Hey guys, I'll post a few poems of mine and I would like you to critique them. Be brutally honest.
With gifts and praise one’s love bombard
Leave flowers, chocolates and heartfelt card
To those alone whose heart you’ve scarred
For once discovered the path is barred
Your appeal now forever marred
For others the steak
For you the
Lard
Cursed be the early birds
That chirp before the morn,
Mocking as I sleepless lay
With bedsheets all a-worn.
Mercy! O’ elusive temptress,
Pour yourself into my eyes.
Let me smell your raven tresses,
Plunge my brow in poppied thighs.
Caress me in your midnight robe,
Whisper dreams into my ear,
Hit heavy lids with ochre strobe,
And bid the dawn herself appear.
Our lives are just wind and rapid water but our legacy is undying. Even as flesh becomes flower fodder And our last kin finish crying, The deeds of our life, the way we fought, are an aperture on the film of time. The light shines nay from glory sought, but service to all mundane and sublime. A Warrior is a shield against the cold gray night, the sword for a helpless child. When horizon shows no dragons to slay, may the Warrior be not beguiled; For the gaolers are coming to cage the free and the Warriors wield the people’s key.
if you wanted to out yourself as a homosexual then you have done a fine job, bravo!
I wish you were my equal.
I wish you were my better.
I wish you had incredible strength
so I could forge my body to unbending steel,
and meet you on an ancient battlefield,
So our lady would never know danger.
I wish you had great courage,
So I could test the limits of my soul,
And face the terrifying unknown,
So our lady would never know fear.
I wish you had a dazzling wit,
So I could fill my mind with poetry,
Trifles, and delightful pedantry,
To keep our lady eternally charmed.
I wish you had wealth and riches,
So I could tirelessly conquer
The world of stocks and suits,
Until our lady could live in splendor.
I wish you knew of compassion,
So I could lay bare my heart,
And give my every breath,
So our lady could feel true love.
But of these things you know nothing.
Your world is cruelty, antagonism, violence.
Your soul is poisoned and empty.
But yet she clings to your hollow shell.
Unable to relinquish. The abuse, the pain–
Your words that sting her ear,
Your hands that welt her face,
Your cum that mars her skin.
Each one a violation.
Each one a Rape.
How do I defeat you? On what grounds can we fight?
You are my truest enemy, and yet you are nothing.
Not a man. Not a warrior. Not a poet.
Just a piece of shit with a heartbeat.
I wish you were a great man.
Broad shouldered. Quick witted.
Smooth like James Bond,
Cool like James Dean.
I wish. But you are not.
And nor will you ever be.
You will always remain the appallingly average,
Reflection of mediocrity that you are today.
But if ever anyone accuses me of wishing you harm
They could not be farther from the truth.
Because I know you suffer.
Every night as she lies in your bed, cradled in your arms
Staring open eyed into the night, you know.
You know you don’t deserve her.
And one day she will leave your bed and never return,
And this shining moment of unjust glory will burn
In the back of your eyelids like a branding iron.
The scratch of every nail on your back,
Will be a scar upon your heart.
Her smell upon your clothes
Will haunt you like a vengeful ghost–
No sir, I do not wish you harm. I wish you luck.
As for me, I was born with hands that could hold this fire.
I'm not gay bro, what gives you that impression?
roses are red, violets are great
yes, yes you are. even if you haven't realised yet.
Does this sound gay to you?
Can you love me in the blinding heat of a birthing star, when I shower warmth on distant moons?
Can you love me in the hole of the cosmic Black, where no one can reach me? Not even you?
Can you love me then too?
Can you love me when I drag buffalo skulls through the dirt for days, to the rhythm of an ancient drum?
Will you love me if my beard hides the scars in my heart, from battles I cannot explain?
WIll you love me when I lack courage, when I am defeated, when I won't let you patch my wounds?
WIll you trust me when I smell of sweetgrass and sage, and when I stink of whiskey and sweat?
When I drink from the cup and play in astral light, will you anchor me to Home?
What happens when my words don't work, and I can speak with only my eyes?
Can you love me enough to let me go, without asking me where I'll be?
I am no poodle to lay groomed on a leash at your feet. I am the wolf that fetches the bones of truth.
A wild man is not a boyfriend. He's not built for animal husbandry. He is a force. He is a cause for an effect. He is a mission.
