Having a girl over tomorrow night and she wants me to make burgers...

having a girl over tomorrow night and she wants me to make burgers, give me your best recipes/methods for making panty dropping burgers

Attached: 1494113047939.jpg (810x964, 76K)

Put a cubed package of raw applewood smoked bacon in a food processor and turn it into pink slime, mix that into your ground beef.

does it have to be a slime though?

Yes, you don’t want pieces of bacon. It should be seamlessly incorporated.

what about frying the hamburger patties in bacon grease?

You’re not going to grill the burgers?

And no, the method I gave you produces very flavorful and juicy burgers, stop trying to shortcut the concept, it’s not the same.

i dont have a grill, was going to use cast iron on the stove top

Honestly a tabletop gas grill for $27.00 is handy to have. People laugh at it, but I have used this so many times at the park and the beach... (same friend that laughed at it calls and asks to borrow it now).

Attached: 5CCA1C0D-29FD-47DD-BBF0-93CBC21D4766.jpg (488x488, 38K)

looks pretty handy honestly

Since you're using cast iron, look up a recipe for smash burgers. Prep everything beforehand then cook them in front of her. Keep dropping subtle hints like "we're gonna make like these burgers and smash." Women love good food and comedy.

>put raw bacon into a beef patty
So you're either going to serve her a burnt burger or diarrhea. Solid plan.

>give me your best recipes/methods for making panty dropping burgers

Mix a roofie into the ground beef. Make sure to remember which burger is which.

>we're gonna make like these burgers and smash
Yikes.

Don’t waste your time before determining whether she’s a roastie. When you’re sure you’re safe, do Ramsay’s F Word burger. For all you know right now, her cunt looks like someone threw an F Word burger between her legs.

>I'M GONNA SMASH YOU LIKE THIS BURGER
>DO YOU LIKE HOW I BEAT MY MEAT?

Attached: aX9rKjv_460s.jpg (460x938, 105K)

Yes, grandma, whatever you say... yes, Truman was the best president...

That is so fucking retarded, it might just work.
Gave me a good chuckle, and I'm hard to humor.

>hard to humor
>laughs over "smash"

Attached: afoot.jpg (500x410, 43K)

Whatever you do, don't do this. Unless you're good at joke delivery, this is just going to come off as creepy. I knew a guy who would always make jokes like this and get awkward laughs, then the girls would just call him a creeper behind his back.

Sautee onions/mushrooms in butter in your cast iron cook until soft and set aside; they normally like this. 80/20 beef, thick or thin patties, that's your call. I prefer thinner when using cast iron, pan nice and hot, a little vegetable oil then butter when nearly done. Cook a couple minutes a side for nice crust and desired doneness.

Have standard toppings available: Lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, mayo etc...have some decent bakery buns, nothing overpowering or too dry. As you're cooking jokingly tell her she's cleaning up the mess, she will, then prepare for panties to drop.

Infuse champagne with rohypol, sprinkle sedatives on lobster, stuff poached pears with antibiotics and pain killers, then (and this is the genius bit) do sex on her.

These are great, I used to have one and even grilled par boiled split lobster to perfection on that bad boy.

>jokingly tell her she's cleaning up the mess
That's an awful approach. Most women aren't going to appreciate even a joke about doing the dishes until a relationship is established and this sounds like an early date.

OP, cheers on picking burgers. Don't listen to any of the lines these guys are trying to feed you. Keep YOUR sense of humor and ask her to help instead. Even if it's something simple like slicing veggies or cheese or toasting buns, she'll appreciate doing something together. She gets involved, you can still impress her with the flavor of the burger.

You can impress her with a solo effort down the line with something fancier but on these early dates focusing on the conversation and doing things together.

I know right! Perfect for two people. I put a cast iron smoke box in it to give a nice wood smoke taste too.

You might be right depending on the girl or you've got no delivery or sense of humor, if she doesn't think it's funny she's got no sense of humor and not worth the effort.

