Trying to start writing free verse. How do I get critiques/where's a good starting place?

Trophies in a well-made case
Carefully cleaned and dusted in ranks of dozens
"Best Marching Group"
"Best Color Party"
"Best Unit Commander on Parade"
1963, 1967, 1964, 1976, 1961
Each a monument to hard work
To hard sacrifices
To hands hardened by practice, drills, repetition
Displayed in the glory of a basement
Found on the way to the washrooms

Let me ask u this

how much free verse do u read

Almost none.

I actually like this, the last lines make the trophies feel so sad and irrelevant.

Free verse is the most ruthlessly economical form of poetry. No padding, no fudging, no leeway. Every single word needs to justify its existence three times over. If you're not Ted Hughes, don't bother.

btw, your poem would be better off as a haiku. It's far too flabby for free verse.

That encourages me. That's exactly what seeing them there made me feel; that these were things that were worked SO hard for, treasured SO much, and had SO much meaning for someone decades ago, and now they're something you may see and never hive a second though to on the way to the washroom.

Can you expand on what flabby means?

And there's the dead giveaway of a dilettante: doesn't read poetry, but thinks he can write poetry.

Stop embarrassing yourself and get an education. After ten years of study, maybe you can think about writing something. Now fuck off.

I'm not in the least embarrassed. I'm here to learn, not get in fights. I think the idea that someone can't write without a decade of study is a pretty silly one.

This is just pretentious shit.

Can you explain what makes it pretentious shit?

Lines 1 and 2 could be condensed into one (e.g. "Four dozen of trophies in a gleaming case.")

The next four lines are just a list of examples and should be summed up more concisely (e.g. "A decade of peacetime prowess.")

Lines 7 and 8 just say the same thing. One of them should go.

Line 9 is the most effective, because it brings humanity to the poem: the image of the "hardened hands." Also, "practice, drills, repetition" is effective because they are quasi-synonyms which recapitulate the process described. But choosing one of them might be more effective still.

Lines 10-11 seem improbable. Washrooms are usually not accessed through basements. It comes across as heavy-handed, sacrificing realism for emotional impact.

Like I said, cut the flab and try a haiku. Even if it doesn't work, the exercise will be instructive. You need to master economy if you want to write free verse.

>Implying artistry comes with 10 years of study
If that's what you believe you really don't have it in you to ever write anything significant. You're trash bro. Also, free verse is for autists.

Thanks for providing me with the perfect example "bro."

I think you should give it ten years before you consider posting on the internet again.

Thank you so much, this is incredibly useful, and exactly what I was hoping for.

One the line 10-11 note, I was writing about something I saw today in person; the trophy case was actually in the basement where the washrooms were located, but your point stands, if you didn't see it in person, it could read that I'm dog piling on the irrelevance angle.

Again, thanks so much for taking the time.

>I'm not in the least embarrassed
Naturally. If people realised when they were embarrassing themselves, nobody would do it.

>I'm here to learn
The best way to learn is to read real poetry, instead of whoring yourself for approval on Veeky Forums. By doing this, you're tacitly admitting that you don't even know if your work is shit or not.

>I think the idea that someone can't write without a decade of study is a pretty silly one.
You don't say. That's because you've never read a real poet.

Why is free verse for Autists? Genuinely asking.

okay, two things
1) start reading. That is the only education in this craft. You will never get better if you rely solely on the crutch of the vetting and apporval of your peers in one of the infinite "writing workshops" in this country or online. If you do that, you will forever be a slave to their opinions--and you'll write yourself in circles.
2) You can certainly write without having 10 years of study, but it will all be trash until then. You will not write well until about 25 years old at Least. Take this as elderly wisdom--you're too young and too new to understand, but it's the truth. Once a generation some young talent will subvert the rule, but you are not Rimbaud, so be humble and accept that every good poem you have read was written with the voices of a thousand good poems behind it.

it isn't. that poster is a troll and/or underage

Great information, well explained. Thanks for taking the time to write that out.

Motorcycles in september
vroom vroom
your hot fire engine
brrr brrr
fury on the road and in the garage
ninng nginng
cruise down the road in style

Read poetry, as has been said.

Also consider this: as you read and write, consider exploring structured poetry before you begin to strip away the structure.

Form has a function, and you should depart from form with intent instead of with abandon.

Most people who dive right into free verse do not come across as Walt Whitman, they come across as pretentious fools.

Consider the observations of this man. Read "The Serious Artist" and "A Restrospect".
Also, read poetry in order to write poetry, dude.

whoa, who hurt you?

very nice, user
a bit 'flabby' like the other user said
but i like it
maybe remove some unnecessary words?