Are you afraid to let me inside you? Not just my flesh, but my soul. The wild man is neither burglar or vandal. I will not take anything from you. I will not trample on sprouting seeds or pick flowers as a trophy. I am the sun on flooded fields and the fire for tangled webs.
Don't be scared, lover, mother, maiden, crone. Take me as I am.
Even if I have the power to destroy worlds, I will not destroy you.
A wild man is a protector. A father. A warrior for all that is good.
When the chaos seeks to obliterate you, sheering your flesh from bone, I will hold all the pieces together in love, until you are ready to reassemble.
When your seas boil, and your winds throw cars at corn fields, I will wait patiently for you to catch my eye, so that both of us can laugh.
When Hell opens up the fiery gates, and sends all the cosmos against you, I plant my heels deep in the ground. I lay my shield low. My sword is sharp then, my love. The steel sings sweetly. With a smile, Hoka Hey! My last breath a farewell kiss. Today is a good day to die.
For ours is the oldest love affair. The greatest story ever told. Cupid and Psyche, Shiva and Shakti, You and I.
Same same but different. Would we have it any other way?
too many poos and we all lose,
hold it in and we all win
what do you think my man?
I think it's rad as fuck. Have another one:
But can you love me in the deep? In the dark? In the thick of it?
Can you love me when I drink from the wrong bottle and slip through the crack in the floorboard?
Can you love me when I'm bigger than you, when my presence blazes like the sun does, when it hurts to look directly at me?
Can you love me then too? Can you love me under the starry sky, shaved and smooth, my skin like liquid moonlight?
Can you love me when I am howling and furry, standing on my haunches, my lower lip stained with the blood of my last kill?
When I call down the lightning, when the sidewalks are singed by the soles of my feet, can you still love me then?
What happens when I freeze the land, and cause the dirt to harden over all the pomegranate seeds we've planted?
Will you trust that Spring will return?
Will you still believe me when I tell you I will become a raging river, and spill myself upon your dreams and call them to the surface of your life?
Can you trust me, even though you cannot tame me?
Can you love me, even though I am all that you fear and admire?
Will you fear my shifting shape?
Does it frighten you, when my eyes flash like your camera does?
Do you fear they will capture your soul?
Are you afraid to step into me?
The meat-eating plants and flowers armed with poisonous darts are not in my jungle to stop you from coming. Not you.
So do not worry. They belong to me, and I have invited you here.
Stay to the path revealed in the moonlight and arrive safely to the hut of Baba Yaga: the wild old wise one, she will not lead you astray if you are pure of heart.
You cannot be with the wild one if you fear the rumbling of the ground, the roar of a cascading river, the startling clap of thunder in the sky.
If you want to be safe, go back to your tiny room the night sky is not for you.
If you want to be torn apart, come in. Be broken open and devoured. Be set ablaze in my fire.
I will not leave you as you have come: well dressed, in finely-threaded sweaters that keep out the cold.
I will leave you naked and biting. Leave you clawing at the sheets. Leave you surrounded by owls and hawks and flowers that only bloom when no one is watching.
So, come to me, and be healed in the unbearable lightness and darkness of all that you are.
There is nothing in you that can scare me. Nothing in you I will not use to make you great.
A wild woman is not a girlfriend. She is a relationship with nature. She is the source of all your primal desires, and she is the wild whipping wind that uproots the poisonous corn stalks on your neatly tilled farm.
She will plant pear trees in the wake of your disaster.
She will see to it that you shall rise again.
She is the lover who restores you to your own wild nature.
It's not supposed to rhyme btw.
In the deep I hear a drum
Through the door he storms
DFW
Covered in cum
In the deep I hear a drum
fool of a took
what have you done
im okay with other poets coming into my thread and posting by the way.
We should all get together and just write.. we could all just take off our clothes and write...
its like reading a really strong, dark, dehydrated pot of urine.
In the past my laughs have been few.
You did it.
Thank you.
What is an anal fisting,
But an attempt to pull the unknowable from your partner?
Or to have them pull it from you.
A fist goes in and when it comes out it says,
I know you now, inside and out.
You are dirty and alive, just like me.
I no longer want you.
>I don't think this is good poetry it's just something I wrote and wanted to share
Nice.
From your ankles to your instep, I really love your feet. So slim, so strong, so shapely, so graceful, and petite. So wrap your toes around my johnson, it's time to beat my meat.
Best in thread
Strip club, strip club, for where are thy? Strip club, strip club, shot jizz in my eye.
Roses are bread
Violets are hate
Faggots get mad
At this shitty bait