Finish a ~10,000 word short story draft

focus on something else in the face that's not the mouth. describe the look, eyes or other body language things like someone touching their hair/chin/cheek or whatever.

if someone smiles they are pleased but there are more ways to show that you are pleased than to smile.

There are loads of reddit tier emotion cheatcard things if you want that. If you want to put some actual research in, try some stuff by Paul Ekman.

Read books and write out nonverbal/facial expressions and body language sentences.. or just google them.
Soon you'll have a list of them. With a bit of imagination you can alter them a bit and insert into your story.

youtu.be/sE0ReWobKcA

Describe Homer's smile in words that gets the joke across as effectively as the image.

>her lips curled along one side
>a soft smile
>her mouth turned upward

Kek, don’t do this.

>finish a ~10,000 word short story draft
>nervously ctrl-f "the"
>30,000 results

>sucky sucky wanton wonton

Number one fucking thing you should check and genocide; is the word "and".

...

As in only use it when no other word or symbol can be used; — , . . . As well/also/too/like/ergo()

Just searched my 17,000 word draft for 'smiled' and got no results.

In all seriousness, have you been tested for aspergers? You might just not be adept at reading people's faces.

Check for "frown", "pause", and "stop", changing for whatever tense you wrote in of course.

Here's a little tip from a writing pro like myself

just replace half of the instances of "smiled" with "grinned"

Genius!

>not playing it off as commentary on how our social lives amount to a string of half-hearted conversations where too-frequent smiles are substituted for genuine warmth
I call it the David Foster Wallace method. Find where your writing is weakest, "reluctantly admit" that it's intended as commentary on our culture (try to look a little embarrassed when you say this).

Stop writing in third person.

"Fuck you," user said with an indignant wave of his hand, "I'll write how I damn well feel."

>that awkward description of non-verbal communication

thats good subliminal messaging, your book will make many people happy because they will keep thinking of smiles, you will become a best seller and a world renown spirit healer

I know Veeky Forums has a hateboner for creative writing classes, but what my creative writing professors have said is that you want to just stick to "said" or just leaving the quotes alone if there's only two people and you know who's talking. And if you do add something more to the dialogue, use action verbs instead of adverbs Also, only do this if the action, or thought process, is interesting. What you're describing should basically just be cut entirely.

I don't know if this actually helps you or not.

>finish a ~10,000 word short story draft
>nervously ctrl-f "nigger"
>2031 results

Why don't you just release the story? The fact that you overanalyze stuff like this means you will be a failure forever. Just release it and move on to your next work after receiving some criticism from people. I doubt anyone will care that people smiled if your story is any good at all.

'Yes, Bob?'
'Do you think we might be married one day?'
'What, Bob - would you marry me?'
She was staring at him.
''Course I would. I love you, don't I?'
'After all what I done?' She was still staring at him.
'I don't mind what you done. I'll marry you straight away. Why are you looking at me like that?'
There was a pause. She still looked at him.
'What's the matter?' asked Bob.
'Look, Bob. I got somethin' to tell you.'
He knew what was coming. Incredible! Incredible! Incredible!
'What, Jenny?' He said.
'It's a bit of a shock, Bob.'
He might have known! He might have known!
'What is it, Jenny?'
'Well - I'm married.'
'Oh God, ' said Bob.
There was a long silence. She put her hand out consolingly onto his. He was appalled by its white sweetness and beauty. He hoped people wouldn't see. It didn't look well - being tenderly consoled by a prostitute in a public place.

>Smile, smiled
>Grin, grinned
>Smirk, smirked
>Beamed
>Looked pleased
>Looked happy
>Looked excited
>His lips curled up into a subtle smile

>finish a ~10,000 word short story draft
>nervously ctrl-f "nigger"
>2,500 results

...

Write plays instead

>Write plays instead
How come we never talk about plays outside of Shakespeare?

Because YOU aren't making threads about plays

What makes it awkward? Should a wave not be referred to as indignant? Or is it the "with a(n) ... of ..." construction?

That's the problem, I've never read any plays outside of Shakespeare

Physical actions are always good. Between two friends, a pat on the back, or between lovers grabbing the other's hand.

Just use "said" if you're not an experienced writer. People treat it as a word like "and" and don't really notice it, and the effect of endlessly using different synonyms or the same description is actually more jarring. Save "smiled" for when it is actually important that the character smiled. If the character "smiles" every fucking interaction then when it is actually important that the character smiled the reader won't notice. So only use these descriptions for when it is actually important to the story or character development, or occasionally to make a particularly critical piece of dialogue stand out.

Talk about where your characters are looking. What their hands are doing. What is going on inside their mouths. If you're trying to be funny, I think it's best not to have your characters laugh at your own jokes. Let your jokes run their course, give the reader a little space to laugh, and then continue.
Try having your characters chat while one of them does a household chore or the like that takes a while. That way, at least one of your characters is moving, and you can quite easily evoke emotion through action.

Here's a challenge. Cut out all but a dozen smiles. Figure out 90 other ways to describe the emotion your characters were feeling in a way that isn't smiling, and if must be, then talk about something else.
>What is the character feeling
>How are they expressing that emotion externally
>To what degree is the narrator noticing this
>To what degree do you want the reader to notice this
>Why is the character feeling this way