ITT: Sp00ky Bible Moments

>muh blood god Christ who wants to mock drown infants and who has an all male clergy which rapes kids
>muh blood god who wants to judge the whole world
>muh blood god whose Daddy is the exact same person as YHWH no matter how Jewish and gross you think YHWH is
>muh blood god who you're going to be tied to forever instead of passing into the bliss of parinirvana like an Aryan would
>muh blood god
fag

literally none of those are bad things

Because the bible is cool as fuck

Because the Bible actually describes God's interactions with the world, in both his own person and through the efforts of his numerous servants. And God can be very strange.

Meanwhile I don't know what's up with the Koran. It's pretty mundane in comparison. My working theory is that some demon led Mohammed astray.

Dudes, this, along with the birth story (virgin, wise men, and all), is a stock story told about great people in Greek literature of the time. Historians of the time would use these stories to make the greatness of leaders or old heroes 'official'. At the time Matthew and Luke were written the average Greek-literate person would have known of at least three other people with this 'outsmarting-old-people-in-a-public-forum-as-a-child' stock story. I think Josephus even said that this happened to himself in his youth (because he is a fucking cunt who should have died before he could put ink on paper). It was a way of putting someone on the level of past heroes, identification and such. Masters in theology, take it or leave it, but I'm just sayin

or the koran was made up on the spot by an illiterate merchant and the bible was revised by thousands of learned people

When Satan possesses a hoard of pigs and they run and jump off a cliff and die, just to prove to Jesus that he can easily lead people to their doom

>the part where Jesus starts to talk about the Eucharist and it freaks people out
>then he doesn't compromise, and essentially tells them to believe or GTFO
>then nearly all the disciples desert him until only the Twelve are left

I don't understand the people who try to make Christianity out to be some easy thing. Christianity is fucking hard. Jesus asks a lot of those who follow him, and he doesn't compromise.

When, in the eleusinian mysteries, the initiates would bring their entry fee, a pig, and then identify themselves as the pigs as they run and jump into the sea for the initial rites

>that part where Jesus exorcises Legion
>that part where he pulls demons out of Mary Magdalene
>that part in the OT where Witch of Endor summons the spirit of Samuel

When adam came to know shame and hid from God and then god asks Adam why is he hiding from him and Adam said cause he was naked then God replied " Who told you that you were naked?"

that sentence gave me the goosebumps.

Chapter 38 of Job when God comes out of the whirlwind and asks him all those questions
>hast thou seen the doors of the shadow of death?

hmmm do the people on Veeky Forums literally believe in religion? wtf

What's with all the tribal lineage stuff in Genesis? Does it serve a theological function, or is it just a bunch of Jews trying to secure their social standing? Not trying to be a fedora or anything, I'm genuinely puzzled by that.

>that part where Isaiah has been preaching as a prophet for a couple of years
>one day he has a vision
>he realizes his prophecy has been impure
>he's in the temple of God
>smoke starts to fill the temple and the whole place starts to shake
>Isaiah literally breaks down and says, "“Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”
>an angel takes a burning coal and places it in his mouth
>God tells him to go tell Israel they're 200% boned

It's pretty intense desu

The Quran is definitely like that. Just do a comparative reading and note the intertextual references.

To be honest New testament isn't truly part of Bible. I read that there were literally fifty or so gospels but Council of Rome included into biblical canon only 4 of them for different reasons.

>adams face when

From what I've heard the Qurans esoteric and spookiness has been lost because it became the basis for Arabic but when it was written it was seven kinds of fucking weird with its grammar and word choices.

Why does Christianity inspire such wierdness?

youtube.com/watch?v=-_l-D7Ly9b4

It's stories invoke a chord in people's very souls.

Islam as a whole has been totally denatured by Hadiths and the evolution of the Arabic language.

I totally understand those who are tempted to describe Muhammad as a sociopath when I read the Hadiths.

There are several genealogies which serve different purposes. Genesis chapter 10 is about the origins of the worlds' nations, expressed as a mythical family tree. Genesis 11:10-26 is the work of a redactor which links Abraham to the Table of Nations. Notice the parallel between 10:22-25 and 11:10-16, after which the redactor adds additional generations to reach Terah, Abraham's father. It has the purpose of bridging two independent stories and having Abraham as a descendent of Shem, mythical ancestor of semitic peoples.

After that you have several nations splitting off from Terah's descendents, it was an explanation of how these nations were related but different and didn't have YHWH's favour. For example, Ishmael is the mythical ancestor of the Ishmaelites, who were nomadic arab tribes, and Genesis has him cast out from Abraham's family to be a wanderer.

Genesis 36 has several different lists of Esau's descendents, which were myths about the origin of the various Edomite clans, similarly to how the 12 sons of Jacob are the mythical founders of the 12 Israelite tribes. Esau (Edom) was seen as a brother nation to Israel/Judah, although one that had lost the inheritance of Issac, so traditions about them were preserved and later edited together and included in Genesis.

There's an intensity to Christianity that I don't think any of the other religions ever match (Hinduism and Judaism get close, but even they lack it). It's just so frenetic, yet it still manages this barely perceptible coherence. Every aspect of it is related to a thousand others, so every time you think you understand a part of it, it escapes you.

youtube.com/watch?v=7ewPFkn363E

>every time you think you understand a part of it, it escapes you.
As some that's in a Baptist family, I feel this way about Buddhism

"And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?" Luke 2:49 KJV

Definitely, there's something about the great religions that keeps you permanently on your toes.

