are avenues to a good life, people that are much dumber and much less honest with themselve

>Le neetfeels meme
>gatekeeping sadness and loneliness

Un homme qui dort is probably much more appropriate

I do it because my slum-tier flat tends to be noisy, since there are 4 people (3 of them rude gooks) living within arms reach of one another, and all they do is slam doors and gobble-gobble in the hallway. So I leave the house around 1pm dressed in a nice shirt and clean trousers, all excited as if TODAY will be the day my life changes for the better (or something), and then catch a random bus until the last stop or until I feel the urge to get off then just exhaust my meagre daily store of enthusiasm until I'm lost in some random empty expensive suburb three hours later, at which point I just want to be back in my flat. Right now there is someone hammering something or just trashing shit in one of the flats adjacent to me and its echoing in my own flat. Plus the gooks in my own flat seem to finally be awake so it'll be another 8 hours of them laughing and talking away and slamming the bathroom door next to my room all night. So walking allows me the delusion that the day has potential to improve my wellbeing or general happiness, when what really happens is I see tons of happy couples around, start to think about the girl who showed interest in me in 2015 who I was too retarded, low-confidence and generally broken to even acknowledge, and then return to the technicalities of how I'm going to commit suicide in the near future.

I kind of get that, too, actually. I even have lots of stuff I should be doing. But it's all done in isolation.

OP, if I had more time, the thing I would do is to just go somewhere expecting failure - deciding to go make a friend at a bar or event or even a bookstore. I figure that's something to do, and if it pans out it pans out. I've never actually tried this, but sometimes I feel like with all the world out there, and nobody who knows me and knows when I mess up, what really should stop me from living out in the world? Am I going to find that that doesn't help? What's your experience?

I'm not the usual Londonanon who posts these threads.

I have got rid of my ambitions. The first things to go in life when you're under pressure or working long hours is "ambitions" since they're just a luxury really. I haven't felt a consistent, justifiable sense of happiness in years. I don't think I'm built for that sort of thing, as it doesn't suit my instinctively melancholy and cynical perspective. What's eating me is that my youth is over and the cute, innocent romance I have always cherished the prospect of has never come about, and I'm just not well-equipped to keep living overall. I am just burnt out, flagging, hanging on only thanks to my high threshold for tolerating tedium and discontentment.

>I'm going to commit suicide in the near future

>I'm not the usual Londonanon who posts these threads.
I don't give a shit. You pathetic victim mentality feel faggots, who think Veeky Forums is for the discussion of your sad lot in life and general self-pity, ought to fuck off.

Why don't you post this shit on the relevant boards? Post it on /r9k/ and I'm everyone will empathize and blame everyone else for your sad sack piece of shit lives

>adversary makes a grammatical / spelling mistake

Opinion discarded.

I went to the MCM expo with my sister and we spent the day drinking whisky and making bitchy comments about weeaboos. It was fun.
I saw Barf, The Prisoner, Kevin & Perry, some guy who used to do all the drawings for The Beano, two Snuffkins, Dirk Gently and a Hunter S Thompson who posed with the whisky but wouldn't drink any.
You kind of have to make things for yourself to do, don't just be completely aimless.

Sounds like a shitty experience designed to make money from retards.

Sure I guess if you don't enjoy seeing hordes of young women in strange and skimpy attire.

I'm redpilled. I prefer women like pic related over disgusting roastwhores

feelsculture and anti-normie posting is an integral part of Veeky Forums.

Good luck with that. Sounds exciting.

Last Thursday I had to spend 12 hours alone in a city that was not mine. I understand you OP.

That day I bought 4 3 2 1 by Paul Auster. Didn't give me feels but it seems decent from the first pages.

Make it literature related, or fuck off to /r9k/, you massive loser

Same.

Well shit. If you're that much of a loser you might as well become a communist and burn nice things to the ground. You're obviously an above-average underachiever. A lazy genius, as they would *tip*.

>Ask the dust - John Fante
>After Dark - Haruki Murakami
>Indignation - Philip Roth

Also, you may like some bits of Jerzy Kosinski's "Steps" that go in that direction.

