Woman I love reveals something that's now eating me up inside

Let me start off my apologizing for this not being Veeky Forums related. But I need Veeky Forums wisdom right now. I'll make up for this by making sincere posts in other threads.

For the past 6 months, I've been dating the most incredible woman I've ever met, and who I have fallen deeply in love with. I've been through my share of relationships, so I know what I'm dealing with. This is the real deal.


She has given herself to me entirely. She has given her body to me. She has given her heart to me. Sexually, she would do anything I'd ask. She's spent large sums of money on me, unsolicited. She's made various gifts for me, including writing letters on what I mean to her. I've never seen someone so in love. Didn't even know it was possible. Every time I see her looking at me, I see love in her eyes.

She is the sweetest, most patient, most tender, loving woman I've ever met. When I have to leave for any extended period of time, she cries. When I return, she jumps into my arms, and is crying again.This woman loves me to death. She feels she has found the one. Not only is there this emotional appreciation I have for her, but there is also an intellectual appreciation. She's creative, intelligent, dead honest, good communicator, extremely faithful, etc. She is truly, a special person. And I say that as a man who has been with lots of unspecial people. This is not some naive assertion.

In short, I love her. This is the one.

So things are going well, and I think I've found the one. 'm in love, I'm in rapture, etc. And then, about a week ago, something happened.

Here is the bomb drop. In a way, I asked, and she is dead honest with me because she loves me.

This is what she reveals to me: She had been in a foursome in her past, twice with the same people. Her, and three men. I feel a wave of agony rush rush over my body as I even type this.

She tells me this, and I'm speechless. My body feels like it's caving in on itself. I feel myself crumpling like a dead leaf. I don't even know what to say. All I know, is that I'm in pain. Even typing this and thinking about it brings me unspeakable pain.

I talk to her about it the next day. I tell her how when she told me that, I felt like I was going to die. She tells me it wasn't her. That she tried it once, then a second time, didn't enjoy it, and decided it wasn't for her. She told me, that this is her, that she wants me. That she wants this. She tells me she feels helpless when I tell her how I feel.

I don't know whats wrong with me now. I don't know what to think. Is it my pride? Is it my heart? Am I angry? Am I scared? Am I sad? All I know is this. I can hardly look at her right now. I can hardly touch her. And anytime I think about this. Any time I visualize her with three other men in my head, I simply want to die. I want to vomit. It just doesn't fit. The image doesn't fit. It doesn't fit my image of her. It doesn't fit anywhere in my life. I love this woman. I want to cry as I write this.

Please help me.

Run.

>Veeky Forums wisdom

Why does it matter? Move on.

Personally, I would end the relationship. I’m not going to get into any details that complicate or blur your personal decision, but this is something that effects not only you on a visceral level, but also myself reading it. That such a loving and kind person (supposedly) can either be duped or knowing degrade herself like that elite a certain disgust in the pit of my stomach that you probably know all too well.

Once a feeling like this has been elicited it is almost impossible to get rid of as it is something that serverely violates your moral instinct.

I would just drop the relationship and find somebody else, the infatuation and love you are feeling will eventually pass and be transferred onto somebody else in a different way.

Oh fug, is it because women don't know how men really feel about most sex that they think it's okay to be sluts?

>Her, and three men. I feel a wave of agony rush rush over my body as I even type this.
She should have not told you that. There was no good reason for telling you that.

>Is it my pride? Is it my heart?
It's your pride. You are not longer capable of believing your one measly dick will ever satisfy her now, not really. Perhaps not again, unless you go through a cuck phase and adjust to your new identity.

To be honest OP she sounds like a girl who is desperate to be married, and she found her sucker. And you don't sound ready to be married to her, if this one thing is causing you so much concern. How much /pol/ have you consumed in your lifetime? Too much, perhaps.

If you find you can't continue with her and break it off, don't feel too bad. Like you, I found my summit girl once. The girl who cries after sex because she's just so happy and in love. I found someone who was so overinvested in me to be creepy and codependent. She had no idea that she could not cure me of my existential pain, or that she was a fool to try. Just leave this girl behind with her delusions of what woman and man relationships should be. I did, and I'm perfectly happy today to be not legally and financially bound to someone.

