/HPG/ - Harry Potter General

Pottermore edition
post yours

hmm

tfw 14' and 1/4 inches

What is this faggotry

What sort of person do you think I am?

Not at home, but I got a fucking salmon as my patronus.
A
Fucking
Salmon

>Surprisingly swishy

The only reason to join pottermore.

>14' and 1/4

Ilvermorny has terrible house names

...

wtf is a ilverhorny?

It's some American version of Hogwarts or something.

Why does Rowling keep on milking her universe? She already has more money than she could spent in a lifetime.

>wandlets

the edgemaster

i don't know how i ended up with slytherin and wampus. i did the sorting thing once before and i ended up ravenclaw and horned serpent or whatever. but both times i also ended up with a big hard wand.

How tall are you? And... *gulp* may I ask what shoe... size you are? *perspires*

6'3, size 13

I'm pretty sure they give wands based on height, why else would they ask for that info in the wand questionnaire? 5'10 manlet with 10.75" wandlet

>all this foolish wand waving

...

>all these people proudly posting their house being slytherin or ravenclaw
>as if they wouldn't end up in hufflepuff like the rest of the tea leaf reading dunderheads
the sorting hat sees through your tawdry preening

I suppose you stir your potions with your bare hands? Also, remember when Pottermore had potions and spells and duels and ebook systems and wasn't just wizard buzzfeed?

Trelawney was Ravenclaw wandlet.

>I suppose you stir your potions with your bare hands?

>not stirring potions with just their magic finger
Don't waste your words I don't need anything from you

What the fuck is Ilvermorny? Is it from that godawful American adaptation film with rat faced actor?

this is unironically the greatest thread on lit right now

Where the fuck my A C A C I A wood boys at?

...

>doesn't have phoenix core in his wand

worthless

ahaha I never noticed he was reading Stephen Hawking

>Gryffindor
>Horned Serpent
>15 inch wand with dragon heartstring
>BUT patronus is always some gay shit like a swan or deer

HOW DO I STOP THIS

>Ravenclaw
>Wumpus

God damn it I just want to be le intellectual and Ilvermorny's shitty quiz puts me in the frat bro house.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY /LIT

D-dullest franchise?

>get pretty much the only explicitly female patronus
>same patronus as fucking Ginny

How fucked am I boys

We don't need a general for one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

What are the chances that she writes another book in this universe?

>18+ forum
>book series for children

Sage goes in every field

>hufflepuff
a useless one

What a prestigious institution.

I don't like her politics but I actually think it's pretty cool. I could see myself do the same if I was one day able to tap into something and be the creator of some sort of cultural zeitgeist. I mean, as long as you're alive you could continue to create this world. Fans would create more based on your creation. In a way, you've created a universe. The act of creation. The first mover.

I don't know, conceptually I find it interesting. Although I'm sure I'd like to try something different, eventually.

...

Post the pasta

How do I access this?

>elite
>democratic
gonna have to doubt on this one, m8

>least elitist
>least

ah, I'm stupid
makes sense now

Why is he so perfect?

>tfw to inteligent

based

The first three books are decent for children.
Problem is Rowling tried to use this as a foundation for young adult writing but it kind of doesn't work.
The setting is just really retarded, and she isn't a good enough writer to transform it into something more thought out.

So... This is what Veeky Forums has become. We're having Harry Potter generals now, what's next? What the fuck is wrong with you Veeky Forums?

this
first three books are actual decent children's literature, the rest stymied the first three by failing to ape their success. Rowling lost her own meaning.

its meta-irony
we have harry potter generals all the time, newfag

so ravenclaw is the official Veeky Forums house it seems

what other boards align with the other houses

My house.

My Patronus.

My wand.

Haha look at this image my boyfriend just sent me xD

He's more of a hufflepuff and I'm a ravenclaw if you know what I mean LOL

And finally, my American house.

Are you gay?

/pol/ - Slytherin
Veeky Forums - Gryffindor
/r9k/ - Hufflepuff (Although many boards on here would qualify)

stupid fake guide poster