"Hunger" is by far the best choice. If you like it, you may also check out "the wanderer trilogy" by the same author.

chill out dude

Isn't Notes from Underground literally this? Not like I've read it

The Catcher in the Rye - J. D. Salinger
>62 replies

>biographies of strange people
examples?

>wandering around the city alone
I had a friend who used to do this, it makes no sense to me; its cold outside and there are lots of apes wandering around jabbering to each other loudly. Why?

Wish i could do this

Do you just go outside for a walk?

How do you deal with people driving by you and looking at you?

How do you wander the streets with nowhere to go and you see other people with each other?

this sounds wild, I dont think I could fight the fear off being out there alone with the mind's tricks.

youtube.com/watch?v=4fWyzwo1xg0

Why don’t you go back to >>

bump

Is there a modern day flaneur movement or anything like that in literature nowadays?

Maybe is just my town but I often stumble upon many lone walkers, of every sex, race and age

My friend, do I have a treat for you...

Perec's Un Homme Qui Dort. You should check the movie too (it's basically just a voice reading the book over a film), it's great!

Kill yourself you fucking faggot.

>hi, i'd like to not get involved, shit on your interests and focus on mememememememe, and still have you invite me to all your parties with no effort and even disgruntlement allowed from me
i see why you have too many friends

>How do you deal with people driving by you and looking at you?
>How do you wander the streets with nowhere to go and you see other people with each other?
Is this a troll post or are people here really that broken?

Nice satan trips

hi friend i know where you're coming from i used to have same insecurities and still do sometimes. i didn't leave the house for over a year once, i was too scared to get the mail or stand neat windows even. you just gotta fucking do it. there's really no other way. what's necessary to me though is listening to music loud enough to drown out any possible noise, preferably upbeat music or like... metal. it might help with night walks not to go out until after 12.. less cars usually at least where i live. if you put on athletic clothing people will just assume you're exercising too which isn't suspicious at all. and yeah people will look at you but this isn't bad. you look at people walking when you're in the car don't you? people will look but they honestly don't give a fuck. idk if you're a guy but if you are, you don't even have to worry about catcalls. i run a few miles in the morning and take a walk after dinner every day, and i'm honked at or whistled at or shouted at almost every day. even in suburban white area. good luck i believe in you. you can do this.

I'm actually quite broken and have been for a long time

I'm autistic and stick to patterns and schedules in my life. I can never shop after 2pm and have never done so

I can never go anywhere alone

I can never go to a park and just walk around by myself. How do I help myself and move on with my life? Once again highly autistic in the tech field and I live my life on patterns and schedules, With no schedule I fall into depression and my routine fails

Basically how the fuck do I go outside more often and just go for a walk to clear my mind

>plz dont laugh

yeah, pretty hard to imagine, but there are a bunch of people like this. Even at my lowest I was still able to go out on the street, but I can see where they're coming from. It's just unchecked, terribly unhealthy thought patterns. What if someone sees me doing X and thinks it's weird? etc. You have to take control of your mind and stop building up a negative self image.

>you look at people walking when you're in the car don't you?

Yea, I look at people while I'm driving but I try not to and mind my own business, the sad part is if they look at me it terrifies me. i'm just worried they look at me and judge me for driving in my car

Unironically "The young hitler I knew"

wear headphones and stop giving a fuck about what random people think. Have a destination in mind if you have to. I used to walk between my apt and the convenience store in an adjacent neighborhood. This was in inner city Baltimore so it was pretty urban.

>nobody wants to hang around with a guy who goes to these places alone, and who has no friends or anything else.
This actually isn't true. You just have to be able to approach people and befriend them.

Stop this kind of thinking right now man. Just fucking stop it. It's stupid and it's bad for you. It's like an obese person going to mccdonalds and stuffing themselves with multiple big macs. You just need to stop.

Nobody gives a fuck about a random person on the street. People are too busy living their own lives to think badly about some person they don't even know. If you live in any major city there are thousands of people more fucked up than you. I used to walk by crackheads and raving schizos everyday downtown, and I didn't even notice after a while.

