What's the most autistic thing you do in the kitchen?

More like JUSTin.

dude that's code for she's cheating on you

Every time my knife's blade touches the table I clean it.

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I eat my meals standing. I don't like sitting with food, except lurking snacks. Also while prepping I'm usually washing my hands and knife between cutting two different things.

I do this aswell.

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>start to dance around with my plate of spaghetti while singing dunno funnicula (m.youtube.com/watch?v=PG4SbelgIFk) and pretending I'm am Italian pizza chef
>trip while dancing and drop my spaghetti all over the floor

I still ate the spaghetti.

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I narrate everything I'm doing, but only when I'm alone.

I also have a weird thing with potatoes and apples where I need to obsessively dig out brown spots while leaving as much of the rest of the flesh intact as possible, so I'll be there for like ten minutes with a scalpel carving a potato up like I'm playing fucking operation. Then when I'm done, I peel it and dice it anyway, so it's like what the fuck was even the point, but if I don't do it then it makes my skin crawl and destroys my ability to enjoy the end result.

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>every time I cook
>pretend I'm showing my 6 year old daughter how to cook
>taste things to see if they are fresh or not
>explain the flavor profile and what's good and not for the ingredient
>explain why the flavors are good together
>explain what flavors clash and why
>explain how to tell when it's cooked through and how people normally mess it up
>she gets so excited and is so captivated by the information
>eats it and loves it every time, even if I fuck up the seasonings
>tells me how great I'm doing even though everything is falling apart day after day
I just want her back lads, cooking is the only thing that distracts me from the pain. Help

Making food. It is autistic enough.

This is normal, provided you actually had a 6 year old daughter at one point and arent just pretending to have an anime girl as your daughter
Grief is a weird emotion and no one should fault you for it.

I believe you've brought up your daughter on here before. Hang in there man. We're here for you.

Wholly fuck that potato story is some extreme as fuck autismo right there.

yeah no shit you think i dont know this?

>activity done throughout human history
>autistic
ok the word has lost all meaning. kys faggot

i do this too, my catch phrase is kablam

I don't usually rally a mob but everybody point and laugh at this bitch. Quickly, while he's down.

My cat is my lovely assistant.

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I bake with only an apron, wig and makeup on, I sell the pics later on. I don't do this when cooking anything else.

Sometimes I just let my cat cook dinner

nice

Pissing in the sink

When I make my own Pico, I chop the tomatoes, onion and jalapeno in the same exact sized chunks. It might seem lame compared to some of you other pathetic motherfucks in this thread, but it not only produces a better product it also allows me to spend a good 45 minutes of pure zen while suppressing the rage of interacting with the public.

I do this... No memeing

Sometimes ill make a whip sound when I do it

What happened?

>i don't really have friends yet but it'll be a fun time when i do

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I cook things that are good for me but don't like to eat and eat it pretending someone else is forcefeeding me it.

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Ouch, sorry bro.

>this thread
didnt need this today bros

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I used to like to cook for my friends but, ever since they started to get into drugs we’ve grown apart. Now i just go to work, gym and sleep. Then drink on the week ends. It does not feel bad most of the time but sometimes it bothers me.

I split my english muffins with the sharpest chef's knife I own

Whenever I turn the stove on "HI" I wave "Hi" back to it

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I do this but I also suffer from severe mental health issues and for some reason sitting on the floor between steps calms down the crushing fear of failure

I have to constantly wash my hands and dishes in between every step when I cook.

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KROSSKONTHAMINASHUN

This

Yeah, but it's like I would have touched chicken, then grabbed a bowl, then have the urge to wash my hands to touch the same chicken.

I wash my hand quite often in the kitchen. It makes me feel safer and cleaner.

With you there.

That's cute.

I leave the fridge door open all the time if I know I will need something else and it sometimes stays open as I'm prepping. I forget because of my initial urge to keep it open to retrieve and return things. People yell at me, I see my faults though so it's okay.

>I pretend im an iron chef competing against a challenger, and i'll sometimes even do some field reporting on the dishes I am making when no one is around and commentate.
>"Fukui San!"
>"Yes, Shinichiro Ohta, go!"

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Eat the leftover ends of garlic cloves after peeling them

I have this fucking stupid cat named Patti and I always post gay threads about how "dickered" I am getting

Type in 130 on the microwave instead of 90.

That's pretty autistic, I bet you let the cat wave her balloon knot all around the food too.

>put on some random youtube video on and pretend I'm cooking with my friends over
I only cooked with friends for a grand total of two (2) times and they were some of the best meals I ever had. I feel a crushing loneliness whenever I cook and eat without RLM in the background now.

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Veeky Forums, autists, the thread.

I often look in the fridge when I'm not even hungry just to confirm that my food is still there

animals live outside

huh?

she tasted his slop o shit and died

sorry, my friends gf has cats and the whole house smells just pisses me off

huh?

You sound unironically fun to hang out with

piss and shit doesnt belong on a carpet animals live outside

Cats that live outside are called strays, and people who keep their dogs outside should be locked up.

>>/r9k/

Dogs don't belong in the house. They're filthy

Be myself

Found the muslim

asalamalakim

I have genuine non meme autism and everytime I'm frying something I cusp my two hands together and start blowing into the gap between my two thumbs and start imagining the food frying really intensely.

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What you have is nothing, my autism twice as strong

I have a small basically chemistry set in my kitchen, and use the stuff unnecessarily while pretending to be Bill Nye

> flasks and graduated beakers
> milligram and gram/kilo scalez
> 12 rack dehydrator, vitamix, convection oven, instantpot, immersion blender, the usual
> Digital pH meter, laser thermometer
> Kappa, iota, lambda carrageenan; xanthan gum; agar; tapioca and arrowroot starch; different powdered mushrooms; several types of artificial sweeteners bought in bulk; lactic and citric acid powder; sodium citrate; beet powder; kala namak; vegetable glycerin

Etc

The table, or the knife?

That's pretty autistic.

Wish I could have dinner with you user and have some drinks

I individually count the pasta or noodle pieces to make sure I'm using the right amount. It can't be an odd number.

i read all food labels, and selectively eliminate many foods with ingredients i have somewhat arbitrarily decided are beneath me. the goal is health, taste, and nutrition, but jesus im ocd about it, and not consistent. its a long complicated process whenshopping, but once home i dont worry.

I constantly fuck up and burn everything I cook.

it is a 'how autistic' thread not 'how retarded'.

I pretend my waifu just walked in and I drop my spaghetti

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