>Christ (..) who has an all male clergy which rapes kids
"And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." Take a wild guess who I'm quoting.
In other words, they should be glad to receive capital punishment, compared to facing the seriousness with which God takes such an offense. See, the implication that people raping children are "his" is worse than absurd, it's retarded and shows you don't think, only react, as does the next point - you presumably feel strongly about children being raped(not nearly as strongly as their Creator, I might add), as most would, yet you do not want the wicked people performing the act to be judged accordingly, by the only being capable of truly Just judgement. Perhaps because you yourself wish to be exempt from the judgement you would otherwise impose on others. Common problem.
That was hardly worth a response; the rest of your post certainly isn't. Can't waste too much time responding to something so full of mockery and entirely devoid of thought. I do hope you'll find yourself willing, one day, to open your mind even to the vague possibility that your conceptions of the world might be deeply misguided, and, notably, not guided much by yourself at all. Though, as I-forget-who said, one cannot be reasoned out of a position they weren't reasoned into in the first place. May truth yet surprise you on your path, wherever it leads.

So those priests will be judged by moral works, not faith?

What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?
If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?
Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.
(..)
Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

Those were gnostic cancer, ignore them.

I really like this illustration; at first glance the portrayal may seem randumb, but I think it conveys the mystical, incomprehensible aspect rather well

What the hell is that image lol? Looks dope

I know, right?

I've never read the Bible and am not too familiar with the deeper parts of Christianity in general but I remember reading descriptions of the appearance of angels and it spooked the shit out of me.

>bystanders unimpressed

Those be his disciples. They've seen some shit.

You might be taking about the prophet Ezekiel. Poor dude was trying to convey in words what he saw in incomprehensible extra-dimensional visions. The result is some of the best surrealist work ever done. Really underappreciated.

A sample:
>As for the likeness of the living creatures, their appearance was like burning coals of fire, and like the appearance of lamps: it went up and down among the living creatures; and the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning.
>And the living creatures ran and returned as the appearance of a flash of lightning.
>Now as I beheld the living creatures, behold one wheel upon the earth by the living creatures, with his four faces.
>The appearance of the wheels and their work was like unto the colour of a beryl: and they four had one likeness: and their appearance and their work was as it were a wheel in the middle of a wheel.
>When they went, they went upon their four sides: and they turned not when they went.
>As for their rings, they were so high that they were dreadful; and their rings were full of eyes round about them four.
>And when the living creatures went, the wheels went by them: and when the living creatures were lifted up from the earth, the wheels were lifted up.
>Whithersoever the spirit was to go, they went, thither was their spirit to go; and the wheels were lifted up over against them: for the spirit of the living creature was in the wheels.

>I've never read the Bible
You should. It's an incredible little library of surprisingly diverse material.

reminds me of the opening animation in monty python Life of Brian

>Christians brag about the Bible being revised so much, not even realising the errancy problems it causes

>everything I don't like is gnostic cancer
Never stop, christcucks

It's more like the sect that used those four is the one that became the dominant one and suppressed the others

This is some astonishingly clunky prose

it's also a translation of a modernized version of a 2000 years old text.

It's Jacob who wrestles the angel, user.

All the Patriarch cycles are pretty repetitive (not redundant, though), plus Jacob and Joseph start with J. I'm sure not hard to accidentally use the wrong name.

Hey what's the deal with Satan? Did he represent the voice of reason? Because it is reason that usually lures people out of religious thought, or so it seems like to me.

The ark's tour of Philistia..
Job's restoration, as if what's been taken is replaceable just-like-that.
The quaking of the earth, the ripped veil, the emerged and wandering dead at the moment of Christ's giving up the ghost..
Balaam's ass way back in the Book of Numbers, a book user's too often stupidly advised to ignore.
Etc.

The idea of Satan as the ultimate evil entity comes from Jewish apocalypticism of the second Temple period. The word 'satan' in Hebrew just mean 'adversary', the Satan was an accusing angel in YHWH's heavenly court who acted as an adversary to mortals, kind of like a divine prosecutor.

Later on the Satan gets combined with the idea that evil forces control the world in the apocalyptic view that God would cause a great cataclysm and restore divine order on Earth, which involved the defeat of evil, personified by the Devil/Satan.

that honestly sounds like fair a bit more boring than having it linked with a human quality, maybe Christianity isn't for me

Well in the Christian view, Satan's main quality is as a tempter and deceiver. For example, they identify the snake in the garden of Eden as Satan and believe Satan's tempting and humanity willingly giving into the temptation is what caused the fall from grace which is why evil has power on the earth.

is this a KLK refrence?

What are your thoughts on Jesus' moment of doubt on the cross? Wouldn't it be him exorcising his reason in decrying god for abandoning him, given his situation?

No, it's when he feels the agony of being totally forsaken by the Father while dying.

There is doubtless a depth of meaning there, but at a minimum he was certainly alluding to Psalm 22:

Jesus on cross:
>And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
-Matthew 27:46

Psalm 22:
>My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me...
biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm 22&version=KJV

It wasn't a moment of doubt. In that moment, God *was* not with him. It was the agonized exclamation of a condemned soul.
>"Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree";
Having been without sin, he had, then, the weight of all the sins of the world. He really was alone and lost - he died a sinner.
>"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.";

>"For the wages of sin is death.";
>"Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life."

Recommended reading: Isaiah 53

plz explain for a brainlet

In addition, his crying out for God, even after being abandoned, signifies his unyielding faith.

Thank you! I think my views stem from the reason-centered worldview and seems like I'm projecting too much of it into the reading of the bible.

>in that moment of doubt, God was not with God