You have to cook something for him

My slow cooker corned beef dinner. So fucking good. Impossible to mess up

Beef Wellington but I would fuck up the pastry

toast with butter. see if he remembers

wild escargot from my yard

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something insanely complicated and with a lot of steps that i suck at

free master class, you’re an idiot if you think you can impress this guy so why not learn something

Honey mustard alfredo topped with blended walnuts and cream cheese with a little sprinkle of dried cranberries and a dash of meme garlic powder and cumin along with a generous portion of shrimp and then i do a little meme drizzle on a plate with green pesto paste before serving on it

He calls you a pretentious donkey and tells you to fuck off

He thinks you're the most avant-garde chef the world has ever seen and offers you a sous job

> be me
> head chef
> slow night
> gordon ramsay walks in
> select our finest breed of hostess and seat him in the best spot available
> get his drink situated
> "i'm ready to order"
> ohshitnigger.jpg
> he orders something rather simple
> he says "i want your cooks to experiment a bit, i want something I've never had before"
> challenge accepted you english cunt
> i know how ramsay likes his steaks, i make him a great one
> quickly marinade a flat iron steak with garlic and the piss from his hostess
> slap that fucker on a pan
> chef ramsay loves rare steaks
> burn it to be sure it's cooked
> cum on the steak as a special ingredient
> i serve chef ramsay his food
> im stark naked, covered only by my apron
> he looks baffled but tries it anyway
> instantly vomits
> this is my only chance
> toss apron aside
> start dry humping his leg to establish dominance while he's focused on barfing
> i am the superior chef now
> he calls the cops
> pull a glock out of my ass
> double tap to the back of his head
> i get my chefs knife from the kitchen
> carefully carve his face off and wear it, body was thrown in the freezer
> cops finally come in
> they bust through the door
> "EVERYONE GET THE FUCK ON THE FLOOR"
> everybody walk the dinosaur

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That was so fucking bad.
Im not even gonna bother with posting the screenshot on the Veeky Forums reddit.

dit
een lekker worstenbroodje zal Gordon wel lusten!

thanks user you reminded me of the good old days.
kill yourself plebbitor.

Avgolemeno

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Peanut butter jelly banana sandwich, spicy sweet chili Doritos, and white sips

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>come home from work one day to find Gordon sat on my sofa looking through the TV Times
>taken aback, I stutter out a "what are you doing?" as I shuffle into the room
>"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING? GOD"
>I stand there awkwardly as he licks his finger and turns the page with a snap
>"is there anything you recommend?" he asks without taking his eyes off the page
>"I don't watch TV I usually use the internet or an app"
>"unbelievable" he stares at me for about 20 seconds "go on, lets see what shit you consume when left to your own devices"
>I boot up WWE network, some classic WCW Bash at the Beach
>"Is this pre-recorded?"
>I try to respond but he cuts me off
>"good god is that Chris Benoit? Shocking. How old is this? IS THAT EDDY FUCKING GUERRERO? HE'S BEEN DEAD FOR 50 YEARS. TURN IT OFF."
>i slide my greasy digits all over the touch screen hoping to find some Live footage
>I peck at the newest content
>buffering
>eeeEEEEEEEAAAAOOoo
>our eyes meet in the reflection of the black screen
>"Jesus Christ"
>the video loads
>I'm visibly sweating
>he sits there in silence with his hand on his chin, index finger raised
>"what the fuck is this?"
>"S-Smackdown?"
>"Smackdown? ITS FUCKING RAW"

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tube steaks.

i'll serve an omelette up his ass

Grilled lamb without lamb sauce.

Strychnine and rice pilaf
hopefully he will eat enough before scolding me on my poor attempt at murder

Make him one of his shitty "I've completely given up" burgers. And then punch him in his stupid fucking face. How did his mother not instantly expose him to the elements to die when she saw his retarded face?

fresh local produce, cooked simply, beautifully prepared

Scrambled eggs with lots of semen mixed in so it's the consistency he likes

Seriously the cunt cannot cook eggs

I would write “Justice for Amy” in Heinz ketchup on paper plate

I HIT U I AM BIG GUY!!!! GRRRRRRRR
summers close billy could you just do your homework and wait when your kind starts posting

A heeping pile of my shit decorated with earlier prepared enema coulis garnished with a sprinkling of my ginger ass-beard

Arsenic laced overcooked eggs with undercooked bacon, burnt toast and a cup of instant coffee with a generous amount of spit and more arsenic. I dislike him and would want his last meal to be a bad one.

Oats honestly. I don't need to prove anything to him.

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I'd devilishly purchase some fast food hamburgers and pass them off as my own.

>he still think steamed hams is funny
This board beats memes to death worse than reddit.

>implying I want to be one of his chefs

It got me a precious (You), which validates my existence.

just a fortune cookie on a plate

in it the message will say
>i am woman, hear me RAW

crispy pancake

Serve him a veggie dish with a special ingredient so he becomes a veggie too

>TV times
You utter fucking pleb.

Toast.

I bet you fuck up toast

Omelette with morels and butter.

i can make a good eggs benedict

that's rude

No, I don't.

youtube.com/watch?v=PUP7U5vTMM0

That's how he chooses his cooks.

Raw chicken breast and a whole potato

Absolute shit and done with even worse execution. Kys stupid try hard redditor

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vargposting confirms that you are no better

>varg poster calling someone else a redditor

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A dark chocolate souffle

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Steamed hams

A jibarito. I bet he's never had one!

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Please keep all paranormal and horrific images to /x/ please

I’m literally quivering right now

I’d sear some scallops with butter and thyme. I think he’d appreciate my use of white pepper instead of black when seasoning so that the scallops retain a clean presentation.

I’d blanch some asparagus and give them a light sauté.

I’d do my best to attempt a lemon beurre blanc but he has extensive training in classic french cuisine and a sauce like that may come under scrutiny. I’m sure as a guest of mine he’d say it was a charming attempt.

I’d finish with a panna cotta, flavored with whatever fruit is in season at the time, along with a reduction.

I can’t see him being too harsh, especially if he’s my guest. He would probably give me tips on how to improve everything.

I make shakshouka and a frise salad

If I recall, in a video he says he only rages at people on his shows that are professional chefs who should know better. I'd say he'd be very impressed with your try, user.

Why do people watch this guy’s garbage?

chicken and rice

Hotdog with toothpaste on it and then ask him why he blocked me.

Braised chicken drums sticks in wine. With chili, garlic and rosemary. Carrots, potatoes and broadbeans to be added in the last 10/5 minutes, and some crusty bread to soak up the juices. It's a simple and hearty dish that's hard to fuck up. I think he would be appreciative of the authenticity and honesty of the dish.

Pineapple pizza, his favorite dish.

I'll cook my heart out for his dick