Almost everyone in the history of mankind has lived and died without ever getting to eat a cheeseburger or drink a Coke

why? on the surface it sounds like conspiracy-tier lunacy without context

>think of all the plebs who never got to taste Peach Coca-Cola
I feel sorry for you 3rd worlders, I truly do.

there's a possibility that ancient Greeks knew to sterilize medical equipment, but they probably didn't understand why.

I think they had much better living conditions considering they didn't have to eat ameribetes garbage

Surgery's what gets me.

Imagine no anesthesia and having to get sliced open and operated on. At absolute best they might give you some alcohol and something to bite on.

O P I U M

On that note I regret turning down the chance to smoke opium in high school.

>selectively editing what people say

The wealthiest, most powerful emperors had slaves to do everything for them, from peeling their grapes to wiping their asses. They definitely had it better than Laqueefa or Billy-Bob Pigfuck of our
modern times do, even if they didn’t have Veeky Forums to shitpost on.

>No internet
>No TV
>No movies, comic books, digitized music, video games, or any other readily available free entertainment media even homeless people can get today by using a public library computer.
>No modern medicine
>No anesthesia (except alcohol and opium, which are nowhere close to good enough)
>No planes
>Can't go to a large chain grocery store and buy basically any food or drink imaginable
>Can't use Uber Eats to get any food or drink you feel like produced and delivered in about 15 minutes to a half hour
>Can't use Amazon to get basically any legal commodity in existence with next or even same day delivery
>Can't get almost any psychoactive substance in existence through internet you don't have, at best you probably have access to alcohol and maybe one other drug if you're lucky
>Can't read any noteworthy book ever written any time you feel like it free of cost because no internet

>no dumbass distractions
>can be entertained by real jesters, they aren’t just a weird meme
>poor modern people can’t afford health care anyway
>chariots
>kitchen servants can make whatever you want at any time, and you don’t know what a “Fazoli’s” is anyway
>there were a shitload of botanical drugs back then and they weren’t even illegal
>can summon the authors of noteworthy books to your court to speak to them personally - or write the noteworthy books yourself, since you’re not glued to Netflix

>there were a shitload of botanical drugs back then and they weren’t even illegal
The places where that was true are also the places you wouldn't want to live in, like the Amazon or Africa.

early humans had fire for 500000 years before they cooked with it
FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS

Honestly I'm 100% sure anyone saying they'd willing to be a king in ancient times instead of a regular guy in a modern developed nation is just doing so for the sake of argument and no one would seriously make that switch if a genie offered it or whatever.

Would you have guessed sticking your food in a fire was a good idea?

Initially, no. It was probably something similar to where a neanderthal wench on the rag forgot about a rack of ribs near the fire and her mate, Og grunted, "umm" and gave her the best fucking of her life, so she kept doing it. Similar to how beer started by some mesopotamian wench on the rag forgot about the grains she left out and they got wetted, yeast infected and produced alcohol and her mate Darius, said, "umm..."

>muh womyn hormonal splerges produce the major human cultural innovations

fucking no i would never want to be the richest person in the world if all i had to eat was rotten goat and ruined mead and had to fuck fat sweaty ladies in a stone room while listening to a fucking minstrel with a lute

i will murder your whole village inshallah

Yeah, b-but you'd get a crown and a hundred or so people would be aware of your existence, making you on par with a cult near-celebrity youtube channel personality!

b-but t-that's true

It's not that it's wrong, it's that it's psychotic not realize that's a really strong indication conditions were horrible.

"Being a king" was also a really serious and stressful job. It was your responsibility to literally run a country and win wars, and keep all your vassals happy and feud with the pope and your shitty cousin who's trying to steal the throne and stop the Moors from invading and keep the Jewry in check and oversee exploration trips to the new world for gold and if there wasn't gold make sure there wasn't a rebellion and speak 4 different languages and keep your wife and your 4 17 year old concubines from fighting each other and make sure your shitty spoiled ass faggot son would actually turn out to be a good monarch one day

Yup.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damocles

...

THINGS TRIED ON THING-I

TRY: I
WHO TRIED: Shaman A██
THING TRIED: Poke Thing-I with spear.
WHAT HAPPENED: Thing-I spread on spear.

TRY: II
WHO TRIED: Shaman A██
THING TRIED: Piss on spear, Poke Thing-I with spear.
WHAT HAPPENED: Spear dry, smell like piss. Thing-I no spread on spear.

TRY: III
WHO TRIED: Shaman A██
THING TRIED: Piss on Thing-I
WHAT HAPPENED: Thing-I spread on dick. Witch Doctor U██ chief of trying things until Shaman A██ healthy.

TRY: IIII
WHO TRIED: Witch Doctor U██
THING TRIED: Put meat in Thing-I
WHAT HAPPENED: Thing-I no spread on meat.

TRY: IIIII
WHO TRIED: Witch Doctor U██
THING TRIED: Piss on spear. Use spear to take meat out.
WHAT HAPPENED: Spear dry. Spear smell like piss. Meat tasty, but smell like piss.

TRY: IIIII I
WHO TRIED: Huntsman O██
THING TRIED: Put water on spear. Put meat on spear. Put spear in Thing-I
WHAT HAPPENED: Spear dry. Spear no smell like piss. Meat very tasty. Huntsman O██ now Witch Doctor O██

TRY: IIIII II
WHO TRIED: Witch Doctor U██
THING TRIED: Throw hemp in Thing-I
WHAT HAPPENED: [DATA CHISELED OUT]

Actually there are more people alive now than have collectively lived sense before the industrial revolution. And coke is everywhere.

Cool urban myth, bro. I bet you use 20% of your brain instead of the normal 10% everyone else uses, just make sure never to drink you coke with pop rocks because that'll make your stomach explode.
snopes.com/fact-check/recount-your-dead/

All these ancient peoples that never got to experience the pure, unadulterated joy that is anime and manga.

It was tough for a medieval European king maybe. Are you trying to tell me that Roman emperors or Egyptian pharaohs didn't have it made? They spent all their time fucking and killing for fun.

Is this... is this a caveman SCP experiment log?

>Roman Empereors

About half of them ended up being assasinated