Every one has their own self narrative that they build up. Depressed and agoraphobic people like you get off by self identifying as losers. Any thought that doesn't confirm that identity is thrown out and replaced by thoughts that do. You need to choose a new narrative and start trying to live according to it.

I just sit at home and right code for my company. I'm alone guys, I just sit at home all day

I meant write code all day, I'm a bit nervous

>right code

confirmed programmer

>Try living in bumfuck nowhere with farmland and forests every-fucking-where.
The grass is always greener on the other side

Not that poster, I go to school near farmland where you can literally walk for miles without seeing anyone and yell and shout as loud as you'd like and talk to yourself without anyone to hear and it's a great feeling, and so I can imagine that if living in the suburbs could make someone worry about people driving by who haven't walked for fun in their lives. Most regular suburban people don't like people who walk for sport. If you live in a city or near farmland though this is a dumb thing to worry about, which is so many great authors lived in either and almost none came from the suburbs.

yeah haha it's scary! it's one of those things that is very much less scary once you do it. you have a routine right now of Not Going Outside Alone, and you can change this. and yeah other user gave good advice, have a destination in mind! work up to walking longer and longer distances. take control of your life user!!!!!!

also i'm jealous of you. fucking hate suburbia, i miss living in the middle of nowhere

Psychology and therapy stuff helped a bit, but what completely cured any social anxiety or negative thought patterns I had was ascetic spiritual exercise

Of course if you are a modern materialist this wont help you

I can certainly relate to the loneliness OP. I once went a year with almost no contact w/ the outside world, with no ambitions, no purpose, no job, no education, absolutely nothing. I woke up in the evening, and stared at my ceiling until I fell back asleep.

One night a strange impulse took me, and I walked to the woods several miles away. I can still feel the freezing cold that bit me under my coat, and when I close my eyes I can still see the stars and the thin trees that lines the road. I don't recall thinking anything at all, strangely, which was a stark contrast to the feverish hopes and dreams that occupied my mind for the past year. I'm sure there was a subconscious knowledge inside me, though, that I was going to the woods to die.

There is a temptation to say that some things are indescribable. It is from Wittgenstein that I borrow the concept of 'signs', that language itself is just a vague approximation of lived experience, and so everything is in some part indescribable, utterly unique. To use language to describe that night in the woods would either be an insult to the moment, or so perfectly describe it that the word would be forever robbed from my vocabulary, being restrained to only a single meaning. Not wanting to be vague, or to limit my word choice, i will not try, only to say that it involved a hunched over old man watching me, and some sort of beast lurking in the forest.

In those days and nights I spent staring at the ceiling I almost certainly thought it was over for me. If I could tell myself what I would accomplish, it would seem unbelievable. I have spoken to a dying woman and heard her last words, I have delivered babies in the rain, been afraid and ambitious and in love and enraged and made friends and enemies and now I have a future. All of this came from nothing.

One man is much the same as the other, and if I can do what I have done, so can you.

Have you ever seen Night Train to Lisbon?

Being surrounded by people and being completely alone is a worse feeling, my dude.

To some extent, but I can't tell you how much of a comfort it is to talk to bums and homeless people begging for your change when you're depressed and lonely. I was in a really horrible mental state last winter, and I remember giving a dollar to a man near Penn station Baltimore, where I lived at the time. He told me that god was watching out for me because I was a good person. Really saved my life

I'm working up the courage to call a psychologist soon. I know I have problems and I want to be better. I've already started working on my diet and exercise, but my lack of motivation in classes and my hobbies and my constant suicidal thoughts makes me feel like a trashcan. I can't take trying to pretend anymore so I finally told my parents about my depression that's been going on since middle school. Logically I feel like these are good steps but I'm not emotionally stable at all anymore the walls are breaking down. Hopefully I can find a good psychologist and good medicine soon.

Finally admitting that I can know what a problem is and admit I don't know how to fix it has been helpful recently after years of trying to fix myself by myself.