>how to scare off a girl, the post.

It's based on the assumption of how early it is in the potential relationship. I think we can all agree that a sense of humor is essential, but the kind of ribbing you can get away with once a relationship is established can also be misinterpreted (and off-putting) when you're forming those early opinions of each other.

Just trying to help a Veeky Forums bro knock one out of the park. :)

80/20. Form into patties. Salt and pepper on both sides. Cook them until pink or no pink, whichever you prefer. Done.

Lipton's onion soup mix (powder) kneaded into 80/20 ground beef. Make small diner style patties, a couple of ounces a piece. Patty them really nice and thin so they cook quick on high heat. They'll form a great crust on the outside that way. Get potato rolls for the buns. Ketchup, mustard and american cheese. Bacon if you want it. That's all you need.

She looks like a keeper, OP! :^)

sliders cooked in clarified butter on little rolls.
Bitches like little food for some reason.

"Shall we dance, Mr. Fridge?"

'ludes

No you just don't have any sense of it

My personal burger recipe is a smash burger hybrid:

>get 80/20 ground beef
>make a ball of meat about half the size of a baseball
>make sure not to work it too much, keep it loose
>warm up a skillet to medium heat
>wait until it's completely hot, put a little morsel of beef in to see if it sizzles
>once it's hot enough, season one side of the ball with a seasoning blend, I personally use Montreal steak seasoning if I can't be fucked to make my own blend
>put a little bit of oil in the pan
>place the ball seasoning side down
>take your spatula and press down on the ball, flattening it into a semi thick patty, what makes it a smash burger hybrid is that is has the crust of a smash burger but it's still a semi thick and juicy patty
>make a small well in the centre of the burger
>season that sidebar of your burger with your blend
>cook each side of your burger for about 4 minutes or until medium well to well done
>if you want cheese, put it on after you flip, I personally use a mozzarella mixed with a little oregano but you do you, most people use American cheese.
>now here's an essential step to a good burger, TOAST YOUR BUNS, either in butter or burger or bacon fat, it will make the burger so much better
>provide toppings as she would like and apply them for her
>if you're feeling crazy, make some homemade BBQ sauce for the burgers, and brush a little bit on the burger before serving.

Attached: 83DCA37F-6BA5-4902-BE3F-B7B10D5F7E37-750-000000D773522376.gif (500x418, 957K)

this is actually really good, thanks user

I'll just describe exactly what I do, I like the bark most and don't love biting through an excessively thick and bland tasting patty so I go real thin with my patties and just stack 2 if I want more meat.

Get:
- 80/20 ground beef
- salt
- pepper
- worcestershire sauce
- the cheap store brand sesame buns from the supermarket

For 1lb of meat I'd give it 3 shakes of worcestershire sauce, then salt and pepper it. mash it all up in a bowl with your hand and really work it so the fats warm up and make it like a gel. Then grab a small amount and roll a ball then press it really flat. I aim for maybe 4 inch diameter and half an inch of height. Again, I love crust, so I cook them 2 at a time on a large cast iron at high temp so moisture can't build up. They need maybe a minute on each side, then I slap them on a bun and usually just add mustard.

This is my favorite burger for the effort level. I don't know why I love those buns but they make it a better burger for me, they're small so they fit the meat when it shrinks down from cooking. The resulting burger is pretty small, I usually make 2 or 3 single stacks for myself

>panty dropping burgers
mix them with laxatives

>people laugh at x
Do people really do this? I've never had anyone laugh at my stuff unless it was intended to be laughed at.

Yeah, along the lines of “what’s that supposed to be, a grill? Ha ha!” Then I pull out two steaks that are marinated in merlot along with thick cut onions, peppers, garlic, and zucchini and they smell how good it smells... then they look a bit jealous.

Don't add too many toppings. The toppings-layer should be no thicker than the patty.

cook her a lobster and wear cleats because you don't have any dress shoes and they kind of look similar

Wake up user! You've been in a coma for 5 years!