How old are you? I'm guessing 20s. You can wait. A real woman is out there for you somewhere.

>three men
Oosh. Got to dump the thot. Shame her and make sure she realizes that there is no excuse for her hoedom, with a straight face and no emotion, swallow your pride, and move on.

I don't know if this user means give up the gal or accept her, warts and all. But this being Veeky Forums, I'm going to bring up Ulysses here. Leopold Bloom is an icon for cucked men everywhere because he ultimately chooses forgiveness over spite. Think long and hard on this, user. Do you want to give up the kind of relationship you just described?

What disturbs you more, that she was capable of such an act, or its very occurrence?

>Why does it matter?
huh I didn't know there were women on Veeky Forums

If everything you said is accurate and you're not just nutting yourself over some girl, is this that big of a deal breaker? If so, I think you've got to ask yourself if you actually love her. Sorry.

Break it off she sounds like a psychopath trying to trick you, if someone is too good to be true they usually are.

Be in a foursome with her.

In all seriousness, user, either accept her or if you can't deal with it, recognize that it's not truly love. Read about dealing with jealousy. I'm sure there are things you've done in the past that others would consider unsavory. Try to get over yourself. If you do love her that is.

Whatever you do, don't remain in the relationship, growing ever more bitter and abusing her passive aggressively. Or just aggressively. She doesn't deserve that and neither do you. Do what you do because you care about her, not because you're scared to tell the truth or be alone, or are afraid you won't fall in love again.

It's ok to not know what to do, too.

Good luck, user. I hope whatever happens leaves you both happy, safe, and sincere.

you spent the first 3/4 of the post describing an ideal angel of a woman. When you discovered her past you experienced cognitive dissonance (it doesnt fit my image of her). Your image of her is not who she is. You fell in love with a hollow image of a girl. The fact that you guys are honest is promising I hope you can get past this user. There are no angels.

It's very occurrence. And thinking about it. And I think what disturbs me most is that I don't know how to feel about it. Part of me is screaming inside. Part of me doesn't know why. Part of me is confused. I'm just so confused and bewildered.

I am and if I found out my gf had been with three dudes I'd be wanting to get with her and her friends. There's nothing wrong with sex, or enjoying sex. It's great fun. OP's problem is he thinks his gf is icky for having committed some kind of sin that exists only in his own mind. He's not ready, and tbrqhwyf her OTHER behavior -- the insane emotional attachment, not the foursome -- would send me running for the hills. OP thinks that kind of "love" is a good thing. OP is wrong. Pic related, it's OP.

I fell in love with what was in front of me. I fell in love with the heart and the soul and the face in front of me.

What is who she is anyways? What IS someone? Is that part of who she is? Or maybe who she is decided that was not for her and that she wants this. fuck's sake I'm so mixed up right now

Wait wait wait so hol up hol up ayo hol up lemme get this straight hol up hol up she was in a foursome BEFORE this relationship you two have or DURING? Cuz if it was Before my dude you had better lower your expectations my dude because a woman who's a perfect Saint and angel is gonna be in a convent, not in a relationship lol ya feel me ukoudvkirdbkoodhmiooprsb

How many guys total has she had sex with in her life?

You’ll always feel superior to her, clearly. So, the only course of action is to break things off. From personal experience relationships with completely uneven sexual histories cause massive tension. If you haven’t had this kind of wild multi-partner sex multiple times yourself its always going to bother you. You’ll have it in the back of your head when you have kids too. Breaking it off will cut off an further injury to your psyche. Extreme, visceral pain from a trusted partners betrayal, in this case her value was misrepresented as a moral agent, is totally natural and is a sign you’re a healthy human. Have fun with that

OP here. Let me tell you something. I've been in an open relationship, and weird sexual encounters, and I've been in loving, exclusive relationships, and the pleasure that you get from a loving exclusive relationship is far more refined and delightful than all the other weird shit. I choose love.

I would leave her. Her innocence has been completely destroyed. For some reason women today think that they can be complete sluts without detriment to their value as wives.

>OP's problem is he thinks his gf is icky for having committed some kind of sin that exists only in his own mind.
>sin that exists only in his own mind
I hate you people

It was years before she met me.

Not many for her age. Less than the amount of women I've been with.

enjoy cervical cancer.

>I choose love.

Then choose love. /thread. But it's not that easy for you apprently. Why are you bothered by something that happened before your relationship with her? If this thread is sincere and not bait, I think you're looking for an excuse to drop her. And you would be right to, because what I said about you forever being concerned about your ability to please her and what said about tension is absolutely true. Resentment grows like mushrooms, family.

Lmao was that the worst con you could think of?

Apparently, when she was doing it, she knew it wasn't for her.

She's just a monkey, and so are you. Both doomed to die. The level of psychic agony expressed in OP is proof enough for me she is not right for you. And more likely than that: you are not ready for "the one" of your measly lifetime until you deflate your crazy monkey expectations.

it sounds to me like your issue is you think she degraded herself either beyond repair or that she knowingly left behind any chance of morality. She also seems to feel guilty, so maybe she isn't beyond repair? What is her personality like in regard to self-abasement, prior to this revelation?

>In a way, I asked
What did you ask?

This thread is sincere, and I'm not looking for an excuse to drop her. I'm looking for an excuse to stay with her and love her.

I have no problem with pleasing her. I've been with plenty of women, and let me tell you that I am confident in my ability to please women. Learn about oral sex. Read multiple books on it. The pleasure you can give someone from this is truly shocking and I really can't imagine a world in which some of the orgasms I have wrought are surpassable.

>OP has fucked more women than his one true love has fucked men, but somehow SHE's the whore because once she fucked three men at the same time

She is someone who makes mistakes and has been through the shit presumably. Not an innocent perfect angel, but a person who loves you. A person who has done something you find disgusting. Have you never done anything that would disgust her? Sounds to me neither of you are pure considering youre on Veeky Forums. Dont think of marriage or kids or anything yet. Dont think of forever. Just continue having fun with her for now and see where it goes. When you think of forever is when her past bothers you most, so just remember: youre dating. Nothing more. Its still early, I know its hard to change how you view someone, but this angelic image has to dissipate.

She doesn't like self-abasement. Doesn't like being dominated. Etc. This subject was quickly broached, because I had been in dominant relationships in the past.

OP what do they think they were calling your girlfriend while they fucked her? That kind of thing implicitly can't be intimate, she was probably just an object, and not even a valued one, I mean you wouldn't even share a fleshlight with another person. Also wonder what kind of dudes rail the same girl, they're gotta be pretty experienced, she was probably barely holding on, and it'd be hard to breath with a dick your mouth because I doubt they just stood around while she got pounded

"Have you ever been in a foursome?"

Jewish degeneracy destroys another one.

Who has the John Green image about Cheerios? Surely that will make you feel better.

>I'm looking for an excuse to stay with her and love her.
Then you're already a cuck. You can't stay with her and keep your pride, silly as I think your pride is. What is causing your revulsion to this foursome revelation? Religious beliefs? Overinflated ego? is keeping it 100, you're a hypocrite who is destroying his "one" chance at happiness.

OP here, I didn't ask this. I asked the kinkiest thing she'd ever done, after she had asked me. It was a response question.

>I really can't imagine a world in which some of the orgasms I have wrought are surpassable
>SHE'S NOT PURE REEEEEEEEE

Why in the fuck do you care? Grow up. People do sex. Big deal. It changes literally nothing about her or how she feels about you. God the idiocy of your self torture over this almost makes me want you to leave her and spare her your infantile self-involvement. God.

spbp

What do you mean I'm a cuck? In your post, you're both insulting me for being disgusted and at the same time telling me I'm a hypocrite for being disgusted.

I know this is not my one chance for happiness. I am no fool. I'm not denying that.

What I'm trying to figure out is whether I am rejecting something good in my life, something loving, because of an irrational devil whispering to me in my head. Thusly, bringing darkness into this world. That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Fornication is always immoral. The opening of "sexuality" that's occurred since the '20's and '60's is responsible for all the ills of modern society, constant perversion has brought decadence and degradation to all of humanity. We will atrophy and die out due to this degeneracy, please stop immediately.

She already wanted to admit it then, asking that sort of question. This is clearly a test for the relationship. PASS THE TEST. I'm surprised to hear she doesn't like being dominated or self abase too much-- that is a very good thing. I think she really loves you, but the last thing I'm unclear on is whether or not she expected you to flip. Was she nonchalant about it "Not being her thing"?

kek, and don't forget:
>>I've been in open relationships
>SHE'S NOT PURE REEEEEEEEE

Best post in this thread.

I'm done giving you serious replies. You're a tard, and so is she for appreciating you.

if she's that in love with you, just talk to her about it made you feel and see what she says. an anonymous board full of people who most likely don't know you or her personally can't decide on an extremely important decision for you. just tell her how you feel yourself.

This thread is making me sad. I hope you two find happiness...I hope we all find happiness.

You must be 18 years old to post on Veeky Forums.

Don't forget the most important question: What ethnicity do you suppose they were?

She was fairly nonchalant, and then when she realized what happened to me, she started crying and basically collapsed, and became very serious about it.

Because, 'what is a person''?

Is she who she is with me now? Because she chose to be this? Then I'm ok.

Or is that a part of her? A part of who she is? Then I'm no ok.

They were white. She is European. Not that this matters, Mr. Racist.

>Or is that a part of her? A part of who she is? Then I'm no ok.
Well the foursome is a permanent part of her memory, her history. It is a part of who she is. She wouldn't do it again, because you said she said it wasn't for her and she knows it would hurt you anyway. Presumably unless you were involved in any future foursome it would be cheating, besides.

>Because, 'what is a person''? Is she who she is with me now? Because she chose to be this? Then I'm ok.
So if she has changed herself from who she was before -- just to be with you

>Not that this matters

Of course it matters, cuck boy. You think any of this is normal? Do you know why you are triggered like this and experiencing the emotional reaction you are? Because you live in a fucked up, degenerate culture where your women are told that instead of being ladylike and creating babies it's okay to get gang banged then non-chalantly break it to the potential provider cuck (you) to test him.

I'm not saying she changed herself from who she was before. I'm saying she tried it, realized it wasn't for her. So is that a part of who she is, or isn't it. I don't need your answer. I don't give a fuck about what you think. I wanted someone in this thread to inspire me with a solution.

God damn this all

>the posts in this thread.

wow.

nobody's really at fault here. you're not a jealous hypocrite, she's not a big fat whore. you built up your own image in your mind of this woman being the perfect partner, and for her to have engaged in a foursome a couple times in the past is painful as fuck for you because this ideal romantic image you have made of her has been raped and tainted. i went through the same thing with my ex.

either way, it might be wise to break up with her, if only because this "tainted" image of her will probably haunt you for a long time before you're able to get better.

i recommend spending some time by yourself. some deep introspection. read some of jung's works, find why you feel the way you do about sex.

They aren't mutually exclusive. She is both the person she is with you and the person that had a foursome all at the same time. The fact that that causes you any kind of angst means that you are, regardless of age, a self-involved, childish, narcissist who doesn't deserve a partner as generous, honest, and loving as the one you have described.

Have you ever done, thought, or said something that is in contradiction to the person you are now? Well, guess what you are gonna always also be that person. And the one you are now. And a million other yous doing a million other things. Just like her, just like me, just like every other human being that is a messy collection of experience and contradiction and always in a continual process of becoming the next thing they are.

But really. Just leave her. The fact that this causes you angst means that you probably should not bother her or anyone else with your self-involved egoistic conception of partnership except for someone as narrow minded and shallow hearted as yourself.

She can't change the past, fella. Get over your emotional kneejerk reaction and stop polluting Veeky Forums.

Read Infinite Jest

oh yeah keep calling the OP a piece of shit, he'll surely feel better if you keep calling him an egoist narcissist bolshevik proletariat cuckshed swamp janitor

She loves you

Thot patrol when???

OP here. I have had glimpses, flashes in my mind of the capability me getting past this, and conquering this. And leaving it behind. I know it's possible. I know I could do that.

The question is, in doing that, am I weak, or am I strong?

LMAO

You are strong

What do you mean?

SENSIBLE POST

You are a pathetic, weak man.

I think you're right. But this would no masculine strength. This is no manly strength. This would be spiritual strength.

alright now you're just being melodramatic. i can see why you're being upset over this now, you're in love with the idea of love, not with her.

man just break up with her at this point. spend some time alone so you can get over this twisted image of sex in your head.

>The question is, in doing that, am I weak, or am I strong?
Why are strangers opinions in the matter of your relationship with "the one" worth anything to you?

You think I am a weak man for asking this or that I would be a weak man in moving past her history and leaving it behind?

Are you a woman?

There is no permanent self, stable, unchanging. It's unsettling because if someone could change in a dimension you find so drastic then it could happen again. So the fear and disgust you have is that the "person" you see in front of you is not a secure entity that will remain unchanging throughout your life. And it's not. People change, life is scary.

I am in love with the idea of love, but she is a perfect candidate. You really think I should break up with her?

I could give a fuck less about stranger's opinions. Ultimately, I'll do what I choose. I was hoping for insight from strangers to inspire me with something.

>You are saying you would withhold your love for her unless she meets your expectations of behavior. Repulsive and immature desu
What's repulsive and immature is that she willingly degraded herself, twice. OP is emotionally mature to pine for purity, that is the only beatific stance to assume in this wretched life. OP is right to walk away, and reserve his love for something purer. Withholding love from the slampig will be a valuable lesson to her. OP, you should also cut contact with her, and ask her not to contact you. It'll hurt tremendously, and she will invade your thoughts daily for years, but you will pass through this fire with strength. She will breakdown and contact you through all this, and you'll desire deeply to forgive and reach out with warmth. Only reply to let her know you are not thinking about her. This will be a lie of course, but a noble one.

No, I'm a man who values a woman as my equal in a romantic relationship. If I accept her as anything less, it would debase me.

Spiritual strength is what the guys before you didn't have if she is with you now. She's about to lose her spirit too if you cave in on her; that would likely ruin her far worse than anything in her past.

You're a weak man for not telling this max skank girlfriend of yours that her behavior is disgusting and to never contact you again.

t. autistic Catholic larping NEET

If you are this bent out of shape about her sexual history you should not be attempting to have an adult partnership of any kind until you go see a fucking sex therapist or something that can help you develop a considerate, mature understanding of sex, intimacy, and relationships. You are not capable of being a good partner in a healthy adult relationship right now.

if you know you're in love with the idea of love, YES, you absolutely should break up with her. your own ideas of love will taint whatever relationship you are in because you will impose these imaginary, subjective ideas on what a person or a relationship should be because of your love, and your imagination will always conjure a more perfect image than anything reality could ever muster, and so in some way you will always feel defeated, lost, and hurt.

it's okay to see love in a romantic or a poetic way, but don't actually believe in that shit, it does nothing but hurt everyone you're around.

The cells that composed her body at the time have been 100% replaced

Sure. But the moral sin has not? And the memory has not. What the hell are you trying to even say, user.

I just don't agree with you. You really are talking about bringing darkness into this world. Something I don't want to do.

What do you mean?

Jesus. You're more far gone than I thought. She doesn't want to be your equal, guy, she wants to be dominated. That's why she let 3 guys roast her in the first place, and it's probably why she told you about it, because she doesn't find you dominant enough and wants to test you. Do you know anything about women?

t. a woman

Not the neural cells holding the memory of her gangbang

Shut the fuck up mate. It's not abnormal for somebody to be concerned about the girl they love getting gangbanged

If you're so concerned with moral sin, ask yourself whether she wants forgiveness from you, and if she lives her life in accordance to that. Seems pretty simple imo.

to be fair it's one thing to be concerned, it's another to be as devastated as OP is.

>She doesn't want to be your equal, guy, she wants to be dominated.
We're talking about relationships, not hookups. She tried being a sub, didn't like it, and stopped. Poor bait my man.

>Not that this matters, Mr. Racist
Lmao I wonder what it feels like to be this

Are you a woman? I feel like only a woman could be this insensitive to the feelings a guy might experience in this situation.

OP here.

I get what you're saying. I don't mind how many partners someone has been with in the past. It's the foursome thing that bothers me. I'm not sure why.

Aspiring to something in the imagination for me, is virtuous and divine. Trying to bring imagination into reality is divine.

She doesn't want to be dominated. I've been with girls who love getting dominated. Trust me, I would know.

>she's not a big fat whore.
Except she is